Ch.35The Man’s Anguish (2)

“Ahah, ha… haha, hahahaha!”

Under the blood-red sky, her maniacal laughter dissolved into emptiness.

The ceremonial sword dripping with dark blood, red-rimmed eyes that matched the current sky, and the uniform that had lost its pure white—no longer able to be called pure even in jest.

All these elements made up who she was.

“Disappear. Let all traces of these beasts who don’t understand human value be completely… completely abolished and vanish…”

Five hundred years of history burning in crimson flames seemed so fleeting.

The golden bell tower that marked time and the beautiful garden showcasing the splendor of the four seasons were now just piles of ashes.

Things without value have no place in my world. No, my world itself has become a useless concept that should be abolished and destroyed.

That’s why I’m abolishing the world.

Why.

For what reason.

For what purpose.

Someone, if there is someone omnipotent and omniscient, give me an answer.

Was my world destined to crumble so inevitably?

Why could my loyalty never be rewarded?

My innocent blood relation. The only family I had left…

For what noble truth did they have to be sacrificed?

Why? Even I, who suffered nothing, feel as though my heart is about to break.

Miren Justitia. The last—no, what was the last of my bloodline. The child who was my everything—did she have to lose her entire existence?

How painful must it have been?

How unjust must it have felt?

How… how frightening must it have been?

That young child. With what feelings did my innocent sister, who didn’t even know what was happening to her, fade away?

Her body was barely more than bones covered with skin. She might have been destined to lie chained like a criminal for her entire life.

She was just a child caught in a calamity. My little sister who knew nothing and had no power. My reason for living.

All I wanted was to someday sit face to face with her and have a pleasant conversation. To discuss what kind of life she’d been living, what she would do from now on. I just wanted to talk about ordinary things.

I imagined dressing her in better clothes.

I planned to feed her more delicious food to help her gain weight.

I dreamed of letting her enjoy luxuries she’d never experienced.

I hoped she would freely experience the emotion of love, something I never had a connection with.

I dreamed of shedding tears while watching Miren smile brightly in a wedding dress… Was such a future too much for me?

Is this the fate given to me? This unbearable sorrow, this agony, this misery!

…Is my sister the karma I must bear?

If that’s truly the case, I’ll curse it with all my might.

The world that birthed this inevitable heartbreak. The orchestrator of fate who watches and snickers from the heavens.

Yes, at least for now, I’ll play along. I’ll willingly unleash the hatred and resentment boiling from the depths of my darkened soul.

Until everything that makes up my weak enemy reaches complete destruction.

I will burn myself to ashes.

“Now… since nothing remains. Equally. Nothing should remain.”

I raised my sword, now dull and soaked in blood.

With the burning palace behind me, I aimed at the water.

At the world reflected in the blue lake where waves raged madly.

I traced the trajectory of a single sword strike that would split heaven and earth.

◇

A dream.

Lately, I’ve been dreaming frequently.

I clutched my pounding heart and wailed sorrowfully on the scorched earth.

I know the pain of being betrayed by someone I trusted. I also know the agony of watching precious things slip through my fingers like fine sand.

Though there’s no reason I should know these emotions, in my dreams they feel as real as reality.

In my world where everything was the same but Nepy didn’t exist, that’s how it was.

“Hmm.”

I woke up at dawn, when the sun was still shyly hiding in the azure sky, anticipating sunrise.

A warm, snug sensation filled my right hand.

Turning my head slightly to the right, I saw two people.

Miren sleeping soundly below me, and Nepy staring into space with half-open eyes like a stone Buddha.

I savored the feeling of our hands still firmly clasped together. At the same time, I reflected on the previous night when I had fallen asleep holding Nepy’s hand secretly from Miren.

It had been our secret bedtime moment.

‘He didn’t let go until the end.’

It must have been uncomfortable and stuffy, but I didn’t expect him to hold on all night. Moreover, Nepy was awake with clear consciousness.

When did he wake up? Surely he didn’t stay awake all night?

If that were the case, I’d feel sorry. Sorry, but…

‘If it’s true, I might be a little happy.’

Nepy. What a strange man.

He bows and scrapes without pride, yet he doesn’t back down on important matters. Despite his seemingly soft personality, he speaks his mind.

Sometimes his actions seem cute, and I like how he eventually gives in when pushed.

In reality, Nepy probably sees me as just an acquaintance. One could say it’s the consequence of my getting off on the wrong foot with him.

I secretly observed Nepy’s profile as he remained oblivious to my obvious interest.

‘Nepy. I was very angry during our outing yesterday.’

My heart sank when I saw that wistful look in his eyes as he reminisced by the fountain.

Talking about sharing bodies, seeing things that should and shouldn’t be seen.

I hated that look in his eyes when he was thinking of someone else, hated the memories of Nepy that I didn’t know about.

That must be why. Why I made that mistake without realizing it.

I kept wondering why I had to feel this way. Why I wished the Nepy I didn’t know didn’t exist.

The conclusion was unsatisfactory. I simply don’t know.

It feels like these aren’t my emotions. I’m afraid it feels like someone else’s thoughts have been superimposed on mine.

But I don’t dislike it. Strange, isn’t it? It also feels familiar… like I’ve been waiting and longing for this for a long time.

That can’t be right, but it’s strange.

If I had to pinpoint something certain… well.

My feelings for Nepy yesterday are different from my feelings today. I expect they’ll continue to change day by day.

Even if that happens… even if the me you know becomes different from who I was then.

You’ll treat me the same way, won’t you?

Ah, the morning sun is rising now.

Regrettably, I should let go of our joined hands soon.

I don’t mind because there will be a next time.

Because now my daily life is a world where Nepy exists. Unlike in my dreams, it’s my daily life where everything exists…

“Did you sleep well, Nepy?”

Though I hope you didn’t, please forgive my small mischief.

◇

“Wow, carriages really are just for show.”

That was my impression after arriving at the imperial palace in an instant.

I wonder why I should ride a carriage when running directly is so much faster. Whether it’s about noble dignity or rules, it’s not my concern.

Since I mainly jumped across buildings, even if there were witnesses, they couldn’t identify me.

However, it was annoying when the guard at the main gate questioned me suspiciously about whether I really walked here. It’s something I realistically have to put up with, so I’m not resentful, but…

“I wonder if the Emperor was really that bored?”

According to the guard, if Marquess Alteon visited, he was to be given free passage. It was an exceptionally generous treatment, especially considering I’m no longer a Founding Noble.

“Hoo…”

I inhaled the chilly air while looking around the palace scenery that had become completely familiar. The various flower scents of the four seasons stimulated my sensitive nose, making the tip of my nose sting.

I walked leisurely, but time was merciless. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the golden chain decorations at the main palace entrance, and I turned my head for a moment.

“Come to think of it, I never ended up using it.”

The workers had gone to the trouble of burying it in the ground. Fortunately, no concerning situations arose.

That’s probably thanks to Bartlant Chester the Second providing timely support. If the twisted original story hasn’t reversed people’s personalities, he should still be a thoroughly loyal subject.

With my original self’s strength, abilities, and backing, he would be more than sufficient to replace Irefi.

“Certainly, with imperial authority not being particularly strong, Bartlant is a good choice too.”

Having the young lord of the Chester family, who represents the empire’s military might, become the Emperor’s personal guard is significant. With House Feita in decline, now is the perfect time to surpass the four ducal families.

Thinking about it that way, Irefi’s retirement as knight commander might not be such a bad outcome. She herself doesn’t seem particularly attached to her life as a knight.

Well, once I meet with the Emperor and discuss various matters, we’ll reach a conclusion.

…

The first glances I received upon entering the main palace were full of doubt. The maids and servants who were each doing their jobs scrutinized me with confused looks.

Their stares were so blatant, or perhaps rude, that I thought my pants might be torn.

I approached them and asked:

“Excuse me, is there something on me?”

Perhaps because of the polite speech used toward a marquess, even if it was an honorary title, the servant showed obvious signs of embarrassment.

He avoided eye contact conspicuously while responding:

“Not at all! Are you here to have an audience with His Imperial Majesty, Lord Marquess?”

“Yes, that’s right. Has His Majesty already given notice?”

“Yes. His Imperial Majesty commanded that as soon as Marquess Alteon enters the palace, regardless of his schedule, he should be brought immediately…”

“What, an imperial command? How bored must he have been…”

“Bored… sir? No, it’s nothing. His Majesty is in his office. If you need guidance…”

I hastily waved my hand at the servant who was reading the situation.

“Ah, no, it’s fine. I know you’re busy. I’ll be on my way then.”

“Yes, understood.”

I left the bowing servant behind and headed toward the Emperor’s office.

While it’s nice to receive such attentive treatment, it’s still hard to shake off the feeling that it’s burdensome.

It must be because I come from a Confucian family in the Eastern land of courtesy, and those values are firmly ingrained in me.

Someday, I hope Irefi would make me spicy stir-fried pork at dawn.

‘…What am I thinking? Do I want to get poisoned?’

I knocked on the Emperor’s office door and opened it.

With a promise to myself never to think of such jokes again.

“I hope Your Majesty is in good health.”

I reflexively offered a greeting as soon as I entered the office. When I raised my head, I saw two people sitting across from each other in conversation.

I spoke with a troubled expression:

“I seem to have chosen an inappropriate time to visit.”

“Not at all. I gave permission, didn’t I?”

“If Your Majesty says so…”

Just as I narrowed my eyes to look at the guest, he also gave me a puzzled look.

After a brief silence, he recognized me and greeted me warmly.

“Marquess Alteon! How delightful to see you again!”

As he waved his hand with his imposing build, I couldn’t help but imagine a giant bear trying to lure its prey.

‘I was worried he might cry again, but that was unnecessary.’

If he had burst into tears in front of the Emperor, who knows what commotion would have ensued.

Confirming that my tear ducts were functioning normally, I gladly accepted his greeting.

“I’m pleased to see you too, Young Lord.”

The Emperor’s guest was someone I knew. A man of discipline who made even a spacious chair seem cramped.

It was Bartlant Chester the Second, who looked identical to his predecessor from the mental world.

“Hmm? It seems you two already know each other. I’m relieved I don’t need to make introductions.”

“Haha, I happened to commit a discourtesy to both marquesses. I was just hoping to apologize again.”

“You committed a discourtesy! And you said both marquesses?”

The Emperor’s eyes sparkled like stars.

“Yes! Marquess Justitia and Marquess Alteon were in the middle of an outing. I approached them out of joy at seeing them, but… thinking about it now, it was a great discourtesy.”

“Oho, ohooo… Would you tell me more about that in detail?”

“Your Majesty?”

I should have realized it then. That the situation was going wrong, terribly wrong.

“The two of them were cozily sitting with Lady Justitia, whom I’d only heard about in rumors, between them. Until now, I’ve always believed that social rumors weren’t to be trusted… but I realized that’s not always the case.”

“I was wondering why so many dress bill invoices suddenly came in! So that’s what it was! Well, to catch a general, one must shoot the horse.”

“Who’s the general and who’s the horse, Your Majesty…?”

Wait, this is strange. Why do both His Majesty and Bartlant seem so annoying?

Like the saying that the sister-in-law who tries to mediate is more hateful than the angry mother-in-law, I feel more resentful toward Bartlant.

“Hehe. Why are you embarrassed, Lord Marquess! Rumors are already widespread that you and Commander Justitia are engaged after a romance.”

“Are you insane?!”

Before I knew it, a rather impertinent remark forced its way past my lips.

“So it’s not true?”

“Of course it’s not…”

The one who interrupted my firm denial was the Emperor.

“Do you dislike Marquess Justitia?”

“What?”

“I asked if you dislike Marquess Justitia.”

“Uh…”

It was a question that made my mind hazy despite seeming trivial. Only after taking several breaths could I speak.

“…Irefi and I are just like acquaintances. There’s nothing special about it.”

Yes. Nothing special… an ambiguous relationship. That’s the only way I can define it.

“So in the end, do you dislike her or like her?”

The Emperor pressed with his lips twitching ambiguously.

“I…”

After quickly calculating, I continued:

“If you’re asking which side I’m on, I’ll say I like her. She has proper conduct and is diligent in her duties—it would be strange if anyone disliked her.”

“What a boring answer. Don’t you agree, Young Lord?”

In response to the Emperor’s question tinged with disappointment, Bartlant spoke with a somewhat suspicious voice.

“Perhaps… was your relationship with Commander Justitia just a baseless rumor? I believed it because it seemed quite specific for a rumor.”

“I can guess what you heard, but Irefi is simply an acquaintance.”

“Oh my! I’ve committed another discourtesy in front of the person concerned. I apologize.”

“No, no. I know who the real culprit is.”

I stared at the Emperor with a glare. The Emperor, however, was busy pretending not to know, rolling his eyes strangely.

In the oddly awkward atmosphere, Bartlant cleared his throat to redirect attention.

“Ahem! Well then, Your Majesty, I’ll note the schedule for Commander Justitia’s hearing.”

“Are you still unwilling to withdraw your vote of no confidence?”

“That is correct.”

“Sigh! Very well. We’ll proceed according to protocol.”

“Yes! I shall take my leave now. Please have a pleasant conversation with the Marquess, Your Majesty.”

“You may go.”

Bartlant bowed enthusiastically to show respect. I was still frowning as I naturally took a seat opposite the Emperor.

“It seems you were discussing the hearing with the Young Lord.”

“Indeed. It appears Marquess Justitia has already informed you. What do you think about it?”

“It’s not bad. Even if he’s not as good as Irefi, the Young Lord is an excellent warrior, and there’s symbolic meaning in House Chester supporting Your Majesty.”

“I had the same thought. However, Marquess Justitia’s capabilities are truly regrettable to lose…”

“Even if Irefi isn’t the knight commander, she’s still your subject, isn’t she? Besides, Irefi isn’t the type to be obsessed with honor.”

I understand the Emperor’s anxiety.

The purpose of the hearing is to expose Irefi’s flaws and dismiss her. It wouldn’t be strange if this strained their relationship.

The problem is that she’s a hidden ultimate one-person fighting force.

From the Emperor’s position, knowing all the circumstances, it must be difficult to take sides.

“Irefi has no particular attachment to the commander position. Do as you wish, Your Majesty.”

“Is that so… Just in case, I was wondering if Marquess Alteon could help mediate at the hearing. What do you think?”

Though the Emperor suggested it subtly, he failed to hide a strange nervousness. Is he perhaps expecting the experience of a true Founding Noble?

‘Well, I would have done the same.’

The Emperor’s crown was undoubtedly a symbol of supreme authority. But in reality, it might have been a symbol of loneliness, like a drifting ship with weak imperial power.

To a man who had resolved to live that way for his entire life, one day an elder of the imperial family appeared. And he casually revealed the method to track down Charle, which had been giving him headaches.

His past notoriety seemed insignificant, and his usual personality must have been reassuring because it was me. In fact, Netionpis seems to have no grudge against the empire itself.

‘Even so, it would be hard to meet his expectations.’

He’s been giving me the cold shoulder for three months now, no matter how much I try to talk to him…

“I’m not sure if I’ll be of help. But if you’re fine with me being just a spectator, I’d be happy to.”

“Hmm! That’s more than enough. Please come to the palace with Marquess Justitia soon.”

“Understood.”

Even if Netionpis doesn’t appear, I should be able to play the role of a chattering sister-in-law at least.

Originally, even without me, Irefi would probably just silently accept her dismissal and leave, so there’s no potential for problems.

There’s no way there could be any variables!

…Or so I thought, foolishly optimistic. I wish someone had stopped me.

‘Why? Why did it turn out like this? Damn it all!’

Time flew by, and the date of Irefi’s hearing approached rapidly.

The venue was supposed to be the spacious meeting room in the quiet imperial palace… but why?

Why am I facing a man at the training ground? And of all people, this man who’s glaring at me with murderous intent!

“In Chester, we don’t know moderation in a fair duel. Lord Marquess, please don’t regret this.”

He warned me with a terrifyingly rigid expression. I don’t know what I did wrong to be caught up in such an absurd situation…

The answer must be known only by that damned old man who’s making a fuss inside me.

“Bartlant Chester of House Chester. I gladly accept Marquess Alteon’s duel challenge.”

‘I don’t want to accept it!’

I’m genuinely disgusted. A direct confrontation with that robust warrior?

Netionpis, how I’m going to make this senile madman’s body suffer. At that moment, that was my only concern.

“This is driving me crazy… seriously.”

My muttered complaint dispersed desolately across the training ground.