Ch.355IF Side Story: Seems I’ve Arrived a Bit Early (52)

Was it fortunate that it was during vacation?

I suppose I could think it’s fortunate to have time to adjust—but I’m not sure.

Actually, I was fine.

I don’t know why exactly, but I was thinking somewhat naively that I’d be okay if I just pulled myself together and lived my life.

Naive… I know that’s what it is.

But what can I do? There’s nothing else I can do except think that way.

……

No, truthfully, I know I won’t be okay.

I still haven’t visited the grave of the man who died. I don’t even know where he’s buried, or even his name. And he saved my life.

Come to think of it, in my previous life, I wasn’t someone who carried others’ lives on my shoulders. It wasn’t about someone dying in my place—my job was to somehow go in, risk my own life, and save people.

Being saved like this was honestly unfamiliar.

A nice house. Back in the city. There are probably all kinds of conveniences nearby, making it easy to do anything.

But now, I have no friends, nothing.

I had to start over.

I was able to say goodbye to Mako, but that probably doesn’t mean I can contact her.

Kagami, who was always by my side at home, wasn’t here now.

I sat in the living room, staring blankly at the sky through the window, then got up.

Still, I wanted to be with Kagami. After all, in this world, Kagami was the only person I could lean on.

I knew where she was. Kagami was organizing her belongings. There wasn’t much, but it still needed to be done to live. Living normally was such a bothersome and troublesome thing.

…I’m not sure if I can even use that word anymore, having drifted so far from it.

I trudged to the room and slowly opened the door.

And—

Through that open gap, I heard the sound of muffled crying.

“……”

Kagami was alone, lying face down in the middle of the room, crying.

Ah, I see.

She refused my offer to help because she didn’t want me to see her like this.

Whatever I might be, to Kagami, I was her daughter.

My nose stung.

All those years of Kagami’s effort—as many years as my age—had come to nothing. Her dream of being ordinary had been shattered to pieces. Because of me, who was never ordinary to begin with.

Yes, I knew it.

I am a person who can never be ordinary no matter what. The personality inside this body remembered the life of my previous existence completely.

How could such a child exist in this world?

……There’s a story that everyone has memories of their previous life, but gradually forget as they grow up until they remember nothing by the time they become adults.

I wished that would happen to me from now on.

Though seeing how my mind was becoming clearer as time passed, it seemed unlikely.

As I fidgeted with my hands, about to go in, I sensed someone behind me.

When I looked up, there was the man.

He was looking down at me with sympathy. I looked up at him with a somewhat questioning face, but he also seemed unsure whether I should go in and comfort Kagami or not.

“……”

I decided to leave her alone for a while.

If I went in now, it wouldn’t be me comforting her, but me seeking comfort instead.

When I closed the door, I was left alone with the man.

I don’t doubt or fear him. During the past year and more that I’ve spent with him, I’ve gotten a good sense of what kind of person he is. I don’t know if he’s truly a good person, but at least to the two of us, he’s been very good.

It’s like he’s a half-retired yakuza. If he were truly retired, there’d be no reason for him to be with us.

As I trudged away, the man followed me, perhaps feeling a bit anxious.

I opened the large window in the living room.

A wave of hot air rushed into the living room. The sky was bright blue, not matching our mood at all.

I sat down on the porch just outside the living room, and the man sat beside me, leaving a little space.

“…Mister.”

“Ah, yes.”

Perhaps because I rarely initiated conversation, he responded that way.

“Why are you helping us like this?”

“……”

Maybe it seemed impolite.

But I was still curious.

Even after seeing someone die while helping us, he was still helping us. Even though his life had become one under surveillance.

Why had he followed us this far?

The man seemed to think for a moment, then took out his wallet from his back pocket.

And opened it.

In that wallet too, there was one of our fake photos. A picture of the three of us sitting together somewhat awkwardly, where an ID would normally be.

But when he took out that photo, there was another slightly worn photo underneath.

Similar to the photo we three had taken, there was a picture of the man with two women.

One looked older than Kagami, like she had just entered her late 30s.

The woman in the middle… high school? College? She looked about that age.

Since the photo would naturally be worn if it had been taken out many times, it was difficult to judge when it was taken, but I could tell that the two people photographed with the man were his real family.

“It’s a difficult story to tell a child.”

The man slowly began to speak.

“My wife and daughter… are being protected by the boss, that is, your friend’s father.”

“……”

“Similar to Miho. Well, in my case, at least I’m still alive…”

So, if I had to put it in words, the man was also in a situation close to hiding.

We conversed intermittently. We had acted as father and daughter in front of friends, but it was awkward talking just the two of us like this. Perhaps even without consciously acting, we could have played the roles of a taciturn father and daughter.

I asked a few questions that had been puzzling me, and the man answered.

The man who sacrificed himself was also someone who owed a great debt to Mr. Yamashita.

There seems to be some yakuza business that the law and police can’t resolve. I didn’t hear the details. Perhaps his ability to sacrifice himself in that moment was also a way of repaying some debt.

I don’t understand what kind of debt would require risking one’s life, but the man didn’t seem inclined to explain, so I asked something else instead.

“…Do you know where he is?”

The man immediately understood what I was asking.

“Not far from here.”

“I’d like to go there sometime.”

“…Alright.”

The man awkwardly raised his hand and patted my shoulder a couple of times.

*

When I went back to the room, Kagami was sitting there blankly.

She seemed to have stopped crying, but still had a dazed expression.

I went and sat next to Kagami.

She looked down at me with a blank face, then reached out and put her arm around my shoulders.

I just let myself be embraced in Kagami’s arms.

There was no need for conversation.

Comfort…

Thinking about it again, both Kagami and I just needed comfort from each other. Maybe there was no need to worry about who was comforting whom.

To me and to Kagami, we were simply beings who comforted each other.

The reason the man could endure being so far away from his family was because he had someone who sustained his life.

No matter where we moved or how we lived, whether ordinary or not, I had Kagami.

And Kagami had me.

“Mom.”

I murmured that while in Kagami’s embrace.

That it was okay.

I’m okay with not being ordinary. I have no idea what will happen in the future, but it’s okay.

As long as family can stay with me, as long as I don’t lose them.

“……”

Hearing my words, Kagami slowly stroked my head.

“Kotone.”

A slightly hoarse voice.

“Kotone.”

But when she said my name again, it was back to Kagami’s usual strong voice.

Kagami hugged my back tightly.

We stayed like that, leaning on each other for a while.

“……”

Kagami seemed lost in thought for a moment, then,

“Shall we have dinner?”

She asked in a gentle voice.

When I looked up, there were still tear stains on Kagami’s face. Her expression still hadn’t completely shaken off the sadness and despair.

But I was reflected in Kagami’s eyes.

It was a kind of determination.

A will to continue living no matter the situation.

The will that had continued since Kagami ran away from home holding me as a newborn, since she was just a middle school student.

In a few years, I’ll be the same age as Kagami was then.

Will I be able to live as strongly as Kagami?

…

At the very least, I should live so that her efforts don’t go to waste.

As long as we don’t think it’s over, life will continue.