Ch.354The NPC Who Dropped the Sun. (3)

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day X.

I have been betrothed. The one who has been with me since childhood succeeded his title on my 14th birthday and received permission from Father and Mother. They said theirs was a love marriage too, and I am truly happy.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

A plague has begun spreading across the continent. I haven’t seen him for several months now, but I receive letters saying he is always in good health. I hope he doesn’t fall ill. Additionally, I recently heard that my elder sister has also fallen ill and is in isolation. I pray for her health, that she doesn’t become sick like me.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month XX, Day XX.

…My elder sister has passed away. After a long period of illness, her strength weakened, and as a result, her immunity dropped, leading to complications that caused her… I’m sorry, sister. For surviving alone.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day X.

I too have overcome the illness and safely welcomed the new year. Despite my sister’s passing, due to the plague, we couldn’t hold a state funeral. I heard that next month, after declaring the end of the epidemic, we will hold the funeral, albeit late. He also said he would attend that day, and though I shouldn’t think this way, I look forward to the day I can meet him. It’s sad, but if I’m with him, I’m sure we can send my sister off with a smile…

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

…After the state funeral, Father and Mother called for me and introduced me to the Imperial Crown Prince. I clearly remember hearing that he was supposed to be my sister’s fiancé. Why? I sat there blankly, unable to follow the conversation that seemed to entrust me to him, and then left when it was over. And for some reason, I couldn’t meet him.

I miss my sister, and I miss him so much.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

The Crown P(smudged and illegible) is a liar. Father and Mother are all liars too. Why? They say promises should be kept, so why don’t they keep our promises? Is the promise of marriage between him and me not a promise? I’m thinking of running away with him, and I sent him a letter today. I’ll decide after receiving his reply and hearing his opinion. I have no intention of going to the Empire.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month XX, Day XX.

After talking with him and sorting out the situation for a long time, we concluded that simply running away wouldn’t solve anything. Instead, during my temporary stay in the Empire, if I don’t impress the Emperor rather than the Crown Prince, perhaps this engagement talk will be nullified. That’s the strategy we’ve devised. We didn’t talk much, but the Crown Prince seemed unintelligent at first glance. I should start implementing our plan when I have an audience with the Emperor.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day X.

…I made a mistake. The Emperor’s expression was very displeased. I wasn’t supposed to impress him, but the Crown Prince was even more stupid than I thought, and the Emperor seemed satisfied, as if he thought it would be better to have me by his side. I read in books that Imperial nobles dislike women who take interest in economics, politics, or military strategy. I clearly read that they view educated women unfavorably because of what happened during the era of the Empress’s reign. Why, why…!!!

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

…Help me. Save me. I hate this. They’ve started scheduling the engagement ceremony. Why? The time for me to return to my country has already passed. Let me go, I hate this. I sent a letter to him. That’s it, even if I flee and die by the Empire’s sword, I will escape.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

The idiot came with a bouquet and confessed to me. He thought it was good that I listened to him, and said such nonsense about how well we match that I couldn’t help but cry. In his eyes, it must have looked like I was crying from joy. Did he think that I, a princess of a vassal state, could ignore and reject him? Is he truly insane?

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

…I’m not receiving any letters from him. All my requests to return to my country are being ignored. What’s going on? What on earth is happening? Why aren’t you sending me letters? Are you safe?

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month XX, Day XX.

…I heard a report that he married another noble lady of the Empire. (All smudged and illegible.)

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month XX, Day XX.

I asked the idiot if I could have a personal inspection to strive to be a good Crown Princess, and received permission for three days of outings starting tomorrow. But when he was so happy like a fool, saying this was the first time I had asked him for anything since coming to the Empire, I wanted to hit that face. Is he really crazy? How many times does he think I’ve said I want to go home? The future of the Empire seems obvious.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

…As expected. It was all lies. He had never even come to the Empire.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

I placed a request with the Guild. I hired 12 gold-rank adventurers in 3 parties to send a confidential letter to him. The expenses are large. I need to save more money.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

Since it would be difficult to receive letters through the Guild once I return to the Imperial Palace, I decided to have my personal maid, Kara, wait outside. Kara is the youngest of my maids, so she surely won’t be caught. With this, the letter will reach h(illegible due to bloodstains)

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day X.

After several months, Kara returned to the Imperial Palace. I told her I was sorry for making her work so hard, and that she should rest a bit since she didn’t look well, but she worried about me instead. She’s truly a kind child. But I collapsed while talking with her, so I couldn’t hear about him. Tomorrow I’ll(blood drops)

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

…Murdered. I’m not a fool. Did they think I wouldn’t know this? Unforgivable. Absolutely unforgivable. Die(torn)

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day X.

It’s been 1 year and 6 months since I came to the Empire. I’m tired of dealing with old men who complain that my wedding has been delayed because of my deteriorating health. (Bloodstains…) Fools, I studied during that time. I will bring all of you idiots down. Now, the wedding is in one month.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day X.

Disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting

Disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting

Disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting

Disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting

Disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting I want to cut out my groin.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

…I’m pregnant. And at the same time, I heard from the Imperial physician. It will be difficult for me to give birth with my current physical condition. No wonder I’ve been having constant headaches and nosebleeds lately. I thought it was good that I wouldn’t have to attend that idiot’s coronation because of this, but it wasn’t good after all. No, maybe it is good. If I die like this, I might meet him in the afterlife(bloodstains…)

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

I killed the physician. I told him not to report it, but he was going to. I told the idiot that he fell and died, and he completely believed it. Then, showing affection I’ve never shown before, I said I wanted to bring a doctor from my country. And he just smiled and accepted it. Moron.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month XX, Day XX.

My belly is swelling smoothly, and I’m becoming unable to move from my bed. Only, recently I’ve been a bit afraid. Not of dying. I’m worried about the child in my womb. I should hate and be disgusted thinking it’s that bastard’s child, but I can’t. Even though I got pregnant with his seed, I don’t think of it as his child. I’ve only ever thought of him. Yes, this child is his child. Because the only person I’ve ever loved is him.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

My condition has deteriorated to the point where it can no longer be hidden by the doctor’s opinion. When that idiot was shouting at the physician in my room, I shouted back that he was being too loud. The sight of his face turning pale when blood burst from my mouth and splattered on his face was satisfying. However, the doctor said that if I continue to cough up blood or vomit blood, it could be dangerous for the baby. Hmm, I should try to hold back my coughs.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

That crazy bastard suggested killing the child. With less than a month left, I couldn’t help but shout at him to get out, thinking he must be truly mentally ill. It’s the first time I’ve verbally cursed at someone, and it feels refreshing. This seems like it could be a good stress reliever.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day XX.

Cursing at him has become quite a good way to manage my condition. When I pour out words of curse at him as he looks at me with seemingly worried eyes every time he comes, I feel alive in that moment. I feel like I have the strength to do so. Only, I think I went too far when I blurted out, “Does this child even look like yours?” Since that madman might take those words literally and harm the child, I need to have a magic-using doctor confirm that it is indeed a child with his blood mixed in. And when he comes next time, I should apologize, saying it was a mistake because I was sensitive due to the labor pains. Just thinking about it makes me sick, but I can endure it for the child.

Continental Calendar Year XX, Month X, Day X.

(All writing is messy)

This will probably be the last time I hold a pen. Your name is Ragni. I was going to name you Ragna if you were a boy, but I couldn’t give such a name to a girl. I didn’t want Bluemoon and Ottoman to be attached to your name, but you who were born have no sin. I love you, my beloved daughter. And I’m so grateful to you for not inheriting any of his colors despite being born with his blood mixed in. Rather, your sky-blue hair, even brighter than mine, reminds me of his eye color, and it makes you so, so lovable… I want to hold you, hold you… longer, much longer. I don’t want. To die. (Smudged…) (The handwriting changes) I’m sorry, I who only thought of revenge on him surely wouldn’t be suitable as your mother, but please allow me to hold you in my arms until the end. And I will assign Kara to you. She will surely become your friend, your sister. Please, please, please.

May you grow up healthy, loved by all gods. May you grow up experiencing the love you desire.

-To Ragni, daughter of your mother Rabia and father Gilbert who loved you so much. Eternally blessing your birthday.-

“That’s what it says. Father-in-law? Wow, he still can’t come to his senses. He really has no backbone. That’s why he gets NTR’d and then gets it back in return.”

That’s how I read her diary, found as a sub-quest on the day everything ended, in front of the crazed Emperor and the remaining soldiers.