Ch.351Authorized NPC (7)
by fnovelpia
“Ugh…!!”
“Assistant…”
“Chancellor, I’ll take her away.”
“…Yes, please do.”
The Chancellor completely erased the ancient artifact—that piece of garbage—with exquisite magic that mesmerized onlookers while attacking in a way that wouldn’t cause the imperial palace to collapse. And Ragni, whose complexion had turned from blue to pale after seeing the debris and the empire’s shameful secrets that spilled out, finally couldn’t hold back and began to vomit.
After telling the Chancellor, who reached out his hand in concern for her, that I would take responsibility, I approached the princess who had thrown up everything she’d eaten for dinner before even digesting her sandwich.
“Are you alright… of course not.”
“Ugh!! Bleurgh!!!”
*Pat, pat.*
Even though there was nothing left to come out, I kept rubbing Ragni’s back for several minutes as she seemed ready to vomit her internal organs. What I heard from her as she gradually calmed down wasn’t steady breathing, but…
“Hic, uuugh…!!”
The sound of sobbing. This is, no matter how I think about it, my responsibility.
“Hic. C-crazy, this is crazy. This… this… J-Jack…”
“Yes, I’m here.”
“That thing. Did you know about it?”
“Of course not. If I had known, I would have just given directions and told you not to come down here.”
“So, the empire’s. The imperial family’s. It’s all, all my fault? Ugh…!!!”
What exactly did she do wrong? I wonder. Maybe in the game, but who could say she’s responsible for the current situation?
Well, if we’re talking about the imperial family’s responsibility, she certainly can’t be completely free from blame, but at the very least. Even an idiot like me can confidently say that the human blood that had accumulated over hundreds or thousands of years, and the disgustingly thick “human blood clots” that had hardened and protruded from it, are not Ragni’s responsibility.
According to the Chancellor, those were the remnants left after squeezing human blood and then extracting only the magical power from that blood. Really, it’s utterly revolting. Dark fantasy can go fuck itself, seriously.
“Ugh, J-Jack! Jack!!”
“Yes, I’m here. Here.”
With one hand against the wall, staring only at her own vomit, she waved her other hand in the air like a child trying to grab something. When I took her hand, I felt the weak and fragile small hand of a woman that made me think, ‘Is this all the strength of a human with over 5,000 in all stats?’
“I, I…!!”
“No. This isn’t because you did something wrong.”
“Ah, aaugh… But, Jack. You told me. I, I in the game, in your past life…!!”
That I used that.
Although the current Ragni and the Queen [Ragni Bluemoon Ottoman] from my past life’s game are truly completely different people. Since I told her about my past life, it’s not strange that she feels that disconnect. For me, it was just a game beyond a monitor, but for her, it was a story about “herself in another world” that she heard from me.
Ragni, who had now started wailing, began to pull at her hair with one hand as if having a panic attack.
“It’s my fault for pushing the empire. Hic!! No, it’s a problem from before that. I shouldn’t have left the empire. If I had stayed, I would have killed the Emperor and the Prime Minister…! Ah, no. But then I wouldn’t have met Jack, and I would have used that…? Ugh…!! W-why. Why?! I, I. Why did the game version of me do such a thing?! Ugh!!”
“Ragni, calm down. I told you that online games are just like chess. There was just a piece on the board that looked like you…”
“But! You said!! That this world sometimes flows exactly like that board!!”
“……”
“Haven’t you thought about it?! Why does such a world!! Such a [game] exist!! If there was something transcendent in your world that could look at this world from above the board!! If they made such observations!! If they made such moves!! Can you definitively say that it wasn’t ‘something that actually happened’?!!”
With a distorted face, shedding tears like beads, she gripped my hand strongly as if truly in agony and fear. I think to myself. I thought she was smart and had accepted it easily, but I also thought she had accepted it too easily. I never expected that she might be thinking about parallel worlds or time loops. Because of my talk about my past life, Ragni had been seriously contemplating and thinking about herself, who she described as a bitch. Really…
“Jack, aren’t you bothered by that?! That, right now it’s the Emperor’s. The Prime Minister’s doing, but originally. In the world of your past life!! That would be the sin ‘I’ committed…!!”
“No. It might have been like that in the game, but this scene never actually appeared in the game. Maybe the artifacts in that world were different? So don’t jump to conclusions…”
“That means it could have been even worse than that!! It was something that could have been fully anticipated!! ‘I!’ I should have stopped it!!!”
She’s smart and eloquent, so I find myself at a loss for words. Ragni, having said that much and seeing that I didn’t deny it, seemed to take my silence as confirmation. Her face distorted even more as she began to truly lose her mind.
“Aaaah!! The Emperor was right!! It was as Father said!! I was a monster!!! And Jack, you too would have! No, it was from the beginning!! You were afraid of me!! Because you knew!! Not just the skills!! You rejected me, the worst monster, a demonic being who would do such things…!!!”
“Ragni, calm d—”
“How can I calm down?!! You don’t know!! I!! I said I wouldn’t care even if my own father died before my eyes!!! Really!! Without any hesitation, I said I wouldn’t care if that person died!! Because I’m such a monster! That’s why it was natural to be rejected!! I, I!! I truly don’t deserve to be loved!! I shouldn’t have been born in this world…?!!”
*SLAP!!!*
My hand moved before I knew it. I never thought there would come a day when I’d slap a woman’s cheek. And I slapped the cheek of the woman I love hard enough to split her lip. Ah, I don’t want to make excuses, but I was also inwardly flustered after seeing that atrocity. So I think my brakes just broke.
“I said calm down. Can’t you hear me?”
“…J-Jack?”
Ragni’s red eyes, having been slapped by me, wandered as if unable to believe what had just happened.
Rationally, I wanted to apologize, but I found myself speaking in a low, forceful voice. The hand of Ragni’s that I had been carefully holding so as not to break her, I now gripped tightly without realizing it.
“I told you clearly that I rejected you because I, who was weak, wanted to protect Ira, who was much weaker. I told you that I shared my past life with you because I trust you, because I want to live with you from now on. I told you that clearly, didn’t I?”
“J-Jack…”
Is her slapped cheek hurting? Or her split lip? Or is she in pain thinking that I’m rejecting her? Unlike a moment ago, her face is no longer distorted, but seeing her pale expression as if abandoned by the world makes my heart ache. I didn’t tell you about my past life to make you see such a sight, to make you worry like this. When you think about it, it’s all my fault.
Slowly moving the hand that had been pulling at her hair, she reaches out to me as if begging for salvation, and I extend my hand to caress the cheek I had slapped. Ah, really. What am I doing, treating you like this when you’re suffering?
“Don’t think about it. See things as they are. You are not the queen from the game. Even if the queen in the game did such things, you are different now.”
“B-but. I… I, as a member of the imperial family, should have saved those people, I must atone. I who did nothing…”
“What do you mean you did nothing? Why should you atone for the sins of your predecessors and ancestors? If you hadn’t acted, even more people would have died than now. And I told you. To me, Ira’s life—your lives—are more precious than hundreds of thousands of others.”
If not saving others when you could is a sin, and not feeling guilty about not being able to save them makes you a monster and a demon. Then I am a monster and demon worse than Ragni. She feels guilt seeing the dead, seeing the blood this empire has accumulated, but I…
‘I don’t feel an ounce of guilt for the people of Ponia who might have died innocently because of the monster parade that happened because of me. I don’t care about people who might be suffering somewhere whom I could have saved with my past life memories.’
“So. Don’t say such things. That you shouldn’t have been born, or that you’re a monster or a demon. Don’t talk as if you need qualifications to be loved. Why are you trying to reject me when I love you?”
“…Jack. Is it okay that I was born? Really, am I…”
“Don’t ask such obvious things. Thank you for being born, for loving me, for accepting my feelings. Thank you for being by our side. If you want to ‘mourn’ the dead, I’ll cooperate with you as much as needed for your sake. So please, don’t suffer.”
“Hic, huaa!! Aah!! Huaaaang!!”
The woman who came to the empire and helped many people. Who worked busily to prevent war, gained the support of the people. Who wanted to protect them, reverted to a fragile girl crushed under the edge of endless evil. The fact that her wailing appearance looks so painfully terrible is because of my stupidity and powerlessness. I can’t help but blame myself for that. So…
“You’re mine forever. I’ll never let you go. So, let me love you for the rest of my life.”
Embracing her protectively from the pool of blood created by the empire behind us, I tell the girl who’s crying like a child that I love her over and over again. I, who hurt you with my foolish and ignorant choices, could do nothing but beg you to allow me to love you.
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