Ch.34Wake Up (5)

Even as Caden wiped away her flowing tears, Kirsy couldn’t believe what was happening.

“Oh my… you’ll ruin your pretty face.”

He still gave her that gentle smile, but the future he spoke of was something she had never experienced.

A farewell that had been foretold.

She couldn’t accept this.

After her parents left, Caden had filled her empty heart completely and then some. In a world that became so frightening after they departed, he was the brother who offered his back for her to stand on and guided her path.

Watching his efforts had been inspiring, and his jokes made her worries seem foolish.

Sitting together in the setting sun, looking at his profile with his eyes closed, her heart would flutter, and she felt like there was nothing to fear in the world.

He was her salvation and blessing.

If she had to choose just one treasure in this world, if she had to select what to give away last as the family collapsed, it would be Caden.

She had never doubted he would be by her side forever. Because no matter what she did, he always returned.

Even when she accidentally spilled his food. Even when she kept him awake all night with a raging fever. Even when she sulked and threw tantrums for days. Even when she spat out harsh words.

He always came back with a smile.

They had promised. To always be by each other’s side. To always be there for one another.

But now he says he’s leaving. He refuses to stand by her side anymore.

He says he won’t be her support anymore, won’t kiss her forehead goodnight, won’t make funny jokes, won’t pat her head, won’t share his days with her.

Not because of some unstoppable external force, but by his choice. He’s saying he’s walking away from her by his own will.

“………”

Kirsy still couldn’t say anything.

Tears just kept flowing.

Could this possibly be a disaster she brought upon herself?

Were her words coming back to haunt her?

Thinking that way made it hard to breathe.

Had her desire to keep him close actually driven him away?

Caden was now wiping her tears with both hands.

“You know. I’m a commoner, and you’re high nobility. Drawing lines on a pumpkin doesn’t make it a watermelon. No matter how the name ‘Praester’ is attached to the end of mine, I’m still a commoner.”

“………”

Kirsy felt dizzy. She could barely see. She still couldn’t speak.

“I was a fool not to realize it. You knew better than anyone.”

The words “you knew better than anyone” made Kirsy’s heart clench once more.

So he did know about the gossip. The insults meant to keep others away from him had reached his ears.

But the gossip was from the distant past. It had been a long time ago. It had even died down recently because of how Caden had been behaving.

So if he said he knew, he couldn’t have found out recently. He had known all along but pretended not to. He had approached them with a smile despite knowing.

He hadn’t been holding back his feelings. He had been considerate all along.

Kirsy looked at Caden, who wore a bitter smile.

What must he have felt? Did he hate her all this time? Did he grow to dislike her?

Tears continued to flow from Kirsy’s eyes. None of it had been sincere, but was he leaving because of that mistake?

“So I’ll leave. Kids. Don’t feel too bad. Let’s each live diligently in our own positions.”

His words about leaving woke Kirsy up again. They made her frozen lips move.

“…D-don’t say such nonsense. Brother. *sob*! I-if you go to another family, we’ll only see you once every few years…!”

Even after saying it, the thought of that vast stretch of time terrified her. If she could truly only see him once every few years, she would surely go mad.

“I’ll keep in touch often. Once we’re apart, you’ll get used to it quickly.”

“…Even being apart for one day is hard right now….”

At that moment, Kirsy felt a rough anger rising from somewhere in her heart. It felt like someone inside her that she didn’t know existed was raising its head.

Kirsy roughly pushed away Caden’s arm that was caressing her cheek and wiped her eyes harshly with her sleeve.

Then she glared at him and said:

“…Brother… have you forgotten why you came to the Academy late? It was to be with us…! How can you say you’re leaving?”

“…Now I’m confused. Did you really ask me to wait so we could be together? Or did you ask me to wait for this?”

Kirsy swallowed.

Hiding him and controlling him.

She had done it all because she loved him.

She knew it too. That it was something she did without his permission. That he might dislike it. But deep down, she also had the underlying belief that he would forgive her in the end.

“I have no intention of being a burden to you. If this is how we always have to be outside… then it’s right for me to leave.”

Caden took out a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped Kirsy’s tears again.

He tried to calm her with the same touch as always. But that wasn’t enough to calm Kirsy.

“…Why is that right? Brother, you came into the family just for us! So you should listen to me-“

Asena suddenly cut off Kirsy, who was losing her mind and saying whatever came to mind to keep him.

“Kirsy!”

“……”

“……Ah.”

The statement that he was brought into the family solely for them, not for anything else. It wasn’t wrong, but it could have been hurtful to Caden.

It could have sounded like they were saying he should live only for them, doing whatever they said, regardless of everything else.

“….Is that what you thought?”

Caden pressed the handkerchief into Kirsy’s hand and removed his own.

She realized what she had just lost. It felt like she had extinguished the last warmth he was offering.

“N-no. Brother. That’s not what I meant, but you said you’re leaving me-“

“-Brother has feelings too, Kirsy. There are things I don’t want to do, times when I’m sad. I get hurt too.”

“I-I misspoke. Brother…”

Asena joined in.

“Brother. Calm down. Kirsy isn’t in her right mind right now… I was like that earlier too.”

But Caden said:

“I never told you.”

“……?”

“….?”

“Why I came to join the Praester Family.”

He was silent for a moment, then spoke slowly.

“I didn’t want to come.”

“Huh…?”

Kirsy uttered in confusion. Since he didn’t know them at that time, there was no reason to feel hurt, but somehow her heart ached deeply.

“Grandmother Riana said she would provide everything, but I refused at first. Because… brother had siblings at the orphanage too.”

Kirsy felt her heart drop. She felt like she had lost her footing. It was an obvious story, but somehow hearing it from his lips was shocking. Was it because she thought she was his only sibling? Had he loved those siblings as much as he loved them?

“But Grandmother Riana said that if I joined the Praester Family, she would provide food for my siblings.”

Caden stood up. Kirsy had to tilt her head back to meet his gaze.

“So if you think I was sold like some slave, Kirsy. That’s a misunderstanding.”

“…ugh…sob…”

Caden let out a heavy sigh.

“…Right. I know. You misspoke. But… I’m tired now too. All I wanted was to live happily… why do I have to feel betrayed by you?”

“…….”

“Well. And you’ve all grown up now. My role is over.”

Asena rose from her seat and approached.

She didn’t reveal what emotions she was hiding, but it was clear she was concealing various feelings. Like a true Praester. Like a snake. She approached.

“…Brother. Calm down.”

“…..”

“I promise on my name. This will never happen again. I still need you, and I don’t want you to leave over something like this. You’ve always… forgiven us. Just one last time… okay?”

“…….”

Kirsy staggered forward and clung to Caden’s legs. Asena slowly raised her arms and wrapped them around Caden’s neck. They were close enough to feel each other’s breath.

“…I’m sorry. Forgive me now.”

“……”

Caden stared into Asena’s eyes for a long time. Asena didn’t avert her gaze either.

Caden slowly nodded and said:

“…I said I forgave you. But my mind hasn’t changed. Let’s go our separate ways.”

Asena’s expression wavered. Her arms around his neck tightened, and emotions that could have been grief or anger swirled in her eyes.

Caden said:

“I only want one thing. Just as I’ve decided to forgive you, I hope from now on we can bless each other’s paths without hard feelings. As I keep saying, I’m not doing this to fight, right? I’ve forgiven you, and given the situation, it’s right for me to leave.”

“…Why are you doing this… Brother… how can you leave me? Your place is by my side.. I think I’m really going crazy…”

Asena, as if frustrated, brought her face even closer. She emphasized each word to Caden, but he remained unmoved.

“Asena, Kirsy. I’ll say this just once.”

“…..”

“….?”

“I don’t have the strength to bear this pain anymore. If I’m in pain, then this isn’t my place. It’s not really your fault, actually. With the family like this, and my birth being what it is, it can’t be helped. So I just want to spend the rest of my life in a place where I’m not in pain… with someone who understands me… someone who appreciates my efforts. Can’t you bless me with that?”

Kirsy reached out and grabbed Caden’s clothes. With her other hand, she beat her chest as she spoke.

“Brother… you have me.. someone who understands you.. okay?”

“Our hearts may match. But our positions are too different.”

“Then what does that mean? Are you saying you’re going to live with some woman other than me?”

“That sounds strange, Kirsy. That would have been the case anyway, wouldn’t it?”

The grip of Kirsy’s hand loosened slightly.

Her heart twisted strangely. She couldn’t understand Caden’s words at all.

“….Are you getting married?”

“I will someday.”

“….Forever…by my side…”

She mumbled like a doll. It was the moment her rock-solid belief shattered. She had thought he would stay by her side without getting married.

“Even if things hadn’t come to this, I would have gotten married anyway.”

Kirsy unconsciously imagined Caden with another woman. The thought of the gentle words and loving whispers he had given her going to someone else.

Them laughing together, being happy together, giving each other affectionate kisses in a bright scene – Kirsy felt a terrible disgust.

Suddenly, she remembered her sex education class.

“….Ugh!”

She began to retch.

Now she understood why other young ladies had described that class as disgusting.

When she had imagined herself with Caden, she had only felt excitement, but the moment the woman changed to someone else, she only felt nauseous.

“..Ugh!”

The violent retching brought tears to her eyes.

Caden awkwardly scratched his head.

“….Kirsy.. isn’t this normal.. is the idea of me being with someone really that disgusting?”

“N-no.. ugh! That’s not it, I don’t know why I’m… ugh!”

She kept retching even as she spoke.

And then she finally understood. As natural as it seemed to Caden, it was something that could never happen between them.

From the beginning, it was impossible as siblings.

Kirsy’s eyes reflexively sought out Asena.

When Kirsy was anxious, she looked for Caden. If Caden wasn’t there, she looked for Asena.

And the moment she saw Asena, she understood.

Kirsy thought:

‘So that’s why you tried to expel brother from the family.’

Why they had tried to sever the sibling bond.

Only after everything had passed did she realize.

Also, she now realized that Asena had the same feelings as her. The twins had both harbored feelings for their brother that they shouldn’t have.

“Well. No matter what you say… I won’t change. I’ve made up my mind. So let’s end it here today. We’ve been saying the same things over and over, haven’t we? There’s no point in dragging this out any further.”

-Tap tap

As Caden applied pressure, the twins fell away from his body weakly.

“Everyone’s emotions are running high right now. As time passes, it will be okay. Farewells are always painful in the moment, but as time slowly passes, we’ll eventually be able to send each other off with smiles, right?”

“…….Absolutely not.”

Asena muttered with her head down.

“….I should go now. It’s getting late.”

“……This conversation isn’t over, brother. We’ll talk about this again later.”

Asena promised. But Caden just smiled.

And then, as if remembering something, Caden said with a serious face:

“…..Right. Just in case.”

“……”

“Kids. Don’t… try anything foolish. I said I won’t change my mind. Let’s not cause trouble.”

Even at the moment he decided to leave, Caden couldn’t abandon them. He only hoped they wouldn’t become villains again.