Ch.344IF Side Story: Seems I’ve Arrived a Bit Early (41)

A small child—a child still small enough to not know the darkness of the world—holding something sharp against their own neck was like something out of a nightmare.

That child was Kagami’s beloved daughter.

The child she had carried for ten months and given birth to, the child who had grown up alongside Kagami all this time.

When she first ran away with her, it was actually impulsive. She didn’t want to raise such a young child in that place. Surely if this child had grown up there, she would have died before reaching adulthood.

But perhaps, the one who would have died without this child might have been Kagami herself.

Looking at the child, she learned how to smile for the first time. Seeing the child nestled in her arms, looking up at her with a shy smile, Kagami was able to smile brightly for the first time.

She was surprised by the softness while brushing the child’s long hair, and she was happy to see the child growing to resemble her.

Growing taller, learning things, singing songs, running around—all of it seemed so natural and beautiful.

The child, who had initially found it difficult to adjust, gradually blended in with other children as she grew older and learned to laugh innocently.

They say children grow up quickly, but Kagami couldn’t agree with that.

Though she seemed to grow so fast, to Kagami’s eyes, the child still looked too young.

And now that child—was holding something sharp against her neck. That child, who had barely lived and had so much time left ahead of her, was risking her life. Literally.

All because of Kagami.

Kagami felt like her throat was being torn apart. Her voice cracked as she continued screaming.

She thought it would be better if her own throat was torn instead. She didn’t want to see blood flowing from the child’s neck.

She had wanted to raise her normally.

She just wanted her to live like other children, going to school, studying, playing, and dreaming.

If she could do that, Kagami too would have a normal life alongside her—

Was it greed?

Was it all just Kagami’s selfish desire? Should she not have raised her herself?

If the child had grown up not knowing Kagami was her mother, if she had been raised by someone else, would it have been better? Could Kotone have grown up normally in a normal family?

It was all pointless now.

Pointless thoughts. Because things had turned out this way. Because normalcy had been shattered. Because at some point, Kagami had come to believe she couldn’t be separated from Kotone.

She crawled, struggling on the floor. The transparent plastic cut into her flesh, drawing red blood. She could see blood flowing over the toy.

It was the one personal item Kotone had chosen when she fled. Perhaps she had chosen it to remember the friends she would never meet again.

Now it was broken, leaving only wounds.

With all her strength, she got up. The blood flowing from her arms and legs didn’t matter at all. In fact, she didn’t even notice she was bleeding.

Her throat hurt.

Whether it was from screaming until she was dying or from the blood coming from her only daughter’s neck, she didn’t know. To Kagami, that wound hurt more than her own.

Her only daughter.

Her only family.

“Kotone, Kotone!”

Kagami shook the child’s body.

The child was limp and silent. Her face was pale, and blood continued to flow from her neck. Kagami grabbed the neck, then released it, not knowing what to do. If she pressed, would the child suffocate? But if she didn’t keep pressing, the blood would flow.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Kagami apologized with tears, her hand awkwardly placed on Kotone’s neck.

“I’m sorry. For hurting you like this.”

It was all Kagami’s fault.

If only Kotone hadn’t been Kagami’s daughter, this wouldn’t have happened.

If Kotone hadn’t thought of Kagami as her mother, she wouldn’t have had to wound her neck because of Kagami.

She didn’t know if the child could hear her apologies. She probably couldn’t. Kotone’s skin grew increasingly pale. The light faded from her eyes, which became half-closed.

Kagami kept shouting. Hoping Kotone would respond somehow.

Again and again.

“…!”

As she was about to shout one last time—

Kagami opened her eyes.

Huh, she took a deep breath, sending air into her lungs several times.

What she saw was the ceiling, now slowly becoming familiar.

Not the ceiling of a ship, but of an old house.

“…Haa.”

Sweat made Kagami’s body sticky all over. With trembling hands, she pressed against the floor and sat up.

She covered her face with both hands and exhaled several times, then slowly lowered her hands.

She quietly looked down at the thin blanket covering her body, then very, very slowly turned her head. As if there was something she was terribly afraid to confirm.

Beside her, Kotone was sound asleep.

She was curled up, facing Kagami. Her shoulders rose and fell slightly with her regular breathing.

With slightly trembling hands, Kagami carefully tucked Kotone’s hair, which had fallen to the side, behind her ear.

The smooth hair that Kagami always brushed herself was tucked behind her ear.

The child’s skin was pale in the moonlight. Kotone sleeping, knowing nothing of the world, looked as if that incident had never happened.

This house had several rooms. In fact, they could make a separate room for Kotone if needed.

But Kagami wasn’t ready for that yet.

Like this, she needed to wake up occasionally to check on Kotone. She feared Kotone might suddenly disappear.

Just as a miracle had come, might she suddenly vanish at some point? That was too frightening.

Kagami lay down again.

She was facing Kotone.

Kotone’s peacefully sleeping face was as beautiful as anything in this world.

…Was that because she was looking through a mother’s eyes?

…Mother.

What mother would make her daughter be chased by such beings? What mother would escape danger by leaving a wound on her daughter’s neck?

The person who should have been wounded then was Kagami.

Kagami quietly gazed at Kotone, then reached out and embraced her.

“Mmm.”

Kotone made a small whimpering sound but didn’t wake up.

Only then could Kagami fall asleep again.

*

There are a few things I’ve noticed while living here for about three months.

Although it’s the countryside, it’s not like we’re lacking anything.

Perhaps out of consideration for us, there are places to get almost everything if we drive out. Well, it’s not the same as Tokyo, but still.

Kagami and I share a room.

It was a kind of tacit agreement. I didn’t want to leave Kagami’s side, and I think she felt the same way. Unfortunately, we’ve been together for too long to suddenly live apart. If one of us suddenly disappeared, we’d definitely feel separation anxiety.

But we can’t stay together all the time.

I have to go to school, and Kagami has to work. The yakuza uncle we live with seems to have found work too, but we can’t just freeload forever.

…

Well, if we’re being honest, I’m the only one freeloading now.

Our household blended into the village more easily than expected. The uncle, if he didn’t deliberately dress a certain way, looked like a rather innocent, hardworking young man, and Kagami was… well, just Kagami. That is to say, she could easily pass for a young housewife.

Kagami was truly an adult now.

I still had a long way to go before becoming an adult.

When would I be able to help?

“Kotone!”

“Mako.”

The car we were riding in stopped, and the door opened. I helped Mako get in.

“Thank you as always.”

Mako’s father greeted us politely. He was dressed in a well-tailored suit, rare to see in the countryside. At a glance, he looked like a corporate executive or high-ranking official.

Both Mako and I lived some distance from school. We could walk if we had to, but Kagami now knew how to drive, and the school was on her way to work.

So she could drop me off on the way, and Mako too, since we’re friends.

“Not at all, I should be thanking you. Kotone was able to make a friend right after coming here.”

I once wondered if it might be better not to make friends, but Kagami seemed to think differently.

Perhaps she still hadn’t given up on her desire for me to grow up normally?

If so, I had no intention of giving up either.

From inside the car, I bowed my head to Mako’s father. He waved at Mako and me.

The car door closed, and Kagami stepped on the accelerator again.

“Kotone, what are you doing for summer vacation?”

Summer vacation.

Somehow, that phrase makes me smile bitterly.

“I don’t have any plans yet.”

“Then, do you want to go to the village festival together?”

“They have festivals in the village?”

“Yes. …Are there villages that don’t have festivals in summer?”

That made me smile genuinely, not bitterly.

That’s right.

Are there such villages? I’m not sure.

I think they had them in all the places I’ve lived.

…Though I’ve only lived in one place.

…

I wonder what happened to Baduk.

I suppressed a small sigh that was about to escape.