Ch.3434. Irresistible Urge

Something has gone terribly wrong.

“S-Shiro. Wait a moment. It’s not what you think.”

“No. I’ll come back another time. It’s not that urgent anyway.”

Shiro hurriedly tried to leave.

“No, I actually had something to tell you too. So please, just a moment, just a very brief moment to talk?”

“…”

After hearing my words, she looked back into the room.

From her perspective, she must be seeing the blonde girl sitting on my bed.

‘This isn’t easy.’

Thinking about it, this was my fault.

It had only been a few days since I told her we should keep our distance, and now I’m drinking with another woman in my room?

Anyone would be hurt by that.

“…Alright, fine.”

Thankfully, Shiro nodded and entered my room.

“Sir. I’ve given you my gift, so I’ll be going now…”

“Ah, yes.”

Arya tactfully excused herself.

Her calling me “sir” was a nice touch too. It emphasized that we weren’t close.

“Um… please, have a seat.”

“Okay.”

Shiro’s mood was much more subdued than usual.

I cleared away the glass Arya had been using and brought another one for Shiro.

Rio had forced four glasses on me, after all.

“Ah. Would you like a drink, if you don’t mind? I just received it as an apology gift from the innkeeper’s daughter.”

“…I see.”

She clutched the glass resting on her lap with both hands.

She probably wasn’t in the mood to drink.

‘What should I even say?’

Things felt awkward with Shiro.

But this was the result of my own choices, so I had no choice but to accept it.

Time passed slowly and quietly.

“I guess I’m interrupting, aren’t I?”

Shiro lowered her head even further.

Her hands holding the glass began to tremble. Seeing her hunched back made a part of my heart wither.

“That’s not it. She just came by briefly to give me a gift. She said she wanted to apologize for a mistake she made.”

“…Really?”

Even telling the truth didn’t seem like it would break through this bleak situation.

Things had already been a bit awkward since our last conversation, and now they’d become thoroughly tangled from the moment we met.

Shiro’s heart was already wounded.

‘This hurts.’

This was the moment I had chosen.

I had anticipated this to some extent when I decided to distance myself from her when she was trying to open her heart.

Still, my chest felt so tight that I couldn’t just sit there.

“…Shiro.”

She nodded slightly but didn’t answer.

“I want to talk about our conversation from before.”

I continued speaking alone.

“First, to prevent any further misunderstandings, let me tell you what I want to say.”

This was something I needed to convey to Shiro.

“I’m sorry for being so direct back then. I think I hastily expressed my feelings in a way that could hurt you.”

“…”

“So let me say it again.”

I exhaled and conveyed my true feelings.

“I want to have a comfortable relationship with you. But I think what I want might be very different from what you want.”

I held only Shiro in my heart.

However, these words were not for her benefit.

Even as I felt confused by this contradiction, I rationalized it as an unavoidable choice.

“…What kind of relationship do you want to have with me?”

Shiro finally spoke.

Knowing how difficult it must be to expose a wounded heart again, I answered as carefully as possible.

“I want to remain friends. Not distant friends, but reliable friends who can sometimes lean on each other, share concerns, that kind of dependable friendship.”

“Friends… I see.”

Shiro finally raised her head and remained still for a while with her eyes closed.

She exhaled a cold breath.

Though it was a greater distance than the closeness we once shared, I could still feel her breathing.

“It might be selfish of me, but I want to ask for your understanding.”

“…Okay.”

As if understanding what I meant, Shiro finally met my eyes.

“I want us to stay as we are now. Of course, I don’t mean you have to be satisfied with the distance I want. Just… I know it’s really difficult and hard, but I just want you to understand my feelings and accept them.”

I pleaded, relying on emotions and her understanding.

“…”

Her jewel-like purple eyes stared at me.

Though those eyes were just one color—purple—the teardrops forming at their corners revealed countless emotions.

Looking at them, I could only feel guilt.

“I understand.”

She tried to understand me.

“At first, I didn’t know what was in your heart or why you said those things. But hearing you now… I think I was being greedy.”

No.

Shiro was too kind.

I was simply too incompetent to embrace her feelings as they were.

“I’m sorry about before. But now, I think I understand you.”

“…Yes, thank you.”

I didn’t contradict her as she spoke with a faint smile.

Silence fell, and then,

“Um… could I have a drink?”

Shiro broke the silence.

“Ah, of course.”

I poured wine into her glass. As I was about to fill my empty glass,

“Let me pour yours.”

“If you’d like to, I’d appreciate it.”

Shiro naturally took the wine bottle and poured.

We each took a sip of the wine we’d poured for each other.

“It has a nice aroma.”

Before silence could settle in, Shiro tried to break the awkward atmosphere.

“You said you received it as a gift? Tell that person thank you.”

She seemed to have returned to her usual self, as if our previous conversation didn’t matter.

Shiro was mature enough to accept me as I was.

“I will. She’ll be flattered to hear your thanks.”

I also tried to return to my previous demeanor.

And so the night approached.

***

Night fell as the sun disappeared below the horizon.

“You don’t have to walk me back, but thanks.”

“No, you came all the way to see me, so I should at least do this much.”

I walked alongside Shiro.

Fortunately, she wasn’t drunk and unable to walk properly like before, so I wouldn’t be mistaken for a criminal.

“It’s warm.”

She murmured softly.

“Summer is definitely coming.”

“Indeed.”

After walking for a while, exchanging meaningless small talk, Shiro suddenly asked:

“You said you’re 18, right?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Physically, I was younger than her.

“…Why did you enter the Labyrinth?”

Though sudden, I understood why she asked.

At 17, you’re physically mature and legally an adult, but it’s rare for someone who hasn’t had their coming-of-age ceremony to enter the Labyrinth.

Maybe because the game developer was Korean, the world had Confucian values embedded in it.

“Well, first of all, I didn’t have parents.”

“…”

I blurted it out since I didn’t mind talking about it, but Shiro seemed a bit taken aback from the first sentence.

Maybe the orphan declaration was a bit much.

“You don’t need to worry about it. We agreed to be friends who can talk openly, right? I’ll just speak comfortably.”

“…Okay.”

Since we agreed to have a comfortable relationship, I’m trying to be more open now.

“Anyway, since I’m half-elf, I was ostracized even among the barbarians. So I just came to the city when I was about 15.”

“You left the sanctuary alone?”

“Yes. There was no point in staying there anyway.”

Each race has its own sanctuary where they usually stay until their coming-of-age ceremony.

You have to pay taxes to humans when you enter Arks.

“But the barbarians wouldn’t even let me be a porter, let alone an explorer. So I somehow managed to survive for a few months doing odd jobs.”

Looking back now, every day was truly miserable.

I kept thinking, if I closed my eyes and opened them again, would I return to reality? Was all of this just a dream?

I somehow endured with those thoughts.

“So how did you start working as a porter?”

“That’s the important part. I met Sherry while wandering the streets.”

“…Sherry?”

“Yes. It was right when the Labyrinth had closed and explorers were pouring out. This pink-haired woman was shouting for help in an alley.”

Five skinny low-level explorers were trying to hit on this beautiful woman.

I was just watching, wondering what was happening, when they started picking a fight with me.

“So I had nothing to lose and just knocked them all down.”

“By yourself?”

“Yes, they were all drunk.”

In the end, they paid the price for messing with a barbarian who’d been rolling in the streets.

“It’s not really something to brag about, but anyway, the woman there was Sherry—”

“—Was that when Sherry clung to you?”

Wait, how did she know?

“That’s… right? She seemed anxious and ran to me crying. She was thanking me incoherently, and that connection helped me get verified by the Explorer’s Association.”

Saving the branch director’s daughter—I was really lucky.

Thanks to that, I evolved from a homeless street person to a low-level specialized porter, so it could be seen as a turning point in my life.

If not for that incident, I’d probably still be rolling around on the streets.

“So after working as a porter for about three years, I met you. That’s when my life completely changed.”

“…I see.”

To me, Shiro was both my lifesaver and a precious friend I never wanted to lose.

“That’s good.”

For some reason, Shiro seemed pleased.

Did she find my story entertaining? There wasn’t really anything special about it.

“Well, that’s my story. We’ve arrived at your inn, so shall we part here?”

I didn’t ask about Shiro’s story.

Mine was just about struggling through life, but Shiro seemed to have some kind of backstory.

“Adel.”

But Shiro grabbed my hand.

“Could you come to my room with me?”

Shiro’s eyes had completely changed from before.

“…What?”

It had been less than half a day since we agreed to remain just friends.

I thought she must have some other purpose.

“It seems a bit unfair that I’m the only one hearing old stories.”

“Ah, I see.”

Phew.

Thankfully, it wasn’t anything strange.

So I followed Shiro to her room.

“Go in first.”

“Okay.”

She opened the door and invited me to enter first.

There was nothing special about the interior. All inns are pretty similar anyway.

“So, now for the story…”

-Click.

I heard the sound of the door locking.

“…Shiro?”

“Adel.”

Her calm voice called my name again.

“I’m sorry. What I said earlier… I think it was a lie.”

“Shiro, what do you mean was a—”

Shiro covered my mouth with her hand and pushed me onto the bed.

“…”

As Shiro looked down at me, reason was disappearing from her eyes.

Her breathing gradually became rougher, and the force pinning me down grew stronger.

…This looks like serious trouble.