Ch.341IF Side Story: Seems I’ve Arrived a Bit Early (38)

“You have quite a unique way of thinking.”

I heard someone whisper that in my ear.

My toes were wet. Like I was lying on a beach with only my feet in the water.

No, thinking again, various parts of my body were damp.

“Cold…”

My body trembled. On this cold night, I was shivering, carelessly tossed onto the shore.

“Mom.”

“Hmm.”

Hearing my mumble, the other person fell into thought.

“Where is Mom?”

I couldn’t see. Not that my eyes weren’t open, but literally, I couldn’t see. Is this what it feels like to go blind?

Whoosh—

The waves rushed in, sweeping away the sand supporting my body. My legs sank deeper into the water, and soon it reached my waist.

I couldn’t muster much strength. Was I having sleep paralysis?

“Where’s Mom?”

Why am I like this?

My last memory comes back clearly. Kagami was calling for me. She was gripping my neck tightly, panicked.

How deep was the wound? I remember the pain and the burning sensation, but I don’t recall how much blood flowed. I didn’t see it directly.

I was a bit short of breath.

Did the boat capsize? Did we shipwreck somewhere? Was I drifting, pushed to shore by the waves?

I don’t know anything. I have no memory after that. Because I lost consciousness.

Despair rises within me.

Not being able to see wasn’t really important. The fact that my thinking was completely wrong—that I wanted to help Kagami escape somehow, even if it meant hurting her—that was what mattered.

What happened to the people on the boat?

No, actually, that didn’t matter much.

I shouldn’t say that. Considering my profession in my previous life, I shouldn’t think like this. I was someone who went to save others even with my family’s bodies right in front of me.

No, that’s not it.

I’ve always regretted that. I should have retrieved those bodies, even if they were unrecognizable. I should have pulled out even the fragments of flesh and held them in my arms.

Even though they couldn’t come back to life, I shouldn’t have left them in that car.

The car was engulfed in flames. I could find the bodies to some extent, but I couldn’t cremate them myself.

No, I probably wouldn’t have thought about cremation. I would have buried my family. I needed a place where I could kneel beside them occasionally. I should have bought my younger sibling, who had just become old enough to drink, a glass of soju, and shared drinks with my parents since we hadn’t done so for a long time.

I couldn’t do that. My family’s remains were small enough to fit in a single urn. I shouldn’t have done that then.

I shouldn’t have done that job.

If only I hadn’t, if only I had gone on that trip with them that day, I could have gone with them too. I wouldn’t have needed to remain alone.

“…I don’t want this.”

Yes, I hated it. I didn’t want to be left alone again this time.

The truth is, I can’t do anything by myself.

At that age, I still felt like a child. Even at that age, I read manga and played games just like when I was young. My parents would bring side dishes for me every weekend. After they passed away, I bought all my side dishes. They all tasted different. But I had thrown away every opportunity to learn.

Even as an adult living alone, it would have been nice to have someone teach me things. It would have been nice to have a dad who could tell me what he did at my age and what he found enjoyable. Sometimes, like my dad used to do when I was little, it would have been nice to buy a whole roast chicken, and since I was an adult, buy a bottle of soju too, and talk about life while having a drink together.

“No, no, no…!”

I thought this life would be different.

I was a daughter, and Kagami was my mother. Even without a father, I thought we could be happy together forever. I thought we could live normally for years, make friends, eat delicious food, go to amusement parks, visit the sea, watch fireworks, and live like that every year.

I thought I could layer memories upon memories, reminiscences upon reminiscences as I grew older.

It all fell apart. Everything.

Perhaps because of me.

Because of my existence.

Unable to move my body, unable to see, I just shivered in the cold and cried.

“Oh my.”

The voice spoke as if somewhat perplexed.

No, actually, that seemed like just an act. I’m not really sure. I wasn’t interested in that voice. I wanted to hear Kagami’s voice again. I hoped that my second chance hadn’t ended in failure.

I wished that if I was shipwrecked at sea, Kagami was with me too, shaking my shoulders to wake me up.

I didn’t care if it was a place with no one else, a place with no friends. I just wanted to live together with her.

“Hmm, I’m quite awkward with children.”

The woman’s voice said that, then stroked my head. Her touch was a bit awkward.

“But you need not worry.”

The woman said.

“This is not the end. I did not make you so weak.”

The woman whispered in my ear.

Before I could understand her words, I fell asleep again. My body grew heavy, and the cold receded.

As my consciousness sank into the depths of sleep within sleep, the woman said:

“There’s no need to worry. Eventually, the day will come when you meet again. I just wish you would live more joyfully.”

The woman whispered in a small voice. Or perhaps the sound itself was just getting fainter.

“Well then, farewell. Go well. I’ll be waiting. I’ll be happily waiting for the day when you call for me from that side.”

The woman said that, and slowly pushed me into the water.

My consciousness was so distant that even as I sank into the water with the waves, I didn’t feel my breath being cut off.

I was just thinking.

If I go like this, maybe I could meet my family again.

That’s all I thought in my deep sleep.

*

The sensation of cold night air entering my completely empty lungs wasn’t particularly pleasant.

My chest hurt terribly. Not just my lungs, but as if my heart had also stopped for a while.

I inhaled and coughed several times.

“Kotone!?”

I heard a scream. The content was clearly calling me, but it was definitely nothing short of a scream.

The person who called me quickly rushed to my side but couldn’t bring themselves to touch me. They couldn’t figure out how to touch me, or if they should at all.

I know what that feeling is like. Because this person cares for me so much. Someone who wants to treat me the best in the world, but lives in a world where that’s not easy.

Someone who has been handling more than they could bear since childhood and is still responsible for me—

Through my blurry vision, I raised my hand. As I moved it around in the air, Kagami carefully took my hand.

That hand was warm.

And not wet.

Slowly, I could hear the surrounding sounds. The waves hitting the boat with a whoosh, whoosh, and the boat rocking slightly.

Ah, this isn’t my first time on a boat. I rode a boat with Kagami that moved across a lake in a theme park. Was that a boat? Did it have rails underneath or not?

The boat we’re on now rocked much more. Probably because we’re heading somewhere far away.

“Kotone, are you okay?”

I tried to say something, but only coughing came out.

“No, Kotone. It’s okay. You don’t need to force yourself to speak.”

My throat felt rough, both inside and out. Inside, my throat was dry, and outside, something was touching it. When I carefully touched it with my hand, it seemed to be a bandage.

Ah, that’s right.

I had stabbed my neck with the gift Harumi gave me.

“…”

Kagami pressed her lips to my hand, then collapsed over my body.

“Kotone, why, why did you do that, why…”

Because I didn’t want to lose this time.

Because I didn’t want to let go when I knew there was an opportunity right in front of me.

…

Is that so.

Did we take a boat out to sea? Where are we going now?

I couldn’t think of any place. I just thought that the people helping us escape would have prepared well enough.

More than that, I felt somewhat relieved.

I could feel my heart beating strongly. Kagami, as if truly wanting to feel it, had placed her ear on my chest.

I felt her grip my hand tightly.

We survived.

We were injured, but yes, we survived. At least this time.

We could continue living.

Somehow feeling that if I fell asleep again, Kagami would worry—

…and with a strange feeling that I might not see Kagami again—

I forced myself to keep my eyes open, just feeling Kagami’s warmth.