Ch.33Before the Snow Falls (4)

Her eyes trembled as she gazed at the cloudy sky.

Was it the anxiety deep in her heart that made the overcast sky appear so ominous?

The sun had long disappeared behind the thick clouds.

The weather was completely different from what she had seen earlier,

and she unconsciously closed the window as the distant bird calls somehow felt too noisy.

As the cold wind no longer touched her cheeks, the warm air circulating in the room began to envelop her body.

Suddenly her lips quivered before closing again.

Worry. Was she worrying right now?

What if Evan was no longer her knight when he returned?

She also wondered if perhaps she was constraining him.

His talent surpassed any knight she had ever seen.

Even the Crown Prince, called the Empire’s prodigy, would pale in comparison to Evan.

Probably even if she tried her whole life, she couldn’t reach his level.

If the Empire were to have a Master, it would certainly be Evan’s position.

His talent was such that it could make such lofty aspirations a reality.

Thinking about whether it was right for someone like him to remain merely as her knight made her chest feel tight.

Capturing a dark mage was no simple matter.

If he were an ordinary knight, it wouldn’t be strange for him to immediately receive the position of Knight Commander.

But he was a personal knight, and if he chose to remain as her knight…

Evan might be choosing to abandon his own potential.

“I am your knight.”

She understood what Evan meant when he said those words to her.

He must have noticed the shadow on her face and said not to worry.

That’s why she was troubled. If he was staying as her knight simply for her sake despite not wanting to, what should she say?

“It looks like it’s going to snow.”

A voice in her ear scattered her thoughts.

When she instinctively looked up at the bright, cheerful voice, she saw her maid.

“Rofena.”

“Weren’t you looking out the window? I heard earlier that the first snow of the year will fall today.”

…Snow.

So the cloudy weather today was simply because it was going to snow.

Looking outside again, the scenery no longer seemed as bleak as before.

There were flowers that bloomed even in winter, and the world hadn’t lost all its colors yet.

White and gray were colors too, weren’t they?

She had only felt it so desolate because she had been thinking negatively.

When Rofena opened the window, the moist air that didn’t suit winter came through.

The clouds, heavy with moisture, looked heavier than ever, as if snow really was about to fall.

“The first snow is early this year. I think last year it only came after the hunting festival.”

“…Indeed.”

Perhaps she had been thinking too seriously.

It was natural for the sky to be cloudy before snow, yet she had seen it as bleak and ominous.

There was a saying that eyes were windows to the heart.

Perhaps she had viewed everything so negatively because her own heart was troubled.

After the snow fell, the sky would clear as if by magic.

Though now the clouds were thick and not a ray of sunlight came through,

after the snow, wouldn’t the sky turn blue again?

She realized it was too early to presume Evan’s thoughts.

She should take things slowly, with more ease of mind.

Just as the sky clouded before snow, her current anxiety was similar.

Worries that would disappear once the snow fell.

After watching Rofena, who was looking outside like an excited child, she turned her gaze away.

Thinking of the birch trees growing thickly behind the mansion, and her father and Evan who would be there.

#

It took quite some time for my senses to fully return.

First was understanding the situation, and second was comprehending the Duke’s attitude, which was completely different from what I had known.

“Do you feel like talking now? You seemed quite shocked.”

“…Not quite, but extremely shocked.”

As I unconsciously placed a hand over my chest, the Duke smiled slightly and handed me a teacup.

A black color, different from the Darjeeling that Aileen usually enjoyed.

When the familiar scent hit my nose, I startled and accepted the cup.

“This is…”

“They call it coffee. A new tea that recently entered the Empire. Are you familiar with it?”

How could I not know coffee? I’m probably the person who knows this drink best in this fictional world.

Smelling the familiar aroma made me feel strangely at ease.

A fragment of my original world in this unfamiliar one.

After calming myself by drinking the coffee, the Duke looked at me and spoke again.

“…How is Aileen doing?”

“She seems to be doing well now.”

“‘Now,’ which implies she wasn’t before.”

I wondered if his inquiry about Aileen was truly sincere.

Confusion arose as I compared this with what I thought I knew, but one thing was clear: he seemed quite bitter.

The story from the novel about a father who showed no affection for his child, who only enforced iron discipline to raise Aileen as a perfect head of the family…

And the gloomy appearance of Aileen that I had seen…

What was really going on?

After a bitter laugh, the Duke closed his eyes momentarily, then opened them to look at me.

When his blue eyes, so similar to Aileen’s, met mine, he nodded and continued.

“The reason I tested you was partly to see if you were worthy of hearing what I have to say, but also to determine if you were suitable as Aileen’s knight.”

“…Yes.”

“I know what kind of life Aileen has lived. What I demanded of my daughter, how it affected her. What the servants of this mansion expect from Aileen. I know it all.”

Words welled up to the tip of my tongue.

I wanted to ask why he hadn’t changed his behavior if he knew, if he truly understood what kind of person his actions would create in the future. But I held my tongue.

I was curious about why he acted that way despite knowing, so I remained silent. I wanted to hear a reasonable explanation. And the Duke, perhaps understanding why I was quiet, continued.

“You look full of questions. Are you wondering why I acted that way?”

“Yes.”

“Would you understand if I said I had no choice? Because Aileen is the only daughter of House Yuris, because she must become the shield of the Empire in the future. Would you understand if I said I had no choice but to ignore such a heavy burden?”

No choice? I frowned slightly at those words, and the Duke smiled wryly, saying he understood.

“When people think of a Duke from one of the five great houses, they often imagine someone just below the Emperor, wielding absolute power and living as they please. But it’s the exact opposite. With a high position comes responsibility.”

“Responsibility…you say.”

“Yes, responsibility. Eyes are always watching. In this position, even small mistakes appear as great failures. So we must always be perfect. Even mistakes that others occasionally make are unacceptable here. That’s what it means to be the shield. If I make a mistake, the heart of the Empire is pierced.”

In the dimly lit room, blue eyes flickered.

Those eyes, distorted with lament over this absurd situation, regret, sorrow, and anger over his own actions, trembled fiercely in the darkness.

“So Aileen must be perfect. Because she’s the only one qualified to take this position. Even if it’s difficult now, even if she becomes someone who loses her heart and stares into emptiness. That’s why I had no choice. Do you understand now? Why I treated my daughter that way.”

“……”

I finally understood why I could read emptiness in his eyes.

Because he had already lived a life like Aileen’s, because he had already abandoned his emotions by living such a life, his eyes held that emptiness.

Nobles who upheld their responsibilities were rare.

Many abandoned their responsibilities and wielded their positions solely for personal gain.

Perhaps the passages about Duke Garoth Yuris in the novel only described his outward appearance.

What his eyes held was clearly self-reproach for his actions.

If he had had someone to lean on, someone who understood and stood by him…

Perhaps his life would have been quite different.

Hidden beneath the name of “Iron Blood” was someone who harbored more passionate emotions than anyone.

A position that required perfection. A position where even the slightest mistake was unacceptable.

That’s why he had to tell Aileen to follow the same path as himself.

Even if his true feelings were different, he had to demand it while keeping his true heart a secret forever.

I could understand that now.

“…However, I hoped Aileen wouldn’t become like me.”

The Duke closed his eyes after saying this. As if thinking about something, he quietly exhaled and spoke again.

“When Aileen brought a girl, I allowed her to become her personal maid. Normally, only nobles could become personal maids, but I thought if that girl became one, Aileen might have someone to lean on emotionally.

That was the story of Rofena.

“I kept an old knight who was about to retire as Aileen’s knight. A warm-hearted knight who always went to the cathedral to pray for those he had killed—I thought Aileen might be able to be more comfortable around him.”

That was the story of Sir Chris.

“But given his age, another knight was needed. So I searched. But Aileen dismissed those knights. I thought it might take quite a long time. Aileen didn’t easily open her heart to Sir Chris or Rofena. I was prepared that she might become like me.”

After catching his breath, he looked at me and spoke.

“And then you came.”

“……”

“Usually I would hear about a knight being dismissed after a day or two, but days passed and I heard nothing. Seasons changed, and winter came again. You know your knighting ceremony is approaching, right?”

“…Yes.”

“When I heard that Aileen took you as her partner to the ball, I secretly smiled. Because I finally found it. Because it seemed that her tightly closed heart was finally opening a little. Just the thought that she might not follow the same path as me made my heart swell. Only now did I realize how hope that she wouldn’t have to follow my path could tickle one’s heart.”

He wasn’t “Iron Blood.”

Perhaps everyone in this world had misunderstood him.

If what was inside him was iron blood, then iron must be the softest substance.

He was a father. Someone who fit that name better than anyone—a father I never had.

Looking into those blue eyes that sparkled enough to give me goosebumps, I exhaled heavily.

Rofena, and Sir Chris too. All those around Aileen were connections he had made.

Yet despite this, didn’t Aileen meet with tragedy? Wasn’t she called the mistress of Iron Blood and lost her head on that cold scaffold?

“…Even though I’ve told you this, my attitude toward Aileen won’t change.”

The Duke smiled bitterly. So bitterly that it made even the observer’s mouth taste bitter.

“I am Iron Blood. I cannot show a gentle side to anyone. Even if it’s my child, as the shield of the Empire, I must serve only the Empire. So my attitude won’t change. Even if Aileen resents me, even if she curses me with grudges until her death. I must remain Garoth Yuris.”

“…Your Grace.”

“Actually, when I asked you earlier if you would become the Knight Commander, I hoped you would say no. How could I not know that your talent surpasses even the Crown Prince’s? I’m a knight too. I don’t want to waste your talent, but this request may sound incredibly selfish. But I have no one else to ask.”

I thought about why this room was so dark—perhaps he had imprisoned himself in darkness.

To avoid pretending to be light.

The windowless room, with the remaining windows covered by densely planted trees blocking the sun, seemed to perfectly express who Garoth Yuris was.

He hid his emotions under the names of Iron Blood and the Shield of the Empire.

A position where he couldn’t even be comfortable with his own child.

Looking at him, wearing an iron mask thicker than the one Aileen wore, I stared at him until his lips opened and a quiet voice came out.

“Please don’t let Aileen become like me.”

The corners of his mouth curved gently as he asked me not to let her become like him.

But his eyes weren’t smiling. His eyes, filled with complicated emotions, almost looked as if they were crying.

“…I understand.”

I bowed my head.

It was something I had already prepared for, a decision that wouldn’t change from the moment I drew my sword for her.

Now, and in the future. Because I will be her knight.

The Duke’s expression, as he looked at me, seemed quite peaceful.