Ch.336Snow Country (5)

I immediately kicked my delusion circuit into high gear. That was my way of boosting morale before a fight.

That’s it. It’s just like how samurai take hot spring baths and compose haiku before a great battle. (Or not.)

In my delusion, I charged onto the battlefield on horseback.

“Let’s go!! Lord Gerruck!! We must break the enemy’s morale!!”

I shouted toward Gerruck.

“Yes!! Lord Shota. Leave this to me.”

Gerruck headed straight for the battlefield.

“Enemy commander, come forth!! Send out your strongest gyaru!! I challenge you to a duel!”

Gerruck shouted.

At those words, the enemy commander appeared.

*Clank!*

A gyaru jumped out.

“Let us fight honorably, as true warriors!!”

Gerruck declared boldly.

However, Gerruck’s gallant appearance didn’t last long.

*Splash!*

Someone immediately doused Gerruck with something.

It was oil.

“What the…”

Then the enemy commander grabbed a nearby torch and threw it at Gerruck.

*WHOOSH!!*

Gerruck’s body burst into fierce flames.

“AAAAARGH!!!”

Gerruck writhed in agony.

Seizing the opportunity, the enemy commander swiftly struck Gerruck’s neck with a sword, sending his head flying.

“You dishonorable…!!!”

I screamed at the death of my adjutant Gerruck. What kind of duel was this?!

“Everyone!! Let’s avenge Gerruck!!”

I shouted to the blind date warriors behind me.

“UOOOOHHH!!!”

Everyone charged toward the enemy lines.

However, the gyaru army was stronger than expected.

Flaming arrows rained down from all directions, piercing through our ranks.

——–

I brought my consciousness back to reality.

As the facilitator, I had performed the standard opening moves. It was just like the flow of Go or Shogi. I started with the standard exchanges.

“My name is… Luna.”

“Ayumi!”

“Miyako…”

The girls introduced themselves unenthusiastically. For introductions… they literally just said their names. These girls… they’re cooler than I expected! Not cool guys, but cool girls!! Unlike Hosoin from SasiSu who’s a try-hard cool guy.

They might have shown up, but they seemed completely uninterested in this gathering. If their enthusiasm when hitting on me earlier was a 5, right now it’s about a 1.

“………”

The guys’ mood turned funeral-like in response. The men had been quite interested, but when the women showed no interest, it hurt even more.

“What are your hobbies?”

I asked the gyarus. As the vanguard, I had to fulfill my duty!

“Oh, I’ve been watching that Toshinbai thing on YouTube lately. I became Shota’s fan!”

The girl named Luna immediately started hitting on me again.

“Yeah!! That spiky hair. Did you get a straight perm on purpose?”

Ayumi quickly picked up the baton and marked me as her target.

“No… it’s natural.”

That’s what I said. Yeah, I was born with spiky hair. Sometimes it’s troublesome when my hair pierces through bedding.

“Wow! Amazing!! Can I touch your hair?”

Miyako also surrounded me.

This is bad. Beautiful women have high standards. With me, an eccentric, sitting next to ordinary high school boys, I was unintentionally stealing the spotlight. And… though I hate to say it myself, I’ve always been popular with gyarus. Most of my girlfriends were gyarus. These girls, being gyarus, couldn’t escape the clutches of my gyaru-hunting skills.

“Stop!! I’m the facilitator!! Pay attention to the participants!!”

I immediately pushed back against the gyarus’ offensive.

My expression almost faltered for a moment, but I quickly fixed my smile with great effort. The gazes from my girlfriends in the back were ice cold.

“Even so… introduce yourselves.”

The girls nodded. They were completely dominating the situation.

“……..!”

Yamamoto, the most prideful one here, was about to snap.

‘Yamamoto! Hold back!’

I warned him with my eyes.

Originally, women usually held the initiative in romance. Moreover, if they were pretty girls, that power was amplified. They were like nobility just by existing. Above them were only handsome men.

Nothing we can do. We have to accept it.

“I-I’m Satoshi.”

The shy ninja boy Satoshi introduced himself. Satoshi… you’ve grown!!

“My hobby is… researching ninja techniques.”

But here was the misstep. Too niche of a hobby!!

“Ninja tech-what? What’s that?”

Just a habitual reaction!!!

“Oh! It’s the techniques ninjas use….”

Satoshi misinterpreted this as genuine interest and continued explaining.

“Hmm….”

The gyarus just fiddled with their phones while giving half-hearted reactions. Their complete lack of interest was crystal clear.

“………”

Satoshi’s spirit was crushed.

*Pat pat! Pat pat pat!*

Satoshi quietly formed hand signs.

*Shishishishi…*

With that, Satoshi’s presence completely vanished.

“Satoshi!!!”

I shouted loudly.

“Hey ladies!! Stop looking at your phones and look here!! Satoshi completely disappeared!! Isn’t that an amazing magic trick?!”

I desperately tried to salvage Satoshi’s failed attempt by throwing myself into the fray.

You should have called it magic from the start instead of ninja techniques!!! The mood would have been much better!!

“Wow… he disappeared. Amazing.”

The gyarus barely reacted.

“Anyway!! Girls! Kyahahahaha! Shota’s way of talking is so funny!!”

The girls just shifted their target back to me.

I understood their intentions well. They had come here targeting me from the start.

This was… a disaster. The three blind date warriors were too ordinary. Plus, they had zero dating experience. It was impossible for them to maintain a ping-pong conversation.

“I have a hobby too!!”

At that moment, Yamamoto stepped up.

“Comedian impressions…!!”

Yamamoto just put his pride aside.

Stop!!! I screamed internally. Please!! If you’re not confident, don’t do impressions!!! If it’s only vaguely similar, it’s awkward to react!! And if the target of your impression is someone the other person doesn’t know well? Then you’re just screwed!!

“It’s an impression of the famous comedian… Kitano Takeshi.”

Yamamoto said.

“Why are you talking about an 80s comedian?!!!”

I shouted loudly. Kids these days only know his face! They don’t know him from his active years!!

“He’s a famous person who even appeared in recent games!! He was a face model in Like a Dragon 6!”

Yamamoto revealed an unexpected fact.

That… you wouldn’t know unless you played through the whole game series!! That game isn’t easy to get into story-wise unless you start from the first one. You must be quite a fan of Mr. Kitano, huh?

“Anyway, here’s my impression!!”

Yamamoto just threw caution to the wind.

“Don’t do it!!!”

Naturally, the mood completely tanked. Worse… it didn’t even sound similar.

“Then I’ll go.”

Suzuki stepped up.

“Please… don’t make a suicide charge…”

I looked at Suzuki with sorrowful eyes.

“Don’t worry. I’m pretty fun.”

Suzuki said. I’ve never met anyone who claimed to be fun who actually was…

“I… know a ring magic trick.”

Suzuki took out a thread and a ring.

Oh… the classic confession move. It’s a beginner trick and very simple to do.

But the problem is… this is a magic trick used for proposals. It’s too awkward for lightening the mood.

“This… cost 10,000 yen. I brought it thinking I’d definitely give this ring to someone here today.”

Suzuki said.

“………”

The mood sank at those heavy words. It was the worst possible timing, like something out of a textbook.

“Um… Miyako. Would you wrap this thread around your finger?”

But Suzuki pushed through to the end.

“Ah… sorry. I don’t want to accept such an expensive ring.”

Miyako immediately put up a wall, as expected.

With that, the blind date ended in many ways.

“Ah!! I see!! Then I don’t need this ring!!”

Suzuki immediately went berserk.

Suzuki had lost his mind!!

“Pigeon!! Take this ring!!”

Suzuki opened the window and threw the ring out.

“Suzuki!! Get a grip!! You could still sell it at a pawn shop!! It’s not scratched!!! You could get at least half the value!!”

I desperately tried to stop Suzuki.

“P-pawn shop!!! Kyahahahaha!!! Shota!! What era are you from?!”

“Hahahahaha!! Pawn shop!!”

The gyarus burst into laughter. Hey!! Why couldn’t you react like that during the others’ performances?!

———

Anyway, evening came and the blind date wrapped up. Suddenly the gyarus made up a curfew and left. Of course, the men paid the bill. There wasn’t a single exchange of phone numbers or after-date requests.

That’s right. It was a complete defeat.

The surrounding gyarus were eager to get my number, but my girlfriends immediately intervened and stopped them.

“Everyone… I’m sorry.”

I apologized. Sorry. Even I couldn’t save this.

“No… it was fun. I’ve… always been just an observer. This… complete defeat was enjoyable. For the first time in my life, I feel like I did something.”

Satoshi finally released his ninja technique and spoke.

“Satoshi…”

I looked at Satoshi.

“Yeah… now I know how inadequate I am. I’ll put my city boy dreams on hold for a while.”

Yamamoto also accepted it gracefully.

“Right. I’m just going to give up on dating. I heard gacha games are fun these days. If I spend money on those, isn’t that like dating?”

Suzuki seemed to have decided to lower his expectations.

“Then let’s all go for a post-mortem drink.”

I smiled and stood up.

The real charm of blind dates was going out for drinks with the guys after completely failing the date.

“Let’s all go to karaoke!! And then play some billiards!!”

I shouted loudly.

“Shota… who plays billiards these days?”

Suzuki objected.

“Shota, you’re surprisingly old-fashioned.”

Yamamoto said. I don’t want to hear that from someone who still imitates 80s comedians!!

“Then let’s go to the arcade. I’m good at rhythm games.”

Satoshi said.

And so, our group of men left the family restaurant with arms around each other’s shoulders. Yeah, friendship was the best.

*Ding!!*

Even with such a disaster, we somehow achieved community.

‘Friendship over love. It wasn’t voluntary, but what does it matter?’

The cynical status window message was just a bonus.

Blind date: complete failure!!! But community was achieved. That’s all that matters.