Ch.323107. Perhaps I’ll Hope You Don’t Come.

From the Cliff of Conflict, Gaze Upon the Sea of Suffering

The water appears clear, but being infinitely pure makes it infinitely susceptible to contamination.

Throwing mud into it, casting filth upon it,

Even pouring deadly poison into it.

All of this, they say, is our responsibility.

Look down upon the banks of the poisoned, venomous river, and hear the cowardly wailing of those waters as they flow endlessly back to the sea of suffering.

Does it not sound like the lyrics of a sublime song?

All melting together, returning to the source.

At the point of origin, you and I, good and evil, absurdity, desire, resentment, and even despair—all become meaningless.

Filling and filling and filling again, without even being able to empty.

In the end, we must make it overflow and spill out to cover the world.

We are merely insignificant creatures trapped in a tiny bead.

That is the truth of the world you know.

You are not even a speck of dust clinging to it.

For that speck of dust to gain meaning, to become great—how many possibilities and hardships must it endure, how much luck and divine fortune must follow?

Therefore, this process rightfully takes place over eternity.

When even forging a single great sword requires endless time and dedication to grind and break down the iron,

To manufacture and create something even greater, how much must we be willing to abandon and cast aside?

…Thus, the joys and sorrows of created beings are meaningless from the start.

They speak of themselves and individuality.

But to the world, it is as fleeting as dust rising and settling.

So if you wish to catch their eye,

You must show them.

You must prove yourself.

If you wish to find favor in their eyes,

You must present the fruits of your labor to earn their affection.

Since life and existence are truly fleeting and meaningless,

The only way for you to have meaning is through this alone.

The world was suffering from beginning to end.

Your birth and death, and even what comes after.

…All will be suffering.

Unless you escape that sea of suffering,

Pain will grip your nape and ankles as long as you breathe.

Continuously, without a moment’s rest.

…Without rest.

====

Brendiar’s prayer room had been abandoned for several days now, having lost its master.

And Rueld, who rarely visited the place,

Drew his sword, unconsciously.

Without even realizing it himself.

-I warn you for your own sake. Stop this, Rueld.

The divine sword pleaded to him as he held the blade to his own throat of his own volition.

-It’s clearly a trap.

“……”

With half-open eyes staring into empty space, he let out a small sigh.

“If not me, who could take care of her?”

-You’ve been married for nearly 30 years. Yet you still see her not as a partner but as someone to be looked after?

“……”

-She is not a child abandoned by the water. She is a person who must pay the price for her own decisions.

Holy woman, Holy Mother—what meaning do such titles have?

When they lost their first child, the reason the two didn’t collapse was first, a sense of duty.

And the second reason… at least a determination to raise their second child properly.

Having lived through an era of war, they achieved peace based on the sacrifice and dedication of so many.

It wasn’t just an issue for their homeland, the Empire.

In most countries across the continent, when they were forming the Alliance, everyone could proudly declare they were brothers, sisters, and siblings without envy.

But those people died, and they themselves ended up monopolizing all their glory.

Even if they hadn’t wanted it, since that’s how things turned out, they—the living heroes—had a duty to take responsibility for the continent’s future.

Even if their descendants resented and cursed them.

…Rueld and his other comrades all devoted themselves wholeheartedly to contributing to peace.

Even sacrificing their own happiness and comfortable retirement.

Even Bariel, the only one known to live such a life, was actually just pretending to live carelessly, unable to engage in external affairs due to the aftereffects of fierce battles and war.

It’s truly remarkable how someone living like that managed to build such a solid family.

His comrade and close friend, the Hero Emperor, had been mechanically devoted to his duties ever since losing his eldest daughter.

Even that was now gradually being passed on to his eldest son, Alesius.

The pressure from surrounding ministers was also concerning, and the Empire’s internal affairs were extremely unstable.

Even now, there was no Crown Prince in the Empire.

The disappearance of Elhermina, who was expected to become the perfect Empress, delivered a severe shock to the Empire.

How this fact spread remained unclear, but it had long been determined that it wasn’t an external plot.

The Empire, too, still had impure groups festering internally.

They had only grown larger with time.

Although Rueld was no longer in a position to travel throughout the Empire as before, he still had to remain vigilant at the Empire’s center without wavering.

The new generation, having forgotten his old prestige and past terror, had at some point come to regard Rueld’s existence as a ghost of the past.

Perhaps that was for the better…

The Empire that once depended on him, the old generation that held admiration and awe for the Hero Emperor and the Nine Heroes, were gradually disappearing into the annals of history.

It had been several years since Nedes entered the Witch Island.

A witch from the Witch Island, appointed as her successor, was now stably protecting the Empire’s waters in her place.

In some ways, the present was even more powerful than before.

While Nedes was alone, her successors and juniors were many.

…Although the rivalry among them was concerning, at least it didn’t escalate into civil war.

It was strictly closer to a battle of pride among themselves.

Rueld had also passed on his position as Knight Commander to someone else and provisionally retired from knighthood.

That was already half a year ago.

So now he was just about to settle into watching his one remaining child grow well, while comforting the wounded remainder of his life with his wife, Ermina.

…Just as he was making up his mind and resolving to do this,

She passed away quietly while lying in bed.

At first, he couldn’t believe it.

He thought perhaps she was just sleeping too deeply…

But no.

She had truly stopped breathing.

On the fourth day after realizing this, she lay in a transparent ice coffin, reflecting her chillingly beautiful appearance intact.

Truly, neither she nor he had changed much from decades ago.

They called it God’s blessing.

The dragon race had asserted that Rueld could live to be a hundred, or even longer, if he wished.

But that wasn’t what he wanted.

On the day Ermina left his side, he would depart from this world with her.

He had long since made up his mind.

On the same day, at the same hour, I will leave hand in hand with you.

“She wanted it, did she?”

Once upon a time, a Demon Lord had placed a curse on her.

So that she would remember something she had forgotten just before her death.

…And the very fact that she remembered it meant her death was imminent.

Rueld naturally couldn’t know what it was that she had forgotten.

…But on the fourth day, the one who came showed it to him with glee.

While outwardly showing sympathy and regret,

The joy gleaming in those eyes is something he could never forget.

And Rueld saw it too.

The things she had seen.

Also the shock that cut through her as she saw, felt, and accepted them.

He experienced it all, exactly the same.

‘Demon Lord.’

Even in your departure, you remain true to form until the end.

In the end, the Demon Lord achieved the ultimate revenge possible.

He led their child to commit suicide before their eyes.

…And ultimately, the shock of it drove Ermina to carry out what amounted to suicide by fainting.

In the teachings of the Irenis faith, suicide was a cardinal sin incomparable to any other.

That… the fact that she who was called a Holy Woman and Holy Mother committed such an act…

‘To meet that child in hell, she threw herself into hell to save them, did she?’

But the one who came mocked Ermina’s choice decisively.

Because.

[Kariel isn’t there. So where did the great and noble Ermina willingly throw her fragile body into hell to find? O virtuous one, do you have any idea?]

“……”

The guilt and sense of sin over losing that child ultimately… consumed her.

That’s why she walked through the living hell, but in the end reached that place even in death.

If she had endured, persevered, and somehow emptied her heart.

…Both Rueld and her afterlife would surely have been destined for heaven.

But Ermina gave that up.

She prioritized the salvation of that child far more.

The same applies to Rueld himself.

If given the chance, he too would have had plenty of reason to fall into it… even knowing it was a trap.

But that wasn’t reason enough to draw Ermina in.

That pain and hardship was a path only he should have voluntarily taken.

“My weakness, is it?”

Having removed the sword from his neck, he placed it on the floor and sighed deeply.

“I didn’t want to think of it that way. But it comes to this in the end.”

Should he have paid more attention to her, done his utmost to care for her?

-It’s not your fault. It was clearly her choice. Don’t try to shoulder her sin as well.

“But as husband and wife, we have a duty to bear the same burden.”

-But what’s done is done. There’s nothing more you, as a human, can do about it.

“……”

-If you truly wish to help her, engage in more good deeds and meaningful work. Then, through your marital bond, some of her sins might be forgiven.

“But how can that level of effort overcome the pain of being in hell?”

-Overcoming it is impossible.

The divine sword’s will was resolute.

-That place holds only severe and resolute punishment and judgment.

“……”

-As noble as she was, she will pay the price.

“She shouldn’t end up like that. How much, how much mental suffering she…”

-Everyone experiences pain. There are no exceptions. Were you not the same?

“I! I could endure it! Somehow I could endure it!”

-She endured too. But she reached her limit. Also… the one who incited her. Since it was his doing, consider this an unavoidable disaster.

“…How can you consider this unavoidable?”

-Rueld. You have done enough. All the calamities and disasters that occurred around you were ultimately to mature the world in which you and she lived…

“So you’re saying that taking everything away from me was the only path for me.”

-Even that is a scheme to scatter your faith and devotion.

“I know. Just by resenting heaven here, that one would raise a toast. Even if I resolve to live on properly, just by making me harbor such feelings… he has already achieved his purpose.”

-You understand well. Therefore…

“But now, I simply cannot go on.”

One of his names includes, was it God’s poison, venom?

…Then Rueld is surely poisoned.

Addicted to that terrible and base venom.

His heart, his soul… his mind.

-Rueld.

“You won’t be able to stop me. But… even if time is of the essence… there are things I cannot miss.”

The chaos that would arise in the Empire due to his absence.

And what worries him most…

“Elimion. For that child’s sake, since I cannot repeat my previous mistakes, I intend to tie up loose ends properly before I go this time.”

-Rueld…

“She will be waiting.”

Perhaps she hopes I won’t come.

But in the midst of nearly infinite pain and despair, what we can do is infinitely small.

Then perhaps there is truly nothing left for us now.

“But to hear that Kariel is not in hell. That truly… is… a comfort.”

-That child deceived you, your family, and ultimately even their own mother. Yet you don’t resent them?

“Because they’re my child. My child whom I, in my clumsiness, failed to properly care for… and now that I know the whole truth… how could I possibly resent them anymore?”

Even the Demon Lord of Wisdom raised that child to that extent.

Because of that, the child seemed to have lost their humanity, emotions, everything.

But at least that child never lost their pride.

That’s why that child devoted themselves to helping, saving, and rescuing others, even at the cost of self-sacrifice.

That, at least, is the only thing to be thankful and grateful for.

-Rueld…

“It has been long, so very long. But now… since what I must do has become clear, there’s no time left to worry.”

The children will now walk their own journeys.

What happened to Kariel, there was no way to know.

At least knowing they’re not in hell or the afterlife is something.

Or perhaps they’ve been reborn with a human or different body, living another life?

“……”

Rueld closed his eyes.

After Ermina’s funeral, he planned to quietly go into seclusion.

Only then would impure groups be unable to easily rise up in awareness of him later.

Once those conditions were met, he too would follow Ermina.

Resent me for not coming sooner.

But as long as I live, and even if I die,

…I will not forget you, and I will surely find you.

Until then, please, please…

Stay strong and endure.