Ch.31Before the Snow Falls (2)

My ears are burning.

I touch my trembling lips with my hand, trying to divert my attention from the corners of my mouth that I had just pulled up.

Why, of all times, did he have to open the door and come in right then?

But I couldn’t blame him. He simply caught me in the middle of an impulsive act.

Only an awkward atmosphere flowed through this space.

After glaring at Evan who was glancing at me, I eventually sighed and hung my head.

What would he think of me? Would he consider me frivolous for practicing smiling in front of a mirror?

But wasn’t this all Evan’s fault?

I was just considering his request for a smile as a gift,

wondering if perhaps my expression was too cold normally, so I looked in the mirror.

“…Hah.”

But there was nothing I could say, so I just stared intently at Evan who was gazing blankly at me.

The scent of tea entering my parched mouth was bitter. Is this how it feels to sit on a cushion made of thorns?

But since I couldn’t tell my knight to leave, I turned my head and fixed my gaze outside the window.

Chirp chirp-

Even the birds chirping outside the window seemed to be mocking me, making me frown.

I resented my knight who wasn’t saying anything.

If only he would talk about something else—how long has it been since I disliked those green eyes just staring at me like this?

“Why don’t you just smile?”

“…Haha.”

When I looked at him with narrowed eyes, Evan turned his head away and smiled awkwardly.

If he had just laughed, it would have been embarrassing and that’s it, but the twitching corners of his mouth whenever he looked at me were so irritating that a curt voice flowed from my mouth without me realizing it.

-I just wish you would smile.

I had listened to his wish.

There was nothing I couldn’t give to someone who had fought against the dark mage, even getting injured, for my sake and for Yuris.

I was certainly willing to grant him anything.

But what Evan wanted from me was just that deflating request to smile.

-I wish there would be no more shadows on that face. I wish you would put down the responsibility that’s always on your shoulders, and even if just once, give me a bright smile.

Those words made me reflect on myself.

What kind of expression had I been making in front of others that made Evan say such things?

I had always been good at hiding my expressions because I’d lived hiding my emotions.

Whether sad or happy, I always maintained an emotionless expression. Wasn’t I skilled at being like a well-crafted doll?

Of course, I felt that my expressions had softened a lot since meeting Evan.

Sometimes when I looked in the mirror, there was warmth in my gaze that had once felt only cold,

and Rofena also said I looked like I was in a good mood these days.

So I hadn’t been paying attention to what kind of face I was making.

His words kept pounding in my chest.

I thought I wasn’t hiding my emotions from him at least, but was I still treating him coldly?

If that’s what he thought and that’s why he wished for such a gift,

I thought it wouldn’t be bad to show him a smiling face at least once.

Putting down the responsibility on my shoulders, removing the shadows on my face…

Somehow my chest tickled when I recalled those words.

Was it because he was the only one in this mansion who would say such things to me?

Or was it because those green eyes saying such things bothered me?

Those eyes that always sparkled so beautifully still lingered before me.

His eyes, reflecting spring even in this desolate winter, constantly made me uneasy.

“But… did you really do that because of what I said?”

“……”

How tactless.

A laugh escaped me as he, who usually read my heart so well, kept stabbing my chest with daggers.

His appearance, which had looked so beautiful, now just seemed annoying.

I wanted to rush over and cover his mouth, but since I couldn’t do that, I just narrowed my eyes.

If he asks if I did it because of his words, I can only affirm it.

How could I ignore words that made me so conscious when he wished for it?

I looked in the mirror. I was just trying to practice smiling.

If that’s what he wanted as a birthday gift, I wasn’t so cold-hearted that I couldn’t smile once.

Of course, it was awkward since it was my first time consciously smiling, but it seemed to get better with time.

Perhaps with more practice, I could have smiled naturally.

But everything shattered. The moment he caught me pulling at the corners of my mouth in front of the mirror.

My embarrassment had already reached its limit.

“Can you leave?”

“Unfortunately, that seems difficult.”

“Take a rest today. I’ll have Sir Chris stand in for you.”

“I also have something I want to say.”

“…Evan.”

Why has he become so slick? I thought he was strange from the first time we met.

He knew very well how to deal with me. How could I get angry at someone who smiles so sweetly like that?

It was annoying, but not unpleasant, so I let out a small sigh.

“What do you want to say?”

“I received the sword from the weapons dealer earlier. I wanted to express my gratitude for that.”

“…There’s no need to thank me. I just bought it because you needed a sword.”

I did buy it thinking of it as a birthday gift, but since I bought so many things at once, it felt a bit awkward to call it a gift.

It’s not like I was only giving it to him; other knights would receive them too.

When my thoughts reached the word “gift,” what came to mind was that embarrassing wish he had mentioned.

I lowered my head slightly to hide the heat rising to my face.

As I wiped my dry face, I bit my lip at the sound of Evan’s voice rippling in my ears.

If only I were alone, I could do something, but being together like this, I couldn’t do anything.

I felt like kicking off the blanket right away.

This deep embarrassment rising from my chest, feeling hotter whenever I looked at my knight’s face, I could only fan myself helplessly.

“Are you alright?”

“…Do I look alright to you right now?”

“No.”

After glaring at Evan’s still smiling face, I eventually let out a faint sigh.

My knight seems especially playful today. Even yesterday, his attitude seemed subtly different,

and whenever those green eyes curved into a smile while looking at me, I couldn’t help but frown.

Rather than disliking it, it just made my chest feel tight.

Looking at him, my gaze eventually falls on the bandage around his shoulder.

The bandage stained red—hasn’t it been changed yet? If left like that, the wound might get infected.

Seeing that bandage makes me naturally uncomfortable.

In the darkness where even the moon wasn’t visible, thinking about him fighting the dark mage alone.

My brow furrowed at the unsettled feeling.

I had never seen black magic, but it was known to cause pain on a different level compared to ordinary magic.

No matter how weak the dark mage was, it must have been painful.

The image of him bowing his head to me while enduring that pain kept overlapping with him, making me unconsciously turn my gaze away.

“…Change your bandage.”

“Ah, I was planning to change it a little later. I need to see the Duke first.”

My eyes narrowed at those words. Meeting the Duke? That meant meeting my father.

A moment of anxiety flashed through me, but I shook it off.

Probably to discuss matters related to the dark mage. But isn’t it too early?

They could meet after his body recovered, so why the rush?

…No. Thinking rationally, my father’s judgment would be correct.

Dark mages were threats to the empire; even if their level was low, it would be right to quickly learn about anything related to dark mages.

Anyone could predict that this attack wouldn’t be the end. In the future, contact points with dark mages would continue to increase.

In that respect, Evan’s achievements this time were more important than anything else.

Not only did he defeat the dark mage, but he was also able to develop a vaccine for the disease created by the dark mage.

Perhaps there might be changes to his position, not just commendations for this.

If, because of this incident, he no longer becomes my knight.

My heart felt like it sank for a moment.

I frowned at the bloody taste as I chewed the soft flesh inside my mouth.

If that happens, what should I do from now on? I finally found someone I could feel at ease with.

Someone who recognized my shadows and tried to remove them, smiling for me.

How could I let such a person go so easily?

“…Evan.”

I opened my mouth calmly, but my voice was slightly trembling.

I was anxious. Because the person Evan was meeting was my father,

because no one could dare predict what the head of Yuris might be thinking.

What if the worst scenario I’m imagining comes true?

“What are you so worried about?”

“…I’m not worried.”

Was it that obvious? Evan looked at me and spoke.

What was mixed in that gaze was warm concern.

If it had been someone else, what would be mixed in that gaze would be close to disgust, looking at a naive young lord.

Cold wind started coming in through the open window.

No, perhaps I only just noticed that chill.

Had I become so accustomed to the warmth provided by the presence beside me that I realized only now how cold this winter season was?

My knight, whom I hadn’t known for long, had already become someone who removed my chill.

…It might be greed. This feeling I harbored might someday transform into desire.

But at least for now, I wanted him by my side.

#

“The reason why Father is calling you is probably to commend you for handling the dark mage. Dark mages are a serious issue in this empire, and you did handle it without casualties.”

“Sir Chris said the same thing. That he’s probably calling me to commend me.”

“…He’ll call for you soon. After finishing the morning tasks, he usually meets guests at lunch.”

Is that why he hasn’t called me yet?

But thoughts about the Duke calling me soon scattered.

Somehow, her face has looked much darker than before—is it just my imagination?

What is she worried about?

Judging by how her expression darkened rapidly when I mentioned the Duke earlier, it’s probably related to her father.

Perhaps she’s not pleased with the fact that I’m meeting the Duke?

Garrot Yuris—there wasn’t much talk about him, but I knew for certain that he was very close to the iron blood, the spirit of Yuris.

Someone who lives for the emperor to whom he has pledged loyalty, valuing the family more than his own flesh and blood, and the emperor more than the family.

When I first became her knight, I thought that perhaps she was twisted because of the Duke,

so there was little chance he would show a favorable attitude toward me.

But even so, he wouldn’t treat me with hostility,

so I sighed faintly, unable to understand what she was worried about.

Although I’ve been with her for a long time, even I couldn’t know what was in her head.

I could barely tell that what was etched on her face was worry.

What could the Duke do to me besides commend me?

At most, he might give me gold, silver, treasures, or a sword, and request cooperation on matters related to dark mages in the future.

Then suddenly, a thought crossed my mind, narrowing my eyes.

What if my position changes because of this incident?

What if I become part of the Yuris knights instead of her knight?

I couldn’t let that happen. I was the only one who knew about the tragedy she would experience.

If I couldn’t stay by her side,

if I couldn’t prevent her from becoming twisted and turning into a villainess in the future,

everything I had done so far would be in vain.

And right now, there weren’t many people she could open her heart to and be comfortable with.

Rofena, Sir Chris, and probably myself—these three were probably all.

I couldn’t leave her side.

At least if it wasn’t me leaving on my own after removing all her tragedy,

I had to stay by her side forever.

“Don’t worry too much, my lady.”

If the shadow on her face was due to such worries,

shouldn’t I be the one to erase that shadow?

Just like the wish I had made.

I hoped for the day when the shadow on her face would disappear, and the responsibility on her shoulders would vanish.

How could I forget the promise I made at dawn?

I wished for her happiness. If the time comes when she can consider the contents of that novel I saw as merely a dream.

Perhaps then I could leave her side with a relieved heart.

So for now, I just smiled at her.

So that the darkness would disappear from her face. So that the anxiety in her heart would vanish.

“I am your knight.”

Would the smile I made be able to erase her anxiety?

Honestly, I had doubts, but I smiled nonetheless.

I briefly thought it would be nice if she smiled at me like this, but that thought soon scattered and disappeared like mist.

This was just greed.

A desire with a bit of my personal feelings mixed in.