Ch.313IF Side Story: Seems I’ve Arrived a Bit Early (10)

Even if adults don’t attach special meaning to Christmas, one can’t completely ignore the month of December.

After all, a few months after Christmas, you’re considered a year older.

Oh, is that not how it works in Japan? It’s been several years since I was reborn in this world, but my memories from my earlier childhood here are literally “too” young, so honestly I don’t clearly remember them, and subjectively it doesn’t feel like that much time has passed.

No matter how much I act like a child, the decades of experience from my previous life aren’t easily erased. Sometimes habits formed as an adult are harder to break than those formed in childhood.

When I was young, I wanted to grow up as quickly as possible.

Because once I became an adult and earned my own money, I could do whatever I wanted. I could watch TV late at night, eat snacks and ramen freely in the middle of the night, and travel anywhere whenever I wanted.

…Well, I only realized after becoming an adult that all of this was possible only if you could take responsibility for yourself.

How wonderful it is to have someone else take responsibility for you.

So, what about now?

“……”

I thought as I looked up at Kagami, who was sleeping soundly with steady breaths.

According to Kagami, today is a day off. Christmas was more like a vacation, but January 1st—New Year’s Day in Japanese tradition—is simply a regular holiday from work.

Considering Kagami’s hands have become rougher and she gets time off during New Year’s, I suspect she works at a restaurant or something similar.

It’s not that I mind. I just hope she’s not working too hard. After all, Kagami’s hardships are all because of my existence.

And because of that, I was trapped in Kagami’s arms, unable to move.

It’s unavoidable that Kagami and I sleep in the same room since we live in a single-room apartment, but normally we sleep with separate bedding.

I couldn’t turn my body much for fear of waking Kagami, but judging from the situation, it seems “I” was the one who moved.

Winter officially starts in December, but like all seasons, the weather gradually intensifies as time passes.

The weather that was bearable in early to mid-December seems to have become unbearably cold by January.

Even in Tokyo, where snow is rare.

I must have woken up briefly and moved toward a warmer heat source.

And that night, apart from the electric heating pad, Kagami was the only heat source in this house.

“……”

What should I do?

Normally, Kagami would have quietly gotten up before me and prepared breakfast.

Unless Kagami wakes me up, I rarely wake her.

Come to think of it, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her sleeping so peacefully.

So I feel too guilty to disturb my “mother’s” rare deep sleep, and I’m thinking of closing my eyes and going back to sleep—

Grumble.

Hmm.

I’m definitely hungry.

In my previous life, I worked physically demanding jobs and would force myself to eat whatever was available, but with that habit combined with a child’s body, it’s really not easy to ignore hunger.

But I don’t want to wake her up.

…These two completely contradictory feelings are fiercely battling in my head.

Still, I’m grateful.

I’m grateful that I’m not completely ruled by instinct. I don’t whine carelessly when I’m hungry, nor do I throw tantrums on the floor when I want something.

Nestled in Kagami’s arms, I quietly looked up at her face.

Without makeup, she still looks quite young. No matter how much time passes or how much social experience one gains, it’s impossible to completely erase one’s biological age.

Perhaps it’s because Kagami has a face that would be beautiful anywhere. Then again, I was often told I looked mature for my age as a child, and was even mistaken for an adult in high school, so maybe it’s just how I perceive Kagami.

Thanks to her height, or perhaps her slightly improved makeup skills lately, she might just barely pass as a “young mother.”

As for me… I’m not sure.

In this world so far, I’ve often thought it would be better if I were just an ignorant child.

After all, feeling “grateful” and “wishing” for something are separate emotions.

If only I were too young to know whether our house is small or not. If only I didn’t know whether we were poor or not. If only I didn’t know how ridiculously unpredictable the future can be and how unnecessarily cruel it can sometimes be.

If that were the case, I would have grown up as an innocent child under a devoted mother, without worrying about the future.

But that’s why I’m grateful.

“……”

Grumble.

My stomach growled again.

“…Mmm.”

Kagami’s eyebrows twitched slightly.

As I watched her expression while holding my breath, Kagami’s eyes opened slightly.

Those eyes widened when they met mine.

“Mmm?”

With another questioning sound, Kagami looked around. She seemed to be searching for the clock on the wall.

And upon seeing the time on that old analog clock, her eyes widened.

“Ah!?”

Like a high school student who realized too late that she was running late, Kagami quickly tried to get up—but stopped.

Realizing I was nestled in her arms.

Grumble.

I kept my mouth tightly shut, but my body was honest, making hungry noises as if urging Kagami on.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.”

Kagami, not knowing what to do, stroked my head.

Then she hugged me tightly once before carefully letting go.

“I’ll get ready quickly. And… oh, it’ll be so crowded if we’re this late.”

Kagami moved about busily.

I slowly sat up. I wasn’t groggy. I had been awake for quite some time.

Kagami quickly opened the curtains.

It’s cold outside, but there isn’t a single cloud in the sky.

Just a high, blue canvas stretching all the way to the horizon.

As Kagami moved busily in that sunlight, I noticed her hair was sticking up on one side. For some reason, that sight made me laugh.

Seeing me laugh, Kagami gave me a gentle smile before walking toward the kitchen.

I shifted a bit to watch Kagami moving beyond the doorway.

The sunlight reflected off Kagami’s white skin, scattering softly like a flashback scene in a movie.

“……”

The smile faded from my face.

Such a beautiful person, at this age.

Living a life different from others. It’s sad. And the fact that I’m entirely the cause of that sadness.

I lay down face-first in the blanket, pretending to be sleepy.

“I’ll get ready quickly.”

Thinking I was showing sleepiness, Kagami spoke while rattling the kitchen cupboards.

All these actions were so natural. Our daily routine that has been repeated countless times, so many times that counting would be meaningless.

…

Really, I wish I knew nothing. I wish I could have just nodded and accepted it whenever teachers said we should be grateful to our parents.

Until the savory smell of egg-coated toast filled the air, I remained face-down in the blanket.

*

I thought there were a lot of people when I went out with Kagami on Christmas, but it’s nothing compared to the shrine on New Year’s Day.

Well, “nothing compared” might not be the right expression. This isn’t my first New Year in Japan, but it is my first memory of visiting a shrine with Kagami like this.

Even though it wasn’t a particularly large shrine, it was packed with people as if everyone from the neighborhood had come out.

I looked around from Kagami’s arms. Over there was an elderly gentleman in traditional Japanese attire. What do you call it? The clothes worn by shrine caretakers that often appear in manga backgrounds. Anyway, that kind of outfit. There were also shrine maidens. It was my first time seeing real shrine maidens, so it was a bit fascinating.

Kagami and I stood in line and approached the offering box. In my hand was a coin that Kagami had given me earlier.

Kagami bent her knees slightly to bring me close to the offering box, and I dropped the coin in.

Kagami set me down beside her. With my view filled by the offering box, I chose to look up at Kagami instead. Meeting my eyes, Kagami smiled slightly and said:

“Let’s pray, shall we?”

“Pray?”

“Yes, pray. You shouldn’t tell anyone what you wish for, okay?”

I’d heard that before. The saying that if you tell others about your prayer, it might not come true.

Kagami bowed her head slightly, raised her hands to clap twice, then put her palms together. Then she opened one eye slightly to look at me.

I awkwardly mimicked her actions and closed my eyes.

Prayer.

What should I pray for here?

In my previous life, I didn’t believe in gods. I never felt anything like that. Some of my colleagues prayed diligently, but I had seen too many times that accidents and survival were simply matters of cause and effect.

The fate of my family in my previous life was like that too. It happened because they were there.

So prayers wouldn’t affect our future—

But, well, since I came here with Kagami, with Mom.

I can’t ruin the mood here.

So I prayed.

I hope Kagami will be happy in the future.

I hope Kagami won’t be unhappy because of me.

Since it’s been so hard until now, I hope she can live a little more comfortably.

That’s what I prayed.

When I opened my eyes and looked up at Kagami again, she was already looking down at me with a smile.

Kagami, seemingly not tired of holding me, picked me up again.

“What did you pray for?”

She asked casually. Even though she was the one who said not to tell anyone.

“Not telling.”

When I said that, Kagami beamed with a broad smile and hugged me tightly.

Really, what makes her so happy?

What about me?

As if my very existence was her happiness.

That made me anxious.

The fact that my existence became someone else’s reason for being. Is that really okay?

Because of those feelings, I just buried my face in Kagami’s shoulder. Escaping for the second time that day.

As if unaware of my feelings, Kagami gently rubbed my back.

“Yes, yes, since we’re out together, shall we go for a walk somewhere?”

Perhaps influenced by the letter I wrote before Christmas, Kagami suggested this.

Even though she had slept so deeply yesterday and couldn’t wake up until late.

“……”

But I couldn’t bring myself to refuse. If I did, Kagami would be confused.

In the end, I nodded.

Kagami let out a small laugh.