Ch.3131. Physiognomy

Shiro walked through the streets crowded with people.

The pocket watch in her pocket showed 8:55.

It was a bit earlier than the time she had promised to meet Adel, but that wasn’t really important.

She just felt a little excited about meeting him.

“Hmm…”

“Sigh. Sherry, why did you act like that with Adel just now? You were coming at him like you were going to hug him, which isn’t like you at all.”

Hearing a familiar voice, she turned her head.

A woman with a black ponytail was sitting on a bench.

And there was also someone with short pink hair, lying down with her head on the ponytail woman’s lap.

The pink-haired woman was even half in tears.

‘…?’

Though she found it curious, the faces seemed familiar, so she observed them carefully.

The black-haired one was the owner of the bar where Adel had taken her before. And the pink-haired one was…

‘The receptionist?’

She was the receptionist at the Explorer’s Association who was supposedly friends with Adel.

He occasionally talked about his past in the Labyrinth, and most of those stories were about that pink-haired woman.

Since Shiro had no particular connection to her, she was about to walk past, when—

“Sniff. There seem to be… a lot of women around Adel these days…? So, I felt rushed, and wanted to hug him like I used to…”

“…?!”

At that, Shiro’s steps halted.

She didn’t know why.

She should hurry to the fountain and wait, but her heart wouldn’t let her pass by this situation.

‘…Just for a moment.’

Though she was reluctant to eavesdrop on others’ conversations, it didn’t seem particularly important right now.

“You still haven’t given up?”

“Waaah! I was wrong… I was the first one to like him, when he saved me from being dragged into an alley, and that’s why I liked him… but he never noticed my feelings…”

As she listened, something seemed to tighten around her chest.

“Sherry, if that’s the case, stop hesitating and make a clear move. A girl like you would be welcomed by Adel, don’t you think?”

“No… it won’t work for me! Recently, he seems to be getting closer to Shiro, who’s in the same party, and even Lady Manis from the Count’s family seems interested in Adel. Uuugh…”

For some reason, her heart was pounding.

She felt anxious, expectant, and worried all at once, filling her heart with complex emotions.

‘I want to go quickly.’

It would be fine even if Adel wasn’t there yet. Right now, she just wanted to feel like she was moving toward him.

“Haah…”

Shiro felt cold.

Though it was clearly a hot situation with sweat forming, she definitely felt a chill from this endless emptiness rising within her.

***

A side street where the wind was blowing.

Unlike the heat-filled main street, it definitely felt a bit colder here.

“Shiro…?”

“…”

There was no more response even when I called her name.

She just exhaled, holding onto my body more tightly as if she wanted to stay close for even a little longer.

How much time had passed in that state?

“…My back still feels cold.”

She raised her head while still pressing her body against mine.

I could feel her breath along my neck.

My skin grew cool.

“Shiro.”

I lowered my head. The night sky was hazily reflected in Shiro’s purple eyes.

“…Yes, Adel.”

I could fully feel Shiro’s body against my skin.

At this moment, if I stretched out my arms, it felt like her entire body would fit into my embrace.

I hadn’t realized it before, but her body was smaller than I thought.

“…”

I could smell the strong scent of lavender.

What choice should I make here and now?

I couldn’t think clearly. The more I pondered, the more confused my mind became.

Then,

“I want to get a little closer.”

With that one sentence from Shiro, I completely crumbled.

“…Yes, Shiro.”

I tried to carefully embrace her.

I stretched my arms forward and slowly moved to wrap around her back.

Her body was trembling continuously.

“When I’m with you, my heart feels tight, and it keeps pounding. I… I still don’t quite understand what this emotion is…”

Her body burrowed deeper into my arms.

As if trying to get even closer, as if trying to escape from an unknown emotion.

“…”

Only then did I realize Shiro’s feelings.

Shiro didn’t know about the emotion called love.

She had felt loneliness during the long winter. I must have been her only escape.

I should have been someone who made her feel warmth, an adult she could depend on.

But it seemed I had looked at her differently.

‘What a garbage adult I am.’

Of course, it was just for a moment, a mere instant.

However, it was an emotion I shouldn’t have harbored for a child seeking warmth after winter.

“I’m sorry.”

I slowly pulled away from her.

“…Adel.”

“Could we, perhaps, take a walk for a moment?”

We headed toward a back alley where there were no people.

It was just wide enough for two people to walk side by side, with street lamps embedded in the walls here and there lighting the way.

Strangely, the back path of the festival was filled with only silence.

“Shiro.”

I broke that silence after a short while.

There was no point in staying quiet in this awkward atmosphere.

It was time to clarify my relationship with her.

“Yes.”

Her body was still trembling.

“I’m sorry about just now.”

To that, Shiro hesitated for a moment, then said,

“I’m sorry too, for showing a weak side of myself.”

“…”

She looked like a fragile young girl.

Now, I really needed to say what was in my heart.

“When the next season comes, how do you think you’ll remember today, Shiro?”

She had mentioned before.

That she could smell scents in the seasons.

The emotions she felt at certain moments or specific times, she left them in that season.

When that time came again, she would smell the same scent and feel those emotions once more.

“…I think I’ll remember it as confusing.”

It was as I had expected.

Shiro was a person purer than anyone, a child who could change at any time.

“I think you were lonely, Shiro.”

Therefore,

“I think the strange feelings you felt today came from there. Lonely and cold. That’s why you wanted to get closer to me.”

“…”

“I’m the same. I was lonely too. Loneliness comes regardless of whether people are around you or not, right?”

When it comes to loneliness, connections aren’t just about numbers.

“So I think you wanted to get closer to me. As a friend, or in some other form. Even unconsciously showing your vulnerable side.”

She was young.

So very young.

However, I was even more foolish than her.

“Of course, I want to get closer to you too, Shiro.”

“…Adel, then—”

“—But.”

I cut off Shiro’s words and stopped walking.

There were just a few steps between us.

We could face each other, but our breaths didn’t touch.

I could reach out, but I couldn’t bring myself to embrace that fragile body.

“I’m sorry, but I think this is as far as we should go.”

We shouldn’t get any closer in this distance.

“…No.”

Shiro shook her head slightly.

“What you said and what I felt are somehow different. But I understand.”

She extended her arm with a faint smile, offering a handshake.

It was a clearly visible smile, unlike her usual self.

But Shiro’s hand was trembling, and paradoxically, her smile now seemed more emotionless than usual.

“I look forward to continuing our relationship.”

“…Yes, likewise.”

In the end, I compromised with reality.

She was 19, and only my mind was that of an adult.

Her mind was unstable, and I shouldn’t take advantage of that.

You were too young, and I was even more foolish.

That’s the result.

‘No.’

I knew where Shiro’s feelings came from.

I knew why I pushed her feelings away.

‘We need to distance ourselves.’

But it was an impossible choice in simple reality.

I just needed a reason.

Adult and 19 years old, this was just taking advantage of loneliness, whatever reason I attached didn’t matter.

Just,

I could clearly see what would happen if we got any closer.

Shiro was too kind a person,

And one person sacrificing themselves for others in the party was enough, and that person should be me.

***

That day, I parted with Shiro without incident.

After spending an empty night, a day passed, and another day passed as I lay in bed with no motivation to do anything.

That’s how two days went by.

“…”

I opened my eyes in bed and wasted time staring at the ceiling.

I felt a continuous emptiness in my heart.

‘I need to go out today.’

It was the day Reneva would send a carriage to kidnap me to her mansion.

It was a three-way meeting with Lady Ainer as well, and since I had already accepted, I couldn’t back out.

I had already bathed, so I just needed to change clothes—

—Knock knock!

Someone loudly knocked on the door.

“Ugh, where’s the key… Ah, it’s open.”

“Who is it?”

Before I could speak, someone abruptly opened the door and came in.

A girl with short golden hair. The innkeeper’s daughter.

I was about to ask what was going on, but she beat me to it.

“Hey, mister…! Run away quickly. There are knights from a noble family downstairs looking for you, and if you don’t escape, you’ll be caught…!”

“What?”

What is she talking about?

“I know a secret exit where we won’t be caught. If we hurry, they won’t notice.”

“Are they perhaps knights from the Rostia Viscount family?”

“Huh? Yes, that’s right. But there’s no time to waste! I don’t know what crime you committed, but hurry…”

I appreciate her trying to help me, but it felt strangely offensive.

Is she actually implying “you clearly look like a criminal” in a sophisticated roundabout way?

“I’m not being taken away as a prisoner. They’ve come to take me as a guest.”

I explained quickly before the misunderstanding deepened.

“Mister, this is no time for jokes! I’m telling you, there are really knights downstairs…!”

“I’m not joking, the Rostia Viscount family is taking me as a guest—”

“—Stop talking and follow me quickly!”

…Are you really trying to mess with me?