Chapter 312

Ȓҽɑđ ｏ​η КａţＲｅаⅾｉոցϹａϝҽ

Alice was a heavy sleeper.

As it got late, her eyes would automatically close, and she would start nodding off.

Then, as soon as she lay down on the bed, she would quickly drift off to dreamland in minutes.

They say children sleep a lot. Alice must be like that too. Even after reaching the captain level, her constitution didn’t change. It was only a matter of moments before Alice, who had been tossing and turning in my arms, started breathing regularly.

After confirming that Alice was asleep, I carefully got out of bed, making sure not to wake her. I unwound her arms from my waist and put a pillow in their place. 

Perhaps it was because the warmth suddenly disappeared. Alice started to frown and whimper. I smiled and stroked Alice’s soft cheek with my finger.

“Ugh…”

She shook her face as if tickled, then suddenly bit my finger. Of course, it wasn’t a bite with her teeth, so it didn’t hurt. It’s a shame. Alice’s furrowed brow relaxed. She sucked on my finger like a baby sucking on a bottle. I wish she had bitten me roughly. But this wasn’t bad either.

“Really, my finger isn’t candy, you know?”

When something like this happens, my maternal instincts are stimulated, and my chest tingles. I might even produce breast milk right now. 

What? ‘You can’t produce it because you’re not pregnant?’ Breast milk is made by refining blood with mammary gland cells, right? If I apply super regeneration, I think I can somehow make it happen. Should I try it?

“Ehehe, what are you saying.”

I shook my head to shake off the unnecessary curiosity. Now is not the time to waste time on such things. Ahem, I’m in mama mode right now. Alice isn’t the only child I have to take care of. Mama doesn’t need breast milk… wait, do I need it? Because I’m mama. No, what am I going to do with breast milk? There’s no baby to breastfeed.

…Anyway, Lucille.

Are you still lingering?

Enough to affect me, even though your lingering thoughts have disappeared.

Countless regressions. There was even a timeline where Lucille had a child.

A child she bore herself.

A child she wouldn’t hurt even if she put it in her eyes.

A child she wanted to protect no matter what.

Of course, it disappeared. When you regress, everything is erased. At that time, Lucille hadn’t given up on reality yet. She still had hope. That she could escape the regressions. 

In the next timeline, she had a child again. Because she wanted to meet her child again. Because she wanted to love it so much. After ten months of waiting, she gave birth to a child. It was a different child. The gender was different. Lucille realized for the first time that the same child could not be born every time.

Even with the same partner, the same place, and the same time of intercourse, the children born were subtly different. Some children couldn’t sleep and cried every night, while others were quiet and calm and didn’t bother their parents. Some children were born with supernatural abilities. Some children had heterochromia. Some children had blonde hair like Lucille. Some children looked like their father more than their mother. Some children looked like their mother more than their father. Some children… and some children…

Lost children can never be met again.

Never again.

Because they never existed in the first place.

All the children newly conceived and born were different children.

That child also disappears when regressed, and it’s a permanent farewell.

It took a long time to accept the conclusion that the heart rejected, even though the head understood.

And when she finally accepted it.

Lucille never had children again.

Even if her ego collapsed and she lost her memories and became ‘Lucia’, she refused pregnancy at all costs.

“The first child was a son. I named him Michael, after an old friend.”

I whispered bitterly. Even though it wasn’t my memory, the emotions Lucille felt disturbed my heart. It was literally a heartbreaking feeling. If it was this much even though it was diluted, how much was the feeling Lucille herself felt?

“The second was a daughter. I named her Iris.”

She gave her children different names each time. In the infinite regressions and eternal time, Lucille’s ego shattered into pieces. She even forgot her own name. Still, she didn’t forget those names. She tried not to forget those names. Even though she forgot why she was trying not to forget them.

“The pain of a mother who has lost her child… even I can’t enjoy it. It hurts too much. It’s too painful. I hate it too much…”

The reason I like taking care of other people is probably because of Lucille’s lost maternal love. Because of the unfulfilled thirst. Because she endlessly misses the children she lost.

I hate pregnancy. Even Lucia, who enjoys any pain and shame, sincerely feared pregnancy. Because I don’t want to part again. Because I don’t want to lose again. Because I’m in pain when another nail is hammered into my heart. Because I feel so sorry for the children who disappear without even living for a year. So, I hated pregnancy.

Still, there was a lingering attachment that I couldn’t cut off.

That lingering attachment had a significant impact on me.

The reason I treat Alice and Frey not just as friends but as daughters.

The reason I gladly accepted Seri’s childishness.

Lucille’s guilt towards the children she couldn’t protect played a big role.

Because she didn’t love them enough, she gives overflowing love to children who need love.

“Alice. Frey. I’ll be back soon.”

I covered them with a blanket up to their chests, and I carefully left the room, silencing my footsteps.

Walking down the dormitory hallway, which was as quiet as a mouse late at night, I smiled bitterly.

Alice (Frey) relies on me, but that doesn’t mean there will be a problem if I’m not there. But the two were different. Seri and Regina are mentally unstable due to the aftereffects of brainwashing. Seri is regressing to childhood. Regina has separation anxiety. I couldn’t just leave them alone.

Regina forcibly dragged Seri away because she didn’t want to be separated from me. Saying she didn’t want to cause any more trouble. But Regina herself seemed reluctant to leave me. I tried to hold her back out of pity, but Regina firmly refused, saying she couldn’t rely on me forever.

“You can’t stay by our side forever, can you?”

Her words choked me up. She was right. I can’t take care of them forever. They have to overcome their trauma and become independent on their own. Regina decided to try even if it was difficult.

I respected her decision and didn’t hold her back… yeah, I’m still worried. If traumas could be easily overcome, why would there be people suffering from mental illness? 

Mental wounds are invisible, making them even more difficult to heal. It was a wound that had to be healed slowly over time. I understand Regina’s intention, but she doesn’t have to do it so urgently, does she?

“Class D’s dormitory is far away, which is a bit… It feels like they’re being too obviously discriminated against.”

I left the dormitory building and walked under the streetlights. The dormitory where the two were located was isolated from the general dormitory. I know the cause and reason. Class D’s troublemaker seniors caused a lot of accidents. To prevent friction between general students and troublemakers, and to prevent general students from being influenced by troublemakers, measures were taken in advance.

It’s not permanent isolation, and Class D will be moved to the general dormitory when it is determined that they have been reformed to some extent. The problem is that the end of the isolation is after they advance to the 2nd or 3rd grade.

Living in a dormitory far away from each other is difficult in many ways, as I have to be with them often in the future. How nice would it be to be in the same dormitory? Yeah, I’ve decided. Class D should also be able to use the general dormitory. What? Is that possible? Of course, it is.

I’m just an ordinary student, so I don’t have any power, but my brother isn’t. The commander’s words can make anything possible. That’s the power of connections. Principal. Are you upset? So what. A mama can become a god or a demon for her daughter! I, Lucia, will become a demon king!

Passing the streetlights, I finally arrived at Class D’s dormitory.

More precisely, it was the faculty dormitory. It’s a dormitory where some teachers who use the dormitory stay. Class D used the same dormitory as the faculty to immediately handle any problems caused by the troublemakers.

As it was for faculty only, students were not allowed to enter without permission. Moreover, it was past curfew. If I got caught, it would be a hassle, so I moved silently.

I have already awakened and become ‘one close to God’. Among the teachers, except for Angelica, who is the homeroom teacher, there was no one who had reached a higher level than me. If I deliberately moved secretly, there would be no one who could sense me.

Perhaps Si-ul, the assistant teacher who is sensitive to changes in space, would be possible.

Even for her, the possibility was very low unless it was during a battle where her senses were extremely heightened.

I reached the front of the troublemakers’ room as if I were entering my own home. Should I meet Seri or Regina first? After hesitating in front of the door for a while, I decided to meet Regina first. It seemed difficult to get out if I got caught by Seri. And if it doesn’t work out, I can meet both of them at the same time.

The doorknob I broke last time had already been fixed. As expected of the academy. Their work is fast.

I put my ear to the door and closed my eyes. If they were sleeping, I was going to find Seri right away. If Seri was also asleep, I would just go back to the dormitory, hug Alice, and go to sleep myself.

After becoming someone close to God, my senses have improved dramatically. Skills that I couldn’t even dream of before were now as easy as breathing. It wasn’t difficult to feel people’s presence and determine whether they were sleeping or not. I listened intently to the sound. I heard a sound. A rustling sound. They were moving inside the room. In other words, they weren’t sleeping.

“Yeah, good. I didn’t come all this way for nothing.”

I smiled and raised my hand to knock.

And just as I was about to knock on the door with the back of my hand.

“…”

I stopped my hand at an unknown premonition. I smelled the air. There was a pungent scent. A familiar scent. Very familiar. An intense scent that couldn’t be covered by perfume. I quickly lowered my body. I lay on the floor and stuck my head through the crack in the door like a dog. Sniff sniff. 

I smelled it again. I wasn’t mistaken after all.

“The smell of blood…”

A warning sounded in my head.

Regina, don’t tell me.

Again?

The scene from two days ago overlapped. Regina’s appearance when I came with Yoo-seong to undo the mask’s brainwashing was engraved in my pupils. I bit my lip and grabbed the doorknob. I felt sorry for the doorknob that had just been replaced, but I prioritized other emotions over my apology.

I may look weak on the outside, but I am clearly a superhuman. One of the superhumans. When I put strength into my grip, the doorknob was crushed like tofu. I broke the doorknob and forcibly opened the door. With the creaking sound of the hinges, a pungent smell of perfume rushed in.

“W-Who…?!”

The voice of the room’s owner, who was flustered by the sudden opening of the door, echoed.

Whether or not, I strode into the room.

In the dark room where the lights were not turned on, a hot liquid was wetting the floor. I didn’t have to look to know what it was. In the corner, leaning against the wall, Regina was trembling. An undisguisable embarrassment was revealed in her wide eyes. Blood droplets were forming on her wrist. A blood-stained cutter knife lay on the floor.

“L-Lucia?!”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

I said in a slightly sharper voice.

“I was hoping… no, what are you doing now?!”

A thief who learns late doesn’t know when the day breaks.

As expected, there’s nothing wrong with old sayings.

They contain the experiences and wisdom of our ancestors.

Author Note

A/N (Author’s note):
Lucia’s fear is actually inherited from Lucille.

Translator Note

T/N (Translator’s note):
Let’s become self-harm buddies!

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