Ch.306Chapter 306: I’m Sorry (2)

I’m at a loss for words after starting with an apology to Shizu.

I should be continuously apologizing for how harshly I treated her while making unconvincing excuses that it was “for your own good,” but that’s not easy.

And understandably so.

I’ve barely managed to express a fraction of the regret I feel toward you, who shared time with me before my regression.

And it’s not even close to a tenth of the remorse I’ve been carrying inside.

The strange sensation of your hands gently caressing my face and the sight of tears streaming down your cheeks, not fully concealed by your helmet, leave me speechless.

Seeing you cry causes an inexplicable ache in my chest.

Before my regression, when we were forced apart after I unwillingly became an Agent, there was only calculated coldness from me and unfiltered anger from you in response.

I never imagined you’d come from that timeline to this one and cry upon seeing me.

Rather… yes, rather, it would have been better if you’d gotten angry.

I could have endured your anger.

But I don’t know how to comfort you when you’re shedding tears like this.

I could easily approach and console the you who shares this current timeline with me.

But I lack the courage to comfort the you who only received pain and harsh words from me.

A few apologies won’t dissolve the resentment you must harbor toward me…

The thought that my very approach and words might hurt you weighs heavily on my mind.

I’m afraid… terrified that you might collapse from the additional wounds of facing me again after coming all this way, already burdened by past injuries.

But you know what? I don’t want to leave you crying like this either.

I don’t want to see you weeping in sorrow anymore.

It’s funny, isn’t it? If you saw me like this, you’d stop crying and get angry at me instead…

Ah… get angry?

A good idea suddenly comes to mind.

This might somehow comfort you while you’re crying.

Since thoughts shouldn’t remain just thoughts,

I offered her a magic phrase that could stop her tears and shift her emotions in this situation.

“Shi…Shizu.”

Though I stammered slightly from the strange fear and tension I felt while speaking, what I said was nothing special.

Just a nickname.

A term of endearment that would bring a bright smile to your face if you were the you who only shared happy memories with me.

But for the you before me, who shared time and memories with me before my regression, it’s a nickname you’d absolutely despise hearing.

This should at least… stop your crying and make you direct your anger at me instead, helping you calm down?

You might laugh at the foolish motivation behind my words.

But I’m serious right now.

I firmly believe this is the best action I can take for you, as someone who has no right to make you cry.

I still clearly remember.

When we faced the final moment.

Overwhelmed by the cold atmosphere emanating from you.

When I unconsciously called you by that name.

I can still recall how your icy exterior erupted with fiery rage.

Though it was a spontaneous idea, I’m a bit scared now that I’ve said it.

I couldn’t help feeling anxious, realizing my habit of regretting things after saying them hasn’t changed from then to now.

But I think this anxiety is better.

At least… it would ease my heart to see you angry rather than crying over me.

I mean it. I’ve wronged you so much that I can certainly endure whatever justified anger you unleash.

But how could I bear to see you crying apologetically while looking at me?

The fault is mine.

You ended up like this because of my mistakes, so how could you possibly apologize to me?

So please…

Stop crying and vent your feelings by getting angry at me instead.

After barely managing to call out this brief nickname, I conveyed my wish with one of the most sincere prayers I’ve made since regressing… surely it would work?

But perhaps even such desperate wishes are futile within this dark obsidian palace.

*Swoosh*

What Shizu displayed after being called by that nickname left me truly speechless.

“Kal…”

Her voice, simply repeating my name slowly, carried not anger but raw, unrefined emotion that seemed almost impossible for a human to express.

Longing, regret, tenderness. And various other difficult-to-describe emotions all conveyed in your voice as you briefly called my name.

…Why? Why aren’t you angry at me? Why are you calling me with such profound emotion?

As I looked at Shizu’s face, her eyes invisible behind the helmet, trying to suppress my fear and doubt, I couldn’t calm down for some strange reason.

*Swoosh*

Shizu’s right hand, which had been carefully caressing my cheek, moved away from my face.

Watching that touch withdraw created a paradox of emotions—disappointment and relief.

The disappointment of losing that gentle touch that had caressed my face, albeit slowly.

And the relief that, regardless of the emotional resonance she showed when calling me, that right hand would now express justified anger toward me. These contradictory feelings strangely harmonized in a corner of my heart.

Well, despite what I’ve said, I don’t know how that touch will return to me.

Will she clench her fist instead of her palm and strike my face?

Or will she chop down on my crown with that sharply honed hand edge like she just demonstrated?

The trivial thought that it might hurt or even be fatal if she hit me did cross my mind.

But whether it hurt or even killed me, I felt it was karma I deserved to accept naturally.

…Still, getting hit by a hand wearing a black iron gauntlet would probably hurt.

Ah, am I really worried about the pain from just one hit to the face?

How pathetic. How can I fear receiving the justified anger I deserve?

Amid all these worries… or rather, expectations(?), I remained alert to Shizu’s next move.

*SLASH!!*

A moment later, I couldn’t close my slightly parted lips at the sight unfolding before me.

Shizu’s right hand, which had moved away from my face, suddenly formed a knife hand and struck down on her own helmet.

“What?!”

I tried to stop Shizu from this self-harm(?) while letting out a startled exclamation.

But the sharpness of her descending hand edge was beyond imagination.

A crack formed in her helmet along the trajectory of Shizu’s hand.

*CLANG*

Then it split in two and rolled across the cold obsidian floor.

A helmet forged from ultra-metal that could barely be scratched by holy swords, demon swords, or comparable divine artifacts.

It was cut in two by a mere hand gesture, despite being made of the same material as the gauntlet she wore.

I worried that her hand might harm more than just the helmet.

Fortunately, Shizu’s right-hand edge had precisely cut only the helmet covering her face into two pieces.

My momentary relief was short-lived.

The moment I saw Shizu’s face revealed from behind the helmet,

I felt a dull ache in a corner of my heart.

*Drip* *Drip*

Your tear stains, already clearly visible when covered by the helmet, hadn’t dried but were flowing even more distinctly.

And seeing you cry like that made my heart ache even more.

I couldn’t tell if your expression showed incomparable sadness or anger that hadn’t been fully processed, making it impossible to distinguish.

It’s intense. So intense. The emotional resonance about to leak from that expression is so overwhelming that it feels like it might suffocate me in some form.

I’m guessing justified anger directed at me will pour out soon.

[…I don’t think so.]

Though Paphnir, who rarely speaks, disagreed with my judgment, I had no intention of responding.

It’s a situation where anyone who isn’t directly involved could easily misunderstand.

But I know better. Shizu hastily revealed her expression to show me what her unrefined anger looks like.

You’ve always been prone to such surprising impulsive actions when your emotions run high.

And now that unrefined anger will be directed at me.

“…”

I must accept it.

Having settled my mind, I slowly bowed my head.

I didn’t want my expression to sway your heart and soften the rightful anger you needed to express.

But as I waited for that justified anger to pour down on me, time passed.

Instead of Shizu’s hand coming down to strike my crown,

Her touch wasn’t directed at my crown but—

*Squeeze*

Rather, she pulled me into her embrace.

“Why… why are you apologizing to me, Kal? The one who’s truly sorry… is me.”

Because of you apologizing to me in a voice that conveyed such deep sorrow,

*Drip* *Drip*

This time, faint tears fell from my eyes as I listened.

I seem to have made a mistake.

I had promised myself that even if it meant making you angry, I wouldn’t make you cry.

Yet I’ve made you cry again, and that regret expressed itself in the form of tears.

Why am I like this, really…