Ch.305Chapter 305: I’m Sorry (1)

It was something that could never last, yet it was incredibly warm and sweet at the same time.

This was the sentiment Lilianshiz felt as she slightly burrowed into Karl’s embrace, gently wrapping her arms around him.

Something she thought she would never feel again after her precious Karl had ended everything related to the magical realm and concluded his responsibility by turning into a handful of ashes.

Even though it was recreated through someone slightly different from the one she remembered, all of this felt incredibly sweet and warm to her.

But, as mentioned earlier, it could never last.

As Lilianshiz realized she couldn’t remain in Karl’s embrace forever, two conflicting feelings settled in her heart.

These two feelings soon entered a struggle for dominance over Lilianshiz’s judgment.

The firm resolve that she shouldn’t be in his embrace, recognizing she had no right to be there and should break away.

And the completely opposite, infinitely weak desire to remain in Karl’s embrace, creating a conflict.

There might be debate about whether it’s right to call the simple desire to quietly remain in Karl’s embrace “weakness” when she wasn’t doing anything grandiose.

But considering that she hadn’t stepped into this timeline with the purpose of seeking comfort in his embrace…

It would be correct to call her desire to remain in his warm, broad embrace a manifestation of weakness.

Anyway, when such conflicts arise, typically the stronger attitude overwhelms the weaker one and leads the way.

In fact, Lilianshiz, struggling to break free from his embrace, was internally inclined to yield to that strength.

Soon, having made a judgment appropriate to the situation, Lilianshiz would surely break away from Karl’s embrace, regardless of her true feelings.

But even as time flowed slowly, reaching a point where considerable time seemed to have passed…

Strangely, Lilianshiz’s body still couldn’t break free from Karl’s embrace.

Though feeble, she was still consistently struggling.

Lowering her head, she tried her best not to be intoxicated by his warmth.

“Huu…”

She unconsciously let out a sigh filled with regret that this moment was ending.

It was because one of her conflicting feelings continued to indulge in the childish desire to remain in his embrace forever.

“…”

Having barely stopped her sighing, Lilianshiz remained silent with her head bowed low, her body completely still as if intoxicated by the warmth Karl offered as he held her.

Even her weak but persistent struggling had completely stopped because of something that happened above her head.

It was a touch.

Karl, who should have been cold in words and gaze toward her, not only embraced her but also raised his hand to comfort her as she faintly sobbed, stroking her head.

This was something she had experienced very often in the past.

Though unimaginable in her current form.

Back when she was young and prone to tears…

Whenever they played together and she became upset over trivial matters, Karl would always comfort her like this.

It was a scene from her memories that had been happy then, but now only evoked intense longing and regret, knowing she would never experience it again.

A memory she thought she would never relive.

Being in his embrace, having her head stroked by his hand.

All things she believed she would never experience again and had inwardly given up on, yet here she was experiencing them in this way.

The person who now held her and comforted her with his touch was both the Karl from her memories and yet…

Lilianshiz almost momentarily forgot the important fact that he couldn’t be exactly the same person, but she barely remembered it and gritted her teeth, lowering her already bowed head even deeper.

It was strange.

Feeling Karl’s hand stroking her helmet—not her head—Lilianshiz felt something odd.

It was strange that despite wearing a full-face helmet that covered her entire face except her mouth, his hand continued to stroke it even though he should only be touching the cold helmet rather than her scalp.

“…”

What was even stranger was that the moment his touch met her helmet, some unknown warmth seemed to transmit through to her scalp.

And it was far stranger that she found herself unwittingly relaxing at this touch.

The biggest problem among all these oddities was that she didn’t even question these strange sensations but instead found herself sinking deeper into the comfort they provided.

‘This can’t…’

No.

Barely preventing the corners of her mouth—the only part not covered by her helmet—from curling up into a smile, Lilianshiz finally acknowledged that Karl’s embrace she was trying to escape was quite solid.

Not only did he effectively block her every attempt to break free as she struggled…

But he also made a caring gesture that seemed to uproot her very will to resist.

“…Have you calmed down?”

His voice, though extremely cautious, couldn’t hide its inherent warmth.

Karl’s embrace was like a fortress, binding her with both security and comfort, causing Lilianshiz to feel both relief and crisis simultaneously.

Of course, if it had merely been solid, that would have been it, and Lilianshiz wouldn’t have felt such contradictory emotions of relief and crisis at the same time.

If it were just solid, she could have broken it with enough force.

But one couldn’t destroy someone who not only embraced her but also offered comfort and warmth with goodwill.

Thus, as the collision of these contradictory feelings—wanting to break free yet not wanting to—continued…

Another strange emotion began to sprout in Lilianshiz’s mind, following the danger arising from this comfort.

It was envy.

A deep envy toward another version of herself who, unlike her, had consistently received such love from Karl.

The color of this emotion was so intense that…

Even Lilianshiz, who felt this envy, was confused whether it was pure envy or a manifestation of her base desire to take that place for herself.

‘It’s not my place to take…’

Of course, she quickly recognized that this wasn’t right and was able to swiftly discard the feeling of envy.

Finally, after barely shedding all sorts of emotions—the danger felt while sinking into comfort, and the envy toward another version of herself who could enjoy such comfort without limits—Lilianshiz made a decision.

If she couldn’t break free from his embrace by her own strength, she would have to make him tire of her and let her go.

With this resolve, all her movements became clear.

She brushed away his careful touch, which felt like handling fragile porcelain even through her helmet.

It was so abrupt that it slightly startled him, showing how unrefined her movement was.

Lilianshiz’s body, now sensing Karl’s slight flinch…

Feeling satisfied that he had reacted to her somewhat intentional action, she slowly raised her head and met his eyes.

Seeing Karl’s expression, which seemed to hold both confusion and concern about her previous action, she momentarily hesitated in what she was about to do.

‘Don’t stop.’

But steeling her resolve, Lilianshiz slowly prepared to say something harsh enough to make Karl release her from his embrace.

Although she had raised her head enough to meet his eyes, it was impossible for Karl to read her expression because of her helmet.

But just as she was carefully preparing to open her mouth, Karl, who perfectly read that fleeting moment, reached out his hand to stop her.

“The stain on my ring…”

But Lilianshiz was quicker, and began slowly.

Karl, who was about to reach out, showed a sensitive reaction to the mention of the ring and focused on what would fall from Lilianshiz’s lips.

Realizing that something was finally going her way after being in his embrace, Lilianshiz felt a strange sense of relief and continued what she was saying.

“That’s… not you, but more precisely, the ash from the death of another possibility of you that I remember.”

As she spoke, Lilianshiz’s eyes carefully observed Karl’s expression.

Perhaps because her words were still somewhat ambiguous…

Karl’s expression showed more surprise than negative emotion.

But Lilianshiz, who had no intention of stopping after saying just that, continued from her lips.

“Why did he die, you wonder? Because of me. I stabbed the abdomen of you who lived in another timeline with the holy sword, causing your death.”

Finally, the truth that even Desire hadn’t properly revealed came out.

And as soon as the words fell, Lilianshiz tightly closed her eyes.

Despite her resolve, she didn’t have the courage to directly witness Karl’s expression contorting with negative emotions and coldly lashing out at her.

With her eyes tightly shut, Lilianshiz could vividly imagine all of Karl’s actions that would soon follow, as if she could see them even with her eyes closed.

She could almost hear his voice, harshly demanding why she had killed another version of him, with a cold expression that looked as if he would devour her right then and there, after roughly pushing her away from his embrace.

Even though he hadn’t said such things yet.

But as she kept her eyes tightly shut, expecting these harsh words and cold gestures to come at any moment, they didn’t materialize even after a considerable amount of time had passed.

Could it be that he was so shocked by the revelation that his body had frozen?

Just as she was about to check on Karl’s condition out of concern—despite trying to push him away with harsh words, she couldn’t truly hate him—

“Hik!!”

Lilianshiz couldn’t help but let out a startled gasp as Karl pulled her into a deeper embrace with a force incomparable to before.

After saying such harsh words, she almost let out a wry smile at her own reaction of gasping in surprise at the sudden situation, but that was short-lived.

Thump-thump-

Lilianshiz couldn’t help but be surprised again at the clear sound of a heartbeat transmitted even through her armor.

Needless to say, this beating didn’t originate from her body.

It was coming from Karl, who had pulled her closer.

The very regular and stable beating contained a warmth that made it hard to believe he had just heard the shocking content she had coldly delivered.

“Wh-what…?”

Lilianshiz was confused.

She had said something so harsh and cold that he should have been put off, but instead, he let her hear the sound of his warm heart, and she didn’t understand his intention.

Fortunately, as if to resolve Lilianshiz’s confusion…

“You know…”

Karl’s voice, which was extremely cautious yet filled with an indescribable regret, was heard.

Hearing that voice, she almost wanted to ask why he was showing such a regretful expression toward her, but she barely held back.

“If you truly hated me, you wouldn’t have kept the ring you threw at me close to your heart.”

“…!!”

The words that followed from Karl’s mouth contained content that broke down everything Lilianshiz had been holding back since coming to this world.

Lilianshiz clearly remembered the previous situation.

While Desire was trying to steal the divine power residing in her body, she had revealed some of her background, but…

She hadn’t explained why a pair of rings was with only one person, so…

It would have been normal for the Karl before her, who hadn’t experienced the timeline she was from, to not know about the history of this ring.

Yet his words, “the ring you threw at me,” seemed to indicate that he knew all too well why this ring was in its current state.

To confirm one thing, Lilianshiz carefully extended her arms, which had been hanging limply, toward Karl’s face.

It was to see how he would react if she performed the last action she had done to him as he was dying and turning to ash, to gauge his reaction.

Unfortunately, there was no time to remove the gauntlets she was wearing, so she had to convey the cold touch to him as it was.

But that regret was short-lived.

“I… could never forget. That moment when I felt your touch on my face as I was turning to ash, unable to respond…”

At Karl’s words, reciting as if he had experienced that moment himself just as she touched his face—

Thump-

Lilianshiz felt as if someone had struck her heart with a blunt object, causing it to tremble uncontrollably.

She had to… she had to say something.

If the Karl before her was the same person as the Karl from her memories, she needed to say the one word she couldn’t convey in that moment.

How much she had wanted to say it.

A miracle had truly occurred—she could now say what she thought she would only be able to say if, by some miracle, she met him in the place only the dead can go after her life ended.

She needed to convey those words immediately, but…

“I’m… I’m…”

Too surprised and confused, Lilianshiz’s tongue circled the same spot, unable to properly form the words even though her mouth was open.

It felt like she was lamenting her inability to speak properly at such a crucial moment, but…

“I’m sorry…”

Unlike her, when she heard Karl’s unwavering apology…

Drip-

A tear streamed down Lilianshiz’s cheek, despite her face being covered by the helmet.

It was because she found it too sad that someone who should never have to apologize to her was saying sorry to her instead.