Ch.303303. The Weight of Parenting

“……Ugh, I’m dying.”

On a February morning, I collapsed onto the sofa and let out a sigh I’d been holding in. It’s not an exaggeration—I really feel like I might die at this rate. After not getting proper sleep until late dawn, my head feels foggy, and worst of all, my whole body aches like I’ve been beaten all over.

These are exactly the symptoms of a cold, but unfortunately, my body is perfectly healthy. It’s not because of a cold, but this. The reason my body is completely exhausted is, of course, because of Uhee.

Since Uhee isn’t even six months old yet, her sleep pattern is completely random… She wakes up after just two or three hours of sleep, crying for food or a diaper change, so Hwa Nabi or I have to jump up from our sleep to take care of her.

After nearly two months of not getting proper sleep like this, my body is bound to deteriorate. Thanks to that, even when I’m awake, it doesn’t feel like I’m truly awake. If I close my eyes while leaning back on this sofa, I feel like I could fall asleep at any moment…

“…Husband, husband?”

“Huh, what?”

A snapping sound right in front of my face. I had been unconsciously gaping, so I quickly smacked my lips and raised my head. Hwa Nabi was standing in front of me with a pouty face.

“Husband, were you dozing off on the sofa?”

“Ah… sorry. I guess I was too tired.”

“You don’t need to apologize. But didn’t I tell you to lie down in bed if you want to sleep? Napping in an uncomfortable place like this won’t do you any good.”

“Hmm, did you say that?”

“Yes, I did. Multiple times, in fact.”

She’s not wrong, but honestly, it’s too much effort to go to the bed. Not only is my body actually heavy, but as Hwa Nabi says, if I fall asleep on the bed, I’ll probably sleep for several hours straight.

It’s not just a baseless worry—I already have a record of doing this several times. And each time, Hwa Nabi, trying to be considerate, ends up doing all my chores while I’m asleep. If it happened once or twice, I could let it slide, but it’s happened more than that, so I feel quite sorry.

“Next time, I’ll sleep properly in bed.”

“You’ve said that many times too.”

Hwa Nabi grumbled cutely while cracking her neck from side to side. Though she’s not expressing it in words, she seems tired from taking care of Uhee since morning. I patted the spot next to me on the sofa.

“Uhee’s asleep, right? Come and rest a bit.”

“Okay. Then excuse me.”

Thump, Hwa Nabi sat down—not on the sofa, but on my thigh.

“Phew, I’m tired.”

“…If you’re tired, why are you sitting on my thigh?”

“Let me heal a bit with your body.”

Not stopping at just sitting, she twisted her upper body, hugged my torso, leaned her weight on me, and took a deep breath.

“…Inhale, exhaaaale. Ah, that’s nice.”

“I’m not a teddy bear, you know.”

I grumbled but hugged her back. How tired must Hwa Nabi be to do something she doesn’t usually… wait, that’s not right. She’s always been like this.

Well, anyway. If hugging me helps her heal, I’m more than willing to offer my body. I gently stroked her back.

“Husband.”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“I didn’t know childcare would be this hard.”

“Really? What a coincidence. Me neither.”

“It’s so hard with just one child, I wonder how mothers of twins manage.”

“With two kids, I guess it’s exactly twice as hard.”

Speaking of twins, I suddenly thought of Im Hansol and Jinhee. Just a few months ago, we learned that Jinhee and Im Hansol were expecting twins.

Twins… just imagining it makes me dizzy. With two kids, wouldn’t you have to do twice the work we’re doing now? I involuntarily shuddered and shook my head.

“Twice as much… I just imagined it, and it’s too overwhelming.”

“I know. We’re lucky to have just one child, right?”

“Yeah, if we had twins, it would have been really tough…”

Since both Hwa Nabi and I are first-time parents, honestly, even handling one child is overwhelming. Don’t people often compare childcare to working at a company with no time off? I didn’t understand before, but now I think I get it.

No matter how much work you do, it never ends. There’s obviously no personal free time, and having to repeat the same tasks every two or three hours is harder labor than you’d expect. In some ways, childcare seems less like company work and more like military service. In the military, work constantly appears, and no matter how much you do, there’s never an end to it.

However, there’s a big difference between childcare and military service. That is, there’s a sense of fulfillment in the work. Compared to the pointless digging in the military, taking care of Uhee is somewhat fun and rewarding.

—Waaah!

“Oh… Uhee’s crying.”

“……”

Correction, I take back what I said about fulfillment. I’d be fine with less fulfillment if it meant less hardship…

“Ah, I just put her to sleep… why is she awake now?”

“Who knows, maybe she didn’t like her diaper.”

I made a light joke as I lifted Hwa Nabi up. Then I placed her on the sofa beside me, put on my slippers, and prepared to go to Uhee.

“You’re going?”

“Yeah, wait here.”

“Usually the mother should go…”

“Nabi, you just came back from putting Uhee to sleep. It’s my turn now.”

Though we haven’t explicitly agreed on it, we naturally take turns with childcare. For instance, if Hwa Nabi changed Uhee’s diaper, the next diaper change would be my responsibility, that kind of thing.

“Mmm, sorry. Then I’ll leave it to you.”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.”

I gently massaged Hwa Nabi’s shoulders before letting go and heading to the bedroom where Uhee was. As I got closer, Uhee’s crying grew louder.

I wonder what she’s crying about this time. She just ate, and she’s had time to digest. I’m guessing it’s the diaper, but we changed that just ten minutes ago.

It doesn’t seem likely she’d have an accident in such a short time… I’ll check first, and if there’s no apparent reason, I’ll have to pick her up and soothe her gently. That should take about twenty minutes, right?

“Sigh…”

If only I could hear the reason she’s crying. But that’s impossible since she can’t even babble yet. I shook my head, clearing away useless thoughts. Focus, focus.

Creak.

“Uhee, daddy’s here.”

*

Exactly twenty minutes later.

Uhee, who had been crying as if the world was ending just a moment ago, finally fell asleep. I very carefully, really gently, laid her down in the high-sided crib and left the bedroom.

Being extremely careful not to wake her with the sound of the door closing, I went creak. Thud.

“…Phew.”

Only after confirming the door was properly closed did I let out a deep sigh. Every moment is truly a battle. Did all the mothers and fathers in this world endure such hardship? I suddenly feel a surge of respect…

Stretching my stiff wrists, I came out to the living room. But what’s this? Hwa Nabi, whom I had left sitting on the sofa, was sound asleep, lying on her side.

“You told me to go sleep in the bed.”

I was about to pat her bottom to wake her up, but thinking about how tired she must have been to fall asleep so quickly, I left her alone. I approached the head side of the sofa and carefully sat down.

Judging by her faint breathing, she seems to be in a deep sleep. But why doesn’t she have a pillow?

“That must be uncomfortable…”

I looked around for something to put under her neck, but couldn’t find anything suitable. After a moment’s hesitation, I gently lifted her head and placed it on my thigh.

Just as I had done with Uhee, I moved her very carefully, very gently, and she continued to sleep soundly.

As a wish for sweet dreams, I softly stroked her hair and glanced at the clock.

Around 9 AM. Since we both woke up around 4 AM, it’s no wonder she’s tired enough to fall asleep.

“But she’s sleeping so well…”

She must be so tired that she’s not moving at all in her sleep—I doubt she’d notice if someone carried her away. As I quietly observed Hwa Nabi’s sleeping face, I suddenly felt mischievous and took out my phone.

“I have many pictures of her awake, but none of her asleep.”

I’ll take some photos and tease her later. I’ll say, “Nabi, you were sleeping so well,” and have some fun with it.

After opening the camera app, I poked Hwa Nabi’s cheek with one hand and took a picture.

-Click.

“…Mmm.”

“Oh, you’re not waking up even for this?”

I thought she’d wake up startled by the camera sound, but there was no reaction. Well, then I have no choice but to take more pictures. I took several photos while trying various pranks.

Like making a mustache with Hwa Nabi’s hair, or pressing her nose slightly to make it look like a pig’s nose. Or placing my hand on her bottom, posing as if I was about to squeeze it…

After taking various bizarre photos and looking through them, I couldn’t help but chuckle just scrolling through the gallery. If Hwa Nabi were awake, I’d definitely be in for a beating.

“Ah, this is so funny. Should I take more?”

“…What are you taking?”

As I was contemplating what kind of prank to pull next for a photo, Hwa Nabi suddenly opened her eyes and quietly asked. Caught off guard, I was startled but tried to act natural as I responded.

“Oh, you’re awake?”

“Yeah, just now. But husband, what did you say you were taking?”

“Huh? What do you mean? Taking what?”

“Just now, you said something about taking more. I clearly heard you.”

“What are you talking about? I didn’t say anything like that. Maybe you misheard while half-asleep?”

“…Give me your phone.”

Grab! Hwa Nabi seized my wrist. Only then did I sense danger and resisted giving it to her.

My phone screen is full of bizarre photos of Hwa Nabi. If I show these to her… I might not be able to handle the consequences.

“Hey, why won’t you give it to me?”

“Wait. Nabi, even though we’re married, I don’t think checking each other’s phones is right…”

“Who said I want to check anything else? I just want to see what photos you took, so hand it over nicely.”

“No, this is related to personal privacy…!”

“…Fine, you won’t give it to me? I might just pounce on you.”

Hwa Nabi sat up abruptly and clung to me in earnest. I resisted, not wanting to hand over the phone. If I give this to her, it’ll be a disaster. So I have to hold out somehow…

“Argh, really. Ah…!”

“Huh, what?”

While trying to free my wrist by twisting it around, I accidentally let go of the phone. The phone slipped from my grasp, fell onto the sofa, bounced off the soft cushion, and hit the floor.

—Thud!

The sound was so loud I thought it was thunder for a moment. Startled, Hwa Nabi and I stared blankly at each other, then looked down at the floor.

And then, belatedly realizing one possibility, we both turned our heads to the side simultaneously.

“Surely… she won’t wake up, right?”

“Nah, I’m sure she won’t. She must be in a deep sleep…”

“Y-yeah, right? Uhee must be tired too, so a noise like this wouldn’t…”

—Waaah, waaaah-!

“She woke up…”

“…Ah, really! Husband, come see me again after a while!”