Ch.2The Worst First Meeting (2)

“W-what is this?”

The woman stepped back a few paces in horror.

Her face showed a complex mixture of emotions. If forced to summarize it in one word, it would be confusion, or perhaps bewilderment. Either would be close enough.

“Benefactor! Thank you for getting me out of this place!”

I shouted with my head pressed to the ground, showing no dignity whatsoever. Pride was something I no longer possessed. I had left such things behind in the dark, cold Great Cavern long ago.

“What… is this…?”

The woman seemed to be gathering her thoughts as I bombarded her with inexplicable gratitude.

Of course she would. The first thing she encounters after opening this massive Great Cavern is a strange man bowing his head.

No matter how you look at it, it’s suspicious.

“Um… excuse me, but is this the residence of the Founding Noble?”

My tone suggested I was asking for directions to a neighbor’s house while standing at the entrance of a sealed cavern where an evil villain was imprisoned. It was an astonishing level of cluelessness.

I quickly seized the opportunity to deny it.

“Oh no, not at all. There’s no one here but me!”

“Then you are the Founding Noble…”

“No! That’s absolutely preposterous! I’m just an adventurer who was passing by and somehow got trapped in here.”

She responded with a suspicious look.

“Somehow? Do you know what it takes to open this door?”

My entry into the Great Cavern was truly accidental. Therefore, I had no knowledge of the prerequisites. But I was in no position to tell the truth.

I came up with the most plausible excuse I could.

“Actually… I was passing by when I felt subtle vibrations. As if someone was causing a commotion in an empty space.”

This was half true, considering the convulsive thrashing I did every day.

“Curiosity led me to the source of the vibrations, where I found a massive boulder. I wouldn’t have known it was actually a huge door made of dark iron if I hadn’t touched it.”

At this point, I glanced at her expression. She still looked suspicious, but she didn’t seem to think I was completely lying.

“Go on.”

“When I touched the door, I heard a malicious voice. I acted as if entranced by that voice, but I don’t remember what I did. When I came to my senses, I was trapped alone inside the Great Cavern.”

“Then what about the Founding Noble?”

“I don’t know what that is, but if you’re referring to the master of this place, I think they might have gone outside.”

In reality, I was now outside, savoring the fresh air while telling lies.

“How long were you trapped in there?”

“Probably about a month or so?”

I deliberately understated the time. If it had been years, how could an ordinary human survive in the Great Cavern?

“How did you manage food and water during that time?”

“I happened to have plenty of travel provisions with me. I survived by rationing them carefully. For water, I licked or collected droplets that formed on the walls.”

While I could easily make up an excuse for food, water was trickier. It wasn’t an implausible explanation for normal circumstances, but this was a sealed cavern with magical barriers.

It wouldn’t be affected by outside weather changes.

“Hmm…”

She seemed unable to easily determine the truth of my words.

The reason she didn’t press me immediately was probably because she couldn’t be certain about the relationship between the sealed chamber’s environment and climate changes.

One couldn’t know without experiencing it firsthand.

“Have… your suspicions been cleared?”

“If what you’re saying is true, we’re in big trouble. It means a dangerous villain is roaming free outside. Who knows what malicious plans they might be devising…”

That villain is currently bowing his head pathetically right in front of you.

“They might be enchanting people with wicked tricks, just like what happened to you.”

If you count my desperate lies denying my own existence as enchantment, then that’s not entirely wrong.

“That’s terrible! Such a dangerous element roaming free.”

Terrible indeed, terrible.

“Yes. If what you’re saying is true.”

“Pardon?”

I asked, momentarily confused. Perhaps my explanation about the water was insufficient.

“If you’re truly not the Founding Noble, let’s verify it.”

“Verify… what?”

“Excrement. Bodily waste. The Founding Noble is immortal and doesn’t age. With no need for metabolism, they wouldn’t produce waste. But if you’re an ordinary human, that would be different, wouldn’t it?”

That’s correct…

A perfect answer I never expected. All activities like eating, drinking, and sleeping are no longer necessary for me. And of course, that includes excretion.

I had accepted this as normal for so long that even I had forgotten about it.

“H-hey! Are you saying you want to see my waste? A grown woman wanting to do such a thing!”

“I understand it’s embarrassing. But this is a critical matter, so please cooperate.”

“M-men and women should maintain propriety! How can you ask to see a strange man’s excrement?!”

That was the best excuse I could come up with. While men and women should maintain propriety, I doubt that extends to excrement.

“Is that really relevant?”

Of course it’s not relevant. But I couldn’t give a sensible answer at this point.

I folded my arms confidently and replied.

“Of course it is! Are you, a grown woman, saying you want to stare intently at my excrement?”

“Well, I wouldn’t stare intently…”

“To observe my thick, long one in great detail!”

“I just need to confirm its existence…”

Naturally, she didn’t back down easily. Her face reddened slightly, but her position remained unchanged.

Trying to somehow escape the situation, I started blurting out whatever came to mind.

“Listen. If someone asked you to show what underwear you’re wearing today, would you innocently show them?”

“That’s different!”

“Then conversely, if a strange man asked you to show what you ate today and what you excreted, would you show him?”

“Ugh. That’s…”

“Which is more embarrassing? Feel free to choose.”

For the record, if I had to choose, I’d say excrement is more embarrassing. Underwear is commonly hung out to dry in yards or on balconies.

On the other hand, public urination is a filthy act that’s difficult to show others.

Wait, is this actually a decent argument?

“Well…”

She seemed at a loss for words in response to my outlandish logic, just blushing and mumbling. Encouraged by her reaction, I boldly declared:

“If you truly want to see my excrement, then you should show me your underwear! Wouldn’t that be fair?”

It was a crazy statement not worth considering. Only after boldly declaring it did I realize my mistake. No matter how aggressive your position, pushing too far can backfire!

“Kuh…”

‘It worked unexpectedly! More importantly, isn’t this woman being excessively kind?’

In truth, the aura I sensed from her was far from ordinary.

I could sense it because I was possessing Nepy’s body. She wouldn’t have opened the Great Cavern’s door if she wasn’t confident in her strength.

Yet she was meeting eye-to-eye with a self-proclaimed ordinary person who was being pathetically subservient.

Even if I were actually a decent fighter rather than an ordinary person, if she decided to ignore me and walk away, I couldn’t stop her. I’d just be pathetically dragged along while clinging to her ankle. If she pushed me away with force, my bones would shatter.

Yet here we were, comparing the embarrassment levels of excrement and underwear while a villain called the Founding Noble was either free or about to be freed.

She clearly wasn’t in her right mind. But that was actually fortunate for me.

“What will you do? Will you show it or not? Come on!”

As I urged her to answer, she trembled her lips. Her voice cracked as if she were about to say something unthinkable.

“Kuk… I…!”

I couldn’t hide my astonishment at her answer.

◇

“Today might be my last day alive.”

I murmured quietly. I was now standing in front of the door of the Great Cavern where the villain “Founding Noble Netionpis” was sealed.

It was difficult to maintain a steady breathing rhythm unless I consciously focused on it. That’s how much tension was creeping up on me.

If possible, I had hoped to postpone coming here. But the situation had changed rapidly.

[As the Founding Noble’s seal weakens with each passing day, the commander of the Nelfrugia Knights shall ease the Emperor’s concerns with utmost loyalty.]

Simply put, it was an imperial order to eliminate the Founding Noble. The moment I received the order, I felt a pressure unlike any mission I had undertaken before.

It was difficult to imagine what hardships awaited. In the end, I left a will in my office for the first time.

“If I don’t return, please deliver this to my family. And the next commander should be…”

I had even designated my successor, prepared to die. That’s how determined I was when I arrived here. However, the current situation seemed to mock my resolve.

It was because of the man bowing his head right in front of me. From the moment I first encountered him, I was certain he was the villain Founding Noble Netionpis.

…To be honest, after talking with him for a while, I did wonder if I might be wrong. But that was just a momentary doubt. I never abandoned my conviction.

It wasn’t simply because this was a matter directly related to the security of the Eld Empire.

Malice swirled around the man. It was an intense aura that could instantly enchant even a moderately strong person.

I had never seen such a being before.

Whether he knew I could sense his malice or not, the man was rambling on with all sorts of excuses.

‘This man’s nonsense is truly slick as oil on the tongue.’

Regret welled up within me.

‘So this is what Netionpis was like? The Founding Noble?’

It seemed he was planning to blend into human society without drawing attention, but I wouldn’t allow that. I decided to play along with Netionpis’s words and observe his reactions.

“Have… your suspicions been cleared?”

Netionpis asked, maintaining his subservient attitude. And I answered:

“If what you’re saying is true, we’re in big trouble. It means a dangerous villain is roaming free outside. Who knows what malicious plans they might be devising…”

I spoke as if I were a naive woman who maintained her suspicions but also considered other possibilities.

‘I’ll play along with his game.’

I could have eliminated Netionpis right then and there. But that would only work if Netionpis confronted me directly.

For some reason, he was trying to deceive me with a subservient attitude. It was surprising to see Netionpis appear so foolish, but from my position, it was actually advantageous.

Coincidentally, unlike usual, I had conserved my energy and deliberately appeared weaker than I actually was. A foolish young female knight who dared to try eliminating the Founding Noble out of misguided ambition.

That was the mask I was wearing now.

‘If he can’t deny being the Founding Noble, he’ll reveal his true nature and try to kill me. While I’m off guard.’

When I thought I had established the image of a somewhat naive female knight, I made my move.

“If you’re truly not the Founding Noble, let’s verify it.”

“Verify… what?”

“Excrement. Bodily waste. The Founding Noble is immortal and doesn’t age. With no need for metabolism, they wouldn’t produce waste. But if you’re an ordinary human, that would be different, wouldn’t it?”

I thought my logic was flawless.

Surely he couldn’t have defecated in the brief moment the door was open.

In response to my words, Nephiontis instead became agitated and spewed sophistry.

“Listen. If someone asked you to show what underwear you’re wearing today, would you innocently show them?”

“That’s different!”

“Then conversely, if a strange man asked you to show what you ate today and what you excreted, would you show him?”

It was truly filthy and base language. Not worth listening to. Even a moment’s thought would reveal how nonsensical it was…

…

Huh? Why does it seem to make sense?

For a moment, I felt my thinking freeze. I desperately tried to identify the logical flaw by turning my thoughts over and over.

‘Why am I seriously considering this?’

While I was deeply contemplating, one possibility flashed through my mind.

‘It’s dark magic. Surely he’s using magic that impairs cognitive ability. As expected of the Founding Noble, how base!’

I’m glad I realized it now. Once aware, my thoughts flowed clearly and my mind became sharp.

…At least, that’s how it felt.

‘One doesn’t counter sophistry with intellect!’

I parted my lips and spoke.

“Kuk… I…! I am Irefi of the proud Nelfrugia Knights of the Eld Empire. I will not engage in such base transactions. I’ll look if I want to look, and I won’t if I don’t want to! Step aside, I’m executing official duties.”

One counters sophistry with authority. That was the brilliant solution I came up with. At the same time, I made him think I was just a regular knight rather than revealing my true identity, hoping to catch the Founding Noble off guard.

If the Founding Noble, finally cornered with his identity exposed, tried to attack me, I would dismember him while he was distracted. It’s about striking the hunter who doesn’t expect to become the prey.

That was my perfect plan.

…But is it right to crush someone who’s supposed to be a Founding Noble with mere authority?

◇

The moment I heard her words – Irefi’s words – I was both astonished and felt a chill run down my spine.

‘Holy shit!’

Those two words perfectly encapsulated all my feelings.

‘Why is the world’s strongest character appearing here?’

I couldn’t have imagined it. How could this woman be Irefi?

Her full name was Irefi Justitia. She was the DLC boss in the latest Eldchain game. Unlike me, who was just an Easter egg, she was a character with properly published lore and background.

Of course, I had defeated Irefi in the game, but that was more like a raid where I had to use various NPCs and devices. She was a boss designed to be impossible to solo with bare hands.

Throughout the series, Irefi was the only boss with such mechanics.

The reason I didn’t recognize her, despite having seen her before, was the absence of her heavy armor.

From first encounter to the end of the raid, she was always fully armored. Nothing was visible except her ash-gray hair that dragged on the ground. Moreover, she was a bizarre boss who never made a sound even when hit.

The only sound she ever made was an unpleasant death cry like nails on a chalkboard.

If it weren’t for her strangely feminine name and character profile, I would never have dreamed she was female.

‘Wow, she’s really beautiful… How did the developers think to hide that?’

Her silky white hair flowing down to her waist seemed to be drenched in the pale moonlight of midnight. Her blue eyes staring at me were like lakes set in a clear sky.

Her spotless, white, and clean skin had such a glow that it made me wonder if she was really a knight by profession.

It was a surprising encounter in many ways.

‘But thanks to this, I understand the timeline. Seeing that she came looking for me, the story seems to have diverged a bit.’

At this rate, she would soon face a tragic event. Because of it, Irefi would lose everything and live as a vengeful ghost.

‘After scorching the entire vast empire, the protagonist discovers Irefi in seclusion, and that’s how the DLC story begins.’

This might be an opportunity. If I could prevent Irefi’s tragedy, she would be indebted to me.

Even if my identity as the Founding Noble was exposed, she might not try to kill me because of that debt…

‘Preventing Irefi’s descent into darkness! That would be my second step toward safety.’

The first step is what I’m about to take now.

The great first step to somehow make my excrement into Schrödinger’s excrement…!