Ch.29Three Idiots (4)

After arriving at the Chinese restaurant and placing our orders, we all started chatting while waiting for the food.

Suddenly, Leo seemed to realize something and said:

“…Wait, weren’t we supposed to be subduing a villain at the bank?”

“…That’s right.”

“Was that what we were doing?”

So I wasn’t the only one who had forgotten. That’s a relief.

Anyway, Leo sighed deeply and said:

“This is going to cost us quite a bit of money…”

“Why would we have to pay anything?”

“Well, I destroyed the ceiling and walls, and you also smashed through the bank wall. You might even get charged with excessive force again.”

“…How much do you think it’s going to cost?”

“At least several thousand.”

Since I earned 25 million from the last request… I’ll need to borrow money again.

While I was contemplating who I could borrow money from, Agath made me an unreasonable and disgusting proposal.

“I’ll pay for you again if you just go shopping with me once like last time…”

“I’d rather go to prison than do that.”

I absolutely hate that. If I had to choose between rotting in prison for life or going shopping, I would choose prison no matter what.

If I were forced into an unreasonable situation where I had to go shopping, I’d be prepared to kill myself.

As I glared at Agath with firm resolve, she spouted more nonsense.

“So you’d rather be passed around by inmates and slowly broken in?”

“…”

“Or maybe the guards would take you to a secluded place for ‘punishment’ and secretly…”

I put a gun to my head.

I wanted to turn my disgust into bullets and fire away like crazy, but that would be extremely rude to do here.

So I had no choice but to use a method that could be resolved with just one shot.

“It’s a bit inappropriate to talk like this in front of your boyfriend. Sorry.”

Of course, Agath immediately backed down. But in the process, she said something I couldn’t possibly ignore.

“I don’t have a boyfriend. And I never will.”

“Isn’t that guy next to you your boyfriend?”

Agath pointed at Ju-an.

It’s as disgusting as watching cockroaches mate, but I continued anyway.

“Absolutely not.”

“Then is he your husband?”

“For fuck’s sake, we’re absolutely not in that kind of relationship.”

“Then is he your master?”

“What the hell is wrong with your head that you see us that way?”

Twelve years. That’s 144 months. Or 52,560 days. A very long time.

During that time, we’ve seen every side of each other. Even all the ugly inner thoughts.

Falling in love with someone like that is absolutely impossible. Besides, I would never fall in love with a man in the first place.

“But anyone can see you two like each other, right?”

“You’re still talking nonsense. We don’t even see each other as the opposite sex, you know? Right, Ju-an?”

“…Yeah, we don’t.”

Ju-an smiled bitterly as he spoke. He seems pretty uncomfortable with this conversation too.

“See? We basically treat each other as the same gender. How could I possibly date him?”

“I guarantee you two will be dating within three months.”

“I guarantee I’ll stay single for life.”

“So you’re saying you’ll live as a widow?”

“What the hell? How did you interpret it that way?”

Agath really has a talent for getting under people’s skin. How does she manage to say such disgusting things every time?

Ju-an’s expression is gradually darkening as the conversation continues, probably because he finds this awful talk uncomfortable too.

Why is he just putting up with it like a pushover instead of getting angry like me?

As I continued arguing with Agath, our food finally arrived.

Let’s eat first since I’m hungry, then think about everything else.

***

Last Saturday when I went out with Ju-an, we also ate jajangmyeon. I remember struggling to finish a bowl back then.

And that memory repeated itself.

“…Could you finish this for me again?”

“Sure.”

Ju-an readily continued eating what I had been eating. It’s nice to see him eating well now.

For some reason, though, Agath was looking at Ju-an with envious eyes.

“Would you like some more, Agath?”

“No. I’m just salivating at the thought of your bodily fluids being in there.”

“…”

“Isn’t this like an indirect kiss between you two?”

“That kind of thing doesn’t exist between guys.”

Suddenly, Ju-an’s face turned red and he stopped eating.

Ju-an has been acting strange today. It makes sense since someone important to him was in danger.

Come to think of it, Ju-an went into the bank earlier but came out without doing anything. Is it really okay for us to be leisurely eating lunch like this?

“Didn’t you say you were going to save someone important to you?”

“I think I need to observe the situation a bit more.”

“But isn’t that person in urgent need of help?”

“I might have misunderstood the situation.”

“How could there be any misunderstanding about someone being sexually harassed by a sadist? Don’t wait until it’s too late to regret it.”

Why would someone as capable as him be afraid to act? If it were me, I would have rushed to help immediately. This is really frustrating.

“Alright, just wait a moment.”

Ju-an got up with a determined expression and went over to Leo.

“Could I talk to you for a moment?”

“I’m already retired, so I’m no longer a hero. Don’t waste your time.”

“It’s a personal matter.”

“That’s fine then.”

“Thank you. Let’s step outside for a moment.”

With that, Ju-an and Leo went outside.

Is he trying to get Leo’s help because he can’t solve the problem on his own?

But if that’s the case, why didn’t he ask me for help? Does he think I’m not reliable?

Or maybe it’s because of my physical condition. If Leo’s strength is needed, I probably wouldn’t be much help anyway.

Still, I hope he doesn’t die this time. With Leo there, it should be fine…

…But can I trust Leo?

Trust a bizarre mage who doesn’t even use a holy sword? Should I go help right now…

While I was still worrying and unable to make up my mind, Ju-an and Leo returned.

For some reason, Ju-an’s expression looked enlightened. What on earth did they talk about?

“How did it go?”

“I think I just misunderstood.”

“What kind of misunderstanding was it?”

“There was no sadist to begin with. And the sexual harassment wasn’t what I thought it was.”

It’s a disappointingly anticlimactic ending, but it’s good that nothing bad happened. I was worried for nothing.

“I’m glad nothing happened. But how did you end up misunderstanding like that?”

“I just heard things wrong.”

“How did you hear it wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

There are many ways to make someone angry. One of them is to not give a complete answer.

Why are there so many people around me who are experts at making others angry?

While I was grumbling, Ju-an spoke up.

“Would you like to take a walk with me?”

“Why suddenly?”

“I just need some advice.”

I’m full now and there’s nothing else to do here anyway, so I don’t mind.

“Sure.”

So I got up and followed Ju-an.

***

We’re now walking silently on a suitable walking path. How long are we going to keep walking like this…

Finally, tired of waiting, I spoke first.

“Didn’t you say you needed advice? Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“I have no idea how to say this…”

“Just say it. Why are you agonizing over it like a girl?”

If he was going to be like this, why did he ask for advice in the first place? I’d be better off sitting at a desk than doing this.

“…Alright. I’ll just speak and think later.”

Finally, this frustrating guy is going to speak. Took him long enough.

“Your mental state is really strange right now, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“I’m fine though?”

“Do you really think you’re fine?”

“Are you saying I’m crazy?”

“Yes.”

I’m so angry I might actually go crazy. He asks me for advice and then tells me I’m insane?

Even if someone important to him was almost in big trouble, this is too much. But I should still give him advice.

“Sigh… just tell me what’s on your mind.”

“Don’t you think this situation is strange? Does it seem normal to surrender to a villain and then go play card games?”

“…Huh?”

Suddenly, I started to feel something off about my behavior.

“Does it seem normal to shoot a villain in the leg, blow up a bank wall, and threaten to kill the villain along with the hostage?”

“Wait, let me think.”

Somehow, I acted like a psychopath today. I was definitely fine until we arrived at the bank, but after that, I suddenly lost my mind.

“…Why did I act like that?”

“I don’t know either. Do you have any idea?”

“…I have one.”

I did start showing strange behavior after doing a certain action.

Last night too, I briefly lost it after doing that specific action.

Given my personality, I wouldn’t normally talk back to Leo, but after doing that specific action, I even cursed at him.

Today was the same. After doing that specific action before entering the bank, I completely lost it.

“What is it?”

“Turning my emotions into bullets and firing them.”

“Why do you think that’s the cause?”

“Well, my condition definitely became strange after doing that. Do you have any ideas?”

“You were definitely acting strange last Sunday too.”

“What was strange about Sunday?”

“Remember when we were looking for things to use as bullets? After you tried using emotions as bullets, the topic changed completely.”

Hearing Ju-an’s words, that moment started to feel strange too.

I was definitely very serious at that time. When your life is at stake, who has time for jokes?

But in that situation, I suddenly started looking for useful bullets for everyday life, as if I had gone crazy.

“So using emotions as bullets seems to be the problem. Any idea why it’s a problem?”

I’m too thick-headed to understand the reason. Ju-an would probably figure it out quickly.

As if to prove my thought, Ju-an gave a plausible answer.

“According to experiments I’ve seen, people can never make rational judgments without emotions. Without emotions, reason is useless. That’s how much emotions influence our judgment.”

“But I only used disgust as a bullet.”

“Did you feel more rational after firing it?”

“Yes. It felt like my head cleared up.”

“You only used disgust as a bullet, but instead of just losing disgust while keeping anger, irritation, or sadness, you immediately became rational?”

“…That’s right.”

“I think you’re using small pieces of all types of emotions.”

I do remember firing multiple shots of disgust bullets because one shot wasn’t enough to calm down. So what he’s saying must be right.

So that’s why using emotions as bullets was so efficient. There’s no such thing as low risk, high return…

No wonder I was feeling strange today. It was because of this. I’m glad Ju-an is smart.

From now on, I should never use emotions as bullets.

“I’m glad you didn’t completely lose your mind.”

Ju-an sighed with relief.

And as I regained my senses, a serious problem suddenly occurred to me.

“…Didn’t you say my actions were on the news?”

I was completely insane then and acted strangely.

When I shared this horrifying fact, Ju-an smiled playfully and said:

“Yes. They showed you apathetically shooting a hole in the villain’s leg, and surrendering because you wanted to play card games…”

“AAAAAAHHHHH!”

And my scream, filled with shame, echoed throughout the walking path.