Ch.29Family (1)

*

Carrying the unconscious Ash in her arms, Silvia returned to the cabin and walked straight inside without even glancing at Ash’s bed visible as soon as she opened the door.

Her footsteps led directly to her own room.

Carefully laying Ash on her bed, Silvia pulled a chair over, taking care not to make any dragging sounds on the floor, and sat down to quietly observe his face.

His breathing, already faint normally, seemed even more imperceptible today.

Just to be sure, Silvia placed her finger under the unconscious Ash’s nose, feeling a slight tickle from his weak breath against her fingertip.

He seemed to have fallen asleep while unconscious.

Well, even excluding Silvia’s final attack, Ash had moved enough today to be thoroughly exhausted.

Silvia withdrew her finger with a relieved expression and gently brushed his hair aside.

“I’ve been wrong all this time.”

Silvia reversed her previous judgment that Ash lacked talent.

He definitely had talent.

While he might not have talent as an adventurer, he clearly excelled as a mage.

Of course, he wasn’t nearly as gifted as her former companion Maria, but with proper guidance, Ash certainly had the potential to become an excellent mage.

Had he not entered this forest, he might have pursued a career as a magical scholar and built quite a successful career.

Thinking about this, a question arose in her mind.

‘Why did Ash say he had no particular talent?’

Even without practical experience, Ash’s talent was clearly visible—obvious enough that any proper educator could notice it with minimal guidance.

Even at academies filled with noble children educated from an early age, people with this level of talent were rare.

Of course, Maria was on an entirely different level altogether, so she didn’t count.

“…He said he only studied theory.”

The reason he hadn’t recognized his own talent until now was likely due to his overwhelmingly insufficient practical experience.

He had mentioned that even after learning magic, he rarely had opportunities to use it.

He couldn’t have dreamed of attending an academy with its expensive tuition fees, and probably only learned from visiting instructors a few times a week.

Everything else he must have taught himself.

But that in itself was an incredible talent.

Is it even possible to master advanced magic through theoretical study alone?

Although he said the calculations took too long to be practical in combat, Ash had clearly stated he could use several advanced spells.

If that’s not talent, what is?

One could dismiss it as mere academic aptitude, but being good at studying was undeniably an enviable talent in itself.

‘No, that’s not what’s important right now.’

Silvia stopped thinking about Ash’s talent.

Whether Ash was talented or not had nothing to do with the various issues currently complicating her feelings.

In the quietness she had sought by knocking Ash unconscious, Silvia slowly began to organize her thoughts.

‘…Where should I even begin?’

It was already difficult to decide which topic to address first among the chaotic thoughts swirling in her mind.

All her concerns seemed equally important, but they were subtly intertwined while simultaneously fragmented, making everything more confusing.

Silvia decided to start by tackling the first thought that came to mind.

When untangling a complex knot of thread, it’s better to just start wherever your hands can reach rather than wasting time wondering where to begin.

“If Ash keeps getting stronger…”

It certainly wouldn’t be a bad thing for him to become strong enough to protect himself.

But what should she do if Ash grew to the point where he no longer needed Silvia’s help?

If Ash could protect himself from the forest’s wild animals and monsters, Silvia would no longer need to stay by his side—these two statements were essentially the same.

Silvia frowned as she looked at Ash’s face.

She knew from experience.

When people can feel themselves growing stronger, they start to enjoy it.

When they enjoy it, effort becomes relatively easier.

And then, like wildfire, they grow rapidly.

Especially when they have clear goals.

Besides, Ash seemed already accustomed to putting in effort, just unskilled due to lack of proper methods.

It was probably due to his mental fortitude that, while not usually apparent, occasionally flared up brilliantly.

The day after Ash first appeared, Silvia had gone to the carriage accident site.

Even for her, a capable warrior with all limbs intact, the accident site felt like a considerable distance from the cabin.

The fact that he had walked that far with a dying body showed that Ash’s mental strength was far from ordinary.

With a goal, Ash becomes stronger.

And around Ash, there were plenty of things that could become goals.

Probably first wolves, then bears, then monsters—

Ash would continue to grow.

Of course, eventually he would hit a wall and his growth would slow.

Most people ultimately surrender when faced with such limitations, their spirits broken.

So perhaps worrying about Ash’s growth now was premature.

But Silvia instinctively knew.

Ash would overcome any wall he encountered.

Just as she had.

As Silvia unraveled the first tangle of thoughts, a second bundle immediately presented itself.

Let’s assume it’s practically certain that Ash will grow stronger if things continue as they are.

Then, should she hinder Ash’s growth, or encourage it?

The answer to this question came more quickly than expected.

Considering the worst-case scenarios: on one hand, Ash leaving Silvia; on the other, Ash’s death.

Whether Ash voluntarily left Silvia or met his death at the teeth of monsters or animals, the result was essentially the same.

Ash leaving her side.

“Ash leaving… is better than him dying.”

Silvia muttered with a voice full of fear.

She took a moment to catch her breath, stroking her own arm.

Now the second tangle had been unraveled as well.

The conclusion so far was that it was better for Ash to grow stronger.

That left the most important question.

How could she keep Ash from leaving?

Silvia looked at her own hands.

Rough hands covered in calluses from a lifetime of wielding a sword.

Hands very different from Ash’s soft ones.

In fact, not just his hands—Ash’s entire body was soft and smooth.

Unlike her, who had been washing in the forest’s flowing river, Ash had lived within the touch of civilization until 5-6 weeks ago, so it wasn’t strange that he had such smooth, fine skin.

He didn’t have broad, masculine shoulders or firm muscles, but to Silvia, who desperately longed for human warmth, Ash’s embrace-friendly form was far more attractive and lovable.

This soft, fragile body was also why he needed Silvia, which made her appreciate his delicate frame even more.

But if he became stronger and left, rejecting her protection, how could she keep him?

Silvia pondered.

Beyond protection from danger, what else could she offer Ash?

What was she to Ash in the first place?

A benefactor? A curse companion? A housemate? A protector?

All four were correct, but none were strong enough to keep Ash firmly by her side.

Begging him to stay for the sake of his benefactor would be too despicable.

If Ash decided to live in hiding to prevent the curse from spreading, she would have no legitimate reason to stop him.

If he left, it would mean he was rejecting cohabitation from the start.

In that situation, it would already mean Ash no longer needed her protection.

“I already can’t live without you… but you… can you?”

Silvia said as she gently stroked Ash’s hair.

She wondered what value she had to Ash.

No, let’s think the other way around.

What does Ash mean to me?

He is hope and motivation.

He is a companion on this long journey toward death that I walk while bearing this curse, and a mental pillar that helps me endure.

That’s why she needed Ash.

Someone to prevent her from going mad and unleashing herself upon the world.

He was the person who allowed her to remain as the brave warrior who had sacrificed herself.

Should she honestly reveal these feelings?

That without him, she might go insane,

That without him, she might break down enough to spread the curse throughout the world.

Kind Ash would surely say he would stay by her side.

But how long would that last?

Even she hadn’t known she would break down like this.

She was someone who could endure having her arm cut off or her insides stirred with red-hot iron pokers from hell’s fire.

Training that bordered on torture, and actual torture that was far more painful than the training.

Who could have known that the warrior Silvia, who had endured all that, would crumble in loneliness and solitude after just four years?

The guilt of failing to protect her companions and the guilt of massacring villagers tore her heart apart every night.

Who could have possibly predicted that she, who had silently endured all hardships, would ultimately fail to withstand that mental anguish and cry like a little girl every night?

Could Ash endure it?

That time that even she couldn’t bear?

Ash, like Silvia, was barely holding together a mind torn apart by the pain and sorrow of losing family, and the guilt of not being able to protect his younger sister.

His dedication to cooking and training seemed like a desperate struggle to forget that pain.

In fact, over the past week, despite training by getting hit with ice every day, he would drag his tired body to tend to his sister’s grave and sit there for a long time.

Occasionally, when secretly observing him, she could easily see him talking to Laila, alternating between laughing and crying.

Silvia stroked his cheek quietly, reflecting anew on how similar their situations were.

At that moment, a thought quickly flashed through her mind.

It was a thought that had already crossed her mind a few days ago.

A sure way to keep Ash from leaving her.

There is no such thing.

In the end, we are just bound by the same curse; he has no real relationship with me, and all I can offer him is protection, which will only last as long as he remains weak.

But,

“Laila.”

He would never leave Laila.

He never leaves family.

Someday, his visits to Laila’s grave might become less frequent, but the fact that he had a sister named ‘Laila’ will never disappear.

That relationship will never vanish.

“Family…”

Silvia rose from her chair and slowly climbed onto the bed.

“Ash… you wouldn’t leave family, would you?”

Ash gave no answer.

Just faint breathing.

“If I become family… you won’t leave me, right?”

His breathing sounded almost like an affirmative response.

That’s right,

Ash is a good boy.

He would never leave family.

And outside this forest, he had no family left.

“How… can I become family?”

She voiced that foolish question with complete sincerity.

In a way, it was pure curiosity.

Silvia had never had a family, after all.

What is family?

How does one become family?

Is it family if we live together and share meals?

Then am I already family with Ash?

By that logic, were all my fellow trainees from my days as a noble’s soldier my family?

Were all my companions who tried to defeat the Demon King, the adventurers I was hired to travel with, and the soldiers all my family?

Probably not.

Chris, the heavy warrior among my companions, had a family in a duke’s household, and Leity, the elf archer, also said she had family waiting for her in her homeland.

If we were family, those adventurers wouldn’t have complained about wanting to have families.

I don’t even know where my fellow trainees are or what they’re doing now.

If even they aren’t my family, then Ash, with whom I’ve lived for just over a month, is even less likely to be called family.

Family.

How does one become family?

Doesn’t family usually mean blood relations?

How can I become blood-related to Ash?

Should I adopt him?

Ha, living deep in a forest, where would I get adoption papers?

What should I do?

How can I become Ash’s family?

Silvia was genuinely curious.

Having never had a family or loved anyone in her entire life, the only close human relationships she knew were friends and companions, so she was confused.

She had started this contemplation to resolve confusion, but the confusion only grew.

In Silvia’s mind, twisted impulses born from these confusions began to grow.

She wanted to be his mother, his sister, his older sister.

She even wanted to be his relative, at the very least.

But she had no idea how to make that happen.

“…Ash, what should I do?”

Silvia slowly straddled Ash’s body.

Then she gradually lowered her upper body toward his face.

Her hands firmly gripped the sleeping Ash’s face.

Her red eyes continuously emitted an unpleasant, sticky obsession.

She whispered quietly enough not to wake the sleeping Ash.

“How can I become your mother? How can I become your older sister? How can I become your younger sister? How can I become your aunt? How can I become your niece? How? How? How?”

Ash gave no answer.

Silvia slowly brought her nose to Ash’s neck, just like that day a few weeks ago.

The sweet-salty scent of his skin began to seep into her mind.

It felt as if Ash was entering her body.

She wanted to contain Ash within herself, even like this.

She thought perhaps this was how she needed to become blood-related to him, without sharing a single drop of blood.

“Hah. Haaa… Ash.”

As her head began to spin, Silvia looked at Ash with hazy eyes.

Perhaps because her body heat had risen from being so close,

His scent seemed to grow stronger.

So strong that it felt almost intoxicating.

Silvia smiled a twisted smile, thinking she could understand how flies felt when attracted to peaches.

A strange impulse to devour Ash gradually took control of her.

Silvia slowly covered the unconscious Ash’s neck with her lips.