Ch.287IF Side Story: From the Beginning (55)

For the past few years, since I became a Magical Girl, my surroundings hadn’t changed much.

When a Combatant appeared, I’d go out and fight. When a Kaijin appeared, I’d go out and fight.

Repeating that pattern did bring us closer, but it didn’t fundamentally change our relationships.

Even when close friends become closer, aren’t they still just close friends? When you’ve already become as close as possible, unless someone does something drastically foolish, the relationship essentially stays the same.

After maintaining a similar lifestyle steadily for several years, things suddenly started changing bit by bit. Maybe that’s why I’m having trouble adapting.

Suddenly there’s an article about where I live, and someone claiming to be my mother shows up after seeing it.

The person I’ve been fighting against for years suddenly disappears.

My fussy personality doesn’t seem to easily accept such changes in my surroundings.

Perhaps, yes.

Even though I don’t know what they look like, maybe I felt some kind of friendship. I did manage to keep them beside me once before.

Though we didn’t have any profound conversation in the end, it did make me feel at ease for a moment.

Besides, that person… fought for me, didn’t they? Even though it must have been a much bigger deal than a Magical Girl beating up an executive.

“…”

Amidst these consecutive irritating incidents, one more thing started bothering me.

It’s not… anything major. In fact, maybe it’s just me overthinking things.

No, that’s definitely it.

It’s probably just my already sensitive personality making everything around me seem connected.

“Um…”

I finally snapped back to reality when the woman sitting across from me spoke.

“Are… are you okay?”

The woman who once spoke casually to me had reverted to formal speech. Completely like talking to a stranger.

“Yes, I’m fine.”

That’s how I answered for now.

We’re not ‘complete’ strangers. If I had to define it, we’re closer to acquaintances.

She did deceive me, but it wasn’t intentional. She was also deceived along with me.

I can’t say “anyone in the world” since I have parents who abandoned me, but someone who had to give up their child unwillingly might want to find that child later. And they might want to treat that child as their own again.

That might only be possible after crossing many serious conversations and finally being forgiven, but there must be people who desperately want that.

This person is one of them.

And perhaps because of that, I couldn’t completely cut ties with her. Well, we might drift apart later. Gradually contacting each other less frequently, meeting maybe once a year or not at all, and eventually losing touch completely.

But in the end, I couldn’t sever that connection immediately, so it continues like this.

I don’t think it’s entirely bad. It’s actually more comfortable for me this way too.

However.

“…”

Still, something bothers me.

When I thought this person was my mother, I couldn’t look directly at her face. I was afraid of acknowledging we were family. Afraid that might prevent me from properly being a Magical Girl.

But now that I can look at her face without worry, someone else keeps coming to mind.

Do they look exactly alike? Not quite. But sometimes in this world, people have strange resemblances. Like eye color or hair color.

Though she’s generally thin and gaunt, giving her quite a different impression overall, I know someone with that “similar feeling.”

The girl who shares my room.

Jihye.

…

Jihye and I were at the same church. Jihye was also left at the church around the same time as me, so when the church closed, we came to the orphanage together.

And this woman also left her child at that church… around that same time.

Could it be a coincidence?

“Um…”

Perhaps because of that thought, I found myself asking before I realized it.

“Do you still want to find your daughter?”

The woman flinched at my words.

It must be surprising that I of all people would ask such a thing. Since I was directly involved in that incident.

But she seems unable to say she’s not looking. The woman chose not to answer at all.

Maybe the reason we’re still in contact is because I was also a witness there.

I pondered for a moment.

Should I introduce them?

“If you find her, what would you do?”

I asked carefully.

The woman raised her gaze and stared at me.

Did what I said sound too “hopeful”?

It’s not that this person hasn’t seen Jihye. But they’ve never properly looked at each other.

She probably just had Jihye in her peripheral vision when Jihye was standing next to me. She wouldn’t have thought they looked alike at all.

No, this might just be my own delusion. Maybe I’m just being too sensitive, and because I’ve lived with Jihye for so long, her appearance is so vivid in my mind that I’m seeing similarities where there are none.

“If I find her…”

The woman fell into thought for a moment, then said,

“I’d like to live with her, even if just for a while.”

“Live together?”

“Yes. She’ll be an adult in just a few years, so she might not want to live with me. That would be understandable. Since I abandoned her.”

She can’t even bring herself to use the word “mother.”

“But still, even though I know it sounds presumptuous… if we meet again, I’d like to do what I can for her while living together, even briefly.”

She doesn’t look particularly wealthy. She’s probably just getting by without major problems in her life right now.

She can’t provide everything, of course.

But I can understand her feelings.

…And at the same time, I don’t like it.

Understanding doesn’t necessarily come with empathy.

“…I see.”

I don’t intend to condemn her, but still.

So if this person meets Jihye, and comes to believe Jihye is her daughter.

She’s saying she wants to take Jihye away.

I’ve lived with Jihye my whole life. That doesn’t give me the right to keep Jihye by my side forever.

But still, I didn’t want to let Jihye go for some reason.

We quietly drank our tea afterward.

And about ten minutes later, we got up and parted ways.

Fortunately, she didn’t press me further about that conversation.

*

“Jieun!”

When I returned to our room, Jihye greeted me.

Maybe because I’ve been spending less time in this room, Jihye’s greetings have become more enthusiastic. Her eyes genuinely showed how happy she was to see me.

And seeing Jihye made me feel somewhat conflicted.

It’s not confirmed that she’s the biological daughter yet. Looking at just the possibilities, it’s far more likely that it’s nonsense.

But at the same time, I can’t help thinking:

If so, why have I been hiding this from Jihye for almost two weeks since I noticed the resemblance?

…I had been thinking about living happily with Jihye, Hayun, and perhaps other friends for years.

At least until we graduate from university? Going places together, finding fun hobbies to enjoy together.

I was thinking about that—but if Jihye gets another family, all those plans would disappear.

If I get a family, Jihye and I won’t be real family anymore. If Jihye gets a family, likewise, Jihye and I won’t be real family anymore.

Our relationship was that easily changeable. I’ve only recently come to fully realize this.

That’s why I couldn’t tell her.

“Jieun?”

“Huh?”

When I stood there staring at her without saying anything, Jihye called out to me again.

“Why are you just standing there?”

“Oh, well. It’s just…”

I scratched my head.

“I was wondering what the atmosphere would be like if she were really my mother. It’s a bit… awkward meeting her.”

“I thought so…”

Jihye nodded.

But she couldn’t quite offer advice.

It was that ambiguous of a relationship—difficult to both cut off and maintain.

Especially from my perspective.

Because of that slight possibility—that delusion I had that it might be true—I was feeling both guilt and bewilderment simultaneously.

I knew I had strong possessive tendencies, but to this extent?

“Jieun.”

Jihye finally spoke.

“I don’t think you need to… think too deeply or worry about it. It’s in the past, right?”

“…Yeah.”

Dwelling on problems you can’t solve only hurts yourself meaninglessly.

“Okay. I’ll try to let it go a little.”

…Even while thinking I shouldn’t let go, that’s how I answered.