Ch.283IF Side Story: From the Beginning (51)

I thought about what it would be like to give up a daughter.

In truth, it wasn’t easy to imagine. My circumstances were different. I probably never lived as difficult a life as this person had.

In my past life, I grew up in an ordinary household. We lived better than most… no, “lived well” might not be the most fitting description, but we weren’t in a situation where I could say “our family was poor” either.

Perhaps if I had become an adult and had to live independently without any support, I might have found myself in a similar situation.

I never had any intention of dating men, but who knows what might have happened in life?

…I can’t fully empathize from the same position of abandonment, and I still question the concept of “giving up,” but people’s thoughts and experiences are unknowable until you hear them.

And I had no desire to judge this person’s life or dig into their past.

I just somewhat empathized with those tears.

“…Now, now what should I…”

Yes, what should we do?

I thought it was impossible to cut ties now.

If this had been someone who approached me with malicious intent, I would have not only cut ties but somehow thrown them in prison, but this person didn’t seem like that.

Come to think of it, despite seeing her face quite often, I never thought to find out what she did for a living.

After all, she might have been… my mother.

My mind had been troubled. If she really was my mother, she could be problematic in various ways… for my work as a Magical Girl.

Realizing I was only thinking about this now, I acknowledged I had some rather petty aspects to my character.

Then I patted her back and asked:

“…So, what have you been doing these days?”

“…”

At my question, the woman looked up.

Her eyes were brimming with tears, but her expression was closer to surprise than sadness.

Yes. It was strange to act this way only after my mind had settled, but I leaned back against the bed and quietly looked at the woman.

“Ah… yes, well.”

She had returned to formal speech.

Because we were strangers now.

…

No, I wonder if that’s really how things should be.

Anyway, didn’t this person leave her child at that church?

I think it would be nearly impossible to find the children who were at that church now. From what I heard, the pastor had no children, so there was no one to inherit the church.

If someone had taken over the church, perhaps the records would have continued, but that wasn’t the case.

In the end, the children who were cared for there were scattered everywhere.

I quietly listened to what the woman had to say.

She said she now lives as an ordinary office worker. She never married anyone.

When she gave up her child, her life was so difficult that she could barely feed herself. Moreover, for various reasons, she gave birth alone somewhere other than a hospital and didn’t know what to do.

She thought about her child again several years later, when she could at least take care of herself.

By then, the church was already gone. She couldn’t find out who managed those records.

…The child wasn’t born in a hospital, so there wasn’t even a birth registration.

“…”

This wasn’t entirely my story.

It wasn’t my story, but… well, in a way it was. I didn’t know my parents either, and I was left at the same church.

Whoever left me there probably thought the same thing. If such a person existed, that is.

Having decided not to judge or blame the woman after hearing her story, I was able to listen calmly.

The woman sobbed several times while telling her story, then calmed down again. By the time she was nearly finished, she had composed herself.

Perhaps just having someone listen to such a story was comforting.

As the story was coming to an end.

Knock knock.

Someone knocked on the hospital room door.

“Come in.”

Though I had a feeling I knew who was on the other side, I answered anyway.

The door opened, and Hayun cautiously entered.

Earlier, when we spoke through the pager, she had sounded cheerful, but Hayun must have realized that this news could be another source of despair for me.

Well, as Hayun thought, I actually felt more at ease.

Hayun froze as she entered and saw the crying woman.

Seeing Hayun enter the room, the woman abruptly stood up. Wiping her tears and stammering, she said:

“I, I should, g-go now. G-goodbye…”

Then, barely gathering her belongings, she left the hospital room.

She was definitely a woman with a slightly smaller build than me.

Suddenly, looking at her back, I felt a strange sense of déjà vu. I couldn’t identify exactly what that feeling was, but—

“Excuse me, wait a moment.”

Before I knew it, I called out to stop her.

She stopped in her tracks but didn’t turn around.

She’s someone who truly thought of me as her daughter. Just seeing my face probably felt like her heart was being torn apart.

“…Let’s stay in touch.”

That’s what I said.

If she doesn’t contact me, I plan to contact her.

Yes. I don’t have a birth mother or father. Even if they appeared now, I had no intention of acknowledging them.

But still. If it was someone else. If it was someone not closely related to me… I hoped the relationship wouldn’t be completely severed.

Yes. It might be a strange thought. A selfish thought that it’s okay because it’s not my business.

But still— yes, I am a Magical Girl after all.

In this world, we don’t fight only for dreams and love, but even so.

“…”

After her shoulders shook a few more times, she nodded her head several times without turning to face me, then fled the hospital room.

“…Jieun.”

Hayun called my name.

“Let’s leave it be.”

I answered.

“It just turned out that way.”

“…Yeah.”

Hayun barely nodded at my response.

The other Magical Girls who followed her in were the same. They all entered the room with somewhat subdued expressions and stood around me.

“…Phew.”

I exhaled to collect myself.

Then I closed my eyes and organized my thoughts.

…Yes.

It might be a bit strange to express it this way, but I was once again… completely on my own.

Although I have friends around me, the only person who has any right over me is still just myself.

That means I can do whatever I want.

I slowly opened my eyes.

The circuit was running again as if nothing had happened.

It wasn’t running as powerfully as when I fight. But it was definitely running. My hope had returned to my heart.

Even I think my personality is quite twisted. My hope is stronger when I don’t have parents than when I do.

…No, I know.

The reason I fell into this world was some god’s trick to punish me for cursing my own world. Pretending not to care how I live from far away—I thought they were hoping I would follow that fate and be unable to do anything, unable to become the protagonist.

Even that might just be my own paranoia.

But if that’s the case, I don’t think it’s bad to resent someone who doesn’t even exist.

Because I’m fighting against the fate given to me.

I was looking at the turning circuit, then I looked at Hayun.

And with a grin, I said:

“Hayun, let’s have a match soon.”

I transformed while fighting Hayun.

So, once more.

Let’s ignite the fire in my heart one more time. That’s what I thought.

“…”

Seeing my smiling face, Hayun, who had momentarily looked blank, smiled again.

Hayun looked at me with sparkling eyes and shouted,

“Yes!”

It was clearly not much different from her usual pretty smile.

But I thought there was definitely a competitive spirit deep within that smile.

“Me too, me too!”

Seo-hee immediately jumped in.

“What, against someone who was injured? Well, I’m thinking of fighting you too.”

Yeonwoo joined in right away,

“…Me too.”

Even Chaeyeon.

“I, I will too, of course…! I need to adjust my staff! Jieun hasn’t used her staff for quite a while!”

No, it hasn’t been that long.

But, well.

It doesn’t matter.

Aren’t they opponents I’ve fought several times before?

I nodded with a smile.

My circuit was spinning very well.

*

I was discharged that very day.

Well, my wounds had healed almost immediately anyway. I had just stayed a bit longer to confirm my health.

“Jieun!”

Jihye immediately ran to me and hugged me.

The arms wrapped around my neck squeezed so tightly it was almost as if she was trying to break my neck, which was a bit troublesome.

“Jihye, calm down, calm down.”

I said that while patting her back.

Jihye stepped back.

True to her emotionally expressive nature, her eyes were brimming with tears.

“How are you? All good?”

When I said that while turning my head this way and that to show her, Jihye burst into laughter and lightly hit the upper part of my chest.

“…”

And as I watched Jihye step back, suddenly—

Hmm.

It wasn’t so much a thought as a strange sense of discomfort.

That feeling of discomfort flew away before I could even think about what it was, so I never figured out what it was.