Chapter 280

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Content Warning

Noob Warning: Regina stuff going on! Enjoy at your own discretion as always!

I hate the color red.

I hated dark fire.

I hated enclosed spaces.

I hate the smell of blood. I hate the sticky feeling. I hate screams. I hate saw blades. I hate the heat. I hate the stench. I hate torn flesh. I hate it. I hate it. I hated everything.

“…Ah.”

Everything was what I hated.

Regina was surrounded by things she hated.

The windows were tightly shut. The curtains blocked the sunlight. 

Only faint streaks of light illuminated the dim room. 

The dark, enclosed space was filled with a strong perfume scent. It was so strong that it felt like a terrible stench, with several perfumes mixed together, making her nose tingle.

Sweat soaked the floor. It was sticky and hot. 

Blood ran down her forearm. Regina became dizzy.

Her hands trembled. The box cutter slipped weakly from her grip. Regina blinked her blurred eyes. Slowly spreading warmth. A stinging pain jolted her awake.

The wound was shallow. It was far from cutting an artery. It was just a slight scratch on the skin. Regina groped the floor for the dropped box cutter. Something caught her fingertips. She clenched it as if to crush it. The box cutter, unable to withstand Regina’s grip, was partially crushed, but the most important part, the blade, was intact.

She held the blade over the wound where blood was beading. Normally, even if she swung the box cutter with all her might, only the blade would break. A Supernatural’s durability could not be harmed by such a blunt blade.

But the source of a Supernatural’s power was their mental strength. Depending on their will, their body’s durability could weaken. Yes, to the point where her skin could be torn by such a utility knife.

“Heu, heuheu…”

Regina chuckled, her shoulders shaking.

The blade dug into the wound. As she put strength into her forearm, more blood gushed out. The bitter scent of blood mixed with the perfume. But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. To fill the entire room with blood, this wasn’t enough.

Even if it was just a one-person dorm room, it was impossible to fill it entirely with one person’s blood. It would be difficult even if she poured out all the blood in her body. She knew it, but Regina decided to challenge the impossible. Because she had seen it. That it was possible.

She gripped it tightly, scraping her wrist as if sawing wood with a saw blade. It hurts. 

Burning pain pierced her brain every time her vision turned red. As the bleeding continued, she felt the warmth leaving her body. Her body seemed to be cooling down. 

Conversely, her mind gradually became clearer. Regina leaned against the wall and stared blankly at the ceiling.

It was a moment’s impulse.

Her heart was beating so hard she couldn’t bear it.

Her vision blurred and her head felt like it was about to explode.

She just grabbed the box cutter that came into view and slashed her wrist.

“Haha…”

Regina lowered her gaze. The blade was covered in blood. Red flowers bloomed on her wrist as well. She had cut so much, but the bleeding was still less than she expected. Had she unconsciously controlled her strength? Shallow, numerous cuts covered her wrist.

The more her body hurt, the more comfortable her mind became. The hallucinations and auditory hallucinations that had been tormenting her were quiet for the moment. If she had known this, she would have done this sooner. Regina giggled and burst into laughter.

“Haha…ha…fuck…”

But the laughter didn’t last long.

Her heated head cooled down quickly.

Her slightly elated heart sank in an instant.

The smell of blood tickled her nose. This time it wasn’t a hallucination. It was her real blood. Regina hated the color red. Because she had seen it too much. She also hated wounds. Because she had hurt someone so much she was sick of it.

Hurting herself and drawing blood wouldn’t change anything.

The past remained the same, and she was just ignoring reality with cheap self-satisfaction.

“…”

It’s sticky. Her forearms, her wrists, her clothes. Everything stuck to her. The paint mixed with sweat and blood messily colored Regina. It was a familiar sensation. The only difference was that this time it was her own blood.

Suddenly, one thought took root in her mind. 

‘Should I just die? If I scratched my neck instead of my wrist, wouldn’t I die?’

Of course, she was aware.

That it was just bravado, not genuine.

She didn’t even have the courage to die, yet she was thinking about dying. If she really wanted to die, she would have cut her wrist properly. Not just pretending to hurt herself while avoiding fatal injuries.

But in one corner of her mind, there was a self-abandoning thought that it might be better to just die.

She was afraid of the vague future. She was just a slave playing friends with Astaroth. It didn’t feel like she was living even when she was alive. What was the point of a life deprived of free will?

She spun the box cutter around. She gripped it with both hands. Dripping blood stained her top. Regina held the blade to her neck. Her forearms trembled. Was it because of the pain? Or was it for another reason?

She didn’t know how long Astaroth’s interest would last. Maybe she would get bored even today. Regina remembered. The words Astaroth had said playfully.

If she was going to be treated ‘like that’, she would rather die.

Then at least she wouldn’t commit any more sins in the future.

She could at least make some atonement.

Her fingertips trembled. The blade trembled accordingly. Something sharp touched her neck. A chilling shiver ran down her nape. The pounding heartbeat echoed in her ears. Her palms were slippery with cold sweat.

“…Seriously, this is fucked up.”

The blade ultimately failed to cut anything. Regina threw down the box cutter and wiped her face with both hands. Thanks to that, her face was covered in blood, but she didn’t care at all.

She wanted to die. She wanted to be at peace.

She wanted to live. She didn’t want to die.

Her heart ached. She was in pain. She couldn’t forget. The sin of that day. And the consequences of it.

Now she couldn’t even make any self-justifications. Lucia was fine. That kind and strong girl had endured even that hell. So it would be okay. She soothed and comforted herself and ran away into dreams.

Of course, reality was different from imagination.

Lucia had broken down.

She writhed in pain, longing for death herself.

All because of me.

She wanted to atone, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t even apologize. She couldn’t reveal the fact that she was Astaroth’s ‘friend’. It was forbidden, regardless of her will. She had to pretend to be fine. She had to pretend she didn’t know anything. And she had to continue to do so in the future. She had to hang around Lucia and deceive her. She had to use her according to Astaroth’s ‘request’.

“Ugh…”

Nausea welled up. Her vision blurred. Regina gasped for breath and groped the floor. She crawled on all fours to find the box cutter she had thrown away.

She needed pain.

She needed more pain.

When her body hurt, her mind became comfortable.

Just cutting her wrist wasn’t enough.

She wanted to carve more certain and terrible pain into her body.

Regina grabbed the box cutter and lifted it up in one swift motion.

The still unhealed wound on her wrist was shedding red tears.

With her trembling right hand, she aimed at her blood-soaked left hand. This time, there was no slight adjustment of strength. She swung her arm with all her might, as if to pierce a hole in the back of her hand.

“Regina, are you there?”

Knock knock. 

The sound of knocking on the door echoed.

Regina startled and shuddered. The box cutter swerved in the wrong direction and ended up piercing the floor instead of the back of her hand. She stared at the door with terrified eyes. It was a familiar voice. A voice she shouldn’t be hearing now.

“It’s me, Lucia. Are you inside? Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Why is she here? Why? Why did she come to find me? What business does she have with me?

Regina hurriedly stole a glance at the mirror. Her face was covered in blood. Her forearms were stained with blood, and her clothes had lost their original color.

No. Not now. I can’t show her this mess.

No, even if it wasn’t now, she couldn’t face Lucia.

If she had the courage to do so, she wouldn’t have become like this.

“Regina? Huh? Are you listening?”

Knock knock. 

She knocked on the door again.

Regina didn’t answer.

She pressed her lips tightly and huddled up.

Wouldn’t she leave if I pretended not to be here?

“I know you’re inside, you know? It’ll just be a moment.”

But Lucia didn’t seem to want to back down.

She repeatedly knocked on the door and called Regina’s name.

She didn’t answer. She didn’t want to, and she couldn’t. Regina pressed her lips tightly and even lowered her breathing. If she didn’t react in any way, she would get tired and leave on her own. She would. She definitely should. She was curious as to why she had come to find her, but the fear was much greater than the question. Her already haggard complexion turned even paler with fear.

“Hmm, I guess I have no choice.”

Lucia sighed softly when no response came back. Regina also sighed in relief. Silence was the answer after all. Whether she thought no one was in the room, or whether she thought she was refusing to talk. Either way, it seemed that Lucia had finally given up.

“I’ll just go in.”

Yeah, hurry back…uh, what? What did you say?

Did you misspeak ‘I’ll go back’? You misspoke, right?

The door is locked, how are you going to get in…?

“Uh?”

Regina reflexively let out a dazed voice. 

Crack. 

The door broke. The doorknob was torn off and the hinges creaked. The locked door opened naturally. At first glance, it was so natural that you could mistake it for being open from the beginning.

“Hehe, I told you. I know you’re inside.”

Lucia confidently walked through the open door.

With a triumphant expression, she cleared her throat.

“It’s no use pretending you’re not here. No means no. I apologize in advance for the rudeness. It’s rude, but there’s a really important story. I’m in a hurry, so I have no choice…”

But the confident expression didn’t last long.

Lucia’s pink eyes widened.

Red. It was all red. The room, and Regina too.

“Re-Regina?!”

A scream-like voice rang out.

Author Note

A/N (Author’s note):
A heroine who self-harms.

Regina is not a heroine, but anyway.

Translator Note

T/N (Translator’s note):
There can only be one self harming heroine…

Now obliterate and give her a brutal correction!