Ch.273Chapter 273: Blackmail (1)

Even without physical pain inflicted on my body, simply enduring moments where my mind was worn down by the passage of time…

Finally, Desire’s maniacal laughter, the greatest factor eroding my sanity, ended its long, drawn-out symphony.

It was a period of five minutes—brief if you consider it short, but feeling like an eternity if you consider it long.

From her mouth, with an expression perfectly composed as if she had never laughed like that:

“Step outside for a moment. I have something to discuss with our guest.”

She ordered Adorator and Imperfectio to leave us alone, her tone carrying a gravity that couldn’t possibly be associated with her previous frivolity.

“…!!”/”…!!”

As soon as she finished speaking, Adorator and Imperfectio simultaneously displayed expressions of mild discontent, as if they had rehearsed it.

…I understood why Adorator was displeased—he didn’t want to leave me alone with his master after my blatant disrespect.

“…”

But Imperfectio’s attitude, showing a different kind of displeasure even if just for a moment, was refreshingly unexpected.

Compared to how he had addressed Desire as “Mother” and served her with utmost devotion…

Now that this “mother” had entered the private room, he not only failed to show the loyalty a proxy should have toward their master, but also…

He was giving me a gaze filled with some unfathomable emotion despite appearing indifferent.

As the “former proxy” who had been forced to wear unwanted ceremonial robes by Desire, I had openly rebelled against her regardless of time and place, harboring anger and discontent.

But Imperfectio’s lukewarm attitude toward the one he called mother stirred strange feelings within me.

However, regardless of the different directions their emotions took…

Following the master’s orders was an inescapable fate for anyone belonging to this palace.

So the two of them carefully composed their discontented expressions and left the private room with heavy steps.

They both paid respects to their master, but…

“Please send word immediately if anything happens.”

Unlike Adorator, who offered sincere words of concern to his master even while paying proper respects before leaving…

“…”

Imperfectio left the private room with just a silent bow, without saying a word.

And just before leaving, he briefly gave me—not his master—a gaze filled with some strange emotion.

…Really, what could it be?

Creeeeak-!!

As the door to the private room closed with a refined sound, I raised my hand to scratch the back of my head, trying to organize my thoughts that had become complicated by the incomprehensible scene.

“…Hehehe.”

Though better than her earlier maniacal laughter, Desire let out another uncomfortable chuckle, and I could see her slightly relaxed gaze fixing strongly on me again.

It was an impressive gaze with a naturally revealed smile that didn’t require any effort.

But when I say “impressive,” I don’t mean it included any positive elements, even as a mere pleasantry.

It wasn’t the kind of gaze that warranted a mechanical smile in response to someone else’s smile.

It was a familiar gaze that I knew well.

Before my regression, after I had drawn my last breath enduring pain beyond even the shattering of my vessel, she had forcibly injected me with vitality and twisted divinity.

When I woke up from that nightmare no different from death, looking around in confusion, she had given me this exact same chilling gaze without the slightest deviation.

I’m not sure if this is the right expression, but it reminded me of a snake sticking out its long tongue before its prey.

It was a gaze that could be perceived as somewhat vulgar and unpleasant, like someone savoring the anticipation of how their food might taste.

Yet, as they say, even a rotten croaker still has value—befitting a transcendent being who could manipulate physical phenomena in this area at will.

Despite the seemingly vulgar gaze, Desire’s naturally revealed dignity exceeded that of her previous life, even though I had awakened much earlier this time.

It was simply natural to understand.

Despite being twisted by desire, her divine eyes, imbued with profound mysteriousness that grasped the essence of everything they fell upon, were sparkling so brightly that it would be strange not to notice.

Of course, recognizing this was one thing, but questioning why it was happening so soon was another matter entirely.

So while calmly receiving her gaze, my mind continued its complex calculations.

Before my regression—that is, when I experienced my first death and was resurrected by her hand—it happened about two years after this current point in time.

Even when she displayed the power to resurrect the dead in their original form rather than as undead…

At that time, Desire was barely active as a mental entity with very limited influence on the material world, let alone possessing a physical body like now.

What was different about the current Desire that allowed her to obtain a perfectly functional physical body and begin her activities so early, unlike in my memories?

While my mind was filled with complex calculations that added tension to my expressionless facade…

Desire seemed unwilling to let my thoughts continue endlessly.

“…Indeed.”

Quietly uttering the same appreciative remark as when she first saw me, she suddenly approached me with purposeful strides.

To the point where I wondered if it was safe for her to approach so defenseless.

“Truly, I can’t help but say it was worth the wait—you’ve become such a high-quality vessel.”

As she approached with sincere admiration, Desire appeared full of openings.

Since she had never approached me like this before, not only before my regression but also in the timeline that existed only in my memories…

‘This… if I time it right.’

I even considered swinging the dragon sword still hanging at my waist when she came within proper range.

But even though I hadn’t shown any change in my expression while thinking this, it was as if she had read my mind.

Desire’s body stopped just before reaching the distance where I could properly strike with my sword.

“Hehehe…”

She began to laugh in a manner different from her earlier maniacal laughter.

It was a type of laughter I had never heard before, not only in this private room but also during my time as her proxy.

If I had to describe it, it was a form so ill-fitting for her that I doubted whether this was correct.

It had something in common with the feeling of “pride” that an elder might feel when seeing something admirable in someone younger.

It was so absurd that even after recognizing it, I automatically wanted to ask “What?” in my mind.

I tried to completely forget what I had just perceived, like washing it away in flowing water.

“Remarkable, truly remarkable…”

Desire’s words came flying at me, not giving me a chance to dispel what I had just perceived.

“Really… in any situation, far from yielding to me, your first thought is always to attack me…”

Maintaining an appropriate distance from me, Desire began speaking, not giving me any leeway as she searched for a point to drive home her message.

“I find it so admirable that it pleases me.”

She drove the point home without hesitation as soon as she found it.

Admirable? Even if I heard such words from my family, Shizu, or even my superiors at the Imperial Knights, it would still not be enough.

To think I would hear the word “admirable” from someone I wanted to show the sharpness of my dragon sword to if they took just one step closer.

I never expected such praise to make my heart swell… as if it would!

I don’t want to hear such nonsense from you.

Hearing the unbelievable nonsense of her finding me admirable, I barely managed to keep my expression from contorting.

Dealing with Desire, who was scraping at my insides with a manner that made it impossible to distinguish whether she was pretending not to know or truly didn’t know, was an extremely painful task.

[….]

To the point where I missed Fafnir’s resonant and powerful voice that, for some unknown reason, was no longer echoing in my head due to our connection being completely severed.

#

Thus began my first private audience with Desire in this new life, which continued with one-sided talk from one party.

I probably don’t need to specify which side, but just to be clear:

“It’s good to see you. I’ve lost count after the tenth time, but it’s always a pleasure to see you, who is known to me by countless names.”

It was Desire who opened with words of welcome and then continued to spout whatever nonsense she wanted without pause.

I had expected proper threats directed at me, befitting a private audience.

But what came out of Desire’s mouth once she started talking had nothing to do with that—it was pure nonsense.

She said she had prepared a place in the palace where light could enter well, anticipating my arrival.

That I wouldn’t know, of course, but among the countless times she had repeatedly encountered me, she had never met me in such a good state as now.

She handed me freshly brewed black tea with just a gesture, despite the private room being empty, and asked how the aroma and taste were.

And other nutritionally void nonsense that made me dizzy just hearing it, starting from her mouth and piercing my ears to the point where I thought they might bleed.

…It reminded me again of how much I missed Fafnir’s resonant and powerful voice that used to echo in my head from time to time.

Perhaps sensing that my expression was souring more and more as she talked on and on:

“…Ahem.”

Desire still didn’t remove the smile from her expression directed at me, but she cleared her throat once to change the atmosphere.

“…You don’t seem very surprised.”

She opened again with seriousness, replacing the frivolity that had been evident just moments before.

If her initial nonsense was close to an essay where she just rambled about her personal matters to me:

“Usually, when you first meet me, you don’t understand what I’m saying and are just busy being afraid…”

This new offensive from Desire, which began with strange mutterings…

“Why is it that you now show so little fear when you see me? In your perception, I should be recognized as a massive being belonging to the realm of mythology.”

Was closer to reportage.

…How should I answer that question?

Should I clearly tell her from which point I remember, saying that I definitely remember the moment when I ended everything through self-harm because I didn’t want to be manipulated according to her will?

Or should I feign ignorance with an expression that says “What are you talking about?”

The pros and cons of what answer to give battled in my head for a short time, but…

“…”

In the end, no appropriate answer to that question emerged.

Looking at me, Desire quietly placed the cup of tea she had been savoring on the table and changed the subject.

Or rather, as if she had never intended to hear an answer to that question in the first place.

“Then let me ask a different question. This one should be easier for you to answer.”

“I’ll be the judge of that after I hear it.”

“Such a temper… But it will be easier to answer, so just listen without feeling burdened.”

Sip-

Taking a light breath to compose herself, her next words seemed like a real question.

“Just now, you seemed very interested in my cute proxy who left this room… am I right?”

It felt like a question shrouded in fog, with some intent hidden beneath a strange playfulness that was impossible to discern.

But at least I could answer this question.

“Interested?”

Ha-!

First letting out a slight laugh while opening like this:

“Since you seem to know what state I’m in right now, let me just say one thing.”

Raising the atmosphere with a voice full of stiffness:

“Did you think I would kneel before you of my own accord if you stirred my heart with such a fake?”

After I spat out my calm-toned response and resolution, having barely suppressed my passion:

“Huhu… hahahahaha!!”

Desire, who had been quietly listening to my words, soon burst into laughter that was no less… no, even worse than before.

I had the foolish thought that perhaps I had hit the mark and she was trying to gloss over it with laughter because she had nothing to say.

“Huhu… haha… Yes, that’s right. That child is a tool and bait I used to intimidate you.”

As Desire barely composed her laughter and opened her mouth, surprisingly readily admitting that she had used Imperfectio as a tool, I was about to feel deflated when:

“However…”

From Desire’s mouth, who had changed the subject with a voice containing a gravity different from when she had composed her laughter:

“Why do you think that child is fake?”

The moment these words came out:

“…”

I couldn’t help but frown, trying to grasp the intent behind Desire’s words.