Ch.265School Trip (4)

Anyway, originally we would have had to force our way into the train and fight our way through.

The plot was supposed to go something like this: We’d assume the boss was in the engine room, so the party members would work together to clear a path there.

After fighting through all sorts of enemies to reach the engine room, the player party would be shocked to find it completely empty.

“Ah, no…!! I can sense monsters all around us!!”

That’s when the companions would notice something was wrong and deliver their lines!

“I see… this train itself… is one giant monster!”

“What… is that so?! I thought the presence I was detecting felt too widespread… so that’s what it was!”

“I never would have imagined!! A monster of this size…!”

And then, with the protagonist’s realization, the train would transform into a giant robot—a typical development.

It’s a standard trope in supernatural battle stories. The plot twist where a mansion, train, or car has its own consciousness… it’s so common that people start getting suspicious whenever a large structure appears. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure really poisoned the minds of otaku…!!

———–

In a game, triggers would force you to enter the train, but this wasn’t a game—it was reality.

‘Why not just beat up the train from the start?’

That’s what I thought. We could clear this immediately that way.

“Thumbs-up Man. You prepared, right?”

I asked Thumbs-up Man.

“Ah. Of course. Here.”

Thumbs-up Man pulled out industrial equipment like sledgehammers and crowbars. I don’t know where he got them, but he had connections to acquire industrial tools. He’s quite the mysterious guy. Honestly, in a different setting, Thumbs-up Man had enough personality to be a protagonist himself. Ah, if only he weren’t bald, that is.

“This might be hard to believe, but the dungeon boss is the train itself.”

I said seriously.

“Let’s just beat the crap out of that train. Don’t use swords or you’ll damage their durability—use the industrial tools.”

That’s what I said.

“The train is the enemy?”

Sasix asked.

“Yeah. Going inside is a trap.”

I nodded as I spoke.

“Hmm… alright. But something feels off…!”

Sasix seemed to realize he’d lost his chance to show off his cool-guy persona.

Sorry, Sasix… for making you miss your chance to say something like “This train itself is a giant monster with psycho-robo abilities!!”

“Alright, everyone!! Let’s get to work!!”

I shouted loudly.

“Oh!!!”

Everyone looked dumbfounded at first, but soon they all took position with industrial tools in hand.

———-

BANG-!!! CRASH-!!! SMASH-!! CRACKLE-!!!

Everyone was holding sledgehammers, striking the train with tremendous force.

“KIYOOOOOOOT!!!”

I didn’t need industrial equipment. My Pinocchio Sword had infinite durability anyway. I unleashed a one-sided sword attack against the train.

CLANG-!! CLANG-!! CLAAANG-!

The train was quite sturdy, but I could cut through it somewhat by applying Flash Strike.

CLAAAAAANG-!

Soon, the front part of the train was sliced off.

“YEEEEK! This is fun!!”

Umi was swinging her sledgehammer like a maniac, quickly turning the train into scrap metal. A high school gyaru girl wildly swinging a sledgehammer in the dead of night… now that’s a rare sight.

KWAAANG-! KWANG-!

Taiga was striking the train’s wheels with controlled posture, turning them to scrap. He didn’t look like someone who had only handled sledgehammers or crowbars once or twice. Taiga… have you disposed of a body before? I keep trying not to be suspicious, but I can’t help it…!!

Anyway, the train was quickly being demolished. We didn’t even need to use psycho-robo abilities. Half our party was martial artists who didn’t rely on psycho-robos anyway.

CRASH-!!

The wheels of the train were completely destroyed. The iron horse… wants to run!!

However, the train didn’t move an inch.

“Shota. Isn’t this just a regular train? It’s not moving at all.”

Tina asked me.

“No. This is definitely a monster. Wow… it’s still pretending to be a train after all this beating? That’s hardcore.”

Even though it was an enemy, I had to give it credit.

“This isn’t working. I’ll have to use the ultimate measure.”

I immediately approached the train.

And lowered my pants.

“I’m going to piss on it.”

I declared resolutely.

“Uwahahahaha!! That’s gross!!”

Umi burst out laughing. It’s the kind of thing that would make her laugh. Umi is childish in a peculiar way—she giggles whenever someone mentions poop or pee.

“Sasix!! Thumbs-up Man!! I need fire support!”

I called out to the two men.

“Fire support my ass!!!”

Kana shouted loudly.

“Oh! No problem.”

Thumbs-up Man immediately lowered his pants. Wait. Thumbs-up Man’s black mamba… it’s huge! Even I was intimidated for a moment.

“Public urination is a bit…”

Sasix’s cool-guy personality couldn’t accept it.

“Come on!! It’s for the sake of the world!”

I said firmly.

“I refuse to urinate in public in front of my girlfriend!!”

Sasix shouted.

“How disappointing…”

I said with wistful eyes.

“……..!”

Sasix seemed to be struggling with my words.

“Just do it!! Do it!!”

Sasix was weak against pressure. Eventually, he stood beside me.

Sasix’s sausage was quite large too. Almost like Buddha’s finger. I wanted to scribble “Son Goku was here” on it.

“The three big guns…!”

I muttered without thinking.

“That’s such a vulgar name!!!!”

Sasix immediately got angry.

“Alright. Shhhhhhh…..”

I uttered the magic spell for peeing. This phrase makes even someone who just went to the bathroom feel like they need to pee again.

Well, I didn’t actually do it. This was just a threat.

“You despicable bastards!!!”

The train let out a thunderous cry.

That’s right. The threat worked perfectly. Yeah, it can endure pain. But golden showers are a different story.

“It really was a monster!!”

Taiga shouted loudly. Of course. When have I ever been wrong?

“I understand why Pink Beard wants to kill you all!! Such an uncivilized species deserves extinction!!”

The train shouted loudly.

Damn. That’s some proper villain logic.

“I declare!!! I’ll slice and dice you in seconds!!”

And then the train’s body began to transform.

WHIRR-! CLANK-! CLICK-!!

The train’s body dramatically transformed, taking on the shape of a robot.

Yeah, it’s an enemy… but damn, it looked cool.

“Decepticon… ACTIVATED!!!”

I blurted out without thinking. Honestly, I prefer Decepticons over those refugee Autobots. Autobots are basically just the Optimus Prime one-man show (this is strictly my personal opinion).

CLANK-! CLICK-!

Soon, the train completely transformed into something like an iron giant.

WHOOSH-!!

The flames surging from its core looked incredibly cool.

“A-amazing….”

Thumbs-up Man unconsciously gave a thumbs-up.

“Whoa….. this is quite….”

Sasix’s eyes were shining too.

“Damn… this is every man’s fantasy.”

Even though it was an enemy, I had to acknowledge its coolness.

“…….”

But the women in our group just stared at the train-man with indifference. This is why women…!

“Alright!! Sasix!! Time to use the Plague Doctor!! Cast the plague cloud now!”

I shouted loudly.

“Got it!! Plague Doctor!!! Come forth!!”

Sasix shouted with his hand raised high.

FLASH-!!!

The Plague Doctor immediately appeared.

Twitch-!!

At that moment, the Pinocchio Sword in my hand twitched.

“Master… every time I see that, I’m overwhelmed with feelings of inferiority…”

Pinocchio Sword mumbled.

“Bear with it, Pinocchio. Overcoming inferiority is part of growing up.”

I said.

Yeah, Pinocchio could never match that level of chuunibyou coolness.

HISSSSS-!

As the Plague Doctor’s lamp glowed green, a green mist swirled out from it.

This was the Plague Doctor’s comprehensive debuff technique. Reducing the opponent’s attack and defense power was just the basics. That’s… the fundamental aspect of any debuff. The core of this skill was elsewhere. The essence of this skill was “weakening.” It rapidly aged the enemy, drastically reducing their speed.

If you kept using the plague cloud whenever the cooldown reset, the opponent would never get a turn. With enough firepower, you could cast the plague cloud and beat them one-sidedly.

HISSSSS-!!

The plague mist spread thickly around the Big-Train Man.

“Huhahaha!!! Behold!!! The majesty of this supremely stable machine that has been in active service on eight planets across the galaxy for over 50 years…!!!”

Train Man immediately started explaining about the train.

Have highly evolved train enthusiasts become the trains themselves…!!!

However, Train Man couldn’t continue speaking.

WHIRRR-!!

Train Man’s body quickly began to rust.

“Defeeeeeeat… yoooou…!”

Train Man swung his fist sluggishly. It was as slow as a crawling ant.

Then suddenly he stopped his punch.

“What… was I trying to do?”

Train Man scratched his head with a drowsy expression. He was like a senile old man. This was the power of the plague cloud—rapid aging.

“Now’s our chance!! Everyone, attack!!!”

I shouted as I leaped high.

As everyone knows, that burning furnace-like core was its weak point.

“I’ll create an opening!!! Everyone, all-out attack!!”

I shouted as I jumped into the air.

FLASH-!

Right after, I threw my summoned Pinocchio Sword.

“M-Master?!!”

Pinocchio Sword flew straight toward Train Man’s core.

Thanks to the black mist effect coming from Pinocchio Sword, it created a path of mist. It really does look like a fart car.

Anyway, the Pinocchio Sword, thrown with no spin, lodged directly into Train Man’s core.

FWOOOOSH-!!!!

Cracks formed in Train Man’s core, and tremendous heat erupted.

“Hmm… damn it!!!”

Train Man collapsed face-first onto the ground with his weakened body.

“Now!! Time for an all-out attaaaack!!!!”

I gave the order to everyone.

Immediately after, our party members unleashed all sorts of attacks against Train Man.

BANG-! RATATATA-! CRASH-! CLANG-!

We were like Lilliputians beating up Gulliver.