Ch.24Unknown Knowledge (3)

Kirsy found it hard to accept the situation.

It felt incomplete.

Without Caden hugging her or saying he loved her, it felt like the situation wasn’t over. But he said it wasn’t just ending there—it would never happen again for the rest of their lives.

This sudden change was difficult to believe.

The hugs and kisses themselves weren’t the main issue. Well, she was somewhat dissatisfied about that, but more shocking was not being able to express the intimacy that those physical gestures symbolized.

He had said “forever.” That it would never happen again, forever.

Whether in happy times or sad times. Even as they grew older.

Something that had always been part of daily life was being forcibly torn away from her. It was hard to imagine. Even now, she couldn’t picture the future he had described.

Forever? When it was always insufficient. When she still longed for the warmth of his embrace.

Throughout all the time she had known him, there had never been a time when she couldn’t hug him. Never a time when she couldn’t kiss his cheek. Even when she was being scolded, she would be held while being reprimanded, or seek forgiveness through a kiss.

But now he was saying that was over.

Could he be joking?

As she always did when feeling dissatisfied or afraid, Kirsy slowly raised both arms. She approached him, wanting to be embraced. She quietly wanted to enter his arms.

“…I told you it’s not allowed, Kirsy.”

Caden’s hand stopped Kirsy’s steps. As if a barrier had been created, he completely blocked any contact.

“…I smell.”

And the reason for blocking all of this was because he said he smelled. How painful must his feelings be to say that he himself smelled?

“…..”

Kirsy didn’t want to believe the current situation. The comment about smelling had first come from her own mouth.

It was a rumor she had spread so others wouldn’t wonder what it was like to be in his arms.

She never expected it would come back like this.

Kirsy had never once thought he smelled bad. Rather, if anything, his scent was exactly to her taste—something she wanted to smell for the rest of her life, never once disliking it.

Even when he came back sweaty like this, it was the same. She was actually drawn to that masculine scent.

The comment about him smelling was a lie. She hadn’t wanted this situation.

“I like your smell… Stop joking and hug me quickly….”

She pleaded, but he didn’t waver.

“I’m not joking, Kirsy.”

Caden spoke while looking her straight in the eyes. It had been a while since she’d seen him like this.

He usually gave in to their whining eventually, but now he seemed completely unwavering no matter what she said.

“…Well, let’s go back now. The conversation is over. Let’s go eat, okay?”

With that, Caden turned his back.

Why was he acting like this? As if he knew something and was acting this way because of it…

-Thud.

In that moment, Kirsy felt like the ground was falling beneath her.

What if.

What if Caden knew that she had been talking behind his back?

“…Ah..”

What if he knew that she had said he smelled with her own mouth?

That would explain why he kept pushing her away despite her saying it was fine. It would explain why he directly said “I smell” while looking her straight in the eyes. It would explain why he wouldn’t yield to any aegyo or whining.

“…Aah..”

She couldn’t be certain, but the suspicion began to grow.

If that were the case, he would know everything. That she said he snored a lot, that she said he wasn’t that nice, that he smelled, that he was incompetent.

None of those comments had contained even a shred of sincerity.

But if he had heard them…

It wasn’t just about hugs—he might come to completely dislike her.

Disappointed by the betrayal, he might never want to face her again.

Such a crazy future was too frightening. A future where Caden didn’t love her. A future where she wasn’t his number one. She couldn’t accept such a future.

His turned back suddenly seemed to be getting so far away.

Kirsy quickly ran to block his path.

“…Why?”

Caden showed a small smile. If he really knew, she could feel his immeasurable consideration.

She had to apologize. She had to let him know. That it wasn’t true. That it wasn’t sincere.

“…Oppa..”

But what if it was a misunderstanding? What if he didn’t know? By apologizing, she would be confessing her sin.

The fact that his reputation had hit rock bottom, that someone was harassing him by breaking into his room, was ultimately because of her.

Also, she would have to reveal that those hurtful words first came from her mouth.

If he didn’t know, she didn’t have the courage to see Caden’s disappointed face after revealing this fact.

Moreover, if he did know, wasn’t his silence on the matter somewhat his wish? A wish not to talk about this issue… to just quietly let it pass.

So she couldn’t speak.

Even after stopping him, no words came out.

“What is it, Kirsy.”

“…Well..”

Kirsy swallowed hard. She racked her brain. What could she do to suppress this anxiety? How could she convey that it was all insincere without mentioning the gossip?

“…Oppa, you know I really love you, right? Really. You know I love you more than anyone else in the world, right?”

Kirsy showed her whole heart. She spoke with more sincerity than ever before.

“…..”

Caden, with a smile on his lips, rolled his eyes for a moment, then said,

“..Did you?”

Normally, the answer “I know” should have come without a moment’s hesitation.

The problem was that brief silence. Through that brief silence, it felt like he was speaking to her.

Asking how she could gossip about him if she loved him so much.

Kirsy felt like her heart was being carved out. She had to do well here.

“Re…really. I really love you.”

Kirsy once again spread her arms and approached him. She was prepared to attempt a kiss if she could just hug him. She continued to appeal to him while proposing the greatest expression of affection she knew.

But Caden waved his hand.

“I said that’s enough of that. But, okay. Thank you for loving me.”

And Caden slightly avoided her and walked forward again.

Kirsy’s heart pounded.

****

They ate dinner with smiles.

They exchanged various jokes and shared stories about the Academy.

They parted on good terms. It seemed there would be no issues when they met the next day.

But it was all because the twins were hiding their true feelings.

The fact that she couldn’t hug him, couldn’t kiss him, was darkening her heart.

Indeed, more than missing the physical contact itself, what was hardest was not being able to express the symbolism of that skinship, that intimacy.

Kirsy stroked her empty forehead. Normally when parting like this, it would be warm from his kiss,

but today it was so cold.

-Creak, thud.

The twins didn’t say anything to each other until they entered the dormitory.

They didn’t even exchange good night greetings. Right now, they didn’t have the composure to offer even such simple greetings with a smile.

Silently, they each went to their rooms, biting their lips, grabbing their hair, hugging themselves, calling out to Caden, spending a sleepless night.

Both feared the future ahead.

****

Several days had passed, but as I had declared, I neither hugged nor kissed the twins. I was even careful about stroking their hair.

It was difficult for me too. When they looked depressed, I wanted to hug them, and when we met in the morning or parted at night, I wanted to kiss their cheeks as a greeting, but I held back.

Also… to be honest, I was somewhat upset. After all my care for them, it wasn’t comfortable to know they were gossiping behind my back.

Saying they would expel me, cursing me… it felt like all the affection I had poured out was turning to foam.

So for now, even though the twins in front of me said they liked me and asked for hugs,

I was pushing away their requests, unsure whether they truly liked me or actually disliked me.

If they truly liked me, they were paying a price.

If they disliked me, well… there was nothing wrong with that.

Honestly, I was leaning toward “they don’t really like me that much.” The double shock of the gossip and the expulsion proposal was significant.

So I don’t think the path I’m walking is wrong. I will slowly prove my worth to stay with the Praester Family and help the twins. At the same time, since they seem uncomfortable with me, I’ll step back one step at a time to maintain a certain distance.

I headed to the training ground for class. Several peers were warming up in preparation.

The influence of the competition was definitely felt. Some had been defeated by me and fallen off their horses, but friendship had blossomed from that, and the negative talk about me was fading.

And among them, there was one person who caught my eye.

Judy, who hadn’t been attending classes recently, was visible.

“Judy!”

I called her name in surprise. She glanced at me and raised her hand slightly to wave.

As I got closer, I could see her skin was dry. There were dark circles under her eyes. She didn’t look well.

I asked,

“Why haven’t you been coming lately?”

“……I was injured.”

Although I had caused her to fall off her horse… this somehow seemed like a lie. It wasn’t my place to say after what I’d done, but even looking at her now, she wasn’t wearing any splints, nor did she appear uncomfortable.

“Where were you injured?”

I asked while examining her body. She didn’t answer and looked into the distance.

“…..”

“…Judy, we agreed to talk to each other if something happened.”

“…..”

“Last time, I told you about what my siblings did to me and relieved my discomfort. Now it’s your turn to accept my help. Or is it really because of me?”

“……It’s not that.”

I raised my head and folded my arms. Looking at her, I saw a familiar sight. Perhaps because I had taken care of my siblings for so long? I could tell there was something she didn’t want to talk about.

But if I just said, “Oh, really? Okay then,” and left, things would get more complicated. This was something that needed to be addressed if she wasn’t talking about it.

“….Stay after class. Let’s talk.”

I declared.

****

Throughout the class, Judy couldn’t concentrate. As I said, she didn’t appear injured, but she was dazed, just as I had been after hearing the twins’ gossip.

Since it was a class using wooden swords, even one mistake resulted in bruises, so Judy was now covered in bruises all over her arms and legs.

I approached Judy, who was sitting on the ground nursing her sore body, and sat down beside her.

All the other peers had left the training ground by then.

Although it was a spacious place, we could sit as if having a secret conversation, just the two of us.

“So why?”

“……”

“You’re still not feeling better even after working out?”

There’s something refreshing about the mind after exercise. The reason I waited until after class was partly because such talk should be postponed during class, but also because I wanted to have this conversation with a lighter heart after working up a sweat.

“….Is it family business? Right?”

Judy showed her first reaction by burying her head in her knees. Being an adopted child myself, I could quickly guess what kind of story she couldn’t share.

“Well… since you haven’t been seen since the competition, something must have happened at the competition, right?”

“….”

Since she wasn’t saying anything, I started deducing one by one. From her lack of denial, it seemed I hadn’t said anything wrong so far.

“Then I guess family members were at the competition. And you wanted to look good. Right?”

“…..That’s not it.”

“Didn’t you have an older brother, just a year older? In the political science department. The eldest son of the Ice Family.”

“…..I don’t know. I told you we don’t get along.”

“….Hmm…..”

“…….Hah..”

Judy sighed with her head still buried in her knees. In that state, she finally began to speak. I could feel her suppressing her emotions.

“….A letter came saying they hoped I would win.”

“….From whom?”

“…….Father.”

“…….Ah.”

That was enough of the story. I could quickly understand why she was acting this way.

Even from just a few words, it was easy to tell that Judy Ice was an illegitimate daughter estranged from her family, but I knew why she had to be this way.

In the end, her family was all she had. No matter how poorly she got along with the family members, no matter how much she was disrespected as an illegitimate daughter, Judy would want their recognition and love.

It wasn’t because she was foolish, but because that was all she had.

I could understand. The reason I couldn’t easily abandon the twins might include something similar to this.

The Praester Family has become an inseparable part of me, almost as if they are the only connection given to me in this world. It’s not something I can easily be pushed away from or leave out of boredom, even if they try to push me away.

So I could understand Judy.

“….I’m sorry.”

I said quietly. She was in this state because I had taken the victory. That’s not to say I should have let her win or anything like that… but I could offer an apology on a humanitarian level.

It feels a bit uncomfortable. After all, I won the championship for the twins, but all we did afterward was fight.

Maybe it would have been better if Judy had won.

“…Hic…uhic..”

Suddenly, sobbing sounds came from beside me. Judy was still burying her head in her knees, and in that state, she began to cry.

“What, are you crying?”

I quickly turned my body to face her. I bent down to see her face, but she was thoroughly hiding it.

“Hey… don’t cry..! This isn’t the last competition..! There are many opportunities to prove yourself, so how can you despair just because you lost once? Judy, and second place is amazing too!”

“Sniff…hic..hiccup..”

“It’s okay, really? Huh? Next time, you can win next time..!”

“How can I win when you’re there..! Hiccup..”

Judy suddenly burst out in frustration. I was flustered and couldn’t get my bearings. It was the first time I had seen a woman other than my sisters cry.

I stammered before speaking with difficulty.

“Practice..! You can practice more. And I’ll help you too. Oh, and..! We don’t always have to be adversaries..! There might be team competitions… Then I’ll definitely help you, okay?”

“……Sniff..”

“So stop crying now. Okay?”

She continued to bury her face in her knees no matter what I said.

I quickly racked my brain.

What would I do if Kirsy or Asena were like this?

I imagine Kirsy is the one crying now. She doesn’t listen no matter what I say and doesn’t stop crying. Then…

“…..”

I placed my hand on Judy’s head. And slowly stroked it. Judy’s body flinched in surprise, then she slightly raised her head to look at me. This must have been the right answer.

“It’s okay. You can do better next time.”

Judy’s eyes stared at me intently, then shifted behind me.

Somehow, it felt like a large shadow was cast behind me.

I turned around.

A woman was approaching from a distance.

A silver-haired beauty. Without a smile.

It was Kirsy. As always, she had come looking for me after class ended.

Her eyes were fixed on my hand. I felt a strange pressure.

Only when she came close did she speak.

“….Oppa..”

“Kirsy, when did you get here.”

She ignored my words.

“….Why are you stroking that person?”

“…Huh? Oh…she was crying, so I was comforting her…”

She said,

“When I was crying a few days ago… you didn’t hug me.”

“…..”

Kirsy continued to approach me. I slowly stood up. She was getting too close.

She was slightly raising both arms. As if she wanted to hug me.

I raised one hand to stop her. At that, Kirsy’s face grew colder.

….Perhaps this was the face of the villainous Kirsy that characters in the novel had seen.

Her eyes glanced at Judy Ice once, then fixed back on my face.

She bit her lip slightly, then clutched the fabric at her chest.

She whispered in a barely audible voice:

“….Could it be that she’s more precious to you than I am?”