Ch.23Female Status Window NPC. (1)

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“…What the hell is this.”

Around the time I had nearly crawled down the cliff, struggling between life and death, the status window, which had lost its consciousness, started going crazy.

A sudden level explosion—no matter how I think about it, there’s no reason for this…

“…Shit.”

I hope I’m wrong.

I hope it’s just the experience from killing slimes. Or maybe that bastard golem’s final hit counted as mine.

Suddenly my body feels lighter, and my rings and bracelets disappear as if weathering away.

The emerald necklace around my neck loses its light and turns into a mere stone. Please, please, please.

Ignoring the increased stats and HP, I throw myself down the remaining part of the cliff.

Somehow I felt like this height would be fine.

And then.

-Thud!!

My lightened body allowed me to land safely like a cat, even from quite a height. But I pay no attention to this fact and look around.

Yellowish, melted rocks everywhere, as if something had exploded—probably the landscape created by the fallen slime.

I ran toward where the scenery looked more severe.

Somehow I can see better, and it’s easier to identify and avoid the still-dissolving ground, but I’m not particularly interested in that either.

I just run, hoping that the truth behind this level explosion is… hopefully what I want it to be.

And then.

“…Ah.”

There’s nothing.

A crater where clearly something massive had crashed down. The spot where it appeared, a place I definitely can’t enter any further. Looking at the center from that position, there’s not even a trace of the Mime Golem.

“Hey! Gor!! Are you dead?! Answer me!!!”

I shout as if maintaining composure, trying to sound normal, but only my voice echoes emptily between the valley walls below the cliff.

“Hey!! Beautiful view here!! Should I take my clothes off?!!”

[……]

The indifferent floating status window, and even when I deliberately pull back my hood again, still nothing appears.

“…Ah, shit.”

Someone told me in my past life that men only cry three times in their lives, but I already cried when my father passed away, so I only have one time left.

“You bastard. You could’ve at least called me master.”

I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and turn around. Damn status window, it said it wouldn’t die but it went and died anyway.

No matter how I think about it, this wasn’t experience from killing just one level 270 monster; it must be a gift that bastard left me before dying.

“…Damn you. You should’ve just asked me to give you a name.”

I can’t help thinking that I didn’t need this kind of gift.

I turn my back without checking my increased level or status and head toward the cliff.

I never really liked that stone lady Ira anyway. I just stayed close because it felt cool when I hugged her. Yeah, it’s just an early farewell, that’s what I’ll think…

[Not a bastard but a bitch.]

“Huh?”

Those words appeared on the small status window in front of me. What?

“You, you!! I thought you said you wouldn’t die?!!”

[I didn’t die.]

“But, but the golem is dead!!”

[Were you worried?]

“Wo-worried? What nonsense are you talking about?!”

[The cliff is 700 meters high. Being honest will earn you more points.]

Sigh. To think I worried about this jerk. The greatest disgrace of my life.

I glared at the status window with full irritation and shouted.

“Damn it! Fine!! You said you wouldn’t die, but you didn’t answer, so I followed you! And then the golem just drops dead and becomes an experience container?! Now you’re useless too!!”

When I shouted angrily, the status window says nothing.

Honestly, I don’t really care if this jerk is alive, but I’m annoyed that it’s mocking someone who was worried, so I should say more…

[I’m sorry for making you worry.]

“…You crazy bastard.”

[……]

The sudden apology makes me lose all intention to say anything more. Sigh, can’t be helped.

“Fine. If you’re safe, just keep talking nonsense beside me. Ira will miss you. She liked you because you were cool…”

[And, I’m sorry again. I can’t move right now, please help me.]

“Huh?”

What? Can’t move? But it’s moving just fine… Where are you going?

The small status window floats away, moving somewhere. As if telling me to follow. No, as if assuming I’ll definitely follow it.

Ha! Who’s the master and who’s the status window here? This is completely like I’m the tool!

I guess the golem is alive somewhere, and it started guiding me, and I was worrying about how to repair the golem if its legs had melted off…

[Welcome, Master.]

“…My goodness. What is this now.”

My worries instantly vanish, leaving only bewilderment and confusion. And then.

[See? Not a crazy bastard but a crazy bitch. Right?]

The gray-colored woman displayed a status window in front of herself, making my worries even deeper.

*

She’s damn heavy. Compared to Ira, she’s about 100 times heavier.

[Telling a woman she’s heavy results in low points.]

“Shut up. You’re not a woman, you’re a golem.”

[I’m a Slamaim Golem. Female, to be precise.]

“Between the titles you give me and just combining names, is that all? Can you do slime-like things? And why does a golem have gender anyway?”

[I gained skills. Some things are possible. And it’s not about the golem, it’s about myself.]

After climbing up the cliff carrying the golem that had become a woman, I put her down.

She’s really damn heavy.

“And what’s with your hands?”

[My arms and legs melted first, and I didn’t have enough time to reshape them. I’ll restore them as my MP recovers.]

“…Right, do as you please.”

It was good that she changed her appearance after devouring the slime, but Gor said she didn’t realize her limbs had melted off and used all her remaining MP on reshaping herself.

As a result, she became a not-so-funny pretty girl golem with stubby hands and no legs. Enthusiasts of that sort of thing would go crazy over this appearance.

Of course, being a gentleman, I don’t think of it that way…

[Level up: View details]

“…What are you doing?”

[You can see if you press it.]

“Why should I look at that right now?”

[The texture will be soft. Because I’m a slime.]

“That has nothing to do with why I should view the details right now.”

[Press it.]

“No way, you crazy bastard.”

How should I deal with this lunatic who displays the “View details” on her chest and shakes her body, telling me to press it, just like before?

Should I just leave her here?

[I killed the slime. I think I deserve a reward.]

“…You really are crazy.”

[I’m a she. Please press it just once.]

“Haaa.”

-Press. Squish.

[Ahh♡]

I absolutely hate this. For real.

*

[-Occupation: Mountain Keeper NPC- Level: 355 Name: Jack. Age: 16.]

[Strength: 110+?]

[Agility: 139+?]

[Intelligence: 6+?]

[Luck: 3+??]

[HP: 302,235+???]

[MP: 0+0]

[Skill: Mountain Manager]

[Mountain Manager Effect: All stats slightly increase in the mountains you manage.]

[new! Skill: Slamaim Golem Tamer]

[Slamaim Golem Tamer Effect: When giving direct orders to the golem, grants additional stats to strength and agility proportional to your own stats.]

[Mountains under management: -Ponia- -Ottoman Empire- (How to register surrounding mountains: View details)]

[Titles: View details.]

[Titles: Mountain Keeper who killed the Celestial Horse. Mining Mountain Keeper. Mountain Keeper who earned the Mime Golem’s favor. Mountain Keeper who enslaved the blonde wall-in swordswoman. Your local mountain is awesome? Sister-complex Mountain Keeper.]

[new!: Hyperacidic Slime Killer. Beloved by Golem. Tsundere Mountain Keeper.]

“…Wait a damn minute. What are these titles and skills? Tsundere? Do you want to die?”

[If I may speak to avoid death, I didn’t assign those titles. The skills also derive from your actions.]

“…Ha. But why didn’t my intelligence increase? It only went up by the accessory’s additional stats, not a single point more.”

[…I find that regrettable.]

“You damn bitch.”

[Golem bitch, to be precise.]

My negative luck disappeared, and my strength and agility increased significantly.

Strength seems to have increased by 1.1 per level, and agility, excluding the 7 additional stats from accessories, increased by almost 1.5 per level.

Wow, these stats are almost 150? Except for intelligence and luck, that is. But you know what?

“I can’t help thinking that the stats that should have gone to intelligence went to HP instead.”

[Don’t worry, I’ll support you well, Master.]

“…Are you mocking me for being stupid?”

[Ira is smart too, so it should be fine.]

Haha, hahaha!! It’s not wrong, but why does it make me feel so bad?

Accessories that provide fixed additional stats won’t be effective if purchased from shops from now on.

From now on, I need to find rare or unique accessories, or raid drop items… Huh? Wait.

“Gor. Didn’t you get anything when you killed the slime? Equipment, accessories, or even the monster’s core?”

[……]

There’s no way nothing dropped after killing a raid boss.

At the very least, normal items should drop, and even if the world was being unfair and nothing dropped, there should at least be magic stones.

But Gor, hearing my words, turns her head to the side and just stares down at the valley.

Ah, I see.

“You golem bitch, you ate it all, didn’t you?!!”

[Aah!!! Please, don’t throw me!! I’m sorry!! I’m sorry!!!]

It seems my golem is trying to become an unjust pretty thief girl.

Of course, even if the Lord permits it, I have no intention of allowing it, you bitch!!!