Ch.23Fatalism?

As soon as I regained consciousness in a hospital room, I saw Leo and Agath in front of me. And immediately, I asked one question.

“Is Ju-an okay?”

I had seen him drink the holy water and his complexion improve. But whether he had completely recovered remained uncertain.

While I was still worrying, Leo sighed and said, “He almost died—a few seconds later would have been too late—but he’s fine now. But shouldn’t you be worried about your own condition first?”

“I’m fine. So Ju-an is really okay, right?”

“Do you really think your condition is fine?”

“Then what’s wrong with my condition?”

“You have just enough blood left to keep you alive, and all your organs are twisted. So what exactly did you two do to end up in such a state?”

If my organs are twisted after using only 2-3 years of my lifespan, what would happen if I used more?

I really need to stop using my lifespan as bullets.

“I used a lot of blood and lifespan as bullets.”

“I believe I told you not to use your lifespan unless absolutely necessary.”

“If I hadn’t used my lifespan, we would have been on the verge of death, you know?”

“Well, in that case, you had to use it. So how much lifespan did you use?”

“About 2 to 3 years.”

Leo sighed even more deeply than before and said, “…Who were you fighting that made you use that much?”

“A demon with disgustingly fast regeneration.”

“Ah, that bastard? That makes sense. But why didn’t you run away instead of fighting?”

“If we had run away, there would have been no one to protect the shelter from the demon.”

“…Don’t tell me you two were the only ones defending the shelter?”

“Yes.”

Leo sighed even more heavily and stood up.

“I’m going to ask that senile old man a few questions. Don’t do anything weird while I’m gone.”

After Leo left, Agath looked at me with satisfaction and said, “Sacrificing your lifespan to protect someone you love—you’re the very definition of a female in love!”

“…You really have a talent for making people sick.”

It’s so disgusting that I could empty my stomach right now if there were a bathroom nearby.

“But what else would you call it if not a female in love?”

“What the fuck? How is that love in any way?”

“Then why did you throw yourself into danger to protect that boy?”

“Well, partly to save myself,”

If I hadn’t used my lifespan, I would have died from the demon’s attack. So trading 2-3 years for roughly 80 years is actually a good deal.

My body does feel weaker than usual, but I was already weak to begin with, so it doesn’t really matter.

“But mostly because I never want to see my best friend die again.”

It feels bitter and empty to see a stranger die. But how would it feel to watch a friend of 12 years die right in front of you?

He could have survived if he had moved just a little more. But he couldn’t move that little bit and ended up engulfed in flames.

That’s how Ju-an died before my eyes. But at that time, I couldn’t think of anything.

I just couldn’t believe what was happening. Even though I saw him burn to death right in front of me, I couldn’t believe it at all.

I kept thinking he would come back fine any minute and joke around like usual. And that tomorrow we would go to school together, having the same meaningless conversations as always.

While I stood there in a daze, denying reality, I died too.

After that, we were both lucky enough to be reincarnated. And in my new life, I got gender-swapped, beaten up by villains, stabbed in dungeons…

Anyway, I went through so many painful experiences that there was no room for grief over losing a friend.

And I vaguely hoped that Ju-an was living well in this world, which helped me forget for a while.

Fortunately, that positive possibility came true. I can’t express how relieved I was to see him standing in front of the office, perfectly fine.

Now we can have meaningless chats like before. We can go out together like always.

Ju-an is still alive. Thanks to that, I never had to experience the grief of losing a friend.

But death always comes suddenly. The ordinary life I was lucky to regain was about to slip away again.

I couldn’t accept that. I didn’t want to lose the daily life I had just gotten back. I didn’t want to feel that emptiness again.

So I fought desperately. Thanks to that, Ju-an is still alive.

We can have meaningless conversations again. We can go out together again. I don’t have to feel that emptiness again.

That’s reason enough to sacrifice 2-3 years of my lifespan.

But Agath, seemingly unaware of the pain of losing a friend, still asked me with confusion:

“Is that boy so important to you?”

“Of course he’s important. He’s been my friend for 12 years.”

“So how much do you love him now?”

“I don’t fucking love him at all.”

Friendship and love are completely different. Just because he’s as precious as family doesn’t mean I love him.

I’m not gay to begin with. I’m a normal guy who’s attracted to women, not men.

Even though my body has changed like this, my mind is still a man’s. And I’ll always remain a man.

Me, feeling attracted to him? Feeling attracted to a guy I’ve known for 12 years? That’s disgusting.

Well, it could be possible—if I completely lost my memories. But that will never happen.

“Everyone says that at first. But later, you’ll become inseparable.”

“Why are you saying such shitty things today of all days?”

I had decided to cut back on swearing. But her words are so disgusting that I can’t help it.

Honestly, I think it’s Agath’s fault for making me swear.

As the atmosphere grew increasingly hostile, Ju-an suddenly opened the door and came in.

“Ah, your husband is here. I’ll give you two some space.”

Seeing this, Agath kept saying disgusting things as she hurriedly left.

…I really want to kill her.

Anyway, Ju-an spoke to me with concern.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?”

“I’m fine, so take care of yourself.”

“But I heard your condition has gotten much worse…”

“Don’t ruin the mood. Just let it go.”

“…I’m sorry. I should have held out longer.”

Ju-an barely survived by a matter of seconds, and here he is saying such things. He really doesn’t know how to value himself.

Such a pushover… whoever marries him in the future will have an exhausting time. They’ll have to fend off all the scammers who target him because of his gullible personality, and cook tons of food too.

If his wife is equally gullible, they’ll just get scammed until they go bankrupt. He really needs to find a good wife…

While I was worrying about these useless things, Ju-an suddenly spoke up.

“Do you remember when I was in fourth grade?”

“When those kids were bullying you?”

“Yeah.”

“Of course I remember. How could I forget that?”

After summer vacation ended and we entered fourth grade, friends who had played with us until the previous year suddenly started ostracizing Ju-an.

The reason for bullying? Bullying doesn’t really need a reason. They just need to find some excuse.

Basically, they didn’t like having someone better than them around. So they probably did it out of spite.

Anyway, Ju-an was fine when I was with him, but the moment I looked away, he would get bullied.

There was also a lot of gossip going around, so I had to help him manage his mental health too.

Imagine going through that process for over a year—it’s absolute hell.

What if I became a target of bullying too? Well, there’s an unwritten rule in elementary school that you don’t mess with the strong kids.

Anyway, I call that year a wasted year.

“Once again, I only received help from you… I thought I could at least protect you this time…”

This damn guy is being annoying again with his self-pity.

“I would have died without you. So this time, you did protect me.”

“But you even used your lifespan…”

“We both survived. That’s what matters.”

If things ended well, why keep arguing about it?

It’s been a while since I’ve had to take care of his mental state like this.

“And from now on, if things seem dangerous, just run away, okay?”

“But what if people die because of that?”

“Are the lives of strangers more important than your own life?”

“Even if they’re strangers, they’re precious to someone else…”

“You’re really precious to me, you know? So please learn to be more careful, you idiot.”

I’m so frustrated I could die. Does he think everything will be solved if he dies?

“…Okay. I’ll be more careful from now on.”

Ju-an replied with a reddened face. Finally, he’s listening. How nice would it have been if he had listened from the start?

While I was nagging him a few more times, a woman with orange hair whom I’d seen before rushed in and opened the door. She glared at me and said:

“Thanks for saving Ju-an. But I’m not going to hand him over to you so easily.”

This woman is saying incomprehensible things while being wary of me. I can tell she has feelings for Ju-an. But why is she being cautious around me?

…Wait a minute.

“Are you good at cooking?”

“Cooking? I think I’m pretty decent.”

“Can you cook more than 20 servings a day?”

“Twenty servings? I could manage somehow.”

She’s satisfied the first condition for being Ju-an’s wife.

“Then how good is your intuition?”

“…Are you trying to provoke me?”

“I’m being serious right now. So how good is your intuition?”

“Much better than yours!”

The woman shouted loudly, seemingly annoyed.

She has quite a strong spirit. With that kind of strength, she’ll never get scammed. She’s satisfied the second condition too. So I’d say she passes.

“It’s going to be tough, but good luck.”

She’s going to have a really hard time. And there will be a terrifying number of competitors. But that’s not my problem.

Precious things don’t just come to you. You have to fight for them yourself.

“Just watch! I won’t lose!”

The woman is squawking as if she’s indignant. She seems determined enough. That’s good.

I silently cheered for her in my heart. Then Rebecca opened the door and came in.

Finally, the person I’ve been waiting for. I’m already itching to tease Rebecca.

“Lite, do you understand now? Fate never changes…”

While Rebecca was saying something, she and Ju-an made eye contact. And I said in a mocking tone:

“I thought you said fate doesn’t change?”

Rebecca then stood there blankly, as if in panic.

…I haven’t even started teasing her yet.

***

Even after Ju-an and the orange-haired woman left, Rebecca continued staring into space with empty eyes.

…Surely she couldn’t have been hurt by just one comment?

As the day was coming to an end, Rebecca finally spoke.

“Lite, could you do me a favor?”

Her voice, which had seemed lifeless before, now had strength in it, and her eyes, which had been dull, were now shining with a golden light.

If she had seemed like a walking corpse before, now she felt like a truly living person.

“What kind of favor?”

“No matter what fate it is, please change fate just once more—just one more time.”

Rebecca continued speaking as if desperate.

“If you succeed… then I’ll cooperate in stopping the Demon King.”

Rebecca suddenly offered a deal with very good terms. Does she have some hidden agenda?

“Alright. I’ll give it a try.”

But there’s no reason to refuse. And if I succeeded once, why would I fail again?

For some reason, I have a terribly ominous feeling, but that’s probably just my imagination.