Ch.238Three Clans (5)

I vaguely thought I needed to find a solution.

But in reality, there was nothing Lorian could do. Rather, she couldn’t even sense what the solution might be.

She had never experienced mental illness before, and even if she had, she doubted it would have manifested like this.

Though it was just a hypothesis and therefore meaningless, even if she had experienced the same symptoms before, no solution would have come to mind.

Lorian knew this instinctively. As she returned to the room and watched Llewellyn stretch out his body, she realized it deeply.

“Ugh, I’m tired. So tired.”

Lorian stared at Llewellyn’s slightly exposed stomach as he stretched.

It was a well-toned abdomen. Though as a blood vessel, he didn’t need to train it.

From Lorian’s perspective, Llewellyn was working hard. Every day when he had time, he would exchange sword techniques with Lucilla or Melody, and even spar with the recovering Sword Saint.

Lorian occasionally joined them. And from what she observed, Llewellyn was no longer at the same level as when she had beheaded him in the past.

That growth was pleasing. The physical changes that accompanied his growth were also appealing.

Llewellyn’s physique had been excellent before, but now it was on an entirely different level.

His muscles throughout his body had gained elasticity to fluidly transfer power, and the utilization of his joints, which had been lacking compared to his physical abilities, had significantly improved, bringing vitality to his movements.

Smooth, natural, and flexible. Lorian enjoyed feeling Llewellyn’s muscles.

If she could have her way, she would place her hands on that body and feel it through his blood. Each vein, the movement of muscles, the flow of that body.

But she didn’t. Rather, Lorian hardly ever joined Llewellyn’s training. She occasionally agreed to participate, but most of the time, she just watched or absented herself.

The reason for that was right here. Lorian stared blankly at the exposed stomach, the divided muscles visible on his abdomen.

Her eyes widened. Her hands unconsciously clenched and fidgeted.

This was clearly fascination. While she believed this without doubt, she also wondered:

If this truly was fascination, then did attraction and thoughts with known reasons not count as fascination?

Or if even those were fascination, where did her own thoughts end and something else begin?

Lorian didn’t know the answer. Despite having lived a long time, this was her first experience with fascination.

Unaware of these inner thoughts, Llewellyn, who was stretching with carefree leisure, approached her.

“Hey, with that personality, you could at least give a heads-up. I was anxious not knowing what was going on.”

Though he said it with a smile, it was probably true. Llewellyn had shown signs of anxiety even while speaking honestly earlier.

Fortunately, things had worked out well, but Lorian knew Llewellyn was right.

“I’m sorry. I…”

“No, this bastard’s trying to bury himself again. Did I ask for an apology?”

What else was she supposed to do? When Lorian glared at him, Llewellyn flinched and then smiled awkwardly.

“I was just saying. Why are you so concerned? We’re friends.”

Lorian didn’t like that either. She hadn’t accepted him as a friend, yet Llewellyn seemed to have already drawn that conclusion.

No, was that really what bothered her? The fact that he acted freely and handled Lorian as he pleased?

‘…Or is it the opposite?’

A momentary but sharp insight. Lorian pondered the thought that had occurred to her and blinked in considerable confusion.

‘That can’t be.’

Lorian is a Blood Knight. She’s an executioner acknowledged by the entire blood clan, and possesses outstanding martial prowess counted among the top of her clan.

Though she lost some of her previous skills and physical abilities when she became a woman, she caught up through training, adaptation, and practical experience. Having completely become a woman, Lorian was now an entirely different being from before.

Of course, there were drawbacks. What she gained from becoming a woman included periodic condition fluctuations and depression due to menstruation, as well as an inexplicable madness directed at Llewellyn.

It was calm now that they were alone in the room, but Lorian’s insides twisted just from seeing Llewellyn conversing with others.

Her non-beating heart seemed to beat, feeling like it might jump out of her body.

Her blood became viscous and clung to her blood vessels, causing anemia, and the goosebumps running up the back of her neck created a pulling sensation at the base of her skull.

Her eyes would inexplicably heat up, and she felt that tears might fall if she didn’t pay attention.

And also, the fragile thought that it wouldn’t be strange if that happened, and perhaps it would even be acceptable.

For herself, the executioner and Blood Knight of the clan, to shed tears.

It was something unacceptable to Lorian. But there was nothing she could do about it.

It was truly a physiological response. She would become irritated just from seeing Llewellyn talking with other women.

‘I’m insane. Completely insane.’

It was disgraceful. A Blood Knight who should serve her master with loyalty was displaying strange emotions toward Llewellyn, who should rightfully become her new master, and speaking curtly with the mouth that should be offering counsel and unwavering loyalty.

She should speak kindly, like a proper knight maintaining her loyalty.

But that wasn’t easy. When facing Llewellyn, words wouldn’t come out of her mouth.

Like words filtered through a net, only the harshest remained. The words that floated on the net wouldn’t come out, and only the words left on her tongue were bluntly spat out.

It was happening now too.

“I recall saying that I don’t consider you a friend.”

Llewellyn stopped. He looked at Lorian with wide gray eyes, as if shocked.

Seeing that expression, Lorian’s heart fluttered. He looked pitiful. He was pitiful, but…

He was a little cute. Why cute? Lorian rolled her eyes for no reason.

“We’re… more like a servant and master rather than friends.”

It was an excuse she struggled to come up with, but Llewellyn wasn’t convinced. He made a sullen, blank expression, and Lorian couldn’t meet his eyes, rubbing her forearm instead.

Ambivalent feelings filled her.

While thinking she wanted to see more of Llewellyn’s hurt expressions, seeing such expressions made her heart ache, and she didn’t want to see them.

She wanted to reassure him by saying she didn’t think that way, that she actually considered him a friend, even though it wasn’t true.

But it was impossible. Lorian instinctively knew it was impossible.

She didn’t know why.

“That’s not right. How long have we been together?”

In truth, it hasn’t been that long. But the density was different. If Lorian were to say that, she couldn’t refute it, but she felt strange.

Suddenly, other women came to mind.

People who clearly seemed to have deep relationships with Llewellyn.

“…Are Isla, Melody, and Lucilla also friends?”

Llewellyn flinched at the accurately mentioned names.

The fact that Rie Hezedia and Eshatherna’s names weren’t mentioned proved that Lorian’s perception wasn’t lacking. Llewellyn’s mouth gaped open, and Lorian didn’t miss his reaction.

“What makes them not friends, but me a friend?”

“Well…”

“Would you explain it to me?”

Llewellyn swallowed with an inexplicable chill.

The reason was obvious. Isla, Melody, and Lucilla were lovers.

Lorian was not.

Despite being a woman, she received clearly different treatment. It couldn’t be dismissed as special treatment.

That’s why Lorian’s expression wasn’t pleasant. She folded her arms, swayed by emotions without even knowing why she was acting this way.

“That’s… hard to explain…”

Lorian knew she was being swayed by emotions but couldn’t stop herself.

If it were possible to stop, how could it be called emotion? Lorian stared at the troubled Llewellyn for a moment, then closed her eyes.

She closed her eyes because looking at him didn’t make her angry. She sighed. As the breath held inside was exhaled, reason returned a little and whispered.

Is this right? What has Llewellyn done wrong to deserve this?

You are a knight, and Llewellyn is the master you should serve, so show an appropriate attitude.

It was right. Clearly right, but…

“Do you dislike being friends with me that much? Why…?”

Lorian opened her eyes. That statement also bothered her somehow.

It seemed like he was evading while knowing everything. Lorian looked at Llewellyn without knowing her own emotions or reasons.

The situation wasn’t appropriate either. This place could potentially become enemy territory, and if things went even slightly wrong, Lorian would have to jump from this floating fortress with Llewellyn to attempt an escape.

But Lorian couldn’t question or confront him.

The emotion was too strong to simply ask and move on. Like a snowball growing as it rolls, Lorian gradually felt that emotion dragging at her ankles.

Moreover, Llewellyn’s expression was too sorrowful to confront.

Blinking, Lorian lowered her eyes.

Looking at him made her feel guilty. She thought about using the reason she had punched Llewellyn’s face earlier as an excuse, but…

“Ah, I get it.”

She raised her head with wide eyes at Llewellyn’s words.

“You’re hungry, aren’t you?”

She naturally frowned.

“Oh, am I wrong?”

“What are you…”

“People tend to get angry when they’re hungry.”

It’s commonly called “hangry.” Lorian, not knowing this, was about to say what nonsense that was, but realized it was a suitable excuse.

“…Yes, that might be it. I haven’t had your blood for a while. I was starting to need replenishment.”

Though she suddenly became an incompetent Blood Knight who got angry at her master because she was hungry, Lorian thought this would lead to the best outcome.

“I’m sorry. But please tell me when you need to drink. Otherwise, I wouldn’t know. It’s not regular, so I often forget.”

Llewellyn smiled awkwardly and shyly. Indeed, the last blood supply was quite a while ago. Lorian, thinking it would be better to at least feed now that things had come to this, agreed.

“Then…”

When Llewellyn casually took off his top and tossed it aside, she froze.

She had the illusion that her non-beating heart was beating violently. That body entered her vision.

The veins writhing beneath the divided muscles and the holy blood flowing vigorously through those veins.

A body where such holiness actively pulsates throughout with each heartbeat.

It was a body that would make any blood clan member salivate with desire upon seeing it, as if starving.

But that wasn’t all. Lorian vaguely felt her “femininity” responding.

Even if she didn’t know exactly why it was happening or what change had occurred.

While Lorian was gaping, Llewellyn approached.

“I took off my clothes so blood won’t stain them, so drink comfortably.”

As if trying to make up for his earlier behavior this way.

Lorian could no longer hold back.

Making her long patience meaningless, she approached Llewellyn as if entranced.

All while blaming Llewellyn for everything.