Chapter 238

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“What… are you talking about…?”

Yoo-seong asked again, as if he didn’t understand.

Her words made no sense to him.

What did she mean, she wasn’t Lucille?

No, it wasn’t a particularly difficult statement to understand.

There was no issue with comprehension.

The problem was the meaning behind those words.

Yoo-seong couldn’t accept that meaning.

The girl before him was Lucille. He couldn’t be mistaken. It wasn’t someone else, and he couldn’t have misseen her.

Was she joking? Well, she did like to play pranks. It was her hobby to pull small pranks and then laugh mischievously. If she was trying to lighten the mood because I was being too gloomy…

“I mean it literally.”

Cutting off Yoo-seong’s thoughts, she smiled bitterly.

“Yoo-seong, I’m not your saintess.”

…Even though she liked pranks, she wouldn’t joke about something like this. Yoo-seong’s mind was in chaos.

An inexplicable sense of foreboding weighed heavily on his chest. Despite her familiar face, she felt strangely unfamiliar.

Her smile carried a deep sense of pity. Her pink eyes slowly closed. She spoke.

“Lucille… is no more. I’m sorry. It’s a cruel thing to say, but I hope you’ll listen.”

A sense of dissonance added to the unease staining his heart. It wasn’t just her attitude and speech that had changed. There was a subtle distance growing between them.

Having lived for so long and met all kinds of people, Yoo-seong could tell at a glance. His experience-honed intuition told him. She was physically present, but that was all. The emotional distance was growing step by step.

For a moment, he thought of the devil god that had possessed her body.

Could that creature have taken over Lucille’s body again?

…No. The devil god’s shattered soul had been definitively subdued. The Lucille before him was entirely herself.

That’s why it made even less sense. He couldn’t understand why Lucille would say such things or make such gestures. A vague sense of unease made his mouth go dry.

Yoo-seong was the strongest supernatural in existence.

Even in his weakened state, that fact remained unchanged.

And supernatural abilities were powers granted by the “gods”.

The higher one’s level, the closer they were to the source of that power.

That’s why awakened supernaturals were called “those close to the gods.”

It was the same reason Michael was called “the Godlike One.”

Yoo-seong was the one closest to the gods under the heavens, the one who most resembled a god.

His intuition was already a form of foresight.

A sixth sense that transcended the five senses, allowing him to glimpse the future.

That intuition was telling him something.

His sharpened sixth sense was screaming at him.

That something terrible awaited in the future ahead.

“I’m… Lucia.”

It was a familiar name. He often called her Lucille, so he sometimes forgot, but her current name was “Lucia”. It was Yoo-seong who had created the identity of Lucia for her in the first place.

Instinctively, he realized this wasn’t just her stating the name she currently used.

“I’ll tell you Lucille’s final message.”

As she spoke, her expression was shadowed by deep bitterness.

◈

I like pain.

I also like humiliation and shame. I enjoy feelings of betrayal and embarrassment. My chest swells, and my whole body grows hot. It’s an instinct imprinted on this body.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m strange. Even the devil god Belial fell into depravity because of this body.

I wonder if she’s still moaning in the mental world right now? It’s truly a terrifying body.

But while I like my own pain, I don’t enjoy others’ pain.

No, I can’t. Seeing someone else suffer makes my chest feel heavy.

I’m not that good of a person, so it must be the influence of this body. The personality of the blessed saintess must be ingrained in this flesh.

“…”

So, watching Yoo-seong slump into a chair in silence, I felt a sense of guilt, as if I had done something terribly wrong.

I know.

This was a necessary process.

For me to continue living as “Lucia”.

I had to redefine my relationship with Yoo-seong, who knew Lucille.

Moreover, beyond such pragmatic reasons, it was a process we had to go through for both our sakes.

Because I’m not Lucille.

I don’t want to receive the affection meant for Lucille.

I don’t want to deceive Yoo-seong by pretending to be Lucille.

That would be deceit, insult, and mockery.

Yoo-seong is too pitiful.

“…So, to summarize.”

Yoo-seong’s dry lips moved.

He wiped his face with his hand, looking exhausted, and half-opened his blue eyes.

“Time was repeated due to the devil god Agares, and because of that, Lucille was trapped in a labyrinth of time for hundreds of millions of years, eventually worn down by the ages and vanishing. That’s what you’re saying, right?”

“Correct.”

“And you’re a soul brought by the Four Seasons to replace Lucille’s empty spot… is that it?”

“Yes.”

“…Hah.”

Yoo-seong let out a laugh.

Of course, it was a hollow laugh.

Yeah, it’s hard to believe. Even I would find it hard to believe. I wouldn’t want to believe it either.

A precious friend vanished overnight, and some stranger took over her body—how could anyone believe that?

Even if it were believable, it’s only natural to want to deny it. Just as Lucille was precious to Yoo-seong, Yoo-seong was precious to Lucille.

“…So that’s why they told me not to meet her.”

But Yoo-seong’s reaction was slightly different from what I had expected.

His half-closed blue eyes closed completely.

Yoo-seong absentmindedly played with his hair and muttered in a small voice.

“The Four Seasons told me not to meet the saintess. At the time, I thought it was nonsense… but was it because the saintess I knew no longer existed?

How absurd. Even when Lucille was in danger of having her body taken by a devil god, they didn’t warn me—instead, they prevented me from meeting her.

I thought it was strange at the time… but now I can’t even laugh.”

Despite his words, he let out a bitter laugh.

There was no emotion in Yoo-seong’s voice.

As if he had removed all emotion.

“If things had gone according to the Four Seasons’ plan, you would have become the new Lucille by now, and I wouldn’t have felt any dissonance. I would have accepted the Four Seasons’ strange behavior as a momentary whim.”

…I had no idea something like that had happened.

As the chosen one, Yoo-seong could communicate with the Four Seasons to some extent.

Come to think of it, the blessed saintess Lucille could do it too, so it’s not surprising Yoo-seong could as well.

“Given the Four Seasons’ actions, and most importantly, Lucille wouldn’t lie about something like this, so everything you’ve said must be true.”

“…Yes, it’s all true.”

It hurts, but I didn’t mix in any lies.

As pitiful as it was, I only spoke the truth.

Someone like Yoo-seong would see through any lies immediately.

If I tried to soften the blow with even a little dishonesty, it would only make my words less credible.

“I see. So Lucille is truly gone.”

His tone was so flat that it worried me. His expression was cold and hard as ice, and his slumped shoulders lacked any strength. I couldn’t even begin to guess what emotions were swirling beneath that impassive facade.

“I’ve failed to protect her again.”

He slowly opened his eyes.

A faint golden light mixed into his blue eyes.

Despite his emotionless expression and voice.

His eyes were boiling with every emotion imaginable.

Was it anger? Sadness? Resentment? Guilt?

Or was it all of those emotions mixed together?

I didn’t know how to comfort him.

No matter what I said, it didn’t feel like it would be encouraging.

From Yoo-seong’s perspective, I had taken over Lucille’s body. Even if it wasn’t by my own will, and in some sense, I was also a victim of the Four Seasons’ scheme, that fact didn’t change.

“Yoo-seong.”

Still, I couldn’t just stay silent.

Lucille had made a final request, hadn’t she?

She had asked me to make sure Yoo-seong wasn’t hurt.

I decided to convey Lucille’s final, heartfelt words to him, hoping it would bring him some comfort.

She doesn’t resent you at all.

She doesn’t blame you; in fact, she’s grateful to you.

So cheer up. If you suffer, Lucille will be sad too.

You did your best. You don’t need to feel guilt or responsibility.

I organized the words in my head and looked at Yoo-seong.

I slightly parted my lips to deliver Lucille’s message to him.

“Ugh?!”

But I didn’t even get to start.

Yoo-seong’s hand covered my mouth.

The hand that had wielded a sword for so long was rough with calluses.

It felt more like a hard rock than a human hand.

“Enough. You don’t need to comfort me.”

“Ugh, ugh…”

Ugh, this is suffocating. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s a little hard to breathe.

More importantly, how did you know I was about to comfort you?

“You’re really just like Lucille. Your thoughts are all over your face.”

Yoo-seong removed his hand from my mouth.

Then, he slowly rose from the chair.

His movements were heavy, as if weighed down by something.

“You’ve been through a lot. Both you and Lucille.”

“Hey, Yoo-seong…”

“Don’t worry. I’m not as weak as you think. Loss is… a part of my everyday life.”

As he said.

Yoo-seong’s life had been a series of losses.

He lost, and lost, and kept losing.

Whether it was to the war against monsters or the inevitability of time.

That’s why the God of War didn’t easily form attachments to others.

“Still… I think I need some time to sort out my thoughts.”

Yoo-seong forced a dry laugh.

It was a smile like a shattered mirror.

I instinctively reached out my hand but carefully lowered it.

Looking at his face, I realized.

No matter what I said, it wouldn’t comfort him—it would only hurt him more.

“Thank you for telling me Lucille’s final message. I’ll take my leave now, so rest well.”

Yoo-seong turned away without hesitation.

I bit my lip, wondering if I should stop him.

He looked so fragile that I couldn’t just stand by.

But what could I do if I stopped him?

What could I say with the same face and voice as Lucille?

My very existence was nothing but a wound to Yoo-seong.

In the end, I could only watch as Yoo-seong walked out of the room.

…Will he be okay?

Staring at the quietly closing door, I muttered blankly.

Author Note

A/N (Author’s note):
It was mentioned at the end of chapter 169 that the Four Seasons told Yoo-seong not to meet Lucia.

It also happened to be the chapter where Lucille’s end was first mentioned.

Translator Note

T/N (Translator’s note):
NTR man gets guilt tripped to oblivion!