Ch.234Chapter 234. A Heart Becoming Aware

“……Ah.”

The sunlight hitting my eyes gradually brings me back to consciousness.

A bed. I was… lying on a bed.

This scene feels strangely familiar.

“Are you awake?”

Hearing Serpina’s voice near my ear, I could easily grasp the situation.

……It seems I took off my outer clothes and fell asleep.

The last thing I remember was drinking continuously with her, so it wasn’t hard to guess how I ended up here.

Well, it’s not the first time, but the second.

This place is familiar to my eyes as well.

It was her bedroom, wasn’t it?

Getting up and looking around, indeed.

Serpina was wearing clothes truly befitting a bedroom space.

Though she was a ruler who always wore military uniforms like those of officers rather than flowing dresses… in the bedroom, she wore such feminine negligee.

“I apologize, my lord. I’ve imposed on you again.”

“Hehehe…”

“?”

I tilted my head at Serpina who was laughing at me as I just woke up.

“When you first came here, you were greatly flustered and said you would take responsibility, but now you speak so casually. Swen, you’ve become quite worn down.”

“…Well, I didn’t do anything that would require taking responsibility, did I?”

“What if you had?”

“That would be a lie.”

Even if my memory was cut off, I could tell what happened based on my clothes, her clothes, and the state of the bed.

She laughs again, finding my reaction amusing. What does she find so entertaining?

“Well, if I had done something that required taking responsibility, I would naturally take it, but…”

“You needn’t worry. You fell asleep quietly.”

“Did you help me to bed, my lord?”

“Yes. Just like that day.”

“……”

I might be weaker to alcohol than I thought.

Or perhaps that sweet drink had a higher alcohol content than expected.

Actually, I only started drinking after meeting Serpina; when I was with Irene, I drank more tea than alcohol.

“Swen.”

“Yes, my lord?”

“If you’re weak with alcohol but keeping me company… you don’t need to force yourself next time.”

I wondered what she meant at first, but soon realized it was a reasonable comment.

This was already the second time I’d lost consciousness and spent time in her bedroom.

“No, it’s fine. Rather, I should be the one apologizing. It feels like I keep stepping into places where I shouldn’t…”

“My goodness. Of course it’s a space no one should enter, but…”

Serpina brought the tip of her snow-white finger to her lips.

“For you, it’s not a place you shouldn’t step into.”

“……”

Feeling my face grow hot at those words, I turned my gaze away and tried to change the subject.

“So how is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“The life of a man who wakes up to see my face first thing.”

“……”

Serpina smiles brightly as if finding this whole situation amusing.

I have the foolish thought that it’s quite like her to say such things with an unchanged expression and such brazenness.

“It must be quite an honor. Though it’s silly to say this with my own mouth, there’s something I’ve heard tiresome amounts since childhood.”

“What you’ve heard?”

“Ridiculous stories about my beauty.”

Ah.

I understood. She was beautiful. Honestly, any aesthete would find it impossible to simply pass by that face.

Golden hair like a captured wheat field, golden eyes that shone brighter than a heart, features perfectly positioned where they should be, and large breasts and hips reminiscent of a woman built for childbearing.

Living with Irene made me forget, but Serpina was also quite well-endowed. So much that her negligee could barely contain her fullness. Probably slightly larger than Ms. Reika.

Someone more sensitive to body proportions than large breasts would probably prefer Lady Serpina over Lady Irene.

As for me… I was the type who thought the bigger the better.

I’m not sure if this is the right expression, but with modern sensibilities, it’s like looking at a well-crafted beautiful figure. A 1:1 scale with the added softness that recreates the texture of skin.

“Despite appearances, I’m confident in my face at least. I’ve heard it since childhood. Even the maids would all praise my appearance. I was born beautiful enough that anyone who isn’t a fool would know it.”

She said this and approached me with a seductive smile.

“What do you think, Swen? Isn’t it regrettable that you didn’t make a move? If you took just one step forward with courage… you might be able to embrace this body. As a man, wouldn’t your heart naturally be moved? You can speak honestly. Don’t you want to come over?”

Her chest swayed slightly just from her slow walk. …Could she not be wearing a bra? Such an irreverent thought crossed my mind.

If I knew nothing about her, I might have been entranced by her beauty and unable to speak.

“Well, certainly Lady Serpina is beautiful.”

Without needing to think about my answer.

I simply spoke what came to mind.

“If I were to fall for Lady Serpina, I don’t think it would be because of your beauty.”

“…?”

“Perhaps I would want to stand by your side?”

“What…?”

My answer seemed unexpected, as her previously composed expression wavered slightly.

“Lady Serpina, you carry too many burdens. So if I were to fall for you… I think more than anything else, I’d want to share that burden with you.”

The most poignant thing I felt after joining Serpina’s army was—

That no one existed by Serpina’s side.

On the surface, she was the absolute ruler and tyrant of Serpina’s army, the successor state carrying on the orthodox lineage of the former Unified Empire, ruling the northern continent.

Someone belligerent who could not place anyone above herself, someone who might even enjoy solitude.

But the Lady Serpina I observed was far from enjoying solitude—she was terribly lonely.

Perhaps it was because she was so desperately lonely that she could share her embrace with outsiders.

Perhaps it was because she was so desperately lonely that… she could give trust to people like Lady Irene and me.

How long someone had served her meant nothing to her. In the end, it felt like no one would remain by her side until the end.

Though they were ruler and subject, they were relationships where the blade could be turned against her at any time.

So if.

If I had wanted to cross the line with Serpina, I would surely have wanted to share her burden somehow.

Serpina stared into my eyes for a long time with slight surprise—

Then turned her face slightly to the side and said:

“You are… I see.”

“?”

“You’re the kind of person who shakes people’s hearts while maintaining an indifferent expression. That’s who you are.”

After saying this, she briefly met my eyes.

Is it my imagination? Her face seems slightly flushed.

“Did you speak to Irene in the same way?”

“…Pardon?”

Suddenly?

“Otherwise, I can’t explain the look in Irene’s eyes when she gazes at you. You must have whispered such sweet words to her? You have quite a shameless side, Swen.”

“…I’m not sure I understand the point of this conversation.”

“……”

She seems to want to say something but doesn’t open her mouth.

I didn’t press her either. It would be ridiculous for a subject to press his ruler anyway.

After some time of silently reading each other’s expressions:

“…I should leave soon. If rumors spread that you and I were absent at the same time, it could be troublesome in many ways.”

“As for rumors, they’ve probably already spread as much as they can. What matters is the truth.”

She smiles again at my words.

“Yes. …I think so too, Swen. Still, I don’t want to upset Irene.”

Once again, Irene was mentioned.

Does Lady Irene’s existence hold significant meaning for Lady Serpina as well?

Anyway.

Waking up to the sound of birds, smelling the citrus fragrance permeating this room, seeing Serpina in her slightly transparent negligee first thing upon waking, and having such idle conversation with her… I quite liked it all.

“Go ahead first. I’ll follow slowly.”

“Understood.”

I gathered my clothes lightly and left her room.

Even as I walked down the corridor, I could still feel the citrus scent from her body following me.

* * *

“……”

After Swen left the bedroom.

Serpina, despite saying she would prepare and leave, simply sat down and stared at the floor without doing anything.

‘Swen…’

Thump, thump.

Her heart was beating as if it would burst.

Serpina stroked her forehead with her hand. It was hot. Her cheeks were also very hot. Though she didn’t realize it, her face was already much redder than a radish.

“Lady Serpina, you carry too many burdens. So if I were to fall for you… I think more than anything else, I’d want to share that burden with you.”

‘How can you… say such things without changing your expression…?’

It might be laughable, but confident in her appearance, she had wanted to somehow shake Swen’s heart.

Yet it was she herself whose heart was shaken without rest.

At first, she was interested in him as the man from her dreams.

Later, she was captivated by his near-miraculous advice.

When she had the ability of the “Mind’s Eye,” she wanted him more than at any other moment. Though perhaps not 100%, that feeling was closer to that of a ruler.

But somehow she found herself truly envying Irene, a woman who was merely her subject—

And just from talking with a man… she felt as if she might burst at any moment.

She had been terribly lonely.

Though it was her own will to bear a burden she couldn’t speak of to anyone, to willingly become a tyrant.

Every time those she had trusted turned their blades against her, the faces of the deceased Sidmid and Algot would appear.

Yet she couldn’t mention her loneliness. Because she had decided to live the life of Serpina von Einhart, not just Serpina.

And she realizes.

When she was with Swen… she wanted to be Serpina herself more than at any other moment.

She wanted to stay by his side as her complete self, removing everything else like being a ruler or the Einhart name.

This emotion.

It wasn’t a particularly efficient emotion for a ruler who should lead a country.

‘……’

Serpina takes the pillow where Swen had lain, spreads her arms, and hugs it tightly.

She could feel his scent. It felt as if he were beside her, which made her happy.

Just a little more, she wished he would invade her world. Even now, she wished he would take one more step toward her.

Only then does she realize.

The reason I desire him so intensely is not just because he is the advisor with the Mind’s Eye—

Perhaps that reason isn’t so important after all.

Until now, her life had been one of constantly rushing forward with the sole goal of becoming a king who could unify the continent.

But now, she plants a slightly different dream.

I want to stand beside Swen.

No matter what happens, that’s what I want to do… she found herself thinking.

* * *

And after several days.

The Aeshus army finally began to move in earnest.