Ch.23377. It’s Not a Lie.

What is this situation?

He was speaking to an invisible presence.

…Can he see it? Or is he just guessing?

What’s certain is that unlike before, I wasn’t watching this scene as my childhood self, but completely as an outsider.

Branches that were both golden and silver stretched endlessly, spreading densely, filling the sky and earth.

It was a beautiful and wondrous landscape in a way.

Yet it also seemed to possess a strange and complex pattern… a kind of order that was difficult to explain.

And in this unidentifiable world, the two were having what could be called a conversation.

More precisely, my childhood self was engaging with the other party.

“That easy choice will kill you.”

Moreover, the other wasn’t entirely friendly.

“Then that’s as far as it goes.”

Despite being jabbed with words, he doesn’t flinch.

Perhaps such comments don’t even qualify as criticism or reproach to begin with.

“Even if I die, it’s my fault, so you don’t need to worry about me.”

“I’m not worried. I’m… blaming you for choosing this method instead of a legitimate one.”

“Then what’s the legitimate method?”

“That’s…”

“I’m not stupid, you know? If there had been an easier way, I would have tried it already.”

“But even this choice… there’s no guarantee it will work, right?”

“I made an inference based on what you showed me?”

“…Have you never considered that I might be an exception?”

“Then I must be an exception too.”

He boldly displays an absurd confidence.

“I’m an exceptional being, so I’m receiving special treatment like this, right? Am I correct?”

“That’s… yes. You’re right. You are special.”

“See?”

…Even if truly special, when someone points it out directly and scolds you, one would normally hesitate or doubt at least a little.

But he showed no such shadow for even a moment.

Is an extraordinary person truly extraordinary?

“Still, that’s no reason to come see me.”

“But I wanted to? Do I need permission for that?”

“……”

What an incredible person.

“Well, you’ve seen me now, so that’s enough.”

“All these strange landscapes visible to the eye aren’t entirely you, right?”

“What if they are?”

“Are you going to lie?”

Now he’s jabbing back as if scolding.

“If I’ve shown this much sincerity, isn’t it basic courtesy to at least show yourself?”

“…You really have an exhausting personality.”

Neither side had unilaterally petitioned or requested anything.

They were exchanging dialogue and opinions in this manner.

But if there’s one fact that both he and I know.

Did I become aware of her existence because I’m extraordinary?

If someone were to ask that question.

The answer would be no, I am not.

Then did she actively make her presence known to me?

The answer to this is the same.

No.

I am not.

…A long time passes.

A time both long and short, long and grand.

The tug-of-war that seemed like it would continue forever, stretching on and on.

Until it breaks.

“If you want to die, then do it. In exchange, give me what you have.”

From the moment those words flowed smoothly from his mouth.

Definitely, the air froze.

“…What do you intend to do with it?”

“I’ll find a world that’s kind to everyone, a world without pain—something you couldn’t find.”

Not “I’ll look for it,” but “I’ll find it.”

That boast sounded less like confidence.

And more like boundless arrogance.

“Do you think that’s possible?”

“What do you think?”

“It’s impossible.”

In any world.

“Because wherever there is joy, there must also be its opposite—sorrow and pain.”

If there were a world without pain.

A world with only joy and pleasure.

“That world would be neither joyful nor pleasant.”

“Then pain, sorrow, and all difficult things are necessary?”

“…Sadly, that’s reality.”

“No. It’s not sad—it’s fortunate, isn’t it?”

…What?

“As you said yourself, the world can only be this way.”

So you, who came looking for a kind world, a harmonious and peaceful world.

“You’ve been striving alone to achieve the impossible all this time.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“That you’ve worked hard.”

It’s light.

Infinitely light.

But no matter how illusory, light, and flimsy it might be.

…For someone, it would be praise and gratitude never heard in a lifetime.

“I told you. I’ve been watching you.”

“I don’t understand why. Or are you… flattering me to get what I have?”

“It’s both this and that. I’m completely sincere in everything. You know me, don’t you?”

That’s why I’m here.

“……”

“I can’t save you. I think it’s impossible for me to understand you. I’ll try, but that also takes time. But we don’t have much time between us, do we?”

“Right. No more. Maybe it’s already too late.”

“For the record, there are ways I can help you.”

“…What ways?”

Comfort? Saying nice things?

The girl might have thought of such things.

“I can’t save the past that can’t be restarted.”

But.

“The future doesn’t need to be restarted. So there, I can definitely save you.”

“Save… me? How? I don’t want to be saved. I’ve never wanted to be saved!”

“You’re lying again.”

Extraordinary people might be able to overcome difficulties on their own.

“It seems really hard for weak and fragile people. To put it harshly, they say it’s so difficult it’s like dying and coming back to life.”

I didn’t understand.

So when I was young, I think I hurt several friends and adults.

My mother and father seemed to have struggled in various ways to make me understand this.

Surprisingly, it was the Emperor who made me realize it.

Even a once-in-a-lifetime genius becomes ordinary among other geniuses.

It’s all relative, I suppose.

“And even someone like me has felt the need for help a few times.”

I just didn’t forget that.

By not forgetting, I can understand their hardships and feelings.

Though it has long since flowed away and scattered from my heart.

Still, the memory of that time remained.

“You’ve been watching me. How I’ve lived in this world. So, I’ll speak honestly. Look into me. That would be better than a long explanation.”

“Is there any meaning to it? I know your entire life and future…”

“But you haven’t experienced it, have you?”

You might think it’s trivial, insignificant, and worthless.

“Seeing and experiencing are different. I guarantee it.”

He reaches out his hand.

For a moment, I watched, forgetting even to breathe.

A small, snow-white hand overlapped his.

…

They say intelligent children often remember their childhood vividly.

He, my younger self, was like that.

Watching my clumsy parents fumble around, smiling or crying.

I liked seeing them trying to hold, embrace, and smile at me, even if they didn’t know exactly what to do.

And even when they stubbornly insisted on not letting me out of their formal attire while proudly introducing me to others.

I was happy.

Why do they get so happy just from me walking?

They’re so pleased when I call them Dad and Mom.

Uncles and aunts.

Other kids don’t know what’s what yet, so they just toddle around, cry, and whine.

But they say that’s normal at that age.

I was told I was exceptionally well-behaved.

I wasn’t well-behaved.

I was just imitating what they wanted to see.

An older boy was praised so much for being mature.

I wanted more praise.

More precisely, I wanted favorable attention.

People are fixated on others’ attention, evaluation, and inner thoughts.

And people protect their hearts through superficial gestures.

Sometimes the truth slips out as if it were sincere.

They even go to the trouble of telling lies.

It’s difficult.

…Can’t everyone just love each other honestly?

Still.

One thing was clear.

The hearts of those who admired heroes seemed… brighter and more vibrant than those who believed in and relied on gods.

That’s probably why I admired heroes.

But everything in the world has duality.

If there’s something good, there’s something bad.

If there’s light, there are dark and shadowed parts.

If you don’t want to be consumed by darkness.

We must ultimately emit our own light.

Like the sun in the sky.

Like the moon in the night sky.

If the sun is the Emperor, then the moon might be the Hero.

Illuminating the dark world where the sun doesn’t shine.

I felt that was more rewarding.

…Besides, they said the Emperor had to be born that way.

Do you really have to be born for it?

When I pondered this, the Emperor, my father’s close friend, said:

Well then, Kariel.

Would you like to try being Emperor?

I’m not sure if those words were sincere or false.

Anyway, whether sincere or false.

It all comes to light eventually.

So I don’t rely on current words and promises.

In time, whether they were truth or lies will all be revealed.

I don’t distrust or avoid people.

I don’t welcome or expect from people.

Loving people is ultimately about that.

Not avoiding, not expecting.

Not doubting and welcoming purely.

Purity.

Innocence.

That this comes first.

And then…

Nurturing so that innocence isn’t soiled by dust or dirt.

I’ve seen pure people get hurt and change.

Perhaps this is the most important thing.

Embracing everyone means embracing even the dark, dirty, and turbid.

So let us pray.

God.

Please be merciful so that I may not hate anyone.

Also.

Please give me the strength to endure the wounds others inflict.

…If you don’t grant this, I’ll resent you alone, if no one else.

Because you claimed to be omnipotent!

…If that’s not true, I’ll hear it directly when I meet you later.

…

……

The child experienced many things as he grew.

He made friends his age, led them, and got into various troubles.

He pretended to be mature like adults.

He showed off his intelligence and received everyone’s praise.

He heard concerns and encouragement.

He received support and was deceived.

His future seemed boundlessly bright.

No, it was bright.

…When did I start feeling like it would be recorded in history books as something extraordinary?

While other children were still struggling to read books fluently.

Perhaps I was more anxious because of this.

Wondering if Heaven had given me strength because there was a specific purpose for it.

And.

That day came.

No one pushed me from behind.

It was my choice.

I traveled from country to country on behalf of Elhermina.

Unlike my initial purpose, now just harboring me became a burden to them.

I was desperate to live on my own terms.

Making friends and allies, scratching someone’s insides, making someone reveal their true colors by scratching their insides.

With a poisoned cup and dagger in both hands, I made those who were enemies of my chosen allies hold them in reverse, forcing them to drink and stab.

There are beings one should not love.

I learned that then.

The world wasn’t satisfactory.

But what was certain was that things didn’t go as I wished.

“What is the heart?”

There were many people I was entangled with.

Still, you were the most peculiar.

Asserath en Draig.

Ashette Endragon.

And.

Because it was too troublesome to call you that, we decided to call you our way.

Asess Endragon.

It was because of you, who openly argued that one should live selfishly without knowing about hearts or emotions.

That I newly realized I wasn’t properly understanding people’s hearts.

I don’t understand people’s hearts well.

What I know of people’s hearts.

…If I had to emphasize, it might be like honey flowing from flowers.

Or like the venom of a viper.

But one thing is certain.

If there was no one who understood you.

I thought it would ultimately have to be me.

There must be several, not just one, somewhere in the world.

But where’s the guarantee you’ll meet them?

So, while I cherish many people.

With you, it’s less about cherishing and more… I was concerned about you as a human being.

Still, as long as our fates are intertwined, things will work out somehow.

If heaven isn’t indifferent.

I made many friends and met many adults.

I seemed to have made enemies unintentionally.

Perhaps that’s why my heart raced even more.

Because there was fear, anxiety, terror.

I could taste the opposite emotions, the fruits, the results.

But.

Everything was just a play of rising and falling through joy and sorrow.

This is probably a tragedy.

Historically, such plays were popular and left deep impressions.

Perhaps even God was like that?

The World Tree told me.

The significance of my existence.

The meaning of my birth’s purpose.

For a while, I truly couldn’t come to my senses.

Because everything had collapsed.

But.

It was then that I realized.

Since it’s collapsed.

Now, I can build anew, right?

Then I suddenly wondered.

“Isn’t this also an opportunity?”

Don’t scold me for not solving the given homework.

I will no longer rely on you.

Now, solely.

I will rely on myself and move forward.

All this time, truly.

…Thank you.

I will repay you for giving me life more brilliantly, more valuably than the way you set out.

I don’t hate you.

It’s just that.

I was a little sad that you could only do it this way.

But in a way, it’s fortunate.

After all, only by being able to love even someone like you.

…Will I improve further?

A little more than you expected…?

====

“This is…”

The snow-white girl who withdrew her hand looked at the bright-eyed boy before her with disbelieving eyes.

“How was it? More definitive than just talking, right?”

It wasn’t confidence, arrogance, or pride.

This boy simply…

“Really…”

He just wanted to love everyone without malice, to withstand malice without crumbling, to save everyone.

For that, he pretends to be strong, pretends to be cunning, pretends to have confidence.

Hoping that the result would finally give meaningful purpose to everyone.

Hoping to be both a good medicine and a bitter medicine for everyone.

“If you rely on God, you end up blaming God when problems arise.”

That is.

“That’s why I don’t want to believe in Him.”

Everything.

It was best when it ended solely as my fault.

“It’s not a lie.”

I am.

“Right now, I’m looking at you. Only you.”

It was.

A cruel yet insensitive.

Yet overflowing beyond what could be fully contained.

A pure confession.