Ch.23276. Sacred Blasphemer (3)

I understand you.

Yet you don’t understand me.

If it’s because I’m older and have experienced more, then perhaps that’s true.

“In the first place, there’s no reason to resent your parents… Or is that it? Were you victimized?”

“…?”

Victimized by what?

“It’s impossible to overpower your father and mother. Even objectively speaking. So if someone targeted you somehow to create discord within your family…”

“…”

“Yes, that could be possible. Unlike me, you’re naive in many ways. But even if that happened… I doubt others would just stand by and watch…”

He clicks his tongue softly at that point.

“Is that why you look so gloomy and depressed? Because you were rejected and ignored by society?”

“…”

Should I say he has a point, or should I point out that he’s jumping to conclusions?

Was I this gloomy from the beginning?

That’s… not true.

The reason I became like this is because I was used by the Demon Lord in various ways.

My emotions have worn down, and my way of thinking has changed significantly from what it used to be.

If there’s one positive influence the Demon Lord had on me in a different sense.

…It’s that she taught me about dignity.

She didn’t particularly try to teach me that.

It’s just that I… admired her composure and her infinitely high self-esteem.

Because I vaguely envied that… I wanted to make it my own.

…The reason I can’t completely emulate her is probably because I know better than anyone the evil deeds she committed as the Demon Lord.

There are likely many exaggerations and distorted information in there.

She seemed completely unconcerned.

She never cared about others’ perspectives or evaluations from the beginning.

Bending oneself to others’ perspectives, words, and opinions was limited to sincere advice.

Everything else was, at most, just reference material.

She once declared that intelligent beings, including humans, try to bring down others they classify as direct or indirect competitors, rather than going out of their way to help and support them.

“Stop evading the question. What is it that you want now?”

That question snapped me out of my thoughts, which I hadn’t even realized I’d fallen into.

“What I want?”

“That’s why you came all this way, isn’t it?”

“…”

What I want.

“I’m going to destroy it.”

“Destroy? What?”

“The Hero.”

I paused briefly to catch my breath.

“The Hero, that pathetic mindset of admiring and expecting heroes. That mentality. I’m going to destroy it all.”

“…What are you talking about? Do you even know what you’re saying? And do you realize that your current self is actually the most hero-like of all?”

“I am not a hero.”

If I can tolerate everything else.

“You shouldn’t say that to me.”

“Even though it’s me?”

“…You and I can be considered different people now.”

It’s not simply because you’re a past existence.

It’s not because you’re the monster I once harbored.

After all, both the monster and the snake were essential parts of who I was at that time.

“Then what? How exactly are you going to destroy what? Are you trying to become the Demon Lord?”

“You can’t think beyond the limitations of Hero and Demon Lord.”

In a sense, even that is a form of faith.

That’s what I think.

“First, I’ll defeat Father. That’s the first task.”

“…You’re serious, aren’t you?”

Though I didn’t say anything more, he seemed to accept it readily.

More precisely, he understood me a little.

But understanding doesn’t mean acceptance. That’s a different matter.

He sighed and asked:

“And if that’s the first, there must be a next? What comes after?”

“…”

That…

“I don’t want to say.”

“Since you can’t kill others, you’ll kill yourself? Are you planning to commit suicide in front of Father after defeating him?”

“…”

In the past.

…I don’t remember when, but there was a time I wanted that.

Because someone once said that losing a grown child is the greatest wound and scar for parents.

…Throwing myself away for that one moment?

I might have let a smile slip.

But now I feel nothing.

Rationally, it didn’t make sense no matter how I thought about it.

Yes. Perhaps because I’ve suffered too much, such an act has been downgraded to ‘just that’ in my mind.

If I had remained insignificant, perhaps that choice would have been the best option and the ultimate revenge for me.

“That’s not revenge, it’s stupidity.”

That kind of self-sacrifice is only for those who have no other options.

I don’t need to do that anymore.

…That’s why I won’t.

“Still, if I became someone Mother couldn’t save, that might be a somewhat attractive method.”

“How far have you fallen?”

“Rather than fallen, I’ve declined. And this is all your choice, so if you’re upset, change the future.”

Then probably.

I would disappear.

…In a way, that might be the best outcome.

“Apoptosis.”

“…?”

“O, you who are determined to fall. Was every moment and every day of standing so painful to you that it exceeds the agony of plummeting to the depths?”

“…”

Where did he pick up that phrase?

“But they say falling can also mean liberation from constraints for some. Can one who rejects the bondage of birth and circumstance, choosing liberation and parting with the world, truly be free?”

“…”

As I silently stared at him, he smiled genuinely and said:

“Do you know? Your current appearance is a kind of warning that the World Tree is sending to the current me.”

“A warning?”

He crossed his arms, then opened one hand as he spoke.

“Aren’t you curious? What choice did I make that turned you into what you are now?”

“…”

“Actually, I haven’t made the choice yet, but I’ve made up my mind. It’s already decided.”

So I’ll just say I’m sorry.

“At least you didn’t blame others for your misfortune and misery, constantly coloring the world with resentment and hatred. You chose to bear your pain, dissatisfaction, anxiety, and resentment yourself without transferring them to others. That must have been an incredibly painful process… Yes. I think I understand a bit why you hate being a hero and insist you’re not good even when you do good deeds. At least you didn’t go wrong. And since you’ve gained that power and come this far, that much is certain.”

“…”

You…

“If I had a bit more time, I would have tried to persuade you… but that doesn’t seem right either.”

“This situation… wasn’t a test for me or her… but a test given to you.”

“I just told you. I’ve been hearing in various ways that I should stop if I don’t want to end up like you.”

But you know what.

“Even if I reject you, the future given to me is ultimately just that, right?”

Either become the fire that burns the world.

Or die and become firewood.

“You don’t know this, but the past and present you’ve experienced are a precious future I could never have obtained.”

We can never escape the grip of fate for even a moment.

“I won’t say any more. I think I’ve said everything I needed to.”

With those words, he gradually stepped backward.

“And sis, don’t be disappointed.”

I know.

“It probably doesn’t make any sense to you yet.”

Saying that, he slowly waved his hand.

As if seeing off a traveler he’d grown fond of overnight.

“Everything has its own meaning.”

It wasn’t a greeting, nor a farewell.

But it was clearly…

A pure white light floods over the white world, threatening to engulf my field of vision.

“…”

Perhaps both I and Lutesia.

Had no choice but to close our eyes.

====

Everything flows by quickly.

The scene I had glimpsed before unfolds anew before my eyes.

But none of it was important.

I had already heard about it, however inadequately, since coming here.

She who was with me at the scene at that time.

From Lemira, that is.

Besides that, I could infer various things from what I heard from the Queen.

But crucially, the fact that I allowed that dull-witted commander to land a hit on me.

I don’t know if it was unexpected at the time.

…It seems it wasn’t.

‘Was it a sacrificial ritual?’

They say that spilling blood around the World Tree was a common sight in ancient times.

And there, the girl who never died would take on others’ deaths by dying herself, making wishes and pleas.

And the girl who never died.

…Even after death, she remained undead, bound to the World Tree.

And I at that time.

…Realizing it was impossible to meet her with a clear mind and bare body.

Essentially, I dealt with the necessary evil in the form of a ritual, putting forth a sacrificial lamb, and even staking half of myself to take a gamble.

And so he—I—truly entered the vast, boundless consciousness of the World Tree.

Countless worlds.

Countless possibilities.

They flood before his eyes in the form of hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of branches, leaves, and fruits.

The size of this overflow far exceeds the limits of vision.

In such an enormous world, he—I—am just a tiny…

“Don’t do this.”

I can’t see.

But I hear a voice.

I feel a presence.

Yet still, I can’t see.

“I like it this way. It won’t be long now.”

Only now, at last.

…The day of rest is not far off.

So please, don’t do this.

“It’s a meaningless sacrifice.”

Sacrifice. A sacrifice, she says.

And the young me at that time.

Was quite impudently retorting to those words.

“Sacrifice? Who do you take me for, a fool? There’s no way I’d do something like that. What do you think I am?”

…?

Though no voice came.

A clearly perplexed silence filled the void for quite some time.

…Even I, who was merely eavesdropping, was dumbfounded, so how much more the person involved?

“Then… why did you go to such lengths?”

Was it curiosity?

Simple doubt?

What’s certain is…

She changed from indifference to interest.

Moreover.

“I knew this was the only way to see you. So there was no other option, right?”

He says such an absurd thing again.

“You… came to see me?”

The young me was bold.

“What other reason would I have to willingly go through this trouble?”

“Not for the Divine Tree? For me?”

“Why would I care about some tree?”

He snorts derisively, his words almost harsh.

“From beginning to end, you were my goal. Meeting you like this.”

“…Why? For what reason?”

“Ahem. My father once told me something. That’s why.”

“???”

The young me deliberately built suspense.

And then.

“He told me that if I see a crybaby, I should run over and tease them.”

He speaks in a teasing tone and then keeps chuckling for a long time even after finishing.

…What is wrong with this guy?

“Well, that’s a lie.”

Then he shrugs his shoulders halfheartedly.

“He said that just telling someone ‘I see you’ can change the world significantly.”

So I tried it.

“How about it? Can you see me well?”