Ch.229Epilogue. What I Wished For (7)

“…….”

I blankly gazed up at the blue sky.

The tops of palm trees hung at the bottom of my field of vision.

An island in the middle of the Pacific.

Of course, this isn’t some remote place completely devoid of people. I heard somewhere that there are separate places known as the least populated places on earth or the most isolated islands.

I heard that Hawaii had people living there and even had its own kingdom before becoming a U.S. state. It’s fascinating that people came to live on islands in the middle of the Pacific.

Well, it’s even more surprising that humanity, which supposedly began in Africa, migrated to other continents on foot.

“What are you thinking about so deeply?”

Yuka, who was sitting beside me looking up at the sky, asked as if she was getting a little bored.

“Just thinking about the meaning of distance. This is the farthest I’ve ever traveled in my life.”

“True, that’s probably the case for everyone here. Some might never even go farther than this.”

That was me. I didn’t have any plans to visit another country… well, it’s not that I had no interest, but I certainly hadn’t considered traveling to the other side of the earth.

Actually, this isn’t exactly the opposite side of the earth. If I had to say, we’ve come about halfway around?

“Are you lonely because it’s far away?”

Yuka asked.

“Huh?”

Koko, who was sitting on my other side, tilted her head.

Her voice suggested it was strange to feel lonely in this situation.

“No, I’m not lonely.”

Right. I’m not lonely. I have plenty of friends.

We even stayed up late last night hanging out in the same room. Though we were assigned separate rooms quite far apart, there was nothing stopping us from visiting each other’s rooms.

Even though the Mako trio eventually returned to their own room to sleep, we talked long enough that I didn’t feel any sense of loneliness.

Today we woke up early and toured Hawaii’s famous spots. We didn’t just visit the city; we also hiked up mountain trails, climbed to scenic spots to view the panorama of Oahu Island, and went to a beach on the opposite side of Honolulu where we saw sea turtles that had come ashore.

It was fun. In a completely different way from our daily lives in Japan.

But.

“I just can’t help thinking about someone.”

Yes.

I was relieved that Kagami didn’t come along. I honestly still feel that way. If Kagami had come, I probably would have found it a bit annoying to have her sticking by my side all day, even in front of my friends.

But still.

It’s only been about half a year, but I miss Kagami a little, who was practically glued to my side the whole time.

No, that doesn’t mean I’ve become a mama’s… whatever.

I just mean that the image of Kagami whimpering at the end keeps coming to mind.

Will I ever come to Hawaii again? Is it something I can do just because I have free time? When I think about that, the bitter feeling grows a bit stronger.

When I shared these thoughts with Yuka, she laughed as if she couldn’t believe it.

“I can’t tell if you’re a filial daughter or a mama’s girl.”

“……”

Hey, she’s bringing up exactly what I was denying in my mind.

“I’m definitely not that extreme.”

“Are you saying you’re not filial, or not a mama’s girl?”

“……”

My brain froze for a moment.

I’m… not filial, I guess.

Kagami speaks formally to me, but I consistently use casual speech with her. And I don’t remember doing anything particularly special for her. I do try to remember birthdays and anniversaries, but otherwise I’m just living off her.

“No, a child living off their parents’ money isn’t called mooching. You’re still in high school.”

Yuka rebutted my thoughts with disbelief, but suddenly her expression hardened.

“…Oh, I see?”

“Huh?”

“No, it’s nothing, nothing at all.”

We were having a good conversation when Yuka suddenly said that, so I furrowed my brow and stared at her.

“What do you mean it’s nothing?”

“No, I mean, well, you don’t need to take it seriously. As long as you’re close with your family, that’s what matters.”

I raised a finger and poked Yuka in the side.

“Eek!?”

“Stop making that suspicious face and tell me.”

“W-well, you spent all of last year with that same suspicious expression and never said anything!”

Did I?

I suppose I might have. But I had a reason for that. How could I tell my friends that I was going to die?

Some things are okay to keep to yourself.

“……”

Yuka thought for a moment, then sighed deeply and said:

“It’s just that… you’ve been separated for so long.”

Yuka said carefully.

“So I thought maybe that’s why you feel so attached.”

“……”

Is that it?

I thought for a moment.

Am I… attached?

Hmm, I’m not really sure. Whether I feel that kind of emotion or not.

I call her Mom and acknowledge our relationship, and I’ve developed some affection, but there’s still a subtle wall between us in our family.

It feels more like we’re extremely close friends, but…

Kagami completely sees me as her daughter, but I wonder if I don’t feel the same way.

“What do you think, Koko?”

“Huh?”

Koko, who had been silently listening to our conversation, tilted her head.

“About Mom.”

“Mom?”

Koko tilted her head.

There was no answer for quite a while. It seems that Koko also finds her relationship with Kagami somewhat complicated.

“Mom is… Mom.”

And that was Koko’s conclusion.

I pondered that answer for a moment.

Yes. Despite all the talk about walls in relationships and whatnot, we were family.

Every family in the world has its own unique relationship. And that relationship can be both distant and close. The sense of distance varies for everyone.

So it doesn’t really matter how distant or close I am with Kagami and Koko.

After all, that distance will continue to change over time.

“I see.”

I nodded.

Yuka quietly looked at Koko and me, then looked back at the sky.

“I see.”

Yuka echoed my words.

The three of us gazed up at the sky for a while.

Despite the hot weather, the sky was so intensely blue it made my eyes sting, giving me a refreshing feeling.

*

“By the way, Kotone.”

During the meal, Souta called out to me.

“Yes?”

I answered while putting a spoonful of rice topped with hamburger steak and fried egg into my mouth.

At first glance, it looks like something you could easily eat in Japan, but apparently it’s quite a famous dish in Hawaii. It’s probably not as famous as poke and such, though.

Still, when you’re in a foreign country, sometimes you crave familiar food. Since we still had tomorrow left, I figured it wouldn’t be bad to have one relatively normal meal.

There were quite a few other students here besides me. To be precise, there were many students from our class. Both boys and girls.

Souta’s two friends I saw before were also here, but today they weren’t jealous of him naturally talking to us. They were happily chatting with the girls from our class themselves.

“You didn’t call me by my name until the first semester ended, did you?”

“…Did I not?”

I thought for a moment.

I think I did… I’m pretty sure I called him “Souta.”

Hmm.

But to elaborate further, I didn’t often address Sasaki by name.

It’s not like you always need to call someone by their name when you talk to them.

Besides, at the beginning of this year, I spent a long time practicing not calling people by name to avoid using the term “Mom” with Kagami, so maybe that habit extended to Sasaki… I mean, Souta as well.

I also didn’t see him during the entire break, so there was no occasion to call his name—

—and Nanami is right there too.

Nanami’s interference isn’t as severe as before. But that doesn’t mean there’s no vigilance.

To be honest, rather than finding it annoying or scary, her jealousy is more at the level of being cute enough to tease. I wonder how she would react if I got Souta to join the Literary Club right now?

Even thinking about it briefly, the ripple effects would be enormous. There’s already one girl in our club who has a crush on Souta. Imagine how the atmosphere would deteriorate if a junior and senior started fighting.

Quickly erasing that thought, I spoke again.

“Does it bother you?”

“Well…”

Souta opened his mouth briefly at my question.

“Of course it bothers me?”

Does he think he did something wrong?

I scooped up another large spoonful of fried egg, hamburger steak, and rice all at once.

“Okay. I’ll call you by your name again.”

“Um… really?”

Souta looked at me with an expression that was difficult to describe, then started eating again.

…It would probably be rude to just say I forgot. After all, we’re friends, and forgetting how to address a friend would be awkward, right?

Even after living in a different culture for about a year, there’s still a lot I don’t know.

That’s probably why people around me keep worrying about me. At my age, there are still many experiences I haven’t had.

Yes, there’s still a lot left to experience.

“Shii must be home alone.”

“…Yeah, that’s right.”

Souta answered my mumbling.

“She’ll be enrolling in our school next year, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’d like to bring Shii into the Literary Club.”

“Yeah, she mentioned that.”

Souta hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“So, I was wondering if I could join too?”

“What!?”

Nanami, who was sitting nearby, was shocked by Souta’s words.

Everyone’s eyes turned toward us. Nanami’s face turned red.

“……”

This is exactly why I was deliberately avoiding bringing it up.

At this rate, we might end up with two new members in the club room.