Chapter 224 – Loop (2)

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It’s too early to despair.

If I look for it, there might be a way.

No, there must be.

Even though it’s an endlessly repeating loop, it was designed by a devil. 

Not the omniscient Four Seasons or Bael, but the noble prince Agares. 

That means there must be a flaw. There must be a way to break the fixed fate. 

After all, I still remember the previous timelines, don’t I? 

The devils don’t remember, but I remember every single timeline. That’s definitive proof that there’s a flaw in Agares’ power.

Lucia tried to console herself. Her back was drenched in cold sweat. The repeating time. She had already experienced the entrance ceremony so many times she’d lost count. 

How many more times would she have to repeat the same time? Just imagining it made her heart sink.

But now wasn’t the time to despair. 

Paradoxically, she had plenty of time. She was given countless opportunities to try anything. 

Though trapped in a labyrinth with no end in sight, no labyrinth is without an exit. 

Lucia forced strength into her weakened legs. She staggered to her feet. Her pink eyes were filled with deep determination.

“…Yeah, I’ll try.”

She muttered the words she had said when time first reversed.

But her voice was much shakier than back then.

◈

17th Regression.

She tried to solve it alone because she didn’t want to worry anyone.

If she told them she was trapped in a repeating time, they would obviously be worried.

But Lucia had to realize how arrogant that thought was.

Fixed fate. Repeating causality. Even in her days as the blessed saint, it was questionable whether she could have solved this. 

Now, having lost most of her blessings, it was even more impossible.

Eventually, Lucia gave up her stubbornness. If she couldn’t solve it alone, she could borrow the strength of others. And she had someone she trusted and relied on the most. 

Yoo-seong. My hero.

“…A fixed fate. Could my supernatural ability create a gap in it?”

“Under heaven and earth, I alone am the honored one.”

The ability to interfere with and nullify the powers of devils.

Certainly, Yoo-seong’s supernatural ability could interfere with Agares’ power. He had even countered Bael’s power. 

The problem was that he had sealed his power as the “Chosen One” to make a contract with Bael. 

Could the weakened Yoo-seong interfere with the fixed fate? Even if he could, to what extent?

Everything was uncertain, but it was worth a try.

Small variables pile up and become a solid foundation.

◈

32nd Regression.

Even Yoo-seong’s ability was helpless.

Even if he interfered with the devil’s power, the reversal of time had already left Agares’ hands.

She had known this since the moment time reversed regardless of Agares’ life or death.

Still, she had placed her hopes on the “what if”. The result was devastating. Yoo-seong couldn’t even retain his memories when time reversed.

If not Yoo-seong, what about Eugene? He copied Yoo-seong’s supernatural ability. 

Unlike Yoo-seong, Eugene hadn’t sealed his power as the “Chosen One”. Eugene, as a complete hero, was a new season.

If Eugene, who surpassed his predecessor, could…

Couldn’t he break the fixed fate?

◈

54th Regression.

It failed.

Everything failed.

Yoo-seong, Eugene.

Everything failed.

Even the heroes couldn’t overcome fate.

The fixed causality endlessly rewound time.

She kept trying, placing her hopes on each attempt, but in the end, it was just a repetition of the same conclusion.

Perhaps the method was wrong.

I need to find another way.

It’s okay, I have plenty of chances.

◈

89th Regression.

She decided to find a way directly from Agares, the source of the regression.

It took seven regressions to subdue him without killing him.

It was tough, but she managed to do it somehow.

But now, she had only crossed one hurdle. Of course, problems still remained. Agares wouldn’t just open his mouth willingly. 

When Agares realized her situation, he sneered. He mocked her, asking how it felt to be trapped in purgatory.

His reaction was expected.

How could she make him reveal a way to stop the regression?

I don’t know.

Since I don’t know, I’ll just try anything.

I shouldn’t expect too much from the start.

For now, I’ll focus on extracting small clues.

◈

113th Regression.

Agares was a vengeful spirit.

The hatred inherited from the “Ancient One”.

Hatred toward the Four Seasons and humans was deeply ingrained in his bones.

He wouldn’t open his mouth no matter what. She even tried terrible methods like torture, but there was no way it would work on the second-in-command of the devils. 

Perhaps the idea of finding out directly from Agares was wrong from the start.

◈

177th Regression.

Agares pitied her.

Though it was mixed with mockery, it was the first time he showed such a pattern.

He seemed to realize how many times the regression had occurred, even if he didn’t retain memories from before the regression.

…This point could be useful if handled well.

◈

204th Regression.

The fact that the devils couldn’t retain their memories wasn’t a side effect of the regression.

The Four Seasons had intervened and erased the devils’ memories.

Even if they couldn’t stop the regression, the gods did what they could to hinder the devils.

◈

231st Regression.

“The needle of causality”, he said.

Agares spoke.

The reason I retain my memories even when I regress is because of that.

…The Four Seasons fixed the causality.

Just as Agares fixed the causality of regression.

They made me, once a blessed saint, into a needle to pierce through fate.

The regression of time won’t stop until the devils win.

But the devils can’t win.

In the first timeline, the devils were defeated, and that fate of defeat is fixed and repeating.

In other words.

I can’t escape the regression.

Forever.

◈

375th Regression.

I won’t give up.

◈

461st Regression.

There must be a way.

Right?

Please.

◈

506th Regression.

Repeating the same day.

Repeating the same day.

Repeating the same year.

Repeating the same two years.

It was like running on a hamster wheel, the same days repeating over and over.

Just like back then, when I was trapped and lived under the control of the church.

Yoo-seong. My hero.

This time, won’t you save me?

◈

792nd Regression.

Having a good memory is sometimes a curse.

It would have been easier if I could just forget everything.

◈

810th Regression.

“Effort” was no longer needed to stop the devils and the great calamity.

If I responded mechanically, a happy ending where everyone smiled was achieved.

A world where no one died or got hurt.

But in that world, I didn’t exist.

◈

899th Regression.

I feel like I’m going crazy.

Nothing felt new anymore.

The devils, who were once so terrifying and powerful, now only felt like a nuisance.

The strategy was already perfected. I knew exactly how to defeat them efficiently and with minimal damage.

◈

1000th Regression.

What is life, really?

To live is to leave footprints behind.

To leave traces, tracks, marks, and evidence of one’s existence.

To carve into time the proof that such a life once existed.

Then, can I really say I’m alive?

When I’m just repeating the same segment over and over, leaving nothing behind.

◈

1423rd Regression.

I saved the world.

This time too.

◈

1790th Regression.

It’s meaningless.

Everything.

All of it.

Time will just rewind anyway.

◈

1912nd Regression.

I started to predict the future.

I memorized the behavioral patterns of everyone around me.

How they would react in certain situations.

What they would say, what they would do.

Now I could predict it all.

Sometimes my predictions were wrong.

When they acted completely differently than I expected.

Somehow, it made me laugh.

I hope I keep being wrong.

◈

2411th Regression.

Please don’t act the way I expect you to.

◈

3412nd Regression.

The heart is fickle.

Even the emotions I believed would last forever faded with time.

I don’t want to change.

I want to stay “me”.

◈

5124th Regression.

I was wrong.

I won’t go against your will anymore.

I’ll do whatever you say.

Please, save me.

Four Seasons, please, save me.

You said you loved me, didn’t you?

You blessed me, didn’t you?

Please. Just show me a little mercy.

Pull out the needle of causality.

Get me out of this hell.

Please.

◈

7145th Regression.

There’s no answer to my prayers.

The gods don’t respond.

Is it because I’m no longer the blessed saintess?

Is it because I gave up my blessings?

For the first time, I resented my past self.

◈

9141st Regression.

How many more years do I have to live?

◈

10,000th Regression.

I can’t take it anymore.

It felt like I was stranded alone in a vast ocean.

People no longer looked like people.

Dolls pretending to be humans.

Dolls that would just be fixed even if they died.

◈

10,011th Regression.

What do you want me to do?

◈

10,111th Regression.

A dimensional rift opened.

The dolls screamed.

I didn’t save them.

I could have.

I watched as they were devoured by monsters.

Even though I’ve saved them countless times before.

Their screams were oddly amusing.

Don’t worry.

You’ll come back to life anyway.

◈

11,111th Regression.

All this time, I…

Why did I struggle so hard to save even one more person?

Look. Even if they die, it doesn’t matter.

They’ll just come back. Everyone.

It’s a repeating puppet show.

◈

13,510th Regression.

I ran away.

From the academy.

From Yoo-seong.

From my responsibilities and duties.

◈

17,412th Regression.

I should die.

While I’m still myself.

Before I become something worse.

◈

21,512th Regression.

Immortality.

Damn immortality.

I want to die, but I can’t!

◈

35,411th Regression.

I tried every method to kill myself.

Even if I die, I come back.

Even if I don’t come back.

Time rewinds, and I’m alive again.

◈

61,234th Regression.

If the devils win, the regression ends.

Maybe I should just let the devils win?

◈

91,142nd Regression.

Hey, um.

I’m sorry.

I didn’t mean to kill you.

But it’s Yoo-seong’s fault.

He kept getting in my way.

What else could I do?

By the way, he can die too.

I didn’t know that.

◈

100,000th Regression.

You damn idiots.

Even after all I’ve done to help, you still can’t win?!

Well, I guess that’s why you were kicked out of paradise so pathetically.

Morons.

◈

299,040th Regression.

I’ve died at the hands of the top-tier captains.

I’ve died at the hands of the academy students.

I’ve died at the hands of Eugene and Yoo-seong.

No one could end me.

◈

313,210th Regression.

The flow of time has blurred.

Memories are tangled.

The past, present, and future are indistinguishable.

I don’t want to do anything.

◈

574,129th Regression.

Even if I disappear from the stage.

Humanity still wins in some way.

I’m always dragged into the events in some way.

I can’t escape the future fixed by causality and fate.

◈

712,414th Regression.

My emotions have dulled.

Even when I’m alive, it doesn’t feel like I’m living.

When will this puppet show end?

Does it even end?

◈

900,000th Regression.

Stop.

Please.

Stop it.

◈

1,175,310th Regression.

I hated everyone.

I’m suffering like this.

Why does everyone else seem so happy?

I saved them all.

I protected the world.

Why do I have to suffer like this?

◈

1,712,491st Regression.

Yoo-seong.

My liar.

You said you’d protect me.

But you never protected me, not even once.

It isn’t even about your relationship with Iris anymore.

Now I hate you.

◈

1,928,456th Regression.

What ■■ is this ■■ regression?

My thoughts ■■■ connect ■■.

Please ■■ save me.

◈

1,928,471st Regression.

Yoo■.

My ■■.

If you can’t ■■ me.

Just kill me.

◈

1,934,128th Regression.

■■■■■■■■

■■■■■■■■

■■■■■■■■

■■■■■■■■

■■■■■■■■

◈

2,000,000th Regression.

Infinite time.

Even if I lose my mind and go insane.

As time passes, I regain my sanity.

What a ridiculous thing.

I, uh, well.

What was my name again?

Lucille? Huh? Uh, well, it doesn’t matter anymore.

Now, even running away in madness is meaningless.

I’ve lost my last resort.

Ha.

◈

2,000,001st Regression.

Color has disappeared.

Everything is seen only in black and white.

I need to feel alive.

Even when I’m alive, it doesn’t feel like I’m living.

I needed proof that I was alive.

◈

2,000,007th Regression.

Drops of blood fell from my fingertips.

An artery was severed, and blood gushed out like a fountain.

I lay in a bathtub filled with warm water and slit my wrist.

It’s such a futile act, knowing I won’t die.

The transparent water turned red as blood spread like paint. A stinging pain shot through my head. I stared blankly at the bathtub gradually turning red. I tried to die because I couldn’t feel alive. 

After trying all sorts of grand methods to die, this time I tried a simpler way. How many days would it take to die from excessive bleeding? Would I even die? Probably not until the bathtub, and even the shower, was completely drenched in blood.

“…It hurts.”

I’ve suffered a lot through countless regressions.

But no matter how much I experience it, pain never becomes familiar.

I blinked my eyes, then slowly closed them.

◈

2,000,008th Regression.

Death reminded me that I was alive.

I tried to die because I couldn’t feel alive.

But ironically, the process of dying proved that I was alive.

I brought down a hatchet on my wrist. 

Thud. 

My severed wrist rolled on the floor. Blood gushed out. I stared at the red as if entranced. 

It hurts. It really hurts. Tears welled up. But somehow, I felt like laughing. So I just laughed. I stretched my lips into a wide smile.

Faint colors returned to my monochrome vision.

The world was entirely red.

It felt like the blood I shed had become paint coloring the world.

“It hurts.”

The pain made my heart beat.

This pain screamed that I was alive.

The overflowing blood was proof of my life.

“Heh, hehe, hehehe… it hurts… it hurts so much…”

I hate pain.

The fact that hating something is proof of life.

I must have really lost my mind.

“Hehe.”

I don’t know how long it’s been since I last laughed.

But laughing, yeah.

Somehow, it felt good~♡

Author Note

A/N (Author’s note):
Lucia likes being in pain.

Because only pain proves that you are alive.

Translator Note

T/N (Translator’s note):
It will be interesting to see how the current ‘Lucia’ comes to be, since Lucille couldn’t lose her memories if she tried to.