Ch.21Report on the Fall of Innocence (8)

The chapel of the Otranto Cloistered Monastery was quite spacious. However, it wasn’t large enough to accommodate all visitors. Even now, the crowd was comparable to a weekend mass in a small town.

The cloistered monks, over fifty patients, two nursing staff assigned to each patient, members of the Mercy Knights, clergy from the Inquisition, and Kain and Lily as well.

After a brief discussion, seating was rearranged. Father Haspel, the inquisitor, positioned himself at the altar as he would be conducting the mass. The patients’ beds and nursing staff were placed in the center of the chapel, while the Inquisition attendants and Mercy Knights were positioned on the left and right sides.

Kain and Lily, the high-ranking knights, and the cloistered monks were near the exit, while the Mercy Knight trainees and attendants gathered outside the chapel, sitting in orderly squadrons.

Yet the mass was delayed due to Abbot Bartolomeo’s protest. He argued that bringing weapons into the chapel showed neither respect nor reverence for God.

“This is a blessing ceremony, not an exorcism! What reason is there to bear weapons, for heaven’s sake!”

The commotion only settled after Father Haspel reluctantly agreed to bless the weapons and equipment as well. Because of this, the mass didn’t begin until around noon.

It started with a cappella hymns.

They say the most beautiful instrument is the human voice. The cloistered monks knew how to harmonize without instruments and how to project their voices without shouting.

They drew sound from deep in their abdomen, matching it with others’ humming. Whether thirty or forty sang, it sounded like a single person.

The unified hymn touched the monastery’s stone walls. Like a night watchman rubbing his eyes at dawn after staying up all night, the awakened walls sang along with the monks.

Stone is dense and hard, but simple. Though difficult to open at first, once you know how to win its heart, stone will split itself open to reveal what’s inside.

In that moment, even souls trapped in flesh seemed to find comfort. Even those who no longer appeared human—crushed and broken—shed tears.

Even the Knight of Chastity, who had completely lost his mind, fell silent.

Of course, only God would know whether this was due to ingrained habit or if the firm faith carried on for over a thousand years had comforted Archbishop William.

Next came Inquisitor Father Haspel’s sermon. Kain was surprised to hear Father Haspel’s clear, deep voice.

When he had whispered in the carriage, he seemed nothing like a conspirator, but now he displayed the tone of an attorney appealing to a judge and the passion of a professor imparting knowledge to eager students.

“…Today, I wish to share this passage with you all.

When the Prophet of Life and Death was teaching, two women were present.

Melissa prepared food with others and welcomed visitors. But Silvia simply sat in front of the Prophet, listening to his words.

After everyone had left, Melissa asked the Prophet, ‘What should I say to Silvia? My fellow workers and I have been working without even a moment’s rest, yet how could she just sit there watching all this?’

The Prophet replied, ‘Melissa, Melissa. Just as you have done your part, Silvia has done hers. Each has taken the portion they wished to take, so why are you angry?’

Later theologians interpreted this as the Prophet favoring Silvia and neglecting Melissa. But if we view this passage through the lens of ‘jealousy,’ a more challenging interpretation becomes possible.

Parents in this world openly say ‘all ten fingers hurt the same when bitten,’ but immediately follow with ‘but some fingers clearly hurt more than others.’ This means that while all children are precious, some children are more precious than others.

However, the way this preciousness is expressed differs from parent to parent. Some parents deliberately treat the children they love more harshly, fearing they might become spoiled. Others give them more. It’s an expression of affection.

So, to interpret that one child was simply allowed to sit still while another was made to work busily, and therefore the first was more cherished and the second was merely used, is a narrow view.

Setting aside the parent’s perspective, let’s consider the guest’s viewpoint. Imagine a guest arrives, and one child just sits there staring blankly, while another child moves about busily bringing drinks and food. From the guest’s perspective, wouldn’t the second child seem more endearing?

Here’s another example.

A parent returns home after a long time and wants to talk with their children. One sits quietly and engages in conversation, but the other keeps bringing things out, saying they haven’t finished what they needed to do, that they must complete unfinished tasks. From the parent’s perspective, which child would be more disappointing? The first or the second?

If we put ourselves in the position of the Prophet of Life and Death, while I’m speaking here in front, would a disciple who quietly listens to me be more endearing, or one who keeps coming and going, claiming to clean, guide people to their seats, or welcome guests?

Of course, both are necessary and important tasks.

However, the one who recorded this story did not clearly state whether Melissa and Silvia’s actions were done at someone’s behest or voluntarily. Considering the context, it seems more likely they acted of their own accord.

That is, Melissa ‘chose’ to take the lead in welcoming guests, and Silvia ‘chose’ to listen to precious words. Doesn’t the Prophet say, ‘Each has taken the portion they wished to take’?

Seen this way, Melissa’s behavior is contradictory. No one asked her to welcome the guests, yet she took it upon herself to do so, then harbored resentment toward Silvia who sat still, and directed her complaint not at Silvia but at the Prophet.

I believe Melissa committed two sins here. One is jealousy, and the other is deception.

Jealousy is easy to understand. Melissa was jealous of Silvia. ‘While I was working, that child just sat there.’ This is jealousy.

How narrow-minded!

Melissa did not envy the guests, even though they were the ones being served the most in this story.

Melissa did not envy the Prophet. She probably couldn’t even imagine herself in such a respected position.

Melissa’s jealousy was directed at Silvia, who ‘was in the same position as her but didn’t act like her, and yet received more affection.’

No one told her to act that way. No one said anything. Melissa herself, not anyone else, ‘deliberately’ singled out Silvia, compared herself to her, and hurt herself in the process.

Why?

Because Melissa herself wanted to be like Silvia. She wanted to sit in front of the Prophet and quietly listen to his words.

But she intentionally ignored the fact that she herself didn’t make such a ‘choice,’ and instead envied Silvia as if ‘she had taken her portion.’

The reason jealousy is a sin is not simply because of envy. It’s because it lowers, pokes, stabs, and stimulates oneself. It’s practically self-harm.

This is where the sin of deception arises.

What is deception? It is to deceive. When one’s true intention is not what it appears to be, acting differently on the outside is deception.

What she truly wanted was to sit ‘like Silvia’ in front of the Prophet and listen to his words. Whether she envied simply sitting still and listening without doing anything, or whether she just wanted to be close to him, at least in her eyes, Silvia appeared to be ‘loved by’ the Prophet.

So Melissa clearly knew that acting like Silvia could earn her love.

But what did she do? She didn’t act that way. In fact, Melissa does something completely different despite knowing how to be loved.

She serves guests, cleans, and prepares food. It’s as if her body is in a strange place while her heart wants the Prophet’s love and knows how to get it.

This is Melissa’s second sin. Self-deception. Not valuing her own voice. Yet instead of honestly revealing her desire to the end, she covers, hides, conceals, envies, and covets others.

If she truly found joy in serving guests, she wouldn’t have envied Silvia. Rather, she would have taken pride in her work and been satisfied.

So what exactly made Melissa commit the sins of jealousy and deception, hurting and tormenting none other than herself?

Brothers and sisters. This is the question that this passage from the sacred book poses to us today.

Why do people stray from the path where they can be loved, wander in the wilderness, and suffer? What drives them from the path? Why can’t people be honest with themselves?”

Silence fell. It was because everyone had entered their own private chamber of silence. The High Inquisitor quietly withdrew from his seat. For about a minute, even the sunlight seemed to hold its breath.

Kain kept his head bowed, reflecting on Father Haspel’s words. It had been a tedious sermon, but something kept nagging at his mind. The scabbard at his left side felt heavy, and the staff leaning against his chair felt burdensome.

He recalled Lily’s bare back. A back scarred and clawed by old wounds. Lily had not tried to hide those scars. Rather, she had exposed them defiantly under the moonlight.

Was she asking to be embraced? Or was it pride, showing she had nothing to hide under the moonlight? Did those scars of suffering, glistening in the moonlight, still hurt Lily’s body and soul? Or…

No. Kain shook his head.

Lily was different from him. If it were Lily, she wouldn’t refrain from drawing her sword and swinging her staff like Kain did. She wouldn’t make the nonsensical excuse that swinging a staff freely would result in fewer deaths.

– You’re running away again.

Kain flinched in surprise. The shadow writhing at his feet whispered.

– What you really want to ask yourself isn’t that. It’s a question about yourself, so there’s no need to bring Lily into it. Tell me, Kairos. Why did you stray from the path?

Kain raised his head. He took his eyes off the shadow. Noticing his distress, Lily gently touched his arm. As her warmth transferred to him, Kain regained some composure. But the shadow was persistent.

– Liar. Coward. Deceiver. You could have been happy. You knew how. You threw it all away. Didn’t you?

The shadow was gray. It neither vanished when touched by light nor flowed when dissolved in darkness. It simply mocked from the shaded area.

– I know the reason. You actually know it too. But you’re such a coward that you don’t have the courage to say it out loud, and you’re even afraid to bring it to mind. So I’ll say it for you. The reason you’re unhappy is…

“Please stand.”

Father Haspel announced. Everyone rose from their places. Lily held Kain’s arm and helped him to his feet.

“Is something wrong?”

A low voice. Kain shook his head.

“You were trembling.”

Again, Kain shook his head.

“…I understand.”

As Lily turned away in disappointment to look ahead, Kain waved his hand as if to say look here.

When Lily nodded slightly, Kain placed his hand on her thigh. He wiggled his fingers slightly, drawing a pattern.

It was a secret code used between Imperial Security Bureau agents when they couldn’t speak, such as during an ambush or when under attack.

‘Be alert.’

The mass now moved on to the purification ritual. Just as one cleanses their body before a major event, this symbolized tidying up one’s soul to receive a blessing.

Attendants placed chemicals on plates. These white plates, made with bone powder mixed in, withstood high heat quite well. Next, they added small parts from those to be blessed—a strand of hair or neatly cut nail clippings would suffice.

As soon as fire was applied, the plates burst into flames. The scent of cloves, cinnamon, pepper, and sulfur wafted through the air, then extinguished in less than thirty seconds. Only white ash remained.

The cloistered monks and Inquisition attendants stood at the patients’ bedsides. Father Haspel stood beside Archbishop William. After applying ash to his fingertips, Haspel offered a prayer.

“Dust returns to dust, earth to earth, ash to ash. So too with sin. Remember that sin does not collect within a person; rather, the person clings to sin and refuses to let go. By the wing-beat of the God who died yet lives, who lives yet died, I purify you.”

The midday sun sent its light through the monastery’s glass ceiling. Archbishop William smiled as brightly as a newborn recognizing its parents.

The first bell rang. Those standing at the bedsides dipped their fingers in the ash.

The second bell rang. Starting with Father Haspel, everyone applied ash to the patients’ foreheads and heads. It signified that sin had already been washed away, leaving only a pure and clear soul.

The chapel grew brighter.

The monastery was built in a basin among high rocky mountains. The time was noon. Though not the highest mountain in the Empire, it was certainly closer to the sky than most monasteries or chapels. Naturally, brilliant light poured in.

But had it ever been this bright, enough to hurt the eyes?