Ch.216Epilogue – Forgiveness (1)

*

The noisy chirping of insects.

The beautiful singing of birds.

The sounds of life, which had become increasingly difficult to hear while living in the forest, now echoed all around under the hot sunlight.

Summer had come again.

“It’s gotten quite hot.”

I was muttering to myself as I climbed the hill.

Today, like other days, I planned to spend time on this hill overlooking the Goldfield estate.

I did the same yesterday, and the day before that.

It had already been half a year since I returned to my homeland and was brought back to life.

I spent most of the past six months here.

Coming out early in the morning, cleaning the cemetery for half the day, then climbing up the hill to watch the scenery until sunset.

That’s how my days passed.

It might sound boring, but surprisingly, it was quite enjoyable.

The sounds of insects and animals coming from all directions.

The breeze carrying fresh warmth.

And the plains of Goldfield, changing slightly each day.

To me, these scenes felt like works of art filled with the greatness of life and nature, so there was never a dull moment.

“… Hah,”

Life and nature.

Perhaps that’s why.

My life was extended by false life, and this body is by no means a natural existence.

Perhaps that’s why I crave that beauty even more.

“… I wonder if Sister Maria felt this way too.”

Lately, I’ve been thinking about Sister Maria often.

She had experienced the Dark Lord’s wicked spell that revived me before I did.

I still vividly remember.

The image of my sister being controlled like a puppet by Balder.

And even the image of me burning her.

“…”

Having reached the top of the hill, I silently sat down on a swing hanging from a large branch.

It was originally broken, but I fixed it.

When I first made the swing, it was for Laila, but when I fixed it, it was for myself.

A rough wooden plank, not even properly sanded.

In this vast world, only this plank was a place for me.

The mansion was already filled with traces of its mistress, Sylvia.

From the bedroom to the kitchen, her scent and touch were everywhere.

In fact, my body was the same.

Memories of her hands and lips brushing against every part of my skin remained.

As I had wished, the mansion became her new home.

As I had wished, I became hers.

But ironically, my current state was something I had never wished for.

A life essentially no different from an undead.

Artificial life and an unnatural body.

I knew well that there was nothing but suffering in the life of a human who gained an immortal body.

Sylvia was like that, Sister Alice was like that, and Sister Maria was like that.

Perhaps the reason Sylvia leaves me alone, knowing I spend time on this hill, is because of her sympathy for my situation and some guilt for having made me this way.

“Haah…”

I rested my chin on my hand, letting my body sway with the swing’s movement as I gazed at the vast plains.

Even the breeze against my skin under my thin clothes felt hot, and when I touched my ash-colored hair with my palm, it was burning hot, so it must indeed be quite warm weather.

However, I didn’t feel the heat.

I didn’t even sweat a single drop, let alone feel hot.

This body didn’t have such functions.

“…”

At that moment, I heard something rustling behind me.

Tsk,

At the unusually sharp sound of clicking tongue, the hesitant movement behind me instantly stopped.

I sighed and slowly opened my mouth.

“Are you spying on me again?”

“…”

“As I said yesterday… it’s okay. You can come here.”

“…”

“Come here.”

When I spoke with some force, the sound of light footsteps on the grass slowly approached.

Footsteps filled with hesitation.

But though hesitant, they didn’t stop.

After a few minutes, the footsteps came right behind me.

“Don’t stand behind the swing, come to the side.”

“…”

“Answer me.”

“… Okay,”

Answering in a timid voice, she awkwardly approached my side.

It had been longer than I expected since I last heard her voice.

I hadn’t turned my head toward her yet, but already in the corner of my vision, I could see her small fingers fidgeting awkwardly.

I closed my eyes gently and asked.

“Why did you follow me again today,”

“…”

“You follow me every day but don’t really talk to me.”

“…”

“What, are you worried a monster might attack? You know there’s nothing like that here.”

“…”

“Don’t you have something you want to say?”

“…”

“Hah… Pia.”

I slowly turned my head toward Pia.

Pia, seemingly disliking even eye contact with me, startled and lowered her head.

“… What do you want?”

Pia didn’t answer and just fidgeted with her fingers.

Even this frustrating behavior had become familiar by now.

Pia, who had been innocent and would grumble endlessly when dissatisfied,

Who had been so much like an ordinary girl despite being a spirit, had become mute in front of me.

Of course, I knew well why she had become like this.

It must be because of her guilt for participating in that absurd thing Sylvia did.

If she was going to be this intimidated, she shouldn’t have done it in the first place.

I shook my head and continued.

“I told you not to follow me. You don’t need to follow me anymore.”

“… That’s,”

I firmly closed my mouth.

My intention not to hear more seemed to radiate from my entire body.

Despite the hot weather, a chilly air seemed to settle heavily around us.

“…”

“Ah, no.”

When I glared at her silently, she hastily swallowed whatever she was about to say.

I opened my mouth again in a low, heavy voice.

“Pia, you know. Now you’re…”

“… No.”

This time, Pia urgently interrupted me.

I snorted and replied.

“What?”

“… Ash,”

“What’s not possible?”

“Please, don’t say that at least. It’s not true, it’s not… please don’t say it.”

I heard a choking sound in Pia’s throat.

Soon, as moisture began to seep into her voice, thick droplets began to roll down her cheeks.

I quietly observed this fox spirit who was wiping her tears with the back of her small hand while sobbing.

Pia, who had become an adult woman during our journey to defeat the Dark Lord after drinking my blood, was now back to looking like a ten-year-old.

Her body, which had grown robustly with my blood and affection, had been shrinking over the past six months.

It almost looked like she was aging backward.

Even I, who didn’t know much about spirits, could understand why Pia’s body was shrinking.

“What do you mean it’s not true? Pia, you’re not my guardian spirit anymore.”

“Ash… ugh,”

Pia was no longer my guardian spirit.

The moment I died, that invisible thread between Pia and me was completely severed.

Of course, Pia was still a spirit, and I was still a spirit sorcerer even in this body, but we were no longer connected, and Pia’s body, which had grown under my influence, was gradually shrinking again.

Softened by Pia’s sobbing, I tried my best to muster a gentle tone.

Gripping the swing’s ropes as if I might tear them, I slowly opened my mouth.

“Pia… I told you that you could live freely. That you could go anywhere you wanted now. That you didn’t need to be bound to me anymore. I told you that.”

I had said those words to Pia the week after I was revived in this body.

A gentle tone and content.

But those words clearly held a cold and harsh meaning.

It was a polite yet firm way of saying I didn’t want to see her anymore.

Naturally, Pia, who had understood the meaning, shook her head vigorously, just as she had done then.

The teardrops barely clinging to her chin fell to the ground with a patter.

“No…”

“Pia.”

“Please, Ash… I just…”

“Please, don’t say that you want to stay by my side.”

“…!”

“I’ve already… heard that excuse on the first day.”

“… Aah… ugh, I’m… sorry…”

I cruelly silenced her.

Pia slowly sank to the ground and hugged her knees.

Looking down at her, I suddenly realized how small Pia had become.

Even though I was sitting, her trembling back was so low that I had to bow my head to see it.

“… Damn it,”

I cursed and squeezed my eyes shut.

I had been holding back well until now, but did I finally explode today?

Is it today?

After getting angry once, is it time to forgive her now?

Is it right to forgive her like this?

Is this all my anger amounts to?

Not throwing things, not using violence,

Just sulking and keeping my mouth shut for a few months—is that anger commensurate with my despair?

Am I just a huge pushover and a loser?

Various thoughts whirled around in my head like the clumsy juggling of an inept clown.

“… Pia.”

“Ash, I’m… really sorry… you might not want to hear it… and I might never be forgiven…”

“Pia.”

“But I really… I really want you to know how sorry I am…”

Pia trembled like an aspen leaf, bowing her head at my feet.

Could she not hear my voice calling her, or did my calling voice sound like I was scolding her?

I placed my hand on her trembling shoulder and called her name once more.

“Pia.”

“…”

When my hand touched her, Pia’s trembling subsided.

“…”

“…”

Hah, I don’t know either.

“I have one favor to ask.”

“…”

“Even though Pia is no longer my spirit, you can still grant me one favor, right?”

After contemplating for a while, Pia nodded her head with difficulty.

Her face, raised with a heavy sigh, was filled with such tragic determination.

She probably imagined that I would ask her never to approach me again or never to speak to me again.

I smiled wryly and said.

“Push the swing for me. With the wind.”

“… Huh?”

Pia asked back like a fool.

“What… do you mean…”

“Can’t you do it?”

“… Ah, no, no! I can do it! I’ll do it.”

Pia jumped up and approached me.

I stroked her head.

Her large fox ears, which seemed oversized compared to her shrunken head, fluttered like wings and tapped the back of my hand placed between them.

*

Only when the sun was nearing the horizon did I slowly lift myself off the swing.

Spending all day sitting on a swing and looking at the scenery might seem boring to others.

In fact, even while Pia was pushing the swing with the wind, we didn’t exchange a single word, so in others’ eyes, I might look like a madman with an obsession for swings.

But Pia herself didn’t seem to have any complaints.

Rather, her face was gradually regaining its former smile.

“Here.”

As I was going down the hill, I slightly extended my hand toward Pia, and she grabbed both my hands with a flushed expression.

The tiny child’s hands fit snugly into mine, and I could see happy smiles overflowing on her childlike face.

Was she that happy just to share time with me?

While I felt sorry for such a Pia, I suddenly realized that I too had enjoyed the time with her.

“…”

Yes, let’s forgive.

Myself, and Pia.

And Sylvia too.