Ch.210Damn it…(5)

Kate’s confession, which had thrown caution to the wind, left me feeling more bewildered than angry.

Others seemed to feel similarly, as no one readily spoke up, and a deep silence settled over the room.

I knew she had a straightforward personality that cut to the chase, but this was like stomping on the accelerator and charging ahead at full speed.

I found myself newly curious about how her thought process actually worked.

As the heavy silence lingered, Rina, who had maintained her composure, quietly spoke up.

“…Cardinal Kate.”

“Yes. Please speak.”

“I’m not sure how to say this, but…”

Rina paused briefly with a deeply contemplative expression before delivering a direct question.

“You don’t have any friends, do you?”

“Pardon?”

At first, Kate tilted her head in confusion. Rina clarified her question.

“I asked if you have anyone you could call a friend.”

“All people blessed by Luminus are my friends and brothers.”

“…”

Rina nodded at this devout answer and looked at her. Her blue eyes reflected sympathy and concern.

According to Marie, Rina was exceptionally observant. Perhaps her question about friends was an attempt to see through Kate’s psychology.

Rina set down her nearly empty teacup, exhaled, and spoke in her characteristically gentle tone.

“That’s not what I meant. By friends, I mean people you can be comfortable with regardless of profession, gender, or status. People who separate public and private matters, but in private spaces, maintain equal relationships where you can open up to each other. Lastly, I mean people around your age, like me, Issac, Marie, and Cecilly.”

“…”

“I’m wondering if you’ve had such friends.”

“Hmm…”

After hearing Rina’s explanation, Kate blinked her emerald eyes and lowered her head. She appeared to be contemplating, then raised her head and looked at me.

I was slightly afraid of what might come out of her mouth next, but fortunately, her next words were surprisingly normal.

“…There is someone I’ve shared my concerns with.”

“Who might that be?”

“His Holiness.”

By “His Holiness,” she meant the Pope. As expected of a Cardinal, even her associates were extraordinary.

Rina immediately followed up with another question.

“May I ask how old His Holiness is?”

“He has lived for 80 years now.”

“And how old are you, Cardinal Kate?”

“I have lived for 20 years.”

At that age difference, they were like grandfather and granddaughter—certainly not what one would call friends. In other words, the only person she could confide in was the Pope.

Being directly blessed by Luminus, she must have received tremendous attention from the church.

Regardless of the nature of that attention, many aspects of her life must have been restricted. Even fellow clergy probably couldn’t approach her casually, meaning she likely had very few people, or “friends,” with whom she could be comfortable.

Moreover, she possessed enough power to become the Grand Inquisitor at such a young age. Being accomplished in both religious and martial matters, people wouldn’t approach her easily.

Her strange thought process, focused solely on her deity, likely stemmed from these circumstances. She might have been well-educated, but significant deficiencies in her interpersonal relationships were inevitable.

“The friend I’m talking about is different from what you’re thinking. I can’t define it precisely, but I’m referring to something broader.”

“Broader meaning… I don’t understand.”

“You’ll come to understand with time. Perhaps the reason you’re drawn to Issac is because you’ve met someone who could potentially be your friend for the first time. Issac, like you, is favored by Luminus, but he’s someone you neither need to elevate nor guide.”

Rina offered a very plausible explanation befitting her position as Imperial Princess. Kate listened and stared at me thoughtfully.

She still didn’t seem to grasp it clearly, but this was something time would resolve. I looked directly into Kate’s emerald eyes and spoke.

“I agree with Rina. Right now, Kate, you’re happy to have found someone you can talk to as an equal, not experiencing love as you’ve concluded.”

“…”

“Friendship is a relationship that can’t be explained in words. You can joke with each other but shouldn’t be disrespectful. It’s not something that happens instantly—you gradually become part of someone’s life and can occupy a significant portion of it.”

If I had to name three important aspects of human relationships, they would be family, lovers, and friends.

Family is undoubtedly precious, lovers can fill our deficiencies and create new life with us.

And friends, though physically separate, are like one body. That’s how important friends are in a person’s life.

But Kate has never had anyone she could call a friend. Having never had friends from the beginning, she probably doesn’t even know what loneliness is.

“So it’s not love, but I’ll accept friendship. By the way, friends don’t talk about seeds to each other.”

“Friends… I’m not sure. Aren’t all those blessed by Luminus friends and brothers?”

“That’s doctrine, but friendship between people is different.”

I think I understand now. Kate is like a frog in a well.

I understand why Luminus scolded her yet told her to find her own happiness. Even to Luminus, Kate’s limited human relationships must be heartbreaking.

In my previous life, I lived almost disconnected from the world after losing my parents in an accident, but Kate has been misaligned from the very beginning.

She faithfully follows doctrine but hasn’t properly formed any personal relationships. I wonder if even her loneliness was comforted by Luminus.

Thinking this, I felt pity and spoke to her in a gentle voice.

“Kate, faith can occupy a large part of a person’s life, but it can’t take up everything. Luminus may favor you, but He doesn’t encompass everything, right? Even this time, He scolded you harshly.”

“Yes.”

“So it’s not too late to slowly turn your attention elsewhere. You can still serve Luminus, but live your own life too. Oh, you mentioned you lived in the countryside? When did you receive Luminus’s blessing?”

“When I was five. The village was in chaos after being attacked by bandits. That’s when Luminus bestowed His light upon me.”

“…”

It seems I’ve stepped on a landmine. Though she spoke in a calm tone, there was clearly sadness within.

I had planned to continue the conversation by reminiscing about friends from the countryside, but I never imagined such a past was hidden there.

Not knowing what to say, I fumbled for words before finally apologizing.

“…I’m sorry. I had no idea such an incident occurred.”

“It’s fine. If you really feel bad, you can give me your seed.”

“…”

That was a joke, right? It must be a joke. It has to be a joke.

I gave a bitter smile as Kate grinned and made her tasteless joke(?).

“…Anyway, Kate. What you feel for me isn’t love. It’s the joy of meeting someone who could become a friend. It’s a new feeling for you, so you were confused.”

“I see. Then what about my heart racing when I see Issac’s face?”

“That’s not arrhythmia… I mean, it’s anticipation.”

I almost said it was arrhythmia. Kate nodded at my answer and looked alternately at Marie and Cecilly beside me.

Then she placed her hand on her chest and tilted her head curiously.

“Unlike with Issac, my heart doesn’t race with you two. Does that mean we’re not friends yet?”

“You’ll understand as you continue to see their faces. Becoming friends in just one day is a bit strange too.”

It doesn’t make sense to quickly befriend people you’ve just met, especially those who were hurling harsh words at you until moments ago. Moreover, given the first impressions, the views toward Kate aren’t particularly favorable.

Kate blinked a couple of times and then nodded. She seemed to have understood something on her own.

“I understand. This unfamiliar feeling I’m experiencing… it’s not love but friendship.”

“Not friendship yet, but expectation. The expectation of making friends as a person, not as defined by doctrine.”

“I see. I acknowledge that. Then about the seed…”

“That’s for when you feel true love, not friendship. Not now.”

Somehow, explaining things one by one feels like brainwashing. But Kate’s mind is already filled with what she learned from the church, so this approach is necessary.

If Luminus were to see Kate’s condition, wouldn’t He lament? A deity can show the way but can’t provide education, resulting in this outcome.

I want to visit the temple tomorrow and ask how they educated her, but this is more an issue with the church than with Luminus.

“Anyway, let’s end this conversation here. Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?”

“Nothing in particular.”

“I have something I’d like to ask, if that’s alright?”

Cecilly, who had been quietly listening to the conversation, requested permission to ask a question. Kate’s gaze turned toward her.

Cecilly faced Kate directly and voiced what she had been curious about.

“Listening to Cardinal Kate, I found something curious. In the Luminus Church, do they refer to a man’s… thing as a seed?”

“A man’s thing?”

“Yes.”

“A seed is called a seed. What else would you call it?”

But her response is strange. Normally, she would understand, but Kate’s expression suggests she doesn’t know what Cecilly is talking about.

Not just Cecilly, but others also seemed to sense something off, as they wore peculiar expressions. Cecilly then asked in a voice tinged with disbelief.

“…Cardinal Kate.”

“Yes, please speak.”

“You do know how children are born, right?”

“Of course. I was taught that when a woman receives a man’s seed, a child forms in her belly.”

“That’s not it. Please explain in more detail.”

Kate gave a look that questioned why she was being asked this, and then explained as she had been “taught” in the church.

I expected something slightly vulgar, but it wasn’t at all.

“I heard that white seeds grow in a man’s body, and they can be artificially expelled. If a woman eats that seed, a child is conceived. Isn’t that right?”

“…Eat it? Through where?”

“Through the mouth, of course. Where else would one eat from?”

What on earth did I just hear? While I was too stunned to speak, Marie urgently asked.

“T-then what about men and women sleeping in the same bed? Haven’t you heard about that?”

“Ah, I’ve heard about that too. But I was told that doesn’t result in conception. The most important thing is the seed.”

This is beyond absurd. Even Rina across from us has her mouth agape in shock.

If Rina is making such an expression, it shows just how serious Kate’s lack of sexual knowledge is. Normally, Rina would blush during such conversations.

Looking at Kate’s innocent expression, I recalled something from the dormitory.

“W-wait a moment, Kate. Didn’t you tell me before that you were confident in your face and figure?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you say that?”

“I was taught in the church that if a face and figure are beautiful, a man’s seed comes out better. Especially if one is naked, the effect increases.”

“Then what about rape? Do you know what rape means?”

“Of course. It’s the criminal act of a man forcibly feeding his seed to a woman.”

“…”

They completely omitted the crucial part. But is this even possible?

As people grow, they naturally experience secondary sexual characteristics, and women in particular also experience menstruation.

Naturally, one would become curious, so how did they only teach her the most important part?

As I buried my face in my hands and sighed, Cecilly, who felt similarly, quietly asked.

“Then… do you know where the seed comes from in a man’s body?”

“No. I was taught that I would naturally learn when a man gives me his seed.”

“…”

This is like a red bean bun without the red bean filling.