Ch.207. The Sword of the Fool (2)

The maid Sylphia was pacing anxiously in front of the door, filled with worry.

‘He must be awake by now? Or perhaps today too…’

How long had it been since she hesitated so much over a simple knock?

She desperately hoped not to upset Kariel’s mood.

He was already struggling and sensitive enough; if he became more troubled because of her…

It might only be one day, but completely abstaining from food during a critical growth period wasn’t a good sign.

Kariel had always eaten very little, and he rarely got proper sleep most nights.

Just when things seemed to be improving lately…

‘He missed school for a day, so he’ll surely get scolded for that…’

But this time, both Ermina and Kariel were in a situation where facing each other would be difficult.

As if to prove this, even Ermina hadn’t gone to church, instead staying home cradling her swollen belly.

Though it happened often, today seemed particularly early.

It happened precisely yesterday, early morning.

Sylphia was even more worried because she had overheard at least part of what Rueld had said to Kariel from outside the door.

Lord Rueld had clearly told him to apologize to his wife, so his refusal to do so could easily be interpreted as rebellion or stubbornness.

‘No one understands the young master’s feelings…’

When Patina and her brother suddenly fought with the young master… at first, she thought it might be part of training or sparring.

But their conversation was clearly not normal, and the emotions were so intense that even Sylphia could plainly see it was excessive for mere training.

So she quickly reported this to Lady Ermina, who initially seemed to think Patina must have her reasons and appeared willing to let it pass.

But then suddenly,

Her face turned pale, and she rushed out of the room.

What Sylphia witnessed as she followed behind was a truly shocking scene.

If the lady had been absent…

The young master’s hands and arms were…

‘Why did he go that far?’

Recalling that scene made her dizzy, forcing her to squeeze her eyes shut.

“Haah.”

What should she do?

No matter how much she pondered the situation,

She couldn’t think of any good solution.

The feeling of helplessness brought on a wave of depression.

‘No.’

How can I be depressed too!

At the very least, she needed to keep smiling for him.

Even if she couldn’t be of much help!

As she was composing herself and arranging her expression,

The door suddenly opened with a thud, making her swallow a gasp.

“Why are you standing there like that?”

“Oh, well…”

Her mind went blank at the sudden development, but Sylphia steeled herself again.

“Aren’t you hungry? You haven’t eaten for a whole day.”

“…A day?”

Kariel tilted his head.

“A day. That’s what I said.”

“Um, is something wrong?”

“No, nothing.”

By the way.

“Judging by the time, it seems to be early morning, is that right?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“…I’ll be scolded.”

Was he talking about missing the Academy?

Or perhaps disobeying Lord Rueld?

Still, something seemed strange.

“Young master?”

“What?”

“You seem different somehow.”

“…How so?”

“Well, it’s hard to put my finger on it, but…”

After hesitating for a while, she squeezed out the best conclusion her limited vocabulary could offer:

“You seem more… mature, somehow.”

“That can’t happen overnight, can it?”

“Y-yes, of course! Haha… I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize.”

…?

This is strange.

I can’t quite explain it, but…

He does seem more mature than before, or is it just my imagination?

====

-How many years has it been since I breathed real air?

“……”

Sometimes I’m aware it was just a dream that lasted one night.

But other times, it feels like I fell into an endless abyss, and whenever I close my eyes, that seemingly eternal ordeal naturally comes to mind day after day.

It’s not just imagination, pictures, or visual memories—my body tingles with the sensation.

“It feels more unnatural to have nothing in my hands.”

-Your speech has become too stiff. Why not loosen up a bit?

Is that so?

-Time usually dulls both resentment and anger. How about yours?

“I wasn’t thinking much about it until you brought it up.”

But of all times.

“Now that I see them before my eyes, I wonder if claiming to feel nothing would be a lie and self-deception.”

When the Prince’s group appeared, my feet instinctively halted, and my body stiffened from the shoulders down.

Whether conscious or not, the wariness etched into my body activated reflexively.

“Enjoying your laziness? Now that you’re my sister’s fiancé, you think you’re above everyone else?”

“……”

Red hair, black eyes.

Despite his handsome appearance that would normally make a good first impression…

For some reason, he becomes more disgusting the longer I look at him.

Is this what it feels like to have a mortal enemy you can’t share the sky with?

Ironically, there’s no real reason for either of us to harbor such enmity.

‘How pathetic.’

That bastard is pathetic.

And I, Kariel, who had been powerless and whimpering under his harassment, am equally pathetic.

“Haah.”

“…?”

The Prince and

Those around him all scowled simultaneously.

Just because

I sighed once.

As expected, the Prince glared and thrust his face forward as if about to grab my collar.

His burning eyes.

Combined with that fierce expression, his aura alone seemed capable of burning someone alive.

“I wonder what makes you so special that you always act this way?”

“……”

If Seras were here, would she have tried to intervene?

I vaguely remember occasionally harboring such expectations in the past.

Back then, I accepted the abuse as inevitable.

…I just kept enduring, thinking that if I held out long enough, it would eventually end.

That’s why I hated facing reality—it was uncomfortable and detestable.

The reason I counted the days until sunset and moonrise was…

…perhaps because at least during those moments, I was guaranteed some freedom to breathe.

Well, thanks to my mother who gave me various instructions that kept me up at night, there were many difficulties.

But at least it was less tiring and less painful than during daylight hours.

That’s why, all the more.

During the hours when the moon was setting.

Perhaps I hoped to stay awake as much as possible.

A weak notion.

Truly, pitifully weak.

But that was my past.

When will I ever be free,

Even slightly, from this wretched, shameful stigma?

“That’s enough, Your Highness.”

“What… did you just say to me…?”

“Your Highness.”

It’s that guy again.

Thanks to him gesturing around with his eyes, the Prince snorted briefly.

“Later, in a less crowded place, let’s have a more in-depth conversation. A conversation, I said. A conversation.”

He deliberately jabbed his index finger into my chest repeatedly.

In the past,

I would have been consumed by the desire and longing to break that finger.

Yet unable to do so, I would have despaired, fallen into desperation, and resigned myself.

…Even fantasizing about revenge would have seemed childish and unpleasant, something I wouldn’t allow myself due to my own narrow-mindedness or stubbornness.

I find it distasteful in many ways.

So,

How about now?

“Do as you please.”

Clearly, as she said, though this is a dream, I seem to have been stuck there for quite some time.

Unlike before, I’m not losing my reason to absurdity, nor am I suppressing it forcibly and rotting or breaking myself.

Now, I’m somewhat more composed than before.

With just that small difference, I’m experiencing some peace of mind.

…How little mental space did I have before?

“……”

After watching the Prince’s glaring back disappear, I continued walking toward the school gate.

Come to think of it…

…recalling how I used to arrive early to avoid their eyes or deliberately cut it close if I was running late…

I feel wretched about that shameful behavior now.

Disappointment in myself is a useless emotion at this point.

“I’ll be waiting for that so-called conversation.”

I wonder how civil it will be.

====

“Kariel. Are you planning to just sit and watch this time too?”

“……”

Kariel stared blankly at the swordsmanship instructor.

His heavy gaze no longer intimidated me; I felt nothing in particular.

What’s different from before?

…There’s no special reason.

Do rocks and trees get angry or respond fiercely when humans taunt them?

The resolution within me was already part of who I am, without needing to be constantly reminded or whispered.

Therefore.

“I’ve decided to put down the Imperial sword.”

“What?”

Confidently, unlike before, I could say such things.

“Instead, I plan to master something else, if that’s alright?”

“…Did Lord Rueld teach you some unique swordsmanship?”

Though his words were neutral, his expression clearly showed mockery.

“Of course not.”

Are you saying something sensible?

Returning his sneer with that nuance, his face contorted nicely.

“Are you playing word games with me now?”

“……”

I could have continued the sarcasm, but somehow,

Even that felt tedious.

In the past, I would have charged ahead recklessly once I started.

…But precisely because I couldn’t take that first step.

“Please don’t give me special attention; distribute your time equally among the other students.”

“Is that your excuse?”

“Does it seem like I’m making excuses?”

Something is different.

Not just the teacher but also the students watching this interesting scene found his brazen attitude puzzling.

“Teacher~! Since he looks so confident, why not have a guidance match with him right now?!”

“Looks like he learned one new sword technique and thinks he owns the world.”

“Abandoning the Imperial sword? Maybe he’s got it backward—the Imperial sword abandoned him!”

Laughter.

Chuckles.

Sneers.

Not everyone was like that, but even without the Prince present, his influence extended everywhere.

But.

So what?

“……”

Moreover.

Even the noble Princess wasn’t present here.

That’s probably why those bastards could taunt me.

Unlike me, she could legally skip the Academy and would be welcomed back with “thank you for your hard work,” “you must be tired,” “we were worried”…

‘No, that’s misplaced anger.’

There’s no need to blame Elhermina.

The reason for blame is: why does she receive preferential treatment and protection for the same actions?

Why am I always criticized, ostracized, and conspicuously despised?

There are differences, admittedly.

And.

There’s no obligation to find reasons to target the Princess for comparison.

‘Don’t mistake your comparison target.’

If I must specify, I shouldn’t confuse who deserves my resentment or hostility.

The source of malice is elsewhere.

Don’t mistake your opponent.

Don’t waste emotions in the wrong place due to being overwhelmed by feelings.

Even emotional turmoil is a waste of mental energy.

Energy that should be poured into training.

“Then let’s do this.”

Kariel casually scanned his surroundings.

“Would you personally teach me a lesson, teacher?”

As always, like a pastime.

Like showing off, boasting, desperately seeking attention.

As a tool for that pitiful inferiority complex, venting, emotional release.

Just as it has always been.

“I must fulfill what the Prince desires.”

“……”

Pretending not to know while knowing everything.

But when discussing this openly, the situation reaches a point of no return.

So what?

The trouble isn’t on my side anyway.

At worst, I’ll just die.

Kill today, kill tomorrow.

“Will you do it or not?”

At some point, I became unable to fear meaningless things.

But bound by habitual treatment I’d endured for so long, I kept making the same mistake.

Must I be frightened because I’m powerless and weak?

That’s not true.

My fear is ultimately

A nightmare of my own creation.

Not someone else’s.

…This.

It’s a bit frustrating that I realized this too late…

…No, let me correct myself.

It was very… unfair.

Very unfair.

Very, very unfair.