Ch.20367. Needle and Knot.

“You deliberately led the situation by intentionally provoking their guilt. But will they really respond according to your intentions?”

“That’s their choice.”

That answer is extremely insincere. Irresponsible, perhaps, or perfunctory.

“So should I have controlled everything to make them move as I wanted? Even their thoughts and ways of thinking?”

That’s what it means to employ strategy.

Do I make judgments and decisions on their behalf?

Or do I silently watch as they wander and roam aimlessly, enjoying the spectacle of their inevitable failure if that’s not something I can properly enjoy watching.

“Is that your best?”

No. The premise is flawed to begin with.

Best, greatest, lowest, worst… these are useless benchmarks.

The point is whether you dominate or are dominated.

Do you draw them into your will and ideals to use them, or are you pathetically dragged along by their hollow dreams, ideals, and wishes?

“So what do you gain in the end? What remains?”

The realization of my will. And the results that come from it remain.

The rest isn’t worth my concern.

“How many corpses have you stepped over to get there?”

Are you the type who keeps your head down from the start, meticulously counting each of your footsteps all the way to your destination?

Useless ruminations during progress are unnecessary.

To advance, to never stop, to inevitably reach the goal.

That’s all that matters.

“So you don’t care at all about those swept up in the process?”

By that logic, you should worry about the crops you eat. And the livestock and beasts too.

Don’t you feel any guilt about eggs that could become chickens if properly incubated?

That is arrogance.

It’s like the pathetic pretense of hunters who claim to respect their prey.

Needless self-comfort, self-satisfaction.

“……”

To rise, you must shake off those who grab at your ankles.

To survive, you must deal with those who try to kill you.

Tear down what stands in your way, or circumvent it.

Floundering in cheap emotions and missing opportunities is a sin that cannot be absolved by mere foolishness.

Nothing can be gained without sacrifice.

And that naturally includes yourself.

“But in those sacrifices… aren’t you placed at the very end of the line?”

Because I am the most precious.

Because to achieve our purpose, will, and ideals, that is appropriate and right, and justifiably legitimate to the point where it cannot be exchanged for anything else.

“So, were you satisfied? With the end you faced.”

Do I live for satisfaction? What a pathetic question.

What difference is there between living for reward and being a domesticated animal, livestock, or slave?

I found meaning in my actions themselves, and created meaning through them.

Results and rewards are actually useless. Within me.

“……”

It’s obvious you don’t want to walk the same path as me, but what of it?

If you want to understand my life, you need to adopt the same thinking and concepts. With your current mindset, you won’t be able to understand any of my causes or beliefs.

“Indeed. No sane person could sincerely think of burning the world.”

Exactly. That’s what makes me special. Being special means being distant from normality.

Do you want to live ordinarily, normally, sensibly? Then give it all up and live faithfully as a slave.

The vast majority of this world consists mostly of slaves and livestock who don’t even realize their freedom has been taken away.

“And beings like you will drive them to their deaths.”

The opposite could also happen, but only if timing and circumstances align well. Times for pursuing life and times for throwing oneself into death are properly divided.

In that sense, I was, as you just pointed out, a shepherd who had to drive them to their deaths.

“What kind of shepherd is that.”

Didn’t Irenis drive her disciples to their deaths? Under the pretext of spreading faith and teachings.

So, how are they treated now?

“……”

Death is part of life and its process. It’s neither an absolute evil, nor an evil that should be denied, nor an unforgivable sin.

You should understand by now. Why the master of the world sent you into the world with such talents and skills.

You and I, in that respect, aren’t so different.

But if you refuse that role?

There’s simply another alternative.

Heaven’s net is vast and expansive, and more tightly woven than anything else.

Whether you know it or not, once you’re born on this earth, the answer is already determined.

“Is that why I should walk that path?”

It doesn’t matter whether you walk it or not.

Either you do it, or someone else does it instead.

You’re only special when you shoulder the role and responsibility.

The moment you abandon that mission, you become nothing.

Yes, even livestock excrement has some use, so perhaps you could be utilized in that way.

“Haa…”

Opening my eyes, silence and darkness return.

The being with whom I was having such a heated conversation has long since vanished, as if it never existed.

But unlike before, that being felt more distinct, more recognizable.

Though just a memory, it now pressed upon my existence with definite weight.

That other self from another world was incredibly intense.

Will, dignity, self-respect.

The arrogance that only one who has reduced the world to ashes and graves could possess.

His existence was powerful, regardless of good or evil.

And he chose to ride the tide of fate rather than resist it.

“So no matter what I choose, the outcome will be the opposite of what I want. Even giving up…”

And to be born with such a fate, destined to ride along with it.

If I was born to correct that, then I wouldn’t need to worry about this at all.

“…So that’s why he abandoned such concerns.”

The justifications are impressive.

Revenge for the dead Elhermina.

Realizing the glory of the Empire.

Writing an unprecedented history of conquest and achievement with his own hands.

The epitome of ambition and romance that any man might harbor.

He probably didn’t know about the world’s will or such things from the beginning, like I do now.

But by the time he realized it, he had already reached a point of no return.

…So he cast aside hesitation and instead chose to run faster, looking only forward.

And because he moved as the world desired, the world gladly illuminated his path.

“This is giving me a headache.”

I tried to somehow grasp the countless versions of myself from other worlds through the World Tree.

It wasn’t easy.

Was it naive to seek alternative solutions from another me? Was it a hasty stopgap measure?

Or was it wrong to seek answers externally?

“No, that’s not it.”

There’s no need to waste energy on pointless self-blame just because I haven’t found an answer yet.

That’s just how the world is.

The ways of the world are difficult and confusing even when you understand them.

And even more arduous when you don’t.

That’s why we praise and honor those who solve these trials and problems.

“You were already walking that path, in a position where you couldn’t retreat, so yes, you had no choice.”

There was no need to hate or resent that other me who piled up ashes, graves, and mountains of corpses in that other world.

Even less reason to fear him.

…If I were someone with strong desires who chased fame and honor, I might have admired and revered his achievements.

Unfortunately, the current me doesn’t particularly…

‘When I gave up the dream of being a hero, I put down half of those things.’

Uncle Gazef would have clicked his tongue, saying I realized too much at too young an age.

‘Is that why I should become firewood rather than a spark?’

Even now, a whisper echoed within me.

If I couldn’t be the spark, it demanded I hand over the role.

It would gladly burn the world for me.

“That’s why the choice must remain theirs.”

Whether I become firewood or a spark has, for now, left my hands.

I don’t believe it, but…

I trust them without a doubt more than anyone else.

These contradictory emotions and beliefs were guiding me now.

“Even if a hero saves the world, if the world’s inhabitants are determined to destroy it, then it’s not a world worth saving.”

Even I think I’m being too cold, perhaps harsh.

But when life for someone is pain, a curse, hell, and despair…

…I’m not inclined to deny that for them, salvation might mean the deprivation of life.

I’ve traveled many countries and am convinced there are no absolutes in this world.

The world isn’t meant to be lived in alone.

It’s composed of such principles and natural laws.

Yet we’re made to care for ourselves, for the individual.

And that individual gradually expands their domain outward.

Family, village, country.

Blood relatives, comrades, kin.

“Wasn’t there a reason why species were divided and distinguished in the first place?”

Just like the division of male and female.

Like the distinction between heaven and earth.

Actually, are they one?

“One?”

I fell into a strange contemplation.

“Everything started from a single point?”

Something I heard somewhere suddenly came to mind.

“Was it wrong to try to put something through the eye of a needle?”

It wouldn’t go in quietly that way, would it?

Unless you poke it with the needle.

But I don’t have a needle, do I?

So everyone searches for a needle, a key, a method, a solution, an answer…

“Is everything futile and meaningless?”

But the one who determines it as futile and meaningless is, after all, none other than myself.

The moment I define it as meaningless and futile…

Everything truly becomes so.

“Phew.”

Though feelings of helplessness and depression bloom like mold… I thoroughly renounce allowing my emotions and will to be swayed by them.

“They say when you’re anxious, keep walking.”

As I was leaving the sanctuary, I suddenly stepped into the place where the source of my recent inspiration resided.

“You once said the world originally started from a single point. It returns to its source. It follows its source. Beginning and end, seed and tree and fruit… none have a determined beginning or end. Isn’t that what you said when I came before?”

“……”

The silent elf man said nothing.

Like the dead, yet clearly existing, he exhibited the peculiar behavior of exhaling a long breath that stretched over not just tens of seconds but minutes.

Perceiving this not by sight but by sound and presence, the thought that struck me was how incredibly strange it was.

“Why do you breathe in and out so slowly?”

One breath takes several minutes.

For human lungs to hold and release all that…

It seems odd to think he’s deliberately controlling his breath volume.

“Life and death. Beginning and end. Coming and going. That principle ultimately depends on breath.”

“……”

What kind of vague talk is this?

Like before… this elf is truly strange.

“You’re not wrong. Without breath, one dies. In a way, this is both a shackle and a proper condition of life… a fate, you might say.”

“……”

Something suddenly became strange.

Knowing that inspiration can arise from such odd processes, I tried to embrace what I didn’t understand rather than reject it, making it a source of curiosity.

For several days after that, until the elves outside gave me an answer, I decided to stay by his side.

He seemed completely indifferent to my presence.

He even appeared to know I was communicating with the World Tree, but…

“That is not communication.”

He stated definitively once, but gave no further answer when asked.

Still, it seemed to have some truth to it.

‘Strictly speaking, the World Tree either listens to or ignores my requests.’

If a request is accepted, it shows what I ask to see, but there are many parts that aren’t permitted.

…Is this truly communication?

At some point, I made a request to him.

“What you’re doing, if it’s not rude, may I try to imitate it?”

“……”

Though he said nothing, I strangely felt he had permitted it, so I tried without hesitation.

Sitting properly, breathing long, long…

“…Keck!”

My breathing faltered before even a few minutes had passed.

Despite not having moved my body at all.

‘Not easy.’

I’ve had no trouble adapting my breathing to movement before.

…This was difficult precisely because it wasn’t complex.

It seemed to be a matter of lung capacity and adaptation? Familiarity?

This required a trained body to imitate, not something one could follow merely by understanding the technique.

…Obvious, perhaps, but still.

After several more days passed like this.

Emerging from the sanctuary and the World Tree, I was met, as before, by several elves who seemed to be waiting for me.

“Oh.”

Had they reached a conclusion?

Following their guidance, I was led to the audience chamber this time.

And there, as if they had been waiting, were the Queen, two central council members, and two elders.

The five of them were positioned as if awaiting my arrival.

“I hope Your Majesty has been in good health. I have come directly to this place as soon as I left the sanctuary in response to your summons.”

After paying formal respects, everyone except the five was dismissed from the audience chamber.

Finally, the Queen, representing them all, composed herself to deliver their decision to me.

Above her snow-white ceremonial dress.

Her hands, covered in white gloves, were placed modestly on her knees.

Gently, her lips, tinged with blue, parted slightly.

“Kariel. This is a decision reached by everyone’s combined opinion, but that doesn’t mean it’s absolute. Please keep that in mind as you listen.”

“……”

I nodded in acknowledgment.

“We have finally agreed to recognize you as an exceptional representative and agent of our race.”

The Queen continued.

“So, Kariel. I ask you one thing. How do you and the Divine Tree intend to guide us?”

“……”