Ch.202Epilogue. What I Wish For (2)

In my past life, what was it like being a teenager?

I think I definitely had more leisure time.

Yes, there were certainly busy periods too. Exam periods, college entrance preparation. In high school, I went to cram school and stayed late for self-study, so it’s not like I wasn’t busy at all.

I worried about my future in my own way. I even had philosophical-like delusions for the first time in my life.

But still, in my teens, there was a kind of leisure that I never felt as an adult. Something you only realize after it’s all passed.

A leisure in human relationships. School was the only time I could naturally meet friends of the same age with the same hobbies. As an adult, even when meeting people my age, conversations started with formal speech, and it wasn’t easy to find people who enjoyed manga or games.

At least I don’t think I worried about making a living. I didn’t think life would stretch out so long. I joked about having to support myself, but I didn’t really understand what that meant.

Yes, there were certainly parts of my mind that eased after becoming an adult. By the time I graduated college, I had mostly finished worrying about my identity.

I was a man, I liked women, I had no particular interest in religion, and there were many times when I didn’t need to move unless I was working.

No need to prepare for exams, and I felt somewhat relieved if I at least had emergency funds in my account to last a month.

It’s not that I had no anxiety about the future, but it was much better than when I hadn’t experienced anything about society.

…But you know what?

Thinking about it again, I’m going through all of that one by one again now.

“What do you think?”

Yuka asked with quite a serious expression.

Even if she asks what I think, I know nothing about fashion. The place I worked had no reason to worry about such things. There was a time when I cared about clothes, but that period… is quite far in the future by this world’s standards, and conversely, quite far in the past in the era I lived in.

I’ve never even been told I dress well.

So, I found myself completely at a loss for what to say about the clothes worn by a model in a women’s magazine.

To my eyes, they look pretty.

But I’m not sure if that’s because the model is pretty and would look good in anything thrown on her, or if the clothes really suit her well.

I think the proportions of the girls around me aren’t too bad. Of course, if I had to rank them, Yuu would be closest to model proportions, but they’re all pretty enough that it wouldn’t be strange to call them harem anime heroines. It’s just that Yuu is the most like that; I’m not saying the others are unattractive.

Including me and Koko.

…Though we are a bit on the shorter side.

“It’s… pretty?”

When I spoke while watching Yuka’s reaction, she somehow made a sad expression.

“What’s wrong?”

Seeing that expression made me feel a bit anxious, so I asked, and Yuka placed her hand on mine and calmly said:

“You haven’t been in your right mind for very long.”

Well, that’s true.

It hasn’t been long since I died and came back to life— Ah, that’s not what she means.

Yuka’s words must be referring to when I woke up in this world.

Yuka thinks I know absolutely nothing about this world, like Koko. Well, culturally speaking, that might be true. The only Japan I knew was from manga.

So she seems to think that my complete lack of knowledge about fashion is all because of that.

…But haven’t you helped me choose clothes before? Well, I guess you didn’t know it would be this bad then.

“It’s only natural that you wouldn’t know about things like this.”

I couldn’t say anything as I looked at her somewhat excessively sad smile.

“Woo?”

And Koko reacted to that face.

“I guess it’s the same for Koko.”

Even though Koko has had consciousness for quite a long time, it seemed a bit much to tell her that she had been in the shape of a ‘giant nose.’

“Alright. Then, let’s add it to the list.”

“List?”

I tilted my head and asked in response to Yuka’s words.

“Yes. The list.”

Yuka, who had been lying on the bed, sat up and looked at me as she spoke.

“The conversation we had back then.”

Did we talk about some kind of list?

As I was deep in thought, Yuka looked at me with a really, really sad expression and said:

“Before I stabbed you… the things we talked about.”

…Ah.

Right. We did have that conversation.

I thought I was really going to die then, so I said everything I wanted to say. Things I would never be able to do again, and things I wanted to do.

Yuka seems to remember all of it.

She would have to remember.

If I had to stab Yuka, I would have tried my best to remember that final moment too.

“When it’s all over, we agreed to quit.”

Yuka said with a somewhat relieved expression.

“I’m going to quit that job too. I couldn’t continue anyway if I want to go to college.”

“I see…”

I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Well, I know very well that Yuka didn’t do that job because she wanted to. Nobody wants to roll around on the ground or get cut by something. Doing it as a job is just forcing yourself because you know it’s necessary.

“It’s the same for you, right? Your ‘mom’ would be against it.”

“Yeah.”

I could easily imagine Kagami jumping around in anger from head to toe.

She might even draw a sword in my place. In Kagami’s case, she seems more like the type to use talismans rather than swords.

I see.

So Yuka is quitting that job.

Come to think of it, she hasn’t been carrying that sword around lately. Maybe she really has quit already.

“Well, if I’m really needed, I’ve decided to at least work part-time. But I don’t think anything that serious will appear for a while.”

In the original story, the sudden increase in yokai was speculated to be a precursor to the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons. If so, it’s probably the same in this world.

The gates of the afterlife became too easily opened, allowing beings that could harm people to keep appearing.

Of course, that doesn’t mean all yokai will disappear at once. It’s been that way for hundreds of years, and it will continue to be. It’s just that there’s a bit less reason to risk our lives fighting.

“So now I’m not an exorcist, but a truly ordinary high school girl.”

That comment made me laugh too.

I briefly considered whether I should congratulate her, but decided not to.

I always thought Yuka was a fairly ordinary high school student anyway.

She holds a sword and cuts down beings that ordinary people cannot.

But that’s all.

That girl holding the sword was an ordinary high school girl who got hurt too easily, had many things she wanted to do, and wanted to make friends.

She just had a little more she wanted to protect than others.

A child who was always ordinary has just become a little more ordinary.

“Now I have a set main job. Going to school diligently, and graduating. Taking graduation photos together.”

“I see.”

My heart fluttered a little.

“You said there wouldn’t be such things if we couldn’t change the future.”

Yuka said with a smile.

“Thanks to you, I can graduate. So I just wanted to say thank you. Somehow it seemed a bit… to say it in front of your mom.”

“Ah, I understand.”

I burst out laughing.

There was an unspoken rule not to talk about that incident in front of Kagami.

It’s natural because she was tied with Yuka for being the most shocked by that incident among those around me. Koko was fine because she has a very strong mental fortitude. How should I put it? Her personality is existentialist. Since I’m alive right in front of her, she seems to think the past doesn’t matter.

Besides that, Kagami might get unnecessarily jealous.

That would probably be quite tiresome. She’d try to stick close to me more than usual. Even at this age, having your mom come to pick you up from school is a bit much.

We decided to stop.

Yes, we decided to stop.

I found myself looking down at my wrist.

There’s no tattoo there anymore. Just white, clean skin. No more need to cut it with a knife.

“Going to school together. Going on trips during vacations.”

Yuka said, folding her fingers.

“We couldn’t go to Comiket last time, so let’s definitely go this time. I’ve marked it on the calendar.”

“I’m looking forward to that.”

I said sincerely.

“Waa?”

Koko, who still didn’t understand exactly what Comiket was, tilted her head.

Will Koko cosplay too? I think she’d look good cosplaying as a character with a bright personality.

“You’ll have to study hard too.”

Yuka said with a slightly mischievous expression.

“We agreed to go to college together, right? Since I’m going, I want to go to the highest place I can. You have to come with me.”

“Yes, we definitely agreed on that.”

We did.

At the time, I thought it was just an empty promise. To be honest, while I was sincere, it was also something I said to comfort Yuka.

I sincerely want to do that.

Going to the same university, probably the same department, would definitely be fun. I’m not sure if we’ll join clubs there, but one of us, or all of us, could get driver’s licenses and take a road trip around the country.

There are still so many places I haven’t been. Somehow, as I was imagining this, Kagami had inserted herself in the middle at some point, but that’s fine.

…If time and money allow, I’d like to go to Korea again. There’s something I want to check.

A story that’s about 20… no, 19 years away now.

“So, here.”

Yuka brought the magazine back and placed it between us as we sat facing each other.

“This is where we start.”

Yuka said.

“We’re ordinary high school girls, right? Let’s start with ordinary things like shopping. We’ve done it before, but you’ve been reborn, right? Let’s consider it starting from scratch. I’m also in retirement life for now.”

Retirement life at this age? That sounds like an idol who left a group amid some huge controversy.

Though it is a real retirement life.

She’ll probably get a new job in a few years.

It was harder than expected to imagine Yuka working normally in a company.

Or maybe she’ll do something else? Somehow, opening a restaurant seems to suit her.

With these thoughts, I looked at the magazine again.

Yes, rather than a flowy dress…

“How about this?”

I pointed to a model wearing a neat button-up shirt and cotton pants.

It’s a bit of a boyish outfit, but I think it would suit her well. Yuka would definitely be popular with girls too.

“Wouldn’t something more flashy be better?”

Is it different from Yuka’s taste?

Well, that’s fine.

We have plenty of time anyway.

Yes, at least until high school graduation, we have time. As for what comes after, like in my past life, we can think about it when we get there.

Slowly fulfilling our wishes one by one. There will certainly be things we miss along the way. There will be difficult things, and some things we’ll have to scale back due to circumstances.

That’s okay.

Still, there’s meaning in having tried. There’s meaning in having been able to choose.

We don’t know how our relationship will change going forward.

But each of those choices will shape who we are. Whether we remain close until the end, or inevitably drift apart. We might have big fights and reconcile, or we might find parts of each other that don’t match as well as we thought.

It’s all unknown anyway.

For now, I’ll just look at what’s right in front of me and walk slowly.

Because an opportunity I couldn’t even hope for is right before my eyes.

“What time do you need to be home tomorrow?”

“…She said to come home before dinner.”

As I pouted at the suddenly imposed curfew, Yuka burst out laughing.

“What will you do if you get a boyfriend someday?”

Well.

I don’t think I’ll get one.

Even if I did, Kagami might have a fit. Would it be okay if it was a girl? Hmm, I’m not sure. Still, the feeling of being taken away would be the same.

No, is that the kind of feeling a mother should have for her daughter? Usually, isn’t it the opposite? Mothers support their daughters’ romances, and fathers support their sons’, right?

“Well, alright. That means we have time until then. Let’s wake up a bit late tomorrow and go out to choose some clothes. While we’re at it, let’s buy a small gift for your mom. Then she might forgive you for coming home late.”

“That’s quite a good idea.”

I nodded as I spoke.

By the way, Kagami still treasures the Christmas gift I gave her back then. She keeps it in a visible place, specifically as a decoration in front of the TV. The area around it is kept so clean that she hardly ever sits there.

It’s funny how solutions seem to emerge the more we talk.

When I first saw Kagami, I was just worried about how to deal with her, but once I realized she was just a human being, I started to see patterns.

I wonder if I appear that way too?

“Koko, what about you? What kind of clothes do you like?”

“Woo?”

When Yuka gently pulled on Koko’s arm and asked, Koko tilted her head and looked at the magazine.

In the end, Koko couldn’t choose any clothes. More precisely, she doesn’t seem to understand why she needs to match her fashion.

Well, that’s also something we can figure out one by one.

In other words, we have quite a lot of time.

*

As Kagami said, we didn’t stay for dinner, but the time when Koko and I entered was quite close to the deadline Kagami had set.

Kagami had even come out to wait in front of the apartment.

The weather wasn’t particularly cold, but she seemed to have been waiting for quite a long time. Judging by how her face brightened when she saw us, she had waited without feeling the strain.

I’m pretty sure I texted her when we were leaving. Could she have missed it?

But that smile quickly died when she saw Yuka who had followed us here.

It wasn’t just dead, it was quite chilly. I can’t say it was the look of seeing an enemy, but it wasn’t particularly welcoming either.

I guess that’s understandable if someone stabbed your daughter twice. Both were unavoidable choices, but it’s hard for a parent’s heart to care about such things.

“I’m not here to sleep over, so don’t worry.”

It’s a bit funny to say that to someone who has already stayed over, but anyway, that’s how Yuka responded.

“Are you planning to go back right away then?”

“Well, rather than that.”

Yuka said.

“I was discussing the future with these two.”

Kagami’s expression immediately hardened, and she grabbed me and Koko in a hug, turning around as if to protect us.

“…It’s not related to work.”

Yuka said with a sigh in her voice.

“The three of us were thinking about going to the same university.”

“…University.”

At those words, Kagami’s body swiftly turned back toward Yuka, and we, caught in her embrace, had to move sideways like crabs.

“The best university we can get into.”

“…”

Does she have ambitions in that direction?

Kagami narrowed her eyes and looked at Yuka.

“I was just curious if you might be willing to support them.”

“…Of course I’m willing to support them if they go to university.”

Her expression, which seemed to say ‘Why are you asking?’, was a bit fierce.

I decided to interject at this point.

“Mom, Mom.”

When I called her that, Kagami looked down at me.

How should I put it? Whether she’s trying to give all the affection she couldn’t give to a newborn baby, her expression melts as soon as she sees me.

“I bought you a gift.”

At my words, her melting expression froze.

Is it so terrifying that I bought her a gift?

Well, I guess it is the first time since Christmas.

“…”

I glanced slightly at Yuka.

Yuka shrugged and gave a grin to me and Koko.

And so, our path after high school was decided.

We haven’t decided where to go yet, and we haven’t officially started studying, but.

Well, whatever.

One step at a time, we can slowly get what we want.

I thought I’d be satisfied with this much for today.