Ch.200Raising a Heroine to Commit Suicide (Complete)

I approached the window. The morning sun, just rising, shyly cast its bright light through the glass. If there were birds chirping, it would have been a typical morning scene, but there weren’t any.

A month had passed since I escaped from Olivia’s world, and so much had happened during that time.

If I had to pick the biggest change, it would probably be that I gave up on suicide. More precisely, the reason I needed to die no longer existed.

The fundamental reason I had been searching for a suicide method that could bypass my super-regeneration ability stemmed from the despair of being unable to grow no matter how hard I tried, due to my body being fixed in time.

It was only at the very end that I discovered it wasn’t super-regeneration but rather the higher concept of time fixation, but anyway.

My body was no longer fixed in time. This meant that I, too, could achieve physical growth just like other ordinary people.

If I wanted, I could build muscle through exercise, and I could expand my mana circuits to increase magical output and total mana capacity.

However, I had no particular reason to do such things.

Because the soul binding hadn’t been severed yet, I could still draw upon the powers of Serena, Christine, Charlotte, and Olivia as I wished. Their power was my power.

So while I didn’t necessarily need to pour sweat and effort into training, the feeling of growth itself was so pleasant that I had been consistently disciplining myself.

My body, which had shown no progress for several hundred years, was finally beginning to develop bit by bit. How could that not make me happy?

Of course, I had asked each of them once. If they disliked that I could freely draw on their powers, I would release the soul binding again.

After all, the binding had begun not as an equal relationship but as a subordinate one, so while I could draw on their powers, the reverse was impossible.

The three of them vehemently refused, practically jumping in protest.

Olivia later came to me separately asking to form the same soul binding as the other three, so she was an exception at the time, but the opposition from the three was intense.

Christine in particular went so far as to beg me not to abandon her, saying she would rather die if I ordered it. That said it all.

All three unanimously stated they never wanted to experience again that empty, hollow feeling when the soul binding was broken. Of course, they started growling at each other right after that.

‘And it was they who stopped me from committing suicide.’

In truth, the first thing I attempted after everything was resolved was suicide.

I was so excited by the thought that I could finally achieve suicide this time that my eyes were practically rolling back in my head. No other thoughts came to mind.

That was natural, as suicide had been my earnest wish and aspiration for several hundred years. When the moment to fulfill that wish was right before me, it was only natural that I had no room for other thoughts.

But they desperately tried to stop me. Although Olivia didn’t join in their actions, she silently watched me with sad eyes.

Knowing what she—or rather, her madness-filled self—had done to me, she couldn’t bring herself to stop me. It had now become her own doing as well.

“If my lord has truly decided to take his own life, I, as your knight, have no right to stop you. However, I too shall follow my lord. For a knight without a master to serve has no meaning to continue living. It is only proper.”

Serena said this as she brought her razor-sharp Wind Shear to her own throat.

She meant that while she wouldn’t stop me if I truly desired death—as was her duty as a knight—she would follow me in suicide since she would have no lord to serve.

I knew very well that Serena’s words were no lie. Without a doubt, the moment I died, she would slit her throat with Wind Shear and follow me in death.

I could guarantee that.

“No, absolutely not. Where are you going, leaving this poor lamb behind? Rather kill me before you depart. If you truly must take that long journey, kill me first before you go. Rather than maintaining this wretched life and watching you leave, I would rather have my head crushed and my body broken in death to follow by your side. Please… *sob* Kill me first.”

Christine knelt before me, pleading with tears and bowing her head.

She was begging me to kill her first with my own hands, as she couldn’t bear to watch me die. Though the process differed, the result was the same as Serena’s—she would follow me in death.

The only minor difference was that while Serena would follow me in death, Christine wanted me to kill her myself.

Christine, too, was sincere. There wasn’t a trace of falsehood in those tears.

“My dear… you are making a grave misunderstanding. Do you truly think I would simply stand by and watch as you take your own life? I, Charlotte de Gargantua, swear by my love that I will prevent your suicide by any means necessary.”

Charlotte neither calmly declared she would follow me in death with a blade to her throat like Serena, nor did she sob and beg me to kill her first like Christine.

She simply warned me of what she would do, with a desolate smile devoid of any vitality.

Since Charlotte had openly declared she would stop me by any means necessary, she would likely do just that, using whatever method available.

Even if I drained all her power, she would probably abandon all pride and crawl on the ground to bite my ankle with her mouth if that’s what it took to prevent my suicide.

“…”

With the three of them reacting this way, the excitement that had filled my head gradually subsided, and I couldn’t help but hesitate. After all, I too felt guilt and remorse toward Serena, Christine, and Charlotte.

All this time, I had deliberately ignored those feelings, rationalizing to myself that they might become like Olivia. They were children who had only been able to convey their emotions one-sidedly.

I had noticed long ago that Serena, Charlotte, and Christine all loved me.

It’s just that I couldn’t ignore the possibility that if I accepted their love without limits, their hearts might run wild like Olivia’s had. So I deliberately walked a tightrope, keeping things at an appropriate level.

If I had reciprocated their feelings generously as I had with Olivia, their love might have grown beyond even their own control. That’s exactly what happened with Olivia.

Of course, this was merely my rationalization. I didn’t deny that what I had done was nothing short of garbage. No, I couldn’t deny it. That’s why the guilt and remorse I felt toward the three of them stopped my resolve.

“Abel.”

And then, Olivia slightly supported the three.

The reason the other three wore expressions of shock seemed to be not because Olivia had helped them, but because she had spoken my name.

“Abel’s purpose for wanting to die was the frustration of not being able to move forward. Well, there’s no need for that anymore.”

“…”

“Because Abel can grow now. If you want, you could become stronger than all of us combined. If you need our power, we’ll use everything at our disposal to help you. Of course, if you prefer to become stronger on your own without our help, I won’t stop you. So, Abel.”

Olivia expressed her wish quietly, with a lonely expression.

“Don’t die. Please continue living with us.”

Hearing those words, I wore a blank expression. I had been so fixated on the thought that I could finally die that I hadn’t considered this blind spot at all.

That I no longer needed to struggle to die.

“Even if you don’t change your mind, there’s no need to do it right now, is there? After you’ve fully enjoyed life… when you’ve grown tired of everything, you can reconsider then. It wouldn’t be too late.”

And the unspoken addition: And we won’t let Abel grow tired of us.

“In the end, they were right, so I have nothing to say.”

I opened my right hand, and a small blue mana sphere appeared above it. Not Serena’s power, not Charlotte’s power, not Christine’s power, not Olivia’s power. A mana sphere created with my pure strength.

Looking at this sphere reminded me of my past struggles. Had I really struggled so desperately, staking everything just to use this mere magic?

I clenched my fist, crushing the mana. Blue light briefly leaked through the gaps between my fingers. When I opened my hand again, nothing remained. I smiled as I felt that sensation.

Everything was new.

The fact that I needed to drink water to avoid dehydration. The fact that I needed to eat food to avoid starvation. The fact that I needed to make efforts not to freeze to death. The fact that I could no longer treat my body recklessly as before.

And the fact that I could die if I wasn’t careful.

Isn’t it ironic? After struggling for hundreds of years solely to die, now I had to worry about accidentally dying.

“But this is much better.”

Yes, it was better to live with these concerns.

It was several times better than those days when I was trapped in time without any progress or growth, frustrated by the fact that I couldn’t move forward no matter what I tried, sitting in place and slowly rotting away.

That was an undeniable fact.

As I was lost in these thoughts, absentmindedly staring at the rising morning sun, Olivia’s urgent voice suddenly came into my mind.

—Abel! Abel!

—Do you have something to say, Olivia?

—Serena split a mountain while fighting with Christine!

—…

—Charlotte is tearing up the crust, saying she’ll bury Serena!

—…

—Christine threw another sun at Charlotte!

—…

I wasn’t surprised at all by these reports. The fighting had become so familiar that it was almost routine.

Olivia, having committed her own transgressions, stepped back and quietly accepted her position at the bottom of the hierarchy, but Serena, Charlotte, and Christine fought each other tirelessly.

It had happened so often that I had grown tired of counting the occurrences.

Well, what could I do? This was the path I had chosen, so I had to take responsibility.

If I couldn’t handle the responsibility, I wouldn’t have started in the first place.

I opened the window. The warm morning sunlight, along with a gentle breeze, swirled around my body before circling back. The notebook on the desk fluttered slightly with the wind.

I raised my left hand and created a dark blue mana sphere right in front of the window. The sphere rotated clockwise, gradually compressing until it became a flat circle. A hollow hole formed in the center.

It was a transfer gate.

I used magic to change my clothes into outdoor attire as I prepared to enter the transfer gate. By now, they would probably have noticed the existence of the gate.

The sound of the world splitting apart came from beyond the dark blue transfer gate. Whether they noticed the gate or not, they seemed to have no intention of stopping their fight.

“How should I stop them this time…”

It was a concern I always had, but the content was completely different.

I had changed. But those children hadn’t changed. Still jealous, still growling at each other as if ready to kill on sight.

But I was no longer alone. I had people who would live through the same time as me, who would be with me, who would support me, who would whisper love to me.

I no longer needed to struggle in despair to commit suicide.

I extended my foot into the transfer gate. A familiar sensation enveloped my body, and after my vision briefly went dark before brightening again, I saw the living hell unfolding before me.

The surrounding terrain was completely bisected into ruins, and another sun hung in the sky. A ravine of unfathomable depth gaped open on the ground like a massive maw.

Olivia, who had been anxiously pacing without daring to join the fight, rushed over to me as soon as she saw me.

“Abel! Please stop them quickly! Something terrible is going to happen!”

I nodded in acknowledgment and infused my body with mana.

They were all children I had raised, so their education was entirely my responsibility. I had no idea how much longer it would take until their education was complete, but…

“EVERYONE STOOOOOOOP!!!!!!”

My thunderous voice echoed throughout the living hell.