Ch.19Determination

The eyes blink.

With the first blink comes doubt, with the second understanding. With the third blink…

-A deep disgust akin to hatred.

Dozens of distorted pairs of eyes glared at me.

Their expressions were a mixture of contempt, anger, suspicion, and distrust, forming something that could only be described as distortion.

I swallowed dryly.

My breathing quickened.

Human gazes, surprisingly, often carry physical force.

Though I understand they cannot harm me, seeing those faces…

Yes. It brings a vague anxiety, like being cast alone into the vast ocean.

The cigarette light sways up and down, leaving afterimages.

I couldn’t stop the corners of my mouth from trembling under the pressure of their piercing stares.

I forcibly stop my legs from unconsciously taking a step back.

Here, I absolutely cannot show any weakness.

I need to imprint on everyone that I’m not prey to be easily devoured, but a predator they shouldn’t provoke.

Right. I had already prepared myself for this much.

This was the world I would have to live in from now on.

Don’t back down. Don’t hesitate.

Don’t be afraid.

All they can do is glare and curse.

Compared to the dead who tear at me in the nightmares I have every night, this is nothing, right?

To steady myself, I recall old memories that have become blurry like faded photographs.

Having lost both legs, unable to do anything, giving up on everything.

Shutting myself in a small room, turning away from the future, slowly rotting away in that miserable state.

Compared to that helplessness back then, now is…

Yes, much better.

At least now I have legs.

So, I can move forward.

I must move forward.

The journey has already begun. I can’t stop now.

If I retreat, I’ll fall. If I hesitate, I’ll eventually die.

…The trembling stopped.

—-

Together with Nigel, I walked across the academy grounds with confident steps.

The crowd that blocked our way parted to the left and right.

I turned my head toward those glaring at me, meeting their eyes one by one.

Each face contorted, then they lowered their heads or turned sideways to avoid my gaze.

Yes. In the end, they’re just this much. Not worth worrying about.

Perhaps I won’t even see them after today.

I ignored the murmurs brushing past my ears, not even worth listening to.

Obviously, they were either cursing me or the Ka’har.

When we reached a narrow corridor with few people around, Nigel turned to me.

“…Are you alright?”

“About what? Those guys back there? I don’t care. They weren’t much. I expected at least a few idiots to draw their swords and charge at me.”

I put on a nonchalant front.

In truth, it would have been troublesome if someone had actually charged at me.

Even if I just subdued them, it could have ignited the hatred directed at me like a fuse.

“Besides, being glared at is natural given what I’ve done. Rather, I find it stranger that you and Lord Landenburg treat me so kindly. Haven’t you heard the rumors about me?”

I voiced the question I’d been harboring.

I had been constantly wondering why Nigel, who showed an almost obsessive dedication to knightly behavior, didn’t show hostility toward me.

He must know about Hersella’s actions—attacking Dane civilians, slaughtering them, and selling the weak into slavery.

…Well, we did clash with swords on the first day, but that was due to a misunderstanding, so let’s set that aside.

“The rumors are certainly vicious. That you slaughtered nearly three thousand Danes with a smile, sold women into slavery, and ate children alive.”

“…I didn’t eat children.”

The rumors were crazier than I thought.

The slaughter and slave trade might be accurate, but surely even Hersella wouldn’t have practiced cannibalism.

“But rumors are just rumors. Being swayed by them and harboring prejudice is not befitting of a knight.”

“Even if the rumors aren’t completely wrong?”

“At least, the Haschal I’ve met doesn’t seem like that kind of madwoman. If the rumors are true, there must have been unavoidable reasons for your actions.”

Nigel nodded with a slight smile.

I stared at that smile, a bit dazzled.

“The Lord has accepted you as well. His judgment couldn’t possibly be wrong.”

“Is that so…?”

I still don’t understand why the Lord is acting this way. The Ka’har are supposed to be his family’s enemies.

Not knowing the reason made his kindness feel uncomfortable.

Unlike Nigel, whose exterior and interior matched, I couldn’t tell what the Lord was thinking at all.

“Besides, Dane is a potential enemy nation. Though we have a non-aggression treaty with the Empire because we’re both human, they’re not Imperial citizens.”

Wait, that’s your logic?

He seemed impressive until just now, but my admiration was cooling a bit.

Well, since Dane is a country that gained independence by resisting the Empire, it would be close to an enemy nation for Nigel, an Imperial knight.

Is this another aspect of his knightly thinking?

—-

After submitting the application documents to the academy’s administration office, I asked if I could watch the entrance exam.

“…You want to observe the entrance exam…? Uh, well. That’s, um. It’s not impossible…!”

The flustered female staff member who had been trembling since seeing my face ran to her superior saying, “Please wait a moment!”

She looked like she might burst into tears at any moment.

“The, the observation request has been approved. There’s a special viewing area for special students on the second floor of the exam hall! You can go there!”

“…Right, thank you.”

She looked like she might burst into tears if I said anything more, so I reluctantly answered and left the administration office.

“…I’d rather deal with those glaring people than this.”

With people who glare, I can glare back, mock them, or ignore them,

but when someone trembles and cries as if they’re about to be eaten, it’s too burdensome to deal with.

“Is that so? For me, people like that are easier to handle since there’s less need to be on guard.”

I suppose that makes sense since Nigel is acting as my escort.

He must have been watching for anyone among those glaring at me who might lose their temper and attack.

Before long, we arrived at the entrance exam hall.

It was a large rectangular indoor auditorium with tiered seating along the walls.

At the very top of the tiered seats, there was a railing separating the levels, and behind the railing were a few more luxurious seats.

That must be the special viewing area.

In the nearly empty seating area, only three people were sitting and watching the entrance exam with indifferent expressions.

A male Dragonborn with a shaved head and sharp horns protruding from both temples.

A female Dwarf with a large metal case on her back.

A silver-haired woman wearing a thick fur coat like a cape despite it not being cold.

They were characters that remained in my memory.

=======[Ludwig]========

“My Lord, why did you accept her?”

Twelve days before the academy entrance exam was scheduled to begin.

Sean stood by the window in Lord Landenburg’s office, looking down at the carriage carrying Nigel and Haschal leaving the mansion, and asked the question he had been holding.

“Were you that curious? Enough to question my decision, Sir Sean.”

To his old friend’s question, Lord Landenburg slowly put down the Mana Herb he was now rarely seen without, closed his eyes, and recalled.

The reason.

Yes. At first, he had planned to pretend to be deceived and then kill her.

It was quite amusing to watch her spinning lies and trying to persuade him.

But then his mind changed, and he decided to expose her lies and ask for her true intentions.

“…You’ve taken political responsibility by becoming a Ka’har’s guardian, assigned Sir Nigel to her, and even allowed her access to the family training hall. Surely you don’t intend to make her your heir? Even if she is Lady Median’s child, she is Ka’har.”

“Ka’har ‘half-blood.’ That difference is very significant. At least, from the Empire’s perspective.”

If she had been a pure-blooded Ka’har, he would not have accepted her.

The Imperial House would not have approved either.

But half of the blood flowing through her veins—Haschal Aishan-Gioro’s blood—is Imperial.

The only direct bloodline of House Median, which had completely fallen after losing its heir.

That was enough to persuade the Imperial House.

The Imperial House still remembered the houses of the Great’s Twelve Knights.

“Above all, she is my hope.”

“Hope, you say…?”

A wisp of smoke rose from the Mana Herb placed on the ashtray.

The burnt end crumbled under its own weight into the ashtray.

Lord Landenburg watched this and reflected on his own life.

His beliefs. His honor. His pride.

Love, hope, admiration, dignity.

The despair that found him. The boundless hatred and passion that boiled without end.

…The helplessness that finally withered away, exhausted by an unattainable goal.

And, at last, the unexpected opportunity that arrived.

Yes. She is hope.

Hope that finally came to his heart, which had hardened over time like a pile of ashes that had completely burned away.

The hope of revenge that had seemed impossible.

“She despises the Ka’har, her father. Not quite hatred, but still. In the end, as long as she doesn’t escape from the Empire’s… no, from my hands, they will inevitably clash someday.”

Because he won’t be able to ignore his daughter who betrayed the Ka’har and became an important figure in the Empire.

The moment the news reaches him, even if just pushed by the opinion of his warriors, that man will finally come to this wall.

To the grave prepared for him.

“Isn’t it delightful just to imagine? Orhan, that cursed Orhan, being torn to pieces by his own daughter’s hands! For that sight, I would do anything. Whatever the cost, I would gladly pay it!”

Lord Landenburg gritted his teeth and laughed with ecstasy.