Ch.19Chapter 3. If Only There Was a Conscience (5)

I pondered briefly whether to use formal or informal speech with this person.

The conclusion was easy to reach.

If this guy was a messenger from Nirlas Shura, I had no reason to use formal speech.

I speak informally to fake Brass too.

While eating rice with egg side dishes, I observed the woman sitting in front of me. Her complexion didn’t look particularly good, but it didn’t seem like she was actually in poor condition.

The woman… ate very well. Both the eggs and rice.

Come to think of it, I should have bought some bean sprouts to make another side dish… No, this isn’t the time to think about that.

I should gather information instead.

Looking carefully, this being doesn’t seem to be a yokai-like entity either. Well, I’m not saying she’s human, but I thought she might be an “avatar” like me.

I… didn’t feel the sensation I usually get from yokai from this woman at all. It just felt like a person sitting in front of me.

“Do you have something you’d like to ask me?”

“…Didn’t you say you were going to deliver a message from Nirlas Shura?”

I deliberately used informal speech as I’d decided. Even so, the woman didn’t seem to mind.

“Yes, that’s right. That’s why I came here.”

The woman put down the rice bowl and chopsticks she was holding. There was still some rice left in the bowl.

“Shall I tell you my name first?”

“…Sure.”

At my response, the woman smiled gently and opened her mouth.

“My name is Kagami Kurosawa.”

As soon as I heard that name, I immediately understood why this woman had come to find me.

But before I could say anything, the woman spoke.

“I’m your mother… or that’s my role.”

“…”

I froze for a moment, holding my rice bowl and chopsticks, staring blankly at the woman who had introduced herself as “Kagami Kurosawa.”

“My… mother?”

“Yes.”

“…How old are you?”

“That’s not important.”

Is that it? That “asking a woman’s age is something you shouldn’t do” thing that 30-something female characters often said in this era.

Of course, she might just want to gloss over it.

“How old are you as a human?”

“My, I am human.”

She’s saying something completely unbelievable. Last time when I opened the door, she completely disappeared in that moment.

“I’m thirty-three.”

Thirty-three.

Since my official age was 16… does that mean she had a child at seventeen?

But just looking at her face, she doesn’t appear to be thirty-three. She’d definitely be mistaken for my older sister if we went out together.

In a way, that’s also very light novel-like. Back then, married female characters often appeared with looks that made them seem barely older than their daughters.

Come to think of it, that’s still true these days.

“So, what did you want to say?”

“Hmm… I don’t have anything else to tell you yet. Oh, right. He said it was a gift. ‘Use it when you’re in trouble,’ he said.”

“…”

Use it when I’m in trouble? Am I being treated like a tool?

“It can be used in various ways, what do you think?”

Don’t put strange emphasis on strange parts.

“But judging by your expression, it seems you don’t really want me to stay with you.”

“Hmm—” Kagami Kurosawa turned her head and scanned the room once.

“You seem to be doing fine on your own. In that case, you don’t need a ‘mother,’ do you?”

“…”

I might need one, but I don’t want to live with this thing. It’s a bit… unsettling. Both her appearance and attitude.

“Then I’ll just visit when you really need me.”

“…How will we contact each other?”

“I’ll send you an email.”

The supernatural being suggested a surprisingly realistic method.

Honestly, exchanging contact information felt a bit unsettling too, but I nodded anyway.

“Alright then. Let’s get along well. We’re mother and daughter after all.”

Though I don’t know how long that “getting along” will last.

Kagami Kurosawa picked up her rice bowl again.

“…Were you the one following me around lately?”

To my question, Kagami Kurosawa picked up a fried egg with her chopsticks and answered.

“Hmm, I wonder, I don’t know anything about that.”

How shameless.

I let out a deep sigh.

*

Kagami Kurosawa really just ate and left after that.

It was a bit annoying not knowing when she would visit again, but since she wouldn’t stay away even if I refused, and there seemed to be no way to stop her, I had no choice.

After she left, I took out the box cutter again and seriously contemplated, but I didn’t cut my wrist this time either.

Honestly, it hurts.

Not only does it hurt, but this body isn’t even at a normal weight yet. My arms and legs are still far from being thick enough. I’ll definitely become anemic again if I lose too much blood.

There’s no option to just make a small cut either.

Once blood comes out and the pentagram on my wrist turns red, the wound opens wide and becomes eye-shaped. Even the shortest conversation doesn’t end with bleeding that stops easily.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried other methods.

“Kokkuri-san?”

After school. Literature club.

When I brought up Kokkuri-san, Kaneko’s eyes immediately lit up.

She leaned toward me with a bright smile, which was a bit overwhelming.

“You’re curious about it too, Kut-chan? That phenomenon from last time! I knew you were interested in the occult! Why don’t you just join our club?”

“There’s no occult club in the first place.”

Ikeda, who was sitting and reading a book, said with disbelief. Her expression suggested she couldn’t believe Kaneko still hadn’t given up.

The book she was holding was “The Zodiac Murder Case.” …Aren’t you actually quite interested in that stuff?

“If you and Kut-chan join, we could create an occult club. You’d be doing similar things sitting here anyway, right? And reading similar books too, I bet.”

“This isn’t an occult book, it’s a mystery novel!”

Ikeda got angry at Kaneko’s words.

I’m glad I didn’t say anything.

“Besides, if you join as the president, Yuuki could join too.”

“…I have no intention of abandoning a club that’s finally become active.”

I wonder if she has some memories attached to it.

Well, I don’t intend to interfere anyway.

“Anyway, so, are you going to do it or not?”

Kaneko asked.

“…”

“You know what? They say if you sit quietly doing nothing while others are calling Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san will visit the bystanders first. If you just sit there reading your book, don’t you think it might take an interest in you first?”

That’s news to me.

I think Kaneko probably made this up. I’ve seen kids in our class do Kokkuri-san before.

They didn’t care whether someone was sitting next to them or not. Rather, people crowded around those doing it, laughing and enjoying themselves.

Of course, nothing happened.

“…”

Ikeda’s eyes wavered slightly.

Is she perhaps afraid of this kind of thing?

“What do you think? Will you do it or not? You can wait outside the club room.”

When Kaneko spoke in a slightly teasing manner, Ikeda sighed deeply and closed her book with a thud.

“…Fine, it’s a bit silly, but you wouldn’t stop even if I told you not to, so I’ll join in. I can’t concentrate with you making noise next to me anyway.”

Anyone could see she was participating because she was scared, but neither Kaneko nor I pointed that out.

“Great, then.”

Kaneko rummaged through her bag and took out a Kokkuri-san paper.

She carries it around?

This time too, it had a magic circle drawn on it instead of a torii gate.

“This is how I drew it because it worked well.”

Kaneko spread out the paper like that and placed a coin on it.

“Now, everyone put your finger on the coin.”

I put mine on without hesitation. Ikeda hesitated a bit, but eventually followed my lead and put her finger on it.

This time too, Kaneko seemed to be pressing down firmly on the coin. When I put my finger on it, the coin didn’t move at all.

“Shall we begin then?”

Kaneko said that and grinned.

“Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san, please come to us~”

Despite having experienced the situation firsthand last time, there was no tension in Kaneko’s voice as she recited the spell.

And then—

“It seems you’ve found a method.”

There was a being speaking to my ear with slight interest.

This time too, I couldn’t see the being’s appearance. I could definitely feel its presence nearby. Like the feeling of something brushing against my back as it walked behind me, or like someone muttering and exhaling near my ear.

Success.

Although they say that answering the call is more important than the act of calling itself, it seems that external entities also feel some kind of irresistible impulse.

Seeing how it appears without me having to cut my wrist.

I’m not sure if Kaneko has the inspiration, or if Ikeda does. Maybe it’s both, or perhaps the hiragana written on this paper served as some kind of magic circle in a way.

“That woman who came looking for me. I want to know about her.”

Even though I asked out loud, Kaneko and Ikeda didn’t react. The two just remained still as if time had stopped, just like last time.

“You mean Kagami.”

I heard a giggling sound near my ear.

“…Is she the same kind of being as you?”

“Well, she could be seen that way, or not.”

It doesn’t seem willing to answer straightforwardly.

I thought for a moment and said:

“…Is she human?”

“She could be called a being similar to humans.”

So she is a servant?

I still haven’t abandoned my suspicion that the woman is a character based on Nyarlathotep.

“What… do you think of humans? Why did you plant avatars among humans?”

I continued without giving the other party a chance to answer.

“Let me tell you, if humans are insignificant beings, then you are insignificant too.”

Nirlas Shura seemed somewhat interested in my words.

“I’d like to hear your reasoning.”

“It’s like saying humans are similar to ants. Or bacteria.”

“Are you looking down on humans?”

“No, that’s not it. I’m saying in terms of value, that’s how it is.”

Humans die too easily. They die from trivial things, just like insects.

On a vast, mostly empty space, on an insignificant rock where organic matter happened to form by chance, after countless evolutions, a moving mass of protein, water, and carbon just roughly mixed together.

But you know what?

“If you’re just occupying a part of an empty space and existing, the same applies to you. To exist requires some mechanism, and as long as you exist through that mechanism, you cannot be more than that mechanism.”

The reason I’m making such a provocation is because this world is inside a ‘light novel.’

If this were original Cthulhu, there wouldn’t even be room for such a conversation. I wouldn’t even be alive, I’d be dead or insane quickly. Is there any meaning in a person conversing with a tsunami or typhoon? All you can do is run away as far as possible when you feel it approaching from a distance.

However, Japanese light novels often modify and damage such principles while talking about human hymns and whatnot.

As a result, these external beings are somewhat… human. Most of them have emotions similar to humans.

So, I thought I could reason with it.

And as I expected, it more or less worked.

“I’m curious about your point.”

“The point is, tell me exactly where that woman stands. If value can’t be measured in the first place, talking about ‘superior to you’ or ‘inferior to us’ doesn’t convey meaning. The gap is too wide. Talk properly with proper classification.”

“Hmm.”

Nirlas Shura made a nasal sound.

That nasal sound contained a slight laugh.

“I don’t fully agree with your statement.”

“…”

“But it was an interesting claim. Is that how you think because you’re a stranger from a distant place?”

No, actually most people who think scientifically probably have such thoughts.

But I didn’t bother to say that out loud.

“Kagami… Yes. She could be said to be above you.”

We’re doomed.

That’s what I thought.

“But she is below me.”

“…”

“Was that a satisfactory answer?”

“…Yes.”

“You know what? I like you. So I hope you live a long time.”

“Huh?”

“Actually, the reason I’m seeing you today is because there’s something I want to tell you.”

“What?”

“How about refraining from walking alone at night?”

Is it worrying about me now?

No, is “be careful at night” some kind of threat?

“…”

“You might not die, but I think it would be more enjoyable for me if you knew this fact.”

“Wait a minute—”

But before I could speak, the paused world returned.

I confirmed this because Kaneko blinked.

I quickly closed my mouth.

“…”

After doing nothing for a moment, Kaneko,

“Huh.”

She muttered like that.

“Didn’t the coin move by itself last time?”

Oh, that’s right. This time the coin didn’t move separately. So naturally, the coin was just sitting still in place.

“D-don’t say weird things…”

Ikeda said.

“Should we ask something?”

Kaneko said that, then cleared her throat with a “ahem.”

“Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san. Will I be able to properly take the final exams?”

“…”

The coin didn’t move.

“Pfft.”

Ikeda made a sound like she was trying not to laugh.

“You, it seems you’re going to fail the final exams. Kokkuri-san isn’t answering.”

“W-what are you saying? It just hasn’t answered yet, it didn’t say I’d fail!”

“The coin moved by itself last time, didn’t it?”

“Eek…!”

While the two were bickering—

Bang.

The literature club door opened urgently.

This time too, Yuuki was catching her breath in front of the open door. A katana wrapped in cloth was hanging on her shoulder, just like last time.

Yuuki looked at the Kokkuri-san paper on the desk, then at me. Her eyes narrowed slightly. They were the eyes of someone who was suspicious about something.

“…It seems they didn’t come today.”

When I said that, Kaneko exhaled deeply and said:

“Yeah. Why? The conditions were exactly the same as last time.”

“No, they did come! They just had nothing to say about your grades.”

Ikeda, forgetting she had been scared, teased Kaneko.

“That’s not true! And I got better math scores than you last time!”

“You were just better at guessing!”

So both of them failed math during the midterms too.

My grades weren’t that great either.

But I barely avoided failing. I had plenty of time at home anyway.

The two were chattering away, forgetting that Yuuki had burst through the door.

It’s fortunate they didn’t ask what Yuuki was carrying on her shoulder.

*

“You’re not going to tell me?”

Yuuki asked me.

Last time, she had sensed something strange when I was doing Kokkuri-san and rushed up to the literature club, and she had also seen me cutting my wrist and bleeding profusely, so her curiosity was understandable.

“…I can’t tell you.”

But I had no choice but to answer like that.

I didn’t want the story to… get too complicated.

I hadn’t read the novel beyond the part where they were dropping hints before the Cthulhu-type characters properly appeared, but no matter how I thought about it, those guys seemed much stronger than the early yokai. The scale is different, right?

I didn’t want Yuuki to get seriously hurt by getting involved unnecessarily.

“…”

Yuuki stared at me for a while and then said:

“You haven’t forgotten that it’s 20,000 yen per case, right?”

…

Ah, I almost spoke.

I had only slightly opened my mouth before closing it, but Yuuki caught that very accurately.

“…It must be really difficult to talk about.”

No, just because I was tempted by money and then closed my mouth doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the case.

Of course, I was tempted to speak because of the 20,000 yen.

Actually, I don’t even know where to find the entity. Even if I cut my wrist and ask, I probably won’t get a proper answer.

“Alright. If you… want to lean on someone, let me know. I’ll help you with all my might. This is my specialty.”

“…I understand. I’ll tell you if it gets dangerous.”

But Yuuki’s face… didn’t seem to believe me much.

Until we arrived at the station after that, we didn’t exchange any conversation.