Ch.198Chapter 198. Night of Destiny (3)

* * *

Is this a dream?

Standing before a field of blooming flowers, Serpina wondered if this might be a dream.

After all, such a beautiful scene couldn’t possibly be allowed for someone like her.

When she turned her head slightly—

A white-haired man was smiling at her.

A familiar face. Swen.

Though she hadn’t dreamed of him since they met… it seemed he had appeared in her dream once again.

Strangely, she could see herself from a third-person perspective.

Wearing a straw hat to shield from the sunlight, dressed in a pure white dress…

Smiling like the happiest, most beloved woman in the world.

It was such a warm smile that she couldn’t even remember when she had ever smiled like that before.

In that moment, when it seemed such happiness could last forever.

Swen slowly rose from his seat.

And then began to stride forward, away from her.

‘…Huh?’

Even when she reached out… she couldn’t touch him.

Though she wanted to say something, no voice came out.

She had so many things she wanted to tell him, but her lips wouldn’t move.

Don’t go.

Don’t leave, Swen.

If you leave too, I’ll… I’ll…

Be abandoned, unloved by anyone, hated by everyone.

I don’t want that.

I don’t want that at all.

Please, please, please…

* * *

‘…Ah.’

With a jolt, she came to her senses.

“What’s happening, Lady Serpina…”

‘…Swen?’

It was Swen’s voice.

The voice of the man who had just appeared in her dream.

Serpina slowly moved her hand.

As she gradually regained movement, she began to understand what had happened.

That’s right. After receiving medicinal herbs with pain-relieving effects, she had lain down, entrusted herself to her attendants… and fallen asleep.

As her body’s signals returned, pain was gradually creeping up from her waist.

‘Swen… don’t go…!’

Desperately, with all her strength, she reached out and grabbed his wrist.

He looked at her with a worried expression and spoke.

“Are you awake, my lord? You should rest—”

‘I absolutely… absolutely cannot let him go…!’

In Serpina’s mind, there was only that thought.

I don’t want to lose this man.

If I lose him, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.

“…Swen.”

“My lord.”

And so…

She revealed her true feelings, deeply hidden in her heart.

The genuine thoughts she had never dared express for fear of earning his hatred.

I know.

I know I’m not in your heart.

I’ve noticed that I’m not the lord you truly serve.

But.

Even so… I’ll regret it if I don’t say this.

So.

“…Don’t leave me, Swen…”

That’s what she said.

* * *

“My lord…?”

As Serpina grabbed my hand and turned slightly to her side, the blanket slowly slid down.

Her snow-white shoulders were revealed.

Before I could avert my gaze, she… repeated the same words to me again.

“Please… don’t leave me, Swen…”

“…”

What did she mean by asking me not to leave?

Did she want me to stay by her side right now?

Thinking that must be it, I sat down in a nearby chair.

“I’m not going anywhere, my lord. I’ll stay here all day.”

But.

As if desperately holding onto someone trying to escape, she tightened her grip on my arm and spoke again.

“That’s not what I mean…”

“…”

“Swen… stay… by my side. Please…”

Don’t leave me.

Stay by my side.

I realized the true meaning of her words.

Had she known all along?

That I would someday leave her side?

Of course, she had said it repeatedly. She said she would be fine being second in my heart. That she wanted to win my affection somehow. That she would do anything to keep me by her side.

Was the real meaning behind all those words… a plea for me to never leave her side?

Serpina didn’t press me for an answer as I hesitated in silence.

Perhaps she hadn’t even expected a response to her words.

After some time passed in silence,

I carefully changed the subject.

“…How is your wound?”

“It’s not fatal, so I’m fine. My life is… quite tenacious, you know.”

The court physician said there was little he could do.

Just bandaging and applying medicinal herbs.

This kind of treatment would clearly take time. A few weeks at minimum, possibly months.

Though she had survived, even to a layman like me, it was clearly no minor injury. It would likely be months.

In this condition, she wouldn’t be able to properly attend to state affairs… which naturally led me to ask:

“My lord. Why did you do it?”

“…”

“Why… did you throw yourself in front of Irene?”

Serpina was an intelligent person.

She must have understood the weight of her own life.

While Irene was important to me, from the nation’s perspective, the monarch’s existence was far more valuable than a mere guard.

Her action must have been incredibly difficult for Irene as well.

No matter how one might try to frame it, a guard’s charge dying to protect them ultimately meant the guard had failed in their duty.

She must have known her action would help neither herself nor Irene.

So why did she do it?

Serpina slowly closed and opened her golden eyes… firmly holding my hand.

“…I didn’t want to hurt you.”

She said.

“…What?”

“I… Swen, I didn’t want to hurt you.”

With a trembling voice, she confessed her true feelings to me.

“General Irene is extremely important to you, isn’t she… If I had let her get hurt… your heart would have been wounded.”

“If that happened, Swen, I might have left an unforgivable scar on you… When I thought about that, my body moved before I could think.”

“…”

“I know everyone in the world hates me… I thought I was used to it. But… if I hurt you and ended up being hated by you too, just like everyone else… I felt I would crumble.”

“So… I threw myself in harm’s way. I hoped you wouldn’t be sad. I hoped… you wouldn’t hate me. I—”

—I was afraid of you coming to hate me.

I firmly grasped her trembling hand as she spoke.

“My lord… I could never hate you.”

“Swen…”

“So…”

I couldn’t find my voice.

I didn’t even know what to say in this situation.

In a similar situation, I could have spoken to Irene.

I could tell her everything in my heart without reservation. That was still true now.

But.

Serpina was different.

For me, someone who would eventually leave, to say anything to her would be a betrayal.

So I couldn’t summon the courage to speak freely.

You can rest easy. I’ll continue to be on your side.

Thank you. Thank you for saving Irene. I’ll never forget it.

Though words to comfort her kept floating through my mind… I couldn’t say them.

I knew I had no right to speak such words.

Then.

Serpina’s slender hand slowly rose.

When I came to my senses, she was gently stroking my face with the back of her hand.

“Don’t cry.”

“…Pardon?”

Ah.

Only then did I realize tears were flowing from my eyes.

“Swen… I did it so you wouldn’t be hurt, yet why are you in pain?”

“My lord…”

“I’m glad I saved Irene… if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to face you, Swen.”

I said nothing, just firmly held her hand.

Even as tears fell onto my knees, I couldn’t bring myself to speak for several minutes.

Serpina continued wiping away my tears…

Slowly.

Carefully.

She revealed what was inside her.

“…Swen.”

“Yes.”

That story.

“I… didn’t kill them.”

For an absolute ruler to say with her own lips, it might seem utterly insignificant.

But for a human being, it was an unbearably heavy confession.

“I… didn’t kill anyone, Swen.”

“My lord…”

“Brother Algot… Brother Sidmid…”

The moment I heard those names, her past words echoed in my ears.

“Of course. I eliminated the most likely successor Algot, and Sidmid who was in greatest conflict with him, with my own hands.

She had looked me in the eyes and said she had killed them all.

“As the youngest with no claim to the throne, the only way for me to ascend was through purges. If there were none who would follow me, I simply had to kill everyone and let only those who pledged loyalty to me live. It was ridiculously simple. So I cleaned house. I was someone who had to wear the crown.”

After finishing her story, she had asked me in a matter-of-fact tone:

“Don’t you despise me?”

And now—

She was telling me with a trembling voice.

That she hadn’t killed them.

I looked at her face.

Just as I had cried.

She too began to cry.

Her golden eyes rippled like a lake.

“I didn’t… kill anyone. I… didn’t kill… anyone…”

—Hiccup.

The person I thought would always be strong.

The woman who seemed like she would never allow anyone to look down on her.

She was crying so hard her beautiful face was a mess.

“Believe me, Swen… I… didn’t kill anyone…”

“…”

With a voice that seemed about to break, she pleaded with me over and over.

I didn’t do it.

I didn’t kill anyone, she said.

She revealed her deepest, most buried feelings.

“It’s true…”

Listening to her faltering voice, I gathered my thoughts.

How unlike her this defense was.

The Serpina I knew would explain situations with logical reasoning that anyone could understand…

But now, for some reason, she was simply repeating that she hadn’t committed the acts, without any detailed explanation.

A statement lacking evidence, logic, or eloquence.

Yet ironically, its emotional appeal was greater than any skilled orator could achieve.

If Serpina truly hadn’t killed anyone, then whose were all the evil deeds attributed to her until now?

Had she been bearing someone else’s sins all this time?

And crucially—

Why was she telling me this story?

There were countless questions.

But what mattered now wasn’t picking apart each detail.

What I needed to do was say what she desperately needed to hear.

To comfort her heart as she revealed her story.

“I believe you.”

I looked into her eyes and spoke slowly.

“I told you before, didn’t I? That I believe in you, Lady Serpina. Nothing has changed. I believe you. I believe your words.”

She continued to cry without answering.

I too didn’t press further, quietly bringing my hand to her face.

Despite daring to touch the face of the absolute ruler… she didn’t reject my touch.

I wiped away the tears flowing down Serpina’s face, then firmly held her hand again.

It’s warm.

Though it’s the hand of a tyrant said to have no blood or tears, warm blood flows through it.

No. Perhaps she was a manufactured tyrant. After all, she killed no one. I believe her words. I had to believe them.

I rest my heart on the warmth I feel from her hand.

As I soak my soul in the gentle scent of yuzu, I gradually realize.

The yuzu fragrance floating in the air isn’t coming from her… but is blooming from within my heart.

What are you doing?

Why are you giving your heart to her like this?

Setting aside these rational questions about myself deep in my chest…

I now simply follow my instincts and rest my face against her hand.

And then.

Most impudently.

I make a vow to protect Serpina for life.

In that vow… there was, regrettably, no falsehood.