Ch.196IF Side Story: Galactic Love (21)

That was—despair.

Probably what Hayun saw was despair.

I couldn’t know exactly what she felt, but for whatever reason, Hayun, who was connected to me, was surely feeling my emotions and my thoughts.

Her hope faintly mixed into that black despair, but it couldn’t completely destroy the despair—

But then, another color intervened.

The next color that intervened was Jihye’s light green.

Jihye was holding my arm. Though not completely connected to the despair, her magical power traveled up my arm and through my staff, mixing with the despair.

“Jieun…”

Jihye looked at me with a surprised expression.

I had nothing to say. What could I do now by showing my despair? There were too many kaijin. Even if this were Earth, it would have felt like there were swarms of mosquitoes in the sky.

But hope mixed into my despair once again.

Children who feel hope just from seeing me, a despairing being, standing without collapsing.

And only after facing that hope could I understand how important I was to these children.

Just as I was able to not collapse, perhaps these children were able to not collapse because of me. That wasn’t just an arrogant thought.

Jihye, who was almost like a sister to me, despaired after I disappeared. But she held on, finding hope in the fact that I wasn’t dead, that I was still running away. And finally, she was able to meet me again.

Hayun was probably the same. After learning who I had been fighting against, after learning that I was someone being chased by countless people, Hayun surely despaired. Because she knew she was among those who had attacked me.

But even so, she didn’t collapse. She always walked in search of hope.

It’s a strange story, but at the end of that hope was me.

“…Pang Pang.”

As I was holding on, Pang Pang approached me.

Pang Pang smiled at me.

And then, as if this whole situation was somehow her fault, she made a sad expression.

Then, slowly, she reached out and grabbed my staff.

Hope mixed into the despair once again.

Ah, that’s right.

I see.

Just as these children were connected to me and feeling my despair, I too was connected to these children and feeling their hope.

That hope never breaks. It wasn’t buried by despair. Like the North Star shining from far away, it was always there, showing the direction.

No matter how far you walk, you can never reach the North Star.

But at least, by looking at that star up there, you might not lose your way.

Like the hope at the very bottom of the deepest pit of despair in my heart.

I endure.

I was enduring. Even while spitting out blood mixed with black liquid, I was somehow enduring as I looked ahead.

Everyone experiences despair. But whether you can endure it or not depends on whether you have the light of hope in your heart.

I had several such lights of hope—

Before I knew it, other hands touched my shoulders and back.

The magical girls who always fought through hope were holding me. Ju-a, Rose, Delphinium, and Dalia.

“…”

Well.

How absurd.

As the power of the magical girls protecting us disappeared, the kaijin swarmed toward us.

But they couldn’t get any closer.

Whenever they tried to get closer, my staff absorbed their despair like a black hole.

“————!”

The chairman, now completely transformed into a monster, let out a howl. Wrapped in something dark and slimy, the chairman reached out toward us.

Truly like the embodiment of despair.

Had it learned from watching me?

Kaijin gathered around that monster, and those kaijin fell to the ground with a thud. The despair extracted from the circuits went to the monster and became the substance that made up its body.

Slowly, slowly, the monster continued to grow. It seemed like it might fill the entire galaxy at this rate.

“…Ah.”

We had somehow ended up far from where we originally were.

Just like when I was lost in my despair, the lights around us went out one by one. As if determined to leave nothing behind, despair greedily devoured the surrounding light.

That must be what the former chairman was trying to create.

A power that ultimately devours everything that already exists in order to create something new.

But—

“So, can you endure it?”

I muttered.

I felt the sensation of arms tightly gripping mine. Pang Pang, Jihye, and Hayun.

And the hands on my back and shoulders too.

So—

“Can you endure it?”

Can you endure despair without hope?

Can you take even my despair and make it your own?

Well.

I thought that would be impossible.

Because—

“Despair is ultimately created because there is hope.”

We feel frustrated because we have goals. We feel disappointed because we haven’t given up. We fall because we’re moving forward.

If we just stayed fallen, if we just gave up completely and didn’t even try to get up, it would be easier. Nevertheless, because there’s something we want to do, somewhere we want to reach, we ultimately move forward.

That’s why we despair but don’t give up, and why we despair because we don’t give up.

Because there is hope ahead.

“Heh.”

Yes, Pang Pang might be right.

If the North Star and Earth are far apart—honestly speaking, isn’t there now a way to get there?

If we build a spaceship, ride warp points, and keep moving forward, we might be able to see that North Star up close someday.

No matter how impossible others say something is, if you don’t give up, you might be able to do it someday.

Just like me now—

“No, you can’t endure it.”

I said, as if making a declaration.

My despair—is entirely my own. It’s an emotion I felt because there were people I admired—because there were people I liked.

If you just stole from others, you could never endure it.

If there’s no one by your side, if you tried to have everything all to yourself—you couldn’t endure it.

Because no one in the world could be that strong.

“If you’re really curious, I’ll show you.”

I gripped my staff tightly.

From the deepest part of the black hole at the end of my staff, our hope that had gathered began to slowly push out the despair that had accumulated inside.

A light sparkled from the center of the pitch-black sphere—

And magical power that seemed like it would devour even the darkness of despair was released.

“—————!”

The monster screamed.

The flesh of that black monster was torn away. It burst and turned into liquid, scattering, and the light around it returned a little.

It wasn’t a particularly pleasant sight.

But it was somewhat satisfying.

Just like a villain in a boy’s manga disappearing into the light, that monster disappeared into the darkness.

After all its flesh was torn away, all that remained inside was one tiny person with red skin.

With a blank expression like someone who had seen something they shouldn’t have, mouth agape, staring into the distance, that person floated in the air.

“…”

And me too.

“Jieun?!”

As I let go of my staff, Pang Pang quickly approached and caught me. Our bodies were floating in the air, as if the facility’s gravity-related device had malfunctioned.

The black hole at the end of my staff was now gone.

My body was suddenly naked. As if the clothes I had created from despair were now meaningless.

My hopes placed their hands on my body.

…

Perhaps until recently, I would have been afraid to close my eyes.

Because there was hardly anyone to help me. Afraid that if I closed my eyes, I might never open them again.

Afraid of losing even that tiny hope for tomorrow that barely existed.

But now, though I was very tired, my mind was at ease.

Because I knew that even if I collapsed, even if I fell and lost consciousness right here, there were people right beside me who would catch me.

Because I knew so well that there were people right beside me who would feel my pain as much as—no, even more than—their own pain, I could feel at ease.

“…Just let me, sleep a little.”

I whispered.

“…Okay.”

Pang Pang answered softly.

“Sleep well, Jieun.”

Hayun said with a slightly tearful voice.

“Rest well without worry.”

Jihye too.

“…Well, by then, we’ll have everything sorted out.”

Ju-a said as well.

“…Thank you.”

I answered softly.

That was my last memory of that moment.

I answered softly.

It seems like someone responded. Well, with so many children around, it wouldn’t be strange if someone had answered. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember it. My consciousness was already too far gone by that moment.

That was my last memory of that moment.

I fell into a deep sleep.

For the first time in a very long time, I slept soundly without any worries.