Ch.195Dream (5)

“Tap tap-.”

The sensation on my cheek.

Beyond my gently closed eyelids, a blurry light flickers.

Thanks to that, my awakened consciousness floats hazily.

I rub my eyes while weighed down by fatigue.

What follows in my vision is the familiar scenery of a hospital room.

“……”

Someone was holding onto my sleeve.

I look down at the hospital bed.

Sitting on the snow-white blanket is a girl of about ten years old.

She was a girl who appeared frail even compared to others her age.

As our eyes meet, her tiny lips speak.

Her voice was delicate, like a chirping bird.

“Brother! You weren’t listening to my story again!”

An uncharacteristically sharp tone.

Is she upset?

The girl was staring at me with a pouty expression.

The patient gown draped over her small body momentarily reminded me of a white-robed angel.

After spacing out briefly, I smile while firmly grasping her hand, which was like a little claw.

A tender warmth fills my palm.

“Sorry… I dozed off for a moment.”

“You said you’d play with me! Brother, you’re a liar…”

“I’m sorry. Will you forgive me if I promise not to do it again?”

“…You’ll just do it again. You’ve promised so many times already.”

“I mean it this time. I’ll definitely keep my promise.”

“Then promise again this time!”

“If that’s okay with you, I promise.”

“Hmm… okay! I forgive you!”

“Thank you.”

“Hehe.”

The mood lightens quickly.

When I gently extend my hand, she brings her head closer as if she’d been waiting.

Like a habit, I stroke the child’s hair.

The girl leans against me with an innocent smile.

The warmth melting into my chest was distinctly real.

“Brother, I cried again today.”

“…Are you feeling better now?”

“I cried because I missed you, but I stopped right away after the nurse told me to.”

“So the nurse took care of you again. I should thank her separately.”

“The nurse said that if I cry, it would make my hardworking brother sad…”

“How thoughtful. So you were thinking of me even while crying.”

“Hehehe. So hurry up and praise me!”

A smile that shines with purity.

I carefully stroke her hair, afraid it might break.

Her black hair crumbles softly at my fingertips.

The scene reflected in my pupils was more precious than anything.

I vaguely pull up the corners of my mouth.

“I’m proud of you… my little sister.”

The only light remaining in my world.

And a light that will soon go out.

Today too, I was looking after the angel who had descended upon this hospital room.

Treading through days that were both cozy and precarious.

***

It wasn’t a particularly special life.

The life of an ordinary, poor family.

Just slightly more unfortunate and slightly more depressing than others.

To put it plainly, the kind of family you might see in a cheap melodrama.

Such a typical environment was our reality.

-Brother!

There were only two people in our family.

Me, and my little sister ten years younger than me.

Both our parents passed away early in an accident.

It was around the time my sister entered elementary school.

I remember that day.

-I’m worried… Can you take good care of your sister?

-Going just the two of us makes me uneasy somehow.

-You need to look after your sister for two days. You understand what mom is saying, right?

-I’ll call when we arrive.

Their wedding anniversary.

A modest domestic trip they planned to celebrate.

That image of them leaving through the front door was the last memory I have of my parents.

Instead of my mother’s call, what came back was a strange doctor’s death notice.

I held the funeral in a daze, unfamiliar with the process.

My sister was holding onto my sleeve.

-7,560,000 won, please.

Burning the bones, placing them in a container, enshrining them in a columbarium.

The process everyone naturally goes through when someone dies.

I learned at a younger age than most how much money is spent on such things.

I counted out the neatly folded condolence money with my crumpled hands.

Why did those few grams of banknotes feel so burdensome?

The smell of funeral money permeated between my small fingers.

-What am I supposed to do now…

The house we returned to after the ceremony.

I cried quietly every dawn, leaning against the window.

The life left before me was nothing but a hellish path.

For someone as young as I was then, it was only frightening.

But I didn’t break down.

-Brother, are you crying…?

I couldn’t break down.

My little sister, who didn’t understand anything, just watching me carefully.

You, who came to me in your pajamas, not knowing when you had woken up, and hugged me.

For your sake, I had to steel my heart.

That day when I cried so much remains vivid.

-I’ll work hard if you hire me!

I quit school.

I put down my youth and picked up rough equipment.

In hot weather, I carried steel bars; in cold weather, I applied concrete.

While kids my age were making memories, I was stacking iron and bricks at construction sites.

Every day I dragged my exhausted body home and made do with ramen for meals.

It felt like my lifespan was being shaved away day by day.

But even so, it was okay.

-Brother!

Because when I came home, you were there with your bright smile.

Thanks to that innocent smile, I could endure life.

Whenever I got tired, I would imagine.

You, grown up someday.

‘You’ll be able to be happy.’

I wanted you to be different from me.

To know how to live like a child, like ordinary children.

To build memories with friends instead of bricks at construction sites.

To go to school, to demand expensive tutoring fees, to occasionally enjoy breaking the rules.

And in the end, for better or worse, to even set foot in a place called university.

To learn about life by living it.

‘Please, at least you…’

Perhaps it was greed.

The things I didn’t know, the things I gave up, the things I regretted…

I wanted to give you all of those things.

I wanted you to become someone who consumes dreams, dreams dreams, and achieves dreams.

My school days, which I traded for livelihood, were for that purpose.

The desire for your happiness.

I had no dreams.

So.

You were my dream.

‘Things will be okay.’

After three years passed like that.

I became an adult, and balance came to our precarious life.

My sister had reached the age of her ninth birthday.

It felt like I had developed a knack for navigating the hellish path of life.

I gradually began to find happiness and leisure in daily life.

At that time, I arrogantly thought:

‘Isn’t this… doing well enough?’

I soon realized.

That happiness was not always on our side.

-Six months at most.

-It would be best to prepare yourself mentally.

My sister fell ill when she turned ten.

According to the doctor, it was a rare disease.

Why not?

A disease name so difficult to pronounce that it often appears in movies or dramas.

The illness that entered her frail body was something so incomprehensible.

Perhaps that’s why the complicated, twisted disease name was frightening.

The only answer from the doctors was that there was no solution.

‘Why.’

The life of an ordinary, poor family.

A life just slightly more unfortunate, slightly more depressing than others.

That slight boundary was, at times, cruel to us.

I ultimately had no choice but to break down.

-Brother… am I sick?

My little sister looking up at me with tearful eyes.

The stark white hospital bed and patient gown, in contrast to the pitch-black reality.

Even while crying, I couldn’t let go of that fragile body.

Perhaps I was afraid of being alone.

Foolishly, I lacked the courage to let you go.

-Kim! You’ve been working hard lately, huh?

-Is something going on at home?

-Your eyes are so fierce, it’s scary even from the side.

-You’re so young… not even going out to play.

-What a dependable young man.

I just lived fiercely like before.

Hospitalization and the mounting medical bills.

To cover those, I had to tread an even deeper hell.

Deliveries at dawn, construction sites during the day, nursing in the evening, and deliveries again at night.

I knew it was meaningless, but I didn’t want to think it was meaningless.

I was prepared to do anything if it could buy you more time.

No, I felt I might go crazy without such determination.

-Please.

Because I wanted you to live.

Gentle memories flow by.

I softly open my eyes.

“Brother!”

Beyond my open vision, still the snow-white hospital room.

You sit on the equally white hospital bed.

Your unchangingly bright smile returns.

You cheerfully hold onto my sleeve.

“Were you listening to my story?”

“Of course… I was.”

“Hehe! So then, the nurse today…”

You chirp away.

On my lips rests silence; I simply stroke your hair.

The setting sun through the window paints an evening of some summer day.

I chat with a vague smile.

‘I see.’

Feet that were treading construction sites until just before.

The aching muscle pain proves the grueling day.

What awaits after is the delivery work scheduled for late night.

My eyelids were closing from the overwhelming fatigue, but I forced myself to stay alert.

I wanted to cherish this current time with my precious person.

I simply think.

‘So this… was my nightmare.’

The snow-white hospital room.

The white-robed angel living beyond it.

One’s own nightmare was truly something poignant.

I fully hold the soft warmth in my hand.

‘Dawn keeper.’

I was trapped in a nightmare.

More precisely, I had fallen asleep in my own unconsciousness.

With my fingertips, I gather the output of lies.

After confirming there are no issues, I release my power.

Inwardly, I think of the girl fighting in another place.

‘Neria… I wonder if she’s holding up well.’

This stage was a stepping stone for her, after all.

I was simply watching from afar.

Trapped in such a cozy nightmare.

“So anyway! I told the nurse…”

“I see. You’re so brave, my little sister.”

Just for a moment.

I decided to spend some time.