Ch.193Epilogue. Never Meant to Stay (5)

Kyoto was actually a place I had already visited, so there was nothing new to see.

But even if there was nothing new to see, the people I was with and the scenery were different.

The scenery in March was a vivid green.

The atmosphere of dense greenery made my eyes feel clearer just by looking at it.

And not surprisingly at all, Kagami seemed to be seeing this sight for the first time.

She might have seen it in photos. She probably saw it in TV footage too. But taking in all of that scenery with your own eyes is completely different from seeing it on a small screen at home.

“Let’s buy a camera.”

After buying my third disposable camera, I said this.

By third, I mean the third one today. If I counted all the ones I’d bought throughout the trip, it would be many more.

The reason I bought these was because I thought film might have better quality than phone photos.

But after taking endless photos, I ran out of hands, and they were more cumbersome to carry around than I expected. After taking photos with film, I understand why photography went digital so quickly.

“If we’re buying one, let’s get one with good quality.”

When I said this with a serious expression, Kagami smiled.

“Shall we?”

“Yes.”

I said while turning the lever on the camera to advance to the next frame.

“It would be convenient to have one. And we can keep the photos for a long time, and they take up less space. And once we buy it, we’ll probably keep using it. Not just for travel, but for everyday use too.”

I raised my head toward Kagami as I spoke.

“We could fill entire albums.”

“…”

Kagami looked at me with a smile.

“That sounds nice.”

I thought she might be hesitant about the camera when she was quiet for a moment, but it seems she was just daydreaming a bit during that time. Her cheeks were slightly flushed.

Hmm…

Did I bring it up unnecessarily? Somehow I feel like she might take pictures of my sleeping face while preparing breakfast early in the morning.

Click.

I pressed the camera shutter at Kagami’s face. At that sound, she blinked as if coming back to her senses.

“Since we’re staying for the day anyway, should we get the film developed in advance?”

“Yes. The cameras are definitely too bulky to carry around.”

It wasn’t enough to fill the trunk yet, but it would be inconvenient to carry everything to get developed after we arrived.

“And since we’re at it, let’s go buy a camera too!”

“Huh?”

I blinked at Kagami’s words.

“A camera? Now?”

“Yes. Since we have time and I just remembered.”

Kagami said it so matter-of-factly that I stared at her blankly with my mouth slightly open.

“But, they’re expensive?”

“I don’t think it’s beyond what we can afford.”

What’s this? Is she much richer than I expected?

Well, the hotel we’re staying at doesn’t look particularly cheap, and if we can travel almost full-time throughout the vacation, I guess she must have enough money, but still.

As someone who hasn’t completely escaped from a middle-class mindset in either my previous life or this one, it was a bit mind-boggling.

“Let’s go and think about it. If we don’t move quickly, the sun will set!”

To be honest, we were a bit short on time to visit many places. We took the subway instead of driving around the city to avoid wasting time, but even so, Kyoto and Osaka were farther apart than I expected. The distances between tourist attractions were quite far too.

Maybe that’s why Kagami was moving more urgently. Because time was precious.

“Huh?”

When Kagami took Koko’s hand, Koko tilted her head.

And when she took my hand with her other hand, I was surprised again, but Kagami’s expression was so bright as she led the two of us forward that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

*

In the end, we bought a camera.

Since neither Kagami nor I knew much about cameras, we bought one that was easy to use and carry. Not just a digital camera, but a proper-looking DSLR.

It looked similar to the cameras I had glimpsed in the photography club. Well, cameras generally look like cameras, so to someone who doesn’t know much, they all look pretty much the same.

Click!

The camera shutter sound was crisp. It was different from the simple “tick” sound of disposable cameras.

We left the disposable cameras we had been carrying at a place to get them developed. The car was at the hotel, and going all the way there would waste time.

Click!

“Wow, this is great.”

Kagami pressed the shutter with a truly joyful expression.

I wonder if I looked like that when I was handling the camcorder.

Being able to see the results immediately after taking a photo is probably what feels convenient. And of course, the image quality would be much better than a phone camera.

Since this era’s digital technology is significantly behind what I knew, it naturally takes a bit longer to save photos, and the size is much larger than the cameras or phones from that time, but still, the convenience is overwhelming compared to film cameras.

Kagami seems to have already taken about a roll’s worth of photos.

Hmm, when we first bought it, I wondered if it would be worth the money, but honestly, seeing how much she’s using it, we’ll probably get our money’s worth quickly.

“I want to try taking some too.”

“Would you like to?”

When I reached out my hand, Kagami readily handed me the camera.

Even in my childhood, though not a DSLR, we had a film camera shaped like this at home. It felt similar to what I remembered.

Through the lens, I centered Kagami and Koko’s faces and took one shot after another, click, click.

Both of them were so pretty that just taking their photos created a picture.

“Alright, then let’s take lots of photos with this today.”

“Of course.”

Kagami nodded with a smile.

*

After spending time in Osaka and Kyoto, it was time to leave.

Usually, when it’s time to leave a travel destination, I feel a strange sense of regret, but I didn’t feel that here.

Probably because even our return journey was still part of the “trip.”

Sitting in the car driven by Kagami, I checked the map while Koko happily hummed songs.

Sometimes when Koko hummed children’s songs that Kagami knew, Kagami would hum along, and I would join in too. It wasn’t something I did consciously.

That’s just how relaxed the atmosphere had become.

On the way, we stopped at a rest area on the highway, bought delicious food, recommended things to each other, and ate more.

At a clothing store in the rest area, Kagami bought me clothes. It was a simple white dress very similar to the ones Kagami often wore.

It suddenly reminded me of the clothes that heroine characters used to wear in the mid-2000s, which was a bit amusing.

At Kagami’s insistence, Koko and I changed into those clothes. With a cardigan on top, it was identical to what Kagami usually wore.

Though our figures were too different to compare side by side. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if it suited me.

Well, Kagami was excitedly taking photos, so at least in her eyes, the clothes must have looked good.

On the way back, we didn’t stop anywhere else. Since we had spent an extra day touring Osaka and Kyoto, we had no choice but to do this in order to arrive at the hot spring at the promised time.

Being in a car for more than three hours in one day was a bit of an ordeal, unlike when we had broken up the journey before.

“This is a nice place.”

Upon arriving at the ryokan, Kagami’s eyes sparkled.

Everything she did with family was a first.

At first, I found it amusing how she reacted like a child to everything, but now that she showed this expression no matter what we did, I couldn’t just find it amusing anymore.

It’s not that I was bored or tired of it.

I just… felt a little sorry for her.

That’s probably why my attitude softened as time went on, and I found myself increasingly accommodating Kagami.

“Come on, come on, hurry!”

Kagami had remained calm until we greeted Kaoru grandmother and were shown to our room, but once inside, her expression immediately relaxed.

I barely managed to stop Kagami from throwing off her clothes right there, and guided her to the changing room.

The room we received was a family room. It seemed designed to comfortably accommodate up to five people, so it was quite spacious for the three of us.

Plus, there was an open-air hot spring outside. The small open-air bath, designed for use only by the room’s occupants, was charming in itself.

March in Japan isn’t that cold a season. But still, the weather was much more pleasant for bathing than the midsummer hot spring I had experienced last time.

Before entering the hot spring, we thoroughly washed our bodies and tied up our hair.

All three of us—me, Koko, and Kagami—had large towels wrapped around our bodies.

Actually, I didn’t mind showing my body to Koko or seeing hers. That’s natural. Koko’s body is identical to mine.

Besides, I had often bathed Koko while taking care of her.

If I had to say, I had also been to hot springs with friends before, so I didn’t need to be extremely uncomfortable about showing my body to others.

But this was Kagami we’re talking about.

To be honest, it was a figure I couldn’t help but be conscious of.

Fortunately, Kagami didn’t seem to notice that I was conscious of it.

“Phew…”

Kagami was the first to enter the hot spring. That was fortunate.

Carefully dipping her toes into the hot water first, then slowly and cautiously entering—it was the behavior of someone experiencing a hot spring for the first time.

I’ve often heard that Japanese people are serious about hot springs. In fact, I’ve heard several times that they really enjoy bathing itself, not just hot springs but soaking in a bathtub.

I’m not sure how often Japanese people go to hot springs, but I imagine that an average family of three or four would go on a hot spring trip at least once.

Kagami seemed not to know even that much.

I took Koko and sat with Kagami between us.

I exhaled softly and looked up at the sky.

The sky was dyed red with the sunset.

“Were you that eager to get in?”

When I spoke, Kagami’s gaze turned toward me.

Her eyes were slightly relaxed.

Trying hard to suppress the laughter that was about to burst out, I said:

“The hot spring, I mean.”

“Ah…”

At my words, Kagami gave a small laugh, then leaned her head back with her eyes closed.

And in a somewhat languid voice, she said:

“Well… that’s part of it.”

Her eyes opened slightly.

Staring blankly at the sky, Kagami said:

“Somehow, I feel like if I don’t enjoy things quickly, if I don’t leave evidence, it won’t be okay.”

“Why? It’s not like I’m going to run away.”

“Is that so?”

At my words, Kagami slightly turned her gaze back to me.

Her eyes were still a bit relaxed. But on her face, there was an expression that seemed to say she couldn’t quite believe my words.

“…That won’t happen anymore.”

She’s probably talking about how I died twice.

The reason Kagami always seems strangely anxious when she’s with me is probably that. Because she still hasn’t completely shaken off those memories.

“Hmm, is that so?”

“You don’t believe me?”

When I asked, Kagami thought for a moment and said:

“No, to be honest.”

“…”

“May I complain a little?”

Complain?

But before I could say anything, Kagami was already moving her lips.

“It’s partly about what happened then, but to be honest, I feel like Kotone still doesn’t quite treat us like family.”

“Ah…”

I couldn’t easily respond to that.

In reality, I hadn’t completely thought of them as family. No, it’s not that I don’t think of them as family, but…

I have memories of my previous life, and I haven’t lived here since childhood. It hasn’t even been a year since I met Kagami.

A lot has happened in that time, and thanks to all those events, the acceptance period might have been drastically shortened, but I still needed a bit more time.

Slowly—

—that’s a word I probably shouldn’t say right now.

“…”

Like Kagami, I leaned my head back and looked up at the sky.

The color of the sunset sky was changing very, very slowly. Probably in a little while, it would be completely dark and the stars would be visible.

“…What if I promise?”

I can’t give a definite answer right now.

But still, with time, I’m sure I can accept it.

So.

“A promise?”

“Yes. I’ll stay here.”

By “here,” I mean as “Kotone Kurosawa.”

Once I’ve started living, I don’t want to give up. So I’ll continue to live in this world as Kotone Kurosawa.

Then naturally, Kagami Kurosawa will continue to be my mother, and Koko Kurosawa will be my sister… Well, considering when we were born, I could be considered the older sister, but let’s just gloss over that.

My existence will continue to change, but it will change as Kotone Kurosawa.

“So, there’s no need to worry too much.”

When I stated firmly, Kagami thought for a moment and then suddenly extended her hand toward me.

A hand with the pinky finger raised.

“Then, let’s promise.”

I stared at that hand for a while, then hooked my finger with hers.

“Alright. Promise.”

“And, one more thing.”

“Hm?”

Kagami tightly curled her finger, making it difficult to escape. Well, our hands were wet, and it’s not like Kagami was incredibly strong, so I could probably escape if I tried.

“I need one definite reassurance.”

“Reassurance?”

“Yes. Actually, Kotone has already made a promise with me before.”

“…”

Oh.

“What did you say you’d do when you came back? Well, you didn’t say exactly, but I think you called me ‘Kagami’ when we started the trip.”

That’s right.

In the car, I was so surprised that I called her that without thinking.

At that time, Kagami was also flustered, so I thought she might not remember.

“You’ve already broken a promise, so how can I believe this one?”

Kagami’s words pricked my conscience.

Her face was playful. Probably if I really disliked it, Kagami would stop.

But…

I pressed my lips together.

Should I make an excuse here?

That coming back was about that time, and since coming back then meant coming back from death, that promise was essentially void.

No, that seems too cowardly.

Besides, in that final moment, I couldn’t leave any words for Koko or Kagami. I had a conversation with Yuka, but I had already closed my eyes by the time the two of them came running.

Someone like me shouldn’t break a promise now and say things like “that’s not what I meant.”

After thinking for a moment, I let out a small sigh.

“…Yes.”

Nodding my head,

“…Mom.”

I said.

“…”

Kagami didn’t say anything.

She just stared at me with wide eyes.

Her finger was tightly gripped and wouldn’t let go. The tip of my pinky was starting to turn red.

“…Mom?”

Once I’ve changed how I address her, I should do it properly. It was a term that made my heart shrink and cringe terribly every time I said it, but in this world, a mother is a mother.

Originally, terms of address might feel a bit awkward at first, but they become familiar with use.

Besides, there was something more important than that right now.

“Mom?”

“Huh?”

When I spoke a bit louder, Koko, who had been relaxing, also responded.

“Kotone?”

Koko tilted her head.

“Mom, try breathing!”

That’s right.

Kagami was staring with her eyes open and not even breathing. Could her heart have stopped?

Only after I grabbed her shoulder with my free hand and shook her vigorously did Kagami finally blink.

Then she took a deep breath,

“Kotone!”

She shouted and released my hand.

Then she hugged me tightly with both arms.

“Gah!?”

I struggled as my face was buried in Kagami’s embrace. I could hear water splashing.

“Kotone? Kagami?”

Koko might have thought it was play—no, originally Koko likes being hugged.

I felt her tightly hugging both my and Kagami’s waists.

The strength in Kagami’s arms lessened a bit, and just as I pulled my face back to breathe, her arms wrapped around me again.

This time, at least I could raise my face.

The happiest face in the world was there.

Kagami didn’t say anything.

She was just smiling and crying.

“…”

Seeing that expression, I couldn’t say anything either. Even Koko became quiet.

We stayed like that, in Kagami’s embrace, for a while.