Ch.190Who Am I? (6)

The rain Merlin created was not natural. The downpour artificially created through magic was not accompanied by dark clouds. It was a strange phenomenon where heavy rain poured from a clear sky.

However, as the rain began to fall, something even stranger started to happen.

Suddenly, dark clouds appeared in the sky. Rather than dark clouds forming first and then rain falling, the rain came first and then the dark clouds began to form. This was not Merlin’s doing. The world had simply begun to move in that way.

The voices that had filled the streets suddenly disappeared. The merchant selling bread in the market, the traders, the customers haggling with them—they all vanished in an instant. The doors of shops that had been wide open closed silently.

In a moment, the street became quiet.

‘On rainy days, people disappear from the streets, the bell doesn’t ring, and Radon doesn’t appear.’

That was the rule of this dream that Najin had discovered.

He didn’t know why such a rule had been created. He could only guess that Radon hadn’t appeared on some rainy day, and that scene had left a strong impression in Viola Ordina’s memory.

Najin used that rule in reverse.

His prediction was correct—if he artificially created the prerequisite condition of “a rainy day,” the result would follow. After all, this wasn’t reality but a dream. The world could change according to how its owner perceived it.

“Well? Do I look a bit more impressive now?”

Merlin brushed back her rain-soaked hair with a confident smile. Najin chuckled and nodded.

“Of course. But what do you mean ‘now’? Merlin has always been impressive.”

Merlin flinched and shuddered.

Standing in place, she muttered “Always…?” and laughed eerily. Najin half-removed his coat, spread it like an umbrella, and gestured for Merlin to come closer.

“Let’s go, Merlin.”

“Huh? Oh, yes!”

In the pouring rain, the two ran with the coat as their umbrella. The sound of rain was quite fierce, but another sound could be heard throughout the streets, not drowned out by the rain.

‘On rainy days, Radon doesn’t appear.’

And on days when Radon doesn’t appear…

‘She plays the piano in the old tavern.’

Before the dream returned to its starting point, it had been a chance encounter, but not this time.

Clunk.

The two entered the old tavern, opening its worn door. Inside sat a woman at the piano. A woman whose hair was half white and half black, not yet completely darkened.

She acted as if she didn’t notice Najin and Merlin, finishing her performance to the end. Only when she heard applause did she turn her head.

“I see I have guests?”

And she makes the same offer.

Would they listen to her performance?

Could they do so until the rain stops?

“Listening would be nice.”

And Najin…

“But how about we perform together instead?”

He gave a different answer than before. Najin moved forward. Among the instruments scattered around the old tavern, he picked one up and dusted it off.

2.

Earlier, on the day he had heard her performance, Merlin had said:

“Leconte’s Concerto No. 7, right?”

Asking if what she was playing was a concerto.

Though Najin didn’t know much about music, he did know that a concerto wasn’t something one could perform alone.

Concerto, a piece where multiple performers create harmony.

Why was this woman, who introduced herself as “Violet,” playing a concerto here? Why abandon a solo piece that could be completed alone? Najin was only able to resolve this question after returning.

“She.”

“That is, the one who was once my sister, loved playing the piano. Among all pieces, she especially loved concertos. Because she used to perform them with our mother when we were young.”

Mirentz, Viola Ordina’s biological sister.

The one who had spent her childhood with Viola before she was adopted into the “Ordina” family. Unlike Viola who didn’t age, Mirentz had become an old woman. Najin had visited her and heard stories about Viola.

“Mother played the cello. I remember how she would neatly tie up her black hair when she performed. My sister played the piano, and I played the violin.”

“I remember it. It was an old shop. There was a piano there. My sister loved that tavern. When she played the piano, she would smile so brightly.”

“It’s something I shouldn’t dare to recall now. She is no longer my sister, but a hero who supports this country.”

The instrument Najin had picked up was a violin.

“You want me to play?”

“Well, it was so long ago, I’m not sure. My fingers aren’t what they used to be. What good would it do to listen to an old woman like me play?”

“If you insist…”

The old woman reluctantly played the violin.

Najin took in her performance with his eyes.

Then he sought out several violinists and observed how they played. The way they held the violin, how they moved the bow, the angles, when they exhaled, how they made the strings vibrate, and so on.

He saw it all.

And having seen it, imitating wasn’t difficult.

Holding the violin steady, Najin moved the bow in his hand. The first sounds, and those that followed, were clumsy, but Najin quickly got the feel of it and began playing the violin skillfully.

Najin gave Merlin a look.

Merlin dusted off a cello, took a seat, and raised her bow. She was even clumsier than Najin, who was playing the violin for the first time today, which made Najin burst into laughter.

“What? You said you knew how to play instruments! You said you were good with the cello!”

“That was over a thousand years ago!”

Though Merlin protested with a “bleh” sound, she gradually began to tune the instrument. It seemed her claim of knowing how to play the cello wasn’t a lie, as she slowly found her rhythm by recalling her memories.

And Violet…

She stared blankly at Najin and Merlin. She listened to the notes they were building.

Leconte’s Concerto No. 7.

The piece she had played with her mother and sister.

This was the introduction to that piece. And it was also the piece she had been about to play. Violet’s eyes trembled for a moment, then she exhaled briefly and placed her fingers on the keys.

The notes that Najin and Merlin had built. Violet’s performance began, stepping on the stairs they had prepared for her.

The piano, violin, and cello began to make sounds in their own way. It was an awkward performance. Rather than harmony, it was closer to three solo performances. But even so, because they played together, it could barely be called a concerto.

“Tsk. Merlin…”

“Hey, you’re the weird one! How can you play like that after seeing it just once?! I-I could do better with a little more practice!”

When Najin gave her a look, Merlin shouted back. Watching them, Violet couldn’t hold back her laughter. Covering her mouth with her hand, she lowered her head and shook her shoulders, finally bursting into laughter.

“Ah, ahaha!”

It wasn’t the gloomy expression that Viola Ordina always wore, nor was it the sorrowful smile that Violet occasionally showed. It was a light, comfortable laugh. The kind of laugh that made those who saw it feel at ease.

Najin and Merlin, who had been bickering, shrugged and picked up their instruments again.

“I’m Najin. This person here is Merlin.”

Najin asked her:

“What’s your name?”

“Violet, I’m Violet.”

Violet smiled.

“Could you two accompany my performance? During the rain… no, one day won’t be enough.”

A different proposal than last time.

She extended her hand toward Najin and Merlin.

“Could you come here whenever it rains?”

Najin grasped the hand she offered.

Though it wasn’t apparent on the surface, he could tell the moment he took it. Violet’s fingers were covered in wounds, blisters, and calluses. These weren’t injuries from playing the keyboard.

These were the wounds of someone who held and wielded a sword.

Traces of repetition until scars remained on a transcendent’s body that shouldn’t scar. Up close, there were things that only now became visible.

‘It’s not just her fingers.’

Najin could see it. Beyond the veil that Violet had covered with starlight. The transcendent’s form, covered in wounds, with not a single part left intact. Najin was silent for a moment at the sight of the constellation worn down over 67 years.

Then, he gave her a brief answer.

“Let’s do that.”

It was not a difficult request.

3.

If it were Merlin’s true form, she could make it rain all day, 365 days a year, but the current Merlin was in a state reduced to a level similar to Najin’s.

Making it rain every day was impossible. At most, she could manage once a week. Additionally, it naturally rained in the Kingdom of Cassel about once a week.

Thus, out of 7 days, 2 days became holidays.

Najin devoted those 2 days entirely to Violet. On rainy days, Violet would sit on the piano bench waiting for Najin and Merlin, and when Najin opened the door and entered, she would greet them with a bright smile.

“Welcome, Najin!”

Textbooks and sheet music, seemingly collected from somewhere, were piled in a corner of the tavern, and chairs had been neatly cleaned for Najin and Merlin to sit on.

“It’s better to press the bow like this here. Like this. When you’re playing solo, it’s fine to play that way, but this is a concerto, right? In this case, you should lower the note slightly…”

She gave advice to Najin, and when Najin immediately accepted her advice and adjusted his playing, she clapped like a seal. Yes, that’s it! Najin often felt a sense of dissonance when Violet expressed such delight.

Was she always this expressive?

It was hard to believe she was the same person as that “Viola” who sat in the cathedral with such a gloomy expression. Perhaps, Najin thought, this might be closer to her original personality.

“You know.”

On a day when it wasn’t raining.

Walking down the street, Merlin asked:

“Is this enough?”

“What do you mean?”

“This isn’t difficult. Sure, making it rain is very challenging, but… all we’re doing is accompanying her performance whenever it rains.”

“That’s right.”

“Will something change with just this?”

“Yes.”

Najin answered:

“It will change, definitely.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because that’s how it was for me.”

Najin looked at Merlin with a shrug.

“You know what? To live through just one day, to endure just one day, you don’t need grand and magnificent goals.”

Walking down the street, Najin spoke:

“When I lived in the underground city… life there was really terrible, right? Moreover, as a collector, I got involved with a lot of trash-like people.”

Trash-like humans.

Streets where garbage rolled around.

A city where the future was invisible and people could become cruel just to survive for the day.

“Six days out of the week were really hard and terrible, I wanted to quit right away, I thought it would be nice if everything just disappeared… but surprisingly, what made me endure such a daily life was something really trivial.”

“What was it?”

“On weekends, Ivan would always take me to a tavern. There, while drinking, he would tell me stories about the upper town. Along with boasts about what he had done.”

Najin chuckled.

“It was really enjoyable. Just listening to that would somewhat dilute the terrible things from the past 6 days. Then I found myself enduring, waiting only for that day.”

No matter how terrible, no matter how hard, one can endure by imagining a joyful day. A trivial thing. Just talking and chatting in a tavern, that trivial thing often gave Najin the strength to endure just one more day.

“Grand goals and ambitions make you look ahead and move forward… but to live through just tomorrow, just such small joys are enough.”

That’s how it is, Najin exhaled deeply.

“About that constellation, Viola Ordina, I think I understand why she changed like that.”

To other constellations, Viola Ordina’s transformation might seem laughable. Compared to the numerous heroes written in history, the reason for Viola’s transformation might seem insignificant.

A knight who wore a helmet that endured 150 years of erosion.

The Knight of Silence who simply wanted to move forward endlessly.

The Knight of the Sacred Host who was bound by duty for many years.

Compared to their lives, Viola’s life seems peaceful. However, Najin had no intention of belittling Viola’s life as light or trivial.

‘She’s a person of a different grain than them.’

Not everyone in the world can be a hero. Not everyone can live with the strong will and belief like them. Most humans compromise, submit, and sometimes deceive themselves to live.

Viola Ordina is the same.

She didn’t want to be a hero. She probably didn’t consider herself a hero. However, she had to become a hero. She was semi-forcibly made a hero by the state, but she herself did not welcome that fact at all.

“So she separated herself.”

“Separated?”

“Into ‘Viola Ordina,’ the hero people wanted, and ‘Violet,’ who she thought of as herself.”

She didn’t consider herself a hero. Viola Ordina could never be her true self. Therefore, she regarded ‘the hero, Viola Ordina’ as a separate entity, detached from herself.

I am not the hero, Viola Ordina.

I am the performer, Violet.

To her, Viola Ordina was just an empty shell. She herself wasn’t there. To her, her true self was a modest performer who played the piano in an old tavern on rainy days, and was satisfied with just that.

“Therefore, when she could no longer perform.”

After being eroded and eroded in the fight with Radon, when her fingers rotted and crumbled, making it impossible to play the keyboard.

When she could no longer maintain herself as ‘the performer Violet.’

The moment she lost her only remaining sanctuary.

“She became empty.”

There’s something Najin learned while investigating the human known as Viola Ordina. Her real name is not Viola Ordina. Viola was the name given to her when she was adopted by the Ordina family, who recognized her talent.

The name Viola is worthless to her.

She doesn’t consider it her name. Therefore, the name ‘Viola’ was as good as non-existent. If you erase Viola, what remains is the family name Ordina.

“Glory to Ordina.”

“Respect to Ordina.”

Ordina is a prestigious family that has existed since the beginning of the Kingdom of Cassel. A glorious family that has produced numerous knights and heroes. From ancient times, those with the name Ordina all became knights or heroes.

To her, the name ‘Ordina’ was her essence as a hero, forcing her to be a hero.

But as the battles with Radon continued, as the erosion continued, her true self became fainter. And finally, it completely disappeared.

The ‘I’ disappeared from Ordina.

One who loses oneself collapses. The moment she lost the center of her existence, the things that constituted her became scattered. Normally, she should have collapsed and become a deceased, but… she wasn’t even given the chance to go mad.

Radon took over her empty shell.

He rearranged the things that constituted her.

With the ‘I’ missing from Oldna, the evil dragon rearranged the letters to reconstruct his own name, Ladon.

That was the inside story of this dream.

“Then the solution is also simple.”

Najin stopped walking.

“Just give strength to Violet instead of Ordina. So that she can maintain herself. If we restore the tilted scale to its original position, or even tilt it to this side…”

Just then, the bell rang. The sky cracked, and Radon appeared, breaking through the glass window. Pointing at Radon, Najin said:

“Radon will naturally weaken.”

Radon, who had broken through the sky. His size had clearly decreased compared to when Najin first saw him.